Magda

“ Magda writhed under the cool, ironical questioning with its undercurrent of keen contempt. Each word stung like the flick of a lash on bare flesh. But she forced herself to answer—and to answer honestly. ”

“ What shall I do with my daughter now?
MAGDA. [Humbly, almost beseechingly.] Father, isn't it best, after what has happened, that you should let me go,--that you should drive me into the streets? You must get free of me if this house is to be pure again.
SCHWARTZE. So, so, so! You think, then, you have only to go--to go away, out there, and all will be as before? And we? What will become of us? I--good God!--I--I have one foot in the grave--soon it will be over--but the mother, and your sister--your sister.
MAGDA. Marie has the husband she wants--
SCHWARTZE. No one will marry a sister of yours. ”

“ And, Miss Magda, he who has not peace in his heart from the beginning will never win it in the end.
MAGDA. All this is not true, and if it were true, have I not a heart too? Have I not a life to live also? Have I not a right to seek my own happiness?
HEFFTERDINGT. [Harshly.] No; no one has that. But do as you will. Ruin your home, ruin your father and sister and child, and then see what heart you have to seek your own happiness. [Magda bows her head, sobbing. The Pastor crosses to her, and leans over the table pityingly, with his hand on her hair.] ”

“ Magda felt herself powerless as a leaf caught up in a whirlwind—swept suddenly into the hot vehemence of a man’s desire while she was yet unstrung and quivering from the emotional strain of the Swan-Maiden’s dance, every nerve of her quickened to a tingling sentience by the underlying passion of the music. ”

“ Magda was determined to spend the sweetness of her youth in making reparation for the past, while Michael was torn by bitterly conflicting feelings—his passionate love for Magda warring with his innate recoil from all that she had done and with his loyalty to his dead sister. ”

“ He still loved Magda, so he said. And, indeed, Gillian believed it. But—love! It was not love as she and Tony Grey had understood it—simple, forgiving, and wholly trustful. It seemed to her as though Michael and Magda were both wandering in a dim twilight of misunderstanding, neither of them able to see that there was only one thing for them to do if they were ever to find happiness again. They must thrust the past behind them—with all its bitterness and failures and mistakes, and go forward, hand in hand, in search of the light. Love would surely lead them to it eventually. ”

“ Flowers never look so well in mine.”
“Dear Magda, how can you envy me, with your beautiful, light, braided hair? Do you know, last night, I thought you looked like an old Grecian statue, with your fine features, and tall, fine figure; and you spoke to every one with so much ease and self-possession.”
“There, now! Franzchen. You are running away again from all common sense, into the crazy region of your imagination. Do not try to make a heroine of me, I beseech you, or expect me to take all your fancies for realities. But it is growing late. I hope you are not too romantic to eat any supper.” ”

“ MAGDA. Ha, ha! You, model of men! Like me!
HEFFTERDINGT. I have had to stifle much in my nature. My peace is the peace of the dead. And as you stood before me yesterday in your freshness, your natural strength, your--your greatness, I said to myself, "That is what you might have been if at the right moment joy had entered into your life."
MAGDA. [In a whisper.] And one thing more, my friend,-- sin! We must sin if we wish to grow. To become greater than our sins is worth more than all the purity you preach. ”

“ MAGDA. Oh, how thoughtful! [Takes the flowers with a laugh, and throws them on the table.]
VON KELLER. [In embarrassment.] I--I see with sorrow that you resent this approach on my part. Have I in any way been wanting in the necessary delicacy? In these narrow circles a meeting could not have been avoided. I think it is better, my dearest friend, that we should come to an understanding,--that we should know the relations--
MAGDA. [Rising.] You're right, my friend. I was not at the height of my own nature just now. Had I been, I might have played the deserted Marguerite to the end. ”

