William Petty

“ Who thought that when you and I studied Metamorphoses and the several species of Madness, that your self should become the Example of a Lycanthropia? and that you should be transformed from a Man into such a Wolf, which not only a whole Parish or Hundred, but a whole Nation and Army make their business to destroy; insomuch as that men should shut up their Shops till they had dispatch't you, as the Londoners did till Glocester was relieved? ”

“ If I am utterly undone by popular Rage, I am not the first, I have received good things, and must be content to take my share of the Evil also. If the Storm of injustice doth last to my utter consuming, I shall admire at the long suffering of God to them that occasion it, and shall say, How long, Lord, holy and true, wilt thou deferre avenging the oppressed? ”

“ Was not I the common Advocate and Intercessor for those with whom others scorned to talk? Was my pride seen otherwise then in checking the pride of others? Did I ever make any man wait, whilst I was eating, drinking, or recreating my self? How easily did I give place to all that valued it? even to such as were not my Superiors, even by birth, but every way else my Inferiors: What did I aim at but to retire to my private industry, and to exercise my self in contrivances, for the publique and my own profit, and to spend that in Planting, which I had gotten in Surveighing the Land? ”

“ Sir Hierome is the tallowed lead, hung to the end of a sounding-Line, which the Pilots of his party tosse out, when they would grope out a safe channel, through the shelves of their difficulties. When any works is to be woven, Sir Hierom is the shuttle, which the Cunning-wealth-weavers squirr too and again between England, Ireland and Scotland, or the like, though sometimes only to have him out of the way. When any combustible matter is to be fired, the Petardiers ram it into the Granado shell of our Knights hollow cranium ”

“ I thought that the measuring of as much Land-line by the Chain and Needle, as would have neer four times begirt the whole Earth in its greatest Circle, and to have such an Admeasurement remain upon Record, and that to have performed such a Service (being useful to all Mankinde) for a Victorious Army, the first that ever totally subdued Ireland, would have been as great an Honour as any other Atchievement I could make in so much time ”

“ If I have touch't in any such manner upon one party, I have done the like upon all, intending no spleen in this discourse against either; I hope the ingenuous of each will no more blame me for striking my Enemies through them, then they would do for striking the sleeve which clothes the arme, I would beat. Those Versipelles, Sankey and Worsly, have shrouded themselves under all parties, and have done scurvy acts in order to advance every rising interest ”

“ I did not doubt but that my lands might be retrenched, but I considered they would not be carried away: for there being more farms in Ireland then Tenants, and great choice of bargains; men would rather take where they need not fear twice paying of their Rents; and withal, that the people in general in their hearts understanding the justice of my Cause, and the cruelties used towards me, would not by their forwardness to meddle with my Land, give any countenance to my enemies. ”

“ My Avarice, Enquire whether I ever spake word to get my Salaries augmented; Did I ever ask Fee? Did ever any Man perceive the least slackness in my duty where 'twas wanting? How often have I refused Fees? What Artifices have I used to refuse them, and yet not seem to do it towards decayed persons of Quality? And whereas I was Physitian of the Army, Did I not without sticking serve the Generals and the Officers Families, even their Wives Children and Servants, yea without the least grumbling serve all persons gratis, though not of the Army, with many other extraordinary services? ”

“ Who hath fawned less upon the thriving party? Who has made fewer staggers in his profession for one or t'other Faction? Did I ever betray any secret? Have I sold one friend to buy another? Or done ugly things with one Man, to ingratiate my self with another, his enemy? ”

“ They intrusted me to plead their right with the Adventurers at London. Many more favours have they shewn unto me, which I shall rather remember then repeat: For all which I declare my thanks; assuring them, as in the presence of God, that I never studied any thing more affectionately, then to serve them with uprightness; nor that I am to this day conscious of the least voluntary action to the contrary: the which if any man could in an amicable way make appear, I do again promise (as I have often already done) to make them a Zacheus-like restitution, to the utmost farthing of my Talent. ”

“ Why do they magnifie my Craft in small matters of the world, and yet make me the most stupid fool in matters of my Soul? As in being an Atheist, In believing that the most curious bodies of Animal (to say nothing of other things which they know I have well considered were) made by chance; and that the inimitable and unsearchable generation of them is also by chance.
Is it not necessary that I should believe the World was either made of nothing, or that it is eternal? Either of which Positions is unfathomable by reason, and onely comprehensible by Faith ”

“ The which kind of favors, for as much as the Council had granted to several, before any Lots were cast, or any satisfaction at all made, they might much more lawfully grant, when further Lottery was become unpracticable, and when the whole Body of the Army was already satisfied: Neither ought the Agents of the Army wonder at, or begrudge me herein, who was their common and universal Agent, and chosen Trustee for giving them satisfaction; when as most of themselves wrung, or accepted of the like advantages for the like work, from their poor Souldiers. ”

“ He again must expose me to be winnowed like Wheat; and thus I must like a restless Foot-ball be kickt up and down by the dirty Feet of a discontented multitude, and made subject to the severities of my known adversaries. Whereupon it came to pass, That many violent persons assembled themselves under the name of the Army, propound the seizing of all my Papers, the raising Moneys to prosecute me, and such other courses as for the time wholly discredited me in England, and defeated me of an employment Advantagious, wherein I might probably have gained above 1000l. ”

