Asha

“ Mahendra.—That's because I'm bad beyond your dreams.
"Oh don't,—you shan't say such things!" cried the distressed Asha. "But I really must once go to Benares."
"All right, go if you will," laughed Mahendra. "But what if I go to the bad out of your sight!"
"You needn't try to frighten me," declared Asha. "As if I'm worrying myself over such an absurd idea!"
Mahendra.—But you ought to worry. If you spoil such a husband through sheer carelessness, yours will be all the blame.
Asha.—I won't try to fasten the blame on you, so you needn't be anxious. ”

“ You're a clever girl, keep your eyes open and take care of yourself."
Binodini began to make a great show of keeping Asha at arm's length. "Who am I after all?" she would say. "People in my condition ought to know their own position—they must be prepared for anything that may happen next."
Asha begged and prayed and wept bitterly, but Binodini would not relent. Asha grew full to overflowing with her untold confidences, but Binodini would have none of them.
Meanwhile Mahendra's ardour was slackening, his passionate gaze getting shaded over with a trace of weariness. ”

“ At last he consoled himself with the reflection that the tenderness he still felt for Asha was such as most wives would be glad enough of. Why should such tenderness, such affection, not satisfy her? His heart was big enough to have room for both Binodini and Asha. The purity of the love he felt for Binodini need not in the least stand in the way of his marital duties. ”

“ Asha sighed, and knocked upon the low, rude door of the house of Too-che.
The smile of the beautiful Too-che made him welcome, very proud to have the wise man from the court inquire after her child.
"He worries me, wise Asha," said Too-che, moving slim and supple as a panther to sit protectively beside the little cradle of bent ash bows lashed together with strips of hide. "He talks like a man grown, and him not yet weaned!" ”

“ To thy kingdom and thy truth, I offer praise, Ahura, Asha. Listen to this with kindly spirit, Mazda; incline thine ear, Ahura. Let the worshippers of the liar be few; may all these turn themselves to the priests of the truthful fire! The good must rule over us, not the evil! Ahura, the all-knowing, cannot be deceived. I will think of thee, most glorious one, at the final departure of life. With prayers, O Mazda, Asha, will I come forward to praise thee, and with the works of Vohumano. In your dwelling, O wise one, sound the praises of them that give thanks. ”

“ One never gets any help from you at all!"
This was a thunderbolt for Asha. She had never been spoken to so sharply. But it did not occur to her to reply "It is you who stood in the way of my learning how to help!" She had always blamed her own stupidity and want of aptitude. And even when Mahendra had once so far forgotten himself as to compare her unfavourably with Binodini and say unkind things, she had accepted his rebuke in all humility. ”

“ Finding Binodini obdurate, Asha was struck with a brilliant idea. "Why don't you show yourself to my husband, my Eyesore?" said she. "Why d'you keep away from him?"
"For shame!" [1] replied Binodini, briefly but firmly.
"Why?" persisted Asha. "I've heard Mother say you're one of us."
"There's no such thing as kin or alien in this world," remarked Binodini sententiously. "'Tis the feeling which makes one kin, without it the nearest is but a stranger." ”

“ The glimpse of Asha's piteous face which Mahendra had had from the carriage haunted him all day. During the lectures, amidst the ranks of the students, the picture of that window, and the forlorn dishevelled Asha with her disconsolate gaze, came up repeatedly before his vision in clear outline. After the classes were over, he began to pace up and down in the neighbouring square; and thus he continued till it grew dark. He could not decide as to how he should behave towards Asha. Should he be kindly false or frankly cruel? ”

“ Binodini was silent for a time, and then with a steady gaze fixed on Vihari she said: "For whose sake should I? For your Asha? Have I no feelings of my own to be considered? Must I renounce all claims to happiness in this world that your Asha may prosper, that Mahendra's household may prosper?—no, I'm not so good as all that, I've not read the sacred books quite so well! For the sacrifice I make what do I get in return?" ”