“ MRS. VON KLEBS. Oh, please!
MAGDA. We are such birds of passage, my dear madam, that we can really never plan for the future.
MRS. ELLRICH. But one must have one's real home.
MAGDA. Why? One must have a vocation. That seems to me enough.
FRANZISKA. It's all in the point of view, dear Magda.
MRS. VON KLEBS. Ah, we're so far removed from all these ideas, my dear young lady. Every now and then some person gives lectures here, but the good families have nothing to do with it.
MAGDA. [Politely.] Oh, I can quite understand that. The good families need nothing, as they have plenty to eat. ”

“ The young wife was not very keen sighted; she soon forgot the shadow, in the sunshine, artificial though it was; and slept that night the calm sleep of a child, unconscious that her husband never closed his eyes, but lay and watched with a look of intense anxiety, the sweet untroubled face beside him.
He was off by daybreak; and Magda wandered about the house feeling a little lonely, and dreaming old-world dreams in the great desolate rooms, half the day. She drew a spinning-wheel from a dusty corner in one of the rooms, and set it near a window; bravely resolving to employ herself. ”

“ At the moment when her fateful secret had revealed itself to him accidentally, a little creature in some distant place was laughing with joy at her mother’s embrace, and his wife was happy in the presence of her growing daughter, answering her thousand questions, asking a thousand herself, kissing her, kissing her for a whole year. But in the midst of all this love and tenderness the clock would strike mercilessly, the day would wane, and Magda press her child closer and yet closer . . . her child, from whom she must tear herself after a few hours, to be separated again for a whole year. ”

“ The face was turned away, and it seemed to Magda that she spoke with a certain hesitation; but these were her words, and she added nothing to them, busying herself thenceforward with the recovery of the garment, which had been carried by the current half way round the moat. Magda felt by no means satisfied or reassured. There, at the window, was the stern grey face of Hanne, watching her, she knew; it seemed difficult to believe that so self-contained a woman should have yielded to the weakness of screaming! ”

“ And afterwards, as time went on and Magda, wearing the grey veil and grey serge dress of a voluntary penitent, found herself absorbed into the daily life of the community, it was often only the recollection of Sister Bernardine’s serene, kind eyes which helped her to hold out. ”

“ Magda took his arm and walked on quickly, almost drawing him forward; she was looking straight ahead. Her cheeks were almost on fire. Hron did not guess or understand that she too always suffered from great nervousness when she met him again for the first time. She was almost dying with fear that she might betray in some way whence she came and of what nature her visit had been. All her attention was fixed on guarding her secret, lest her husband should suspect her. ”

“ She had been in close touch with one whom she could never forget, who could never in the future be to her as a stranger. An impress had been made upon her life, transforming her at one touch into a woman. And if her love for Amy had paled a little before her warmer love for Magda, as starlight pales before moonlight, her love for Magda paled before this fresh experience, as moonlight pales before sunlight. Not that in either case her affection actually waned or altered, but that the lesser light became of necessity dim by comparison with the greater. ”

“ Two large tears ran down Magdalena’s cheeks; she had not the courage to look at her husband.
‘Listen, Magda,’ sald Ivan, taking her hand, ‘it has long been my intention to tell you something; there are so many orphans who do not belong to a soul in this world, who are in want of what they most need, and do not know what it means to be really loved and cared for. And as we ourselves have not been so fortunate as to have a family of our own, and we have no children to consider, could we not adopt one of those lonely children who have no home? And it would be more lively for us, Magda. ”

“ Homage and admiration were as natural to Magda as the air she breathed, and it made very little impression on her whether a man more or less lost his heart to her or not. Moreover, as Gillian recognised it was almost inevitable that this should be the case. The influences by which Magda had been surrounded during the first ten plastic years of childhood had all tended to imbue her with the idea that men were only to be regarded as playthings, and that from the simple standpoint of self-defence it was wiser not to take them seriously. ”

“ During the long, slow days of convalescence Magda, very helpless and dependent, had gradually learned to love the soft-footed little Sister who came and went throughout her illness—to love her as she would not, at one time, have believed it possible she could grow to love anyone behind the high grey walls which encircled the sisterhood. ”

