Esther Waters

“ But above this Protestantism was human nature; and at this time Esther was, above all else, a young girl. Her twentieth year thrilled within her; she was no longer weary with work, and new, rich blood filled her veins. She sang at her work, gladdened by the sights and sounds of the yard; the young rooks cawing lustily in the evergreens, the gardener passing to and fro with plants in his hands, the white cats licking themselves in the sun or running to meet the young ladies who brought them plates of milk. Then the race-horses were always going to or coming from the downs. ”

“ Esther remembered the thousands of pounds she had heard that the young lady possessed, and the beautiful dresses she wore. There was no hope for her. How could there be? Her poor little wages and her print dress! He would never look at her again! But oh! how cruel and wicked it was! How could one who had so much come to steal from one who had so little? Oh, it was very cruel and very wicked, and no good would come of it either to her or to him; of that she felt quite sure. God always punished the wicked. She knew he did not love Peggy. ”

“ Sarah looked at every young man with regretful eyes. In such moods acquaintanceships are made; and she did not allow Esther to shake off Bill Evans, who, just as if he had never been turned out of the bar of the "King's Head," came up with his familiar, "Good morning, ma'am—lovely weather for the races." Sarah's sidelong glances at the blue Melton jacket and the billycock hat defined her feelings with sufficient explicitness, and it was not probable that any warning would have been heeded. Soon they were engaged in animated conversation, and Esther was left to follow them if she liked. ”

“ Then the cough would take him, and for a few minutes he could only think of himself. Esther gave him a little milk to drink, and he said—
"There's a hundred pounds left, Esther. It isn't much, but it's something. I don't believe that there's much use in my going to Egypt. I shall never get well. It is better that I should pitch myself into the river. That would be the least selfish way out of it."
"William, I will not have you talk in that way," Esther said, laying down her work and going over to him. "If you was to do such a thing I should never forgive you. ”

“ It is terrible hard, as you says." Mrs. Saunders held her apron to her eyes and cried. "You have always been a good girl, never a better—my one consolation since your poor father died."
"Don't cry, mother," said Esther; "the Lord will watch over us, and we shall both pray for each other. In about a month, dear, we shall be both quite well, and you'll bless my baby, and I shall think of the time when I shall put him into your arms."
"I hope so, Esther; I hope so, but I am full of fears. I'm sore afraid that we shall never see one another again—leastways on this earth." ”

“ The doctor and nurse expostulated, but he persisted until Esther begged of him to forego the wish for her sake.
"They do rattle so, these four-wheelers, especially when the windows are up. One can't speak."
The cab jogged up Piccadilly, and as it climbed out of the hollow the dying man's eyes were fixed on the circle of lights that shone across the Green Park. They looked like a distant village, and Esther wondered if William was thinking of Shoreham—she had seen Shoreham look like that sometimes—or if he was thinking that he was looking on London for the last time. ”

“ Esther did not shrink before her as Mrs. Spires expected. Clasping her baby more tightly, she said: "I've paid you what I owe you, you've had more than your due. Mrs. Rivers gave you ten shillings for a doctor which you didn't send for. Let me go."
"Yes, when yer pays me."
"What's all this row about?" said a tall, red-bearded man who had just come in; "no one takes their babies out of this 'ere 'ouse before they pays. Come now, come now, who are yer getting at? If yer thinks yer can come here insulting of my wife yer mistaken; yer've come to the wrong shop." ”

“ When the second 'bus turned into Oxford Street she got out, not wishing to spend more money than was necessary. Mrs. Jones approved of all she had done, helped her to pack up her box, and sent her away with many kind wishes to Curzon Street in a cab.
Esther was full of the adventure and the golden prospect before her. She wondered if the house she was going to was as grand as Woodview, and she was struck by the appearance of the maidservant who opened the door to her.
"Oh, here you are," Mrs. Rivers said. "I have been anxiously expecting you; my baby is not at all well. ”