“ Take my advice, my Eyesore, be satisfied with the conquest you've made at home. Don't you go trying your charms on others, the result is never worth the trouble!"
"Don't be horrid!" said Asha reprovingly, shaking her finger at Binodini.
"You've been very well I see, you're actually stouter" was Mahendra's first greeting after Asha's arrival.
Asha felt ashamed. She ought not to have been in such rude health—how was it she would always be doing the wrong thing! She certainly had not been happy away from Mahendra, why then did her body play her this trick! ”

“ The idea of Asha in tears gave Mahendra a bit of a shock. "Why should Asha be weeping?" he queried.
"You don't know that," said Vihari bitterly, "and you expect me to know it!"
"If you're angry because your Dada is not omniscient you had better blame his maker." Mahendra said this lightly, but he was astonished at Vihari's emotion. He always had an idea that Vihari was not burdened with the troublesome thing called a heart—when had he managed to acquire it, he wondered. Could it have been from the day they had gone together to see the maiden Asha? Poor fellow! ”

“ Asha went on, "and then we'll see whether you get to like her or not!"
"Know her better!" exclaimed Mahendra. "D'you mean to say that this sort of thing is to go on and on?"
"Surely," argued Asha, "you'll have to go on with an acquaintance once begun, for politeness' sake at least. What will my Eyesore think of you if you have nothing more to do with her? You really are a most extraordinary sort of person. Anybody else in your place would have been pining to make friends with such a nice girl—and you think it a great trial!" ”

“ In the old days Mahendra would probably have facetiously replied, "I've been more dead than alive." But the banter which he essayed from force of habit died away in his throat. He simply said: "I've been all right, there's nothing the matter with me."
Asha looked hard at him. He certainly looked thinner—his face was pale, a sort of hungry fire shone in his eyes. She was cut to the quick at the thought that her husband had perhaps not been well, and she had been away from him at Benares! Her husband grown thinner and she to be looking stouter! She mentally cursed her own exuberant health. ”

“ Asha, standing with bowed head, kept fidgetting with the ends of her draperies, and wept silently.
Mahendra said, "Why are you scolding the wife, Kaki? 'Tis I who have kept her up here."
"A nice thing to have done to be sure!" cried Annapurna. "She's but a child and an orphan, what should she know of right and wrong? But what sort of training are you giving her?
"Well," rejoined Mahendra, "don't you see that I've got for her a slate and paper and books? I've made up my mind to teach her to read and write, and I don't care if people speak ill of me, or whether you get angry." ”

“ In the afternoon Binodini would insist on doing up Asha's hair herself with consummate art, and on supervising her toilet for her husband's home-coming. And Binodini's imagination would veil itself to accompany the gaily-bedecked young bride to the love-tryst with her husband.
Some days Binodini would not let Asha go at all. "Do stay with me a little longer," she would plead; "your husband is not going to run away. He's not the elusive stag of the forest, but the pet deer tied to your skirt." Thus would she chatter to detain Asha! ”

“ Vihari went on, "is perfectly plain,—don't you think it's high time to call mother home?"
"What d'you mean?" retorted Mahendra, "it's we who are waiting for her to come back."
"To write a line just to tell her so," said Vihari, "would take you very little time, but would make her infinitely happy. Sister Asha, my humble petition is that you spare him for just these two minutes."
Asha went off in high dudgeon, she was actually in tears.
"In what an auspicious moment you two must have first met!" said Mahendra, "you don't seem to manage to patch up any sort of peace. You're always at it!" ”

“ As in the Vèda, so in the Avesta, the universe follows the Asha, the worlds are the creation of Asha. The faithful while on earth pray for the maintenance of Asha, while after death they will join Ormuzd in the highest heaven, the abode of Asha. The pious worshipper protects the Asha; the world grows and prospers by Asha. The highest law of the world is Asha, and the highest ideal of the believer is to become Ashavan, possessed of Asha—i. ”

“ Asha, standing stripped for the slaughter, was made King by the clamor of the men who stoned So-qi to death.
A great voice came out of the sky and announced to the people that God had given them a new and righteous ruler. Asha bowed his head and accepted the task put upon him. The people gave thanks to Mazda, the God, and Asha proclaimed him to all the city.
Off in the forest, Too-che lifted her eyes to those of Chojon and thanked him for saving her son. And Chojon touched her with his fingertips, and kissed her on her lips, and the child crowed lustily to see their love. ”