“ One wants to lay one's head quietly in your lap. I will, too. It'll do me good. Ah, what fine quarrels we used to have! I was a contrary little beast. And you held up your end. But now we'll smoke the pipe of peace, sha'n't we?
MRS. SCHWARTZE. You're joking with me, Magda.
MAGDA. Sha'n't I? Mayn't I? There, there,--pure love, pure love. We will have nothing but love. We shall be the best of friends.
FRANZISKA. [ Who has for a long time tried to attract attention.] And we also, eh, my dear Magda?
MAGDA. Tiens, tiens! [Examines her critically through her lorgnette.] Same as ever. Always active? ”

“ His Magda, his wife is little Magda’s . . . impossible!
He sprang to his feet, caught up the little box, and went to his room with it. He locked the door, so as not to be disturbed, and hastily turned out the contents: letters, photographs, empty envelopes. But in spite of his eagerness he was careful to put them down in their proper order, so that nothing should betray afterwards that he had read anything. He felt like a criminal while he was following up Magda’s secret. But even if it should be a crime, he was going to commit it! ”

“ After a moment she went on thoughtfully.
“It’s rather the same kind of feeling that has driven Magda into a sisterhood, I think—the desire to do something definite, something tangible, as a sort of reparation. And a woman is much more limited that way than a man.”
Storran’s mouth hardened. Any mention of Magda would bring that look of concentrated hardness into his face, and as the months went on, giving Gillian a closer insight into the man, she began to realise that he had never forgiven Magda for her share in the ruin of his life. ”

“ But he is better, he is really quite well again.’
‘You found it hard to part with them, didn’t you, Magda?’ said Hron.
The blood again mounted to Magda’s cheek. Her eyes became fixed, and did not meet his. Oh, how hard it had been to part with that little creature! But she was obliged to give an answer.
‘You know I am fond of my parents, and they are getting old; every year is like a gift. And yet every year I leave them with the hope of seeing them the next.’
‘And they have not yet made up their minds to come and live in Prague?’ he asked. ”

“ Magda spoke quickly. “I shouldn’t return under a vow of penitence. There are working sisters attached to the community who go about amongst the sick and poor in the slums. I should join as a working sister if I went back.”
Gillian stared at her in amazement. Magda devoting her life to good works seemed altogether out of the picture! She began to feel that the whole affair was getting too complicated for her to handle, and as usual, when in a difficulty, she put the matter up to Lady Arabella. ”

“ She had never guessed beforehand how very much she and everybody would miss careful quiet Pen in the little arrangements of common life. Everything at first seemed awry without her; everything out of joint. And Magda really did set herself, honestly, to learn and remember the hundred and one little things, which somehow had always seemed to do themselves, and which now she was expected as a matter of course to undertake.
It was not easy. The habits of years are not to be conquered in a day. ”

“ For that I pledge you my word of honor. [Sensation. Magda rises quickly.]
VON KELLER. Have you considered what--
SCHWARTZE. [Holding out his hand.] I thank you, Dr. von Keller.
VON KELLER. Not at all. I have only done my duty.
[Exit, with a bow.
MAGDA. [Stretching herself.] So! Now I'm the old Magda again. [Schwartze locks the three doors silently.] Do you think, father, that I shall become docile by being shut up?
SCHWARTZE. So! Now we are alone. No one sees us but He who sees us--there [pointing upward] Quiet yourself, my child. We must talk together.
MAGDA. [Sits down.] Good! ”

“ You’d rather have a girl, wouldn’t you, Magda? A girl is more domesticated; you could dress her, and make of her what you liked, give her mind its proper bent . . . yes, I think you would get more quickly used to a girl, wouldn’t you?’
The young woman’s eyes looked glassy, although the two tears on her cheeks had dried, But a fresh pain which would have no end was beginning to take possession of her soul. Her fixed eyes, unable to perceive anything in her immediate surroundings, looked into the far distance, and her heart went out in immeasurable sorrow, hunted to death. ”