“ When Esther asked for a teaspoon she gave way utterly.
"I haven't one to give you; I had forgotten that they were gone. I should have remembered and not asked you to tea."
"It don't matter, Mrs. Randal; I can stir up my tea with anything—a knitting-needle will do very well—"
"I should have remembered and not asked you back to tea; but I was so miserable, and it is so lonely sitting in this house, that I could stand it no longer.... Talking to you saved me from thinking, and I did not want to think until this race was over. If Silver Braid is beaten we are ruined. ”

“ Don't yer 'ear what I'm saying?"
"Yes, I hear," said Esther, speaking like one in a dream; "don't she care for her baby, then?"
"She used to care for them, but if they had all lived I should like to know where she'd be. There 'as been five of them—that's the fifth—so, instead of them a-costing 'er money, they brings 'er money. She 'as never failed yet to suit 'erself in a situation as wet-nurse."
"And they all died?"
"Yes, they all died; and this little one don't look as if it was long for the world, do it?" said Mrs. Spires, who had taken the infant from the cradle to show Esther. ”

“ Even that was not enough, the life of her beautiful boy was called for. Then other memories swept into Esther's frenzied brain. She remembered vague hints, allusions that Mrs. Spires had thrown out; and as if in the obtuseness of a nightmare, it seemed to this ignorant girl that she was the victim of a dark and far-reaching conspiracy; she experienced the sensation of the captured animal, and she scanned the doors and windows, thinking of some means of escape.
At that moment a knock was heard and the housemaid came in.
"The woman who has charge of your baby has come to see you." ”

“ Esther did not require much assistance, and the sister said, "Oh, you are as strong as they make 'em; you might have gone two days ago."
"You're no better than brutes," Esther muttered. Then, turning to the matron, she said, "You promised to get me a situation as wet-nurse." ”

“ You're from Woodview, I think?"
"Yes, I'm the kitchen-maid. They've gone to the races; there was nothing to do, so I came down here."
Mrs. Randal's lips moved as if she were going to say something. But she did not speak. Soon after she rose to her feet. "I think that it must be getting near tea-time; I must be going. You might come in and have a cup of tea with me, if you're not in a hurry back to Woodview."
Esther was surprised at so much condescension, and in silence the two women crossed the meadows that lay between the shingle bank and the river. ”

“ Spirits don't suit him. He thought he could do what he liked, great strong-built fellow that he is, but he's found out his mistake."
"He does his betting in London now, I suppose?"
"Yes," said Esther, hesitating—"when he has any to do. I want him to give it up; but trade is bad in this neighbourhood, leastways, with us, and he don't think we could do without it."
"It's very hard to keep it dark; some one's sure to crab it and bring the police down on you."
Esther did not answer; the conversation paused, and William entered. "Halloa! is that you, Sarah? ”

“ For a moment Esther seemed affected by these remembrances. Then she said in a low, musical voice—
"No, I've not changed, Fred, but things has turned out different. One doesn't do the good that one would like to in the world; one has to do the good that comes to one to do. ”

“ He wore a round hat and a red necktie. The side whiskers and the shaven upper lip gave him the appearance of a gentleman's valet. He did not notice Esther, but a sudden step taken sideways as she lingered, her eyes fixed on the cab-horse, brought her nearly into collision with him.
"Do look where you are going to," he exclaimed, jumping back to avoid the beer-jug, which fell to the ground. "What, Esther, is it you?"
"There, you have made me drop the beer."
"Plenty more in the public; I'll get you another jug."
"It is very kind of you. I can get what I want myself." ”

“ Esther threw her legs over the side of the sofa, and still wrapped in the blanket, sat looking at her mother.
"You can't be over-comfortable on that bit of sofa," said Mrs. Saunders.
"Lor, I can manage right enough, if that was all."
"You is that cast down, Esther; you mustn't give way. Things sometimes turns out better than one expects." ”

“ They had forgotten to close the door, and Esther stood in the passage burning and choking with shame.
"It is a strange thing that religion should make some people so unfeeling," Esther thought as she left Onslow Square.
It was necessary to keep her child secret, and in her next situation she shunned intimacy with her fellow-servants, and was so strict in her conduct that she exposed herself to their sneers. ”