“ Things had got so mixed up in every single room that nothing could be found when wanted. One of Mahendra's surgical instruments had done duty as a kitchen knife, and thenceforth gone into hiding in the dust-bin. His college notebook, after performing the functions of the palmyra-leaf fan, was reposing under the ashes of the kitchen grate. Mahendra was hugely amused at this unusual topsyturvydom, but Asha felt it more and more keenly. It seemed to the young girl to be a sacrilege to be watching with a smiling face the household welfare being borne away on the tide of self-indulgence. ”

“ The making the rainy day into night and the moonlight night into day. The getting so habituated to each other as to lose all delight in companionship and yet be afraid to free oneself from its toils! Verily lies the curse of the life of indulgence in the evanescence of its pleasure, the permanence of its bondage.
When things had come to this pass, Binodini one day threw her arms round Asha's neck and said, "May your good fortune last for ever, my dear, but am I not worthy even of a glance from you because I am destined to sorrow?" ”

“ In its ritual form Asha becomes the principle of sacrifice, and hence of holiness, first ritual and then moral. Like Rita, it rises into an object of worship, and in its most exalted aspect (Asha vahista, the “best” Asha, most excellent righteousness) it is identified with Ahura himself, being fourth among his sacred names (Ormazd Yasht, § 7; S.B.E. xxiii. p. 25) . Egyptian speculation, in like manner, impersonated the conceptions of physical and moral order as two sides of a fundamental, unity in the goddess Maāt. ”

“ Now Asha was filled with wonder, and asked the babe of many abstruse things, receiving answers beyond his understanding. So, at last convinced, he put the babe down, turned to Too-che.
"Listen, maiden who in my eyes is without fault. I cannot go to my King and tell him one word of what this child has revealed, for I would only die with both of you as a liar and worse. You must take this child and hide him away from the eyes and the ears of the men of this city. You in your innocence do not understand the ways of kings and courts and warriors and such things. ”

“ The fact is you love only yourself. You have not that in you which can allay the burning thirst for love that consumes me, heart and soul. I now for the last time warn you to leave me alone, to cease to pursue and shame me with your shamelessness.
You have called me cruel: that may be true. But it is because I have also some pity left that I have decided to give you up. If you reply to this letter then I shall know my only refuge is in flight.
She had no sooner read through the letter than Asha felt as if all support had been taken away from her! ”

“ But the real point of danger eluded her vision; that Mahendra could be in love with Binodini was a thing even the possibility of which had never struck her. She had no experience of the world, and she could never imagine Mahendra to be otherwise than what she had concluded him to be immediately after their marriage.
Mahendra that morning went off to college early. It had been Asha's habit to stand at the window at the time of his departure, and as the carriage drove off Mahendra would look up and they would exchange a parting glance. ”

“ It is as well. The truth cannot always be told—but my heart understands you. When the devotee offers worship the reply comes not in words. Has my offering at least found a place at your feet?
Mahendra again made an attempt to reply. But he had not the skill to appear to be writing to Asha, the reply to Binodini would obtrude itself. He spent the greater part of the night in writing, and in tearing up what he had written; and when at last he did manage to finish a letter and put it into an envelope, something seemed to cut him like the lash of a whip when he had to write on it Asha's name. ”

“ Asha of course felt that Binodini was right. How shameful were the things said that day she knew from her own experience. Still she went on: "Such a lot of nasty things do get said. What's your love for us worth if you let them weigh you down? ”

“ That evening when Mahendra came home from college, the state of his room took him by surprise. The perfume of incense greeted him as soon as he entered. His mosquito-curtain had acquired a pink silk flounce. The bed on the floor was spotless and trim, and the usual bolster had been replaced by square cushions of the English pattern, the embroidery on which represented days of Binodini's toil. "For whom are you working these?" Asha had often asked her, and had received the bantering reply: "For my funeral pyre; death is the only sweetheart I'll ever have." ”