“ I say when this Cat Sir Hierome, had burnt his paw, by reaching the Apes Chestnuts out of the hot Embers, Worsly out of pity resumes his primitive trade to plaister him, wherein also others joyn, that they might by some means or other fave themselves from being publickly laught at, and to perswade the world that they could not be outwitted by Doctor Petty: the latter of which, they indeed needed not to have troubled themselves withall, Doctor Petty having been alwaies forward to do them right, as to the point of their wits ”

“ Petty, and by that means bought the good Land, which really was the poor Mans, at the price of Bog: If a piece of Land better then our own (through an accident) happen to be undisposed of, then our own is cryed out upon, as incumbered, and Dr. Petty a villain if he do not helpe cozen the State to exchange it: If we have underset our Land, then a Protestant claims it, and so we become free to have other Lands in lieu, whereupon to make a wiser bargain. ”

“ Who in the place and credit I was once in, with so powerful a person as the said Lord Lieutenant formerly was, would not by a closer adherence to some party, have built himselfe a larger interest, then I did? And (not despising the thanks of such as had good Lots) have trusted to my bare innocency, against the frowns of them that had bad: Who would not have bent all proceedings to have made sure of one party; rather then by a consciencious impartiality, to be grownd between many? ”

“ I have Land assigned, for the one half whereof I never got a penny profit, of many parcels not so much as the possession, of few the possession without extraordinary trouble; I never made any man a Delinquent to get his Lands, have encouraged and assisted many poor men to recover to themselves what by the rigorous construction of the Law they had forfeited. ”

“ I have been twice impeached in Parliament, without having been convicted, or so much as reproved elsewhere, or even admonished by them that accused me: Have been distracted with Articles, sometimes of one nature, sometimes of another. Sometimes I am to be tryed in Ireland, another time in England, and then in Ireland again, even where my Adversaries think they are stronghst; all Corners of Ireland have been raked for Dirt against me ”

“ Often calling Sir Hierome Knight-Adventurer.
An Adventurer in these times, and by those who relate to Ireland, is one, who 17 years ago lent money to relieve the despoiled Protestants of that nation, and are to be satisfied for it by those Lands duly surveyed and set out unto them by Lot. Now in this sense Sir Hierome cannot be termed a Knight-Adventurer; for 17 years ago hee could be but a Curate-Adventurer: nor is it likely, that out of 8 pounds a year (being a good fellow) he could spare money for such extraordinary occasions. ”

“ If I appear more scrupulous then is convenient, I will not despair your pardon, Since I judge you, think, I can hear and believe much more then you have to relate, there being scarce any body, but has seen some Scenes of their Mock-shew, and my self among the rest ”

“ And this most frequently hapned from those, who trusting to the sharpness of their own wits, would first attaque me with jeers, but being replyed upon beyond their expectations, and deservedly laught at by the standers by, would grow angry and seek their revenge at other weapons, like Gamesters; who (out of the high opinion they have, that fortune is bound to favour them) venture to play, but when they find it otherwise, snatch up their stakes, and betake themselves to scurrility and violence. ”

“ But rather there being the Seeds of discord and contention sown in the very nature of Man since his fall, I think that their own depraved nature (such as is in all other men) was the cause of what they did. ”

“ Which habit of rumaging and unravelling, being but in a few Confederate, and often meeting persons, will find work enough for ten times as many in number of such, who lazily believe as the Church believes, never prying into the Prerogatives, nor scanning the Commands, either of their Civil or Ecclesiastical Magistrates. Conform to this my Opinion, I have known the busie bolting out of new innocent Dogma's in Philosophy, discountenanced by authority, least the same Itch should grow to a scab in the Religion and policy of the place. ”

“ Whereas indeed and in truth, the business was a private design of a very few persons, viz. of some to asperse the Lord Lieutenant as a Countenancer of most monstrous male-administrations in his respects to me, and to be revenged of him, because he did not cocker those Diotrephesses in all their wanton Lusts, and because he took warning by other Mens mischiefs, not to be betrayed by Sir Hierome Crocodiles menial tears. ”

“ Nevertheless when he heard I was otherwise engaged, he distracts and discomposes my affairs, with a false alarum of his own making insolently writing to me, that I must prepare for an hearing, still breaking promise with me in every Circumstance of his actings.
So as you see, Sir, that I have been often and vehemently assaulted by this Knight whom I never justly provoked, under colour of righting them who never complained nor desired his Patronage; That I have often been questioned for my Lands and Free-holds ”

“ That although Sir Hierome and Mr Worsly have calumniated me with most monstrous imputations, and have possessed many with a belief of them, yet no man to this day ever taxed me with the least to my face: The which if any person shall think it worth his pains to do hereafter, I shall willingly give a meeting to hear him, or to prove any of the particulars which I have alledged in this Discourse. ”

“ I say, if you are grown so uncivil and savage, so covetous and proud, as some say you are, I think that the venome which in other Countries is disposed of by nature into the Bodies of the viler Animals, and so put out of the way of doing harm, is in Ireland let loose and disperst into the Mindes of Men only ”