“ She turned from the glass, and holding her hair in her left hand, leaned her head so that she might pin it. "You do look bad," she remarked dryly.
Never had they been so late! Half-past seven, and the shutters still up! So said Margaret as they hurried downstairs. But Esther thought only of the meeting with William. She had seen him cleaning boots in the pantry as they passed. He waited till Margaret left her, till he heard the baize door which separated the back premises from the front of the house close, then he ran to the kitchen, where he expected to find Esther alone. ”

“ Well, it is no more than that his father has come back."
"But surely, Esther, that's hardly a reason for sorrow; I should have thought that you would have been glad."
"It is only natural that you should think so, miss; them what hasn't been through the trouble never thinks the same as them that has. You see, miss, it is nearly nine years since I've seen him, and during them nine years I 'ave been through so much. I 'ave worked and slaved, and been through all the 'ardship, and now, when the worst is over, he comes and wants me to marry him when he gets his divorce." ”

“ It is very painful for me, but something must be done. The whole neighbourhood is devoured by it." Esther did not answer, and he said, "Why don't you answer, Esther?"
"What is there for me to answer? You tell me that you are going to get up a prosecution against us. I can't prevent you. I'll tell my husband what you say."
"This is a very serious matter, Esther." He had come into command of his voice, and he spoke with earnest determination. "If we get a conviction against you for keeping a betting-house, you will not only be heavily fined, but you will also lose your licence. ”

“ The conversation paused, and soon after William said that his strength was going from him, and that he would like to go back to bed. Esther helped him off with his clothes, and together she and Jack lifted him into bed. He sat up looking at them with wistful, dying eyes.
"It is hard to part from you," he said. "If Chasuble had won we would have all gone to Egypt. I could have lived out there."
"You must speak of them things no more. We all must obey God's will." Esther dropped on her knees; she drew Jack down beside her, and William asked Jack to read something from the Bible. ”

“ Esther went out a little perplexed. She was detained longer than she expected, and when she returned Sarah was staggering about in the bar-room, asking Charles for one more drink.
"All bloody rot; who says I'm drunk? I ain't... look at me. The 'orse did not win, did he? I say he did; papers all so much bloody rot."
"Oh, Sarah, what is this?"
"Who's this? Leave go, I say."
"Mr. Stack, won't you ask her to come upstairs?... Don't encourage her."
"Upstairs? I'm a free woman. I don't want to go upstairs. I'm a free woman ”

“ Neither spoke, and Esther continued dressing.
"You 'aven't told me what you think of your room. It looks pretty, don't you think? I keeps it as nice as I can. Jenny hung up them pictures. They livens it up a bit," she said, pointing to the coloured supplements, from the illustrated papers, on the wall. "The china shepherd and shepherdess, you know; they was at Barnstaple."
When Esther was dressed, she and Mrs. Saunders knelt down and said a prayer together. Then Esther said she would make up her room, and when that was done she insisted on helping her mother with the housework. ”

“ Esther turned round and her eyes met her husband's. There was a strange remoteness in his look, and they seemed very far from each other.
"I was brought up to think so differently," she said, her thoughts going back to her early years in the little southern seaside home. "I suppose this betting and drinking will always seem to me sinful and wicked. I should 'ave liked quite a different kind of life, but we don't choose our lives, we just makes the best of them. ”

“ I'll leave these sausages on the hob, and run upstairs and put on my bonnet. The things you intend to bring with you, the baby clothes, are made up in a bundle, aren't they?"
"Yes, yes."
Little Mrs. Jones came running down; she threw a shawl over Esther, and it was astonishing what support she lent to the suffering girl, calling on her the whole time to lean on her and not to be afraid. "Now then, dear, you must keep your heart up, we have only a few yards further to go."
"You are too good, you are too kind," Esther said, and she leaned against the wall, and Mrs. Jones rang the bell. ”