Nejdanov

“ Solomin said seriously.
He had risen from his chair as soon as Mariana had appeared. “I had already noticed you at table and was struck by the frank expression of your eyes. Nejdanov told me about your intentions. But may I ask why you want to run away.”
“What a question! The cause with which I am fully in sympathy ... don’t be surprised. Nejdanov has kept nothing from me.... The great work is about to begin ... and am I to remain in this house, where everything is deceit and falsehood? People I love will be exposed to danger, and I——”
Solomin stopped her by a wave of the hand. ”

“ Mariana suddenly burst out laughing.
“Do you remember, Aliosha, how I said that we had both become simplified?”
Nejdanov also laughed, repeated “simplified,” and began musing. Mariana too became pensive.
“Aliosha!” she exclaimed.
“What is it?”
“It seems to me that we are both a little uncomfortable. Young—des nouveaux mariés,” she explained, “when away on their honeymoon no doubt feel as we do. They are happy ... all is well with them—but they feel uncomfortable.”
Nejdanov gave a forced smile.
“You know very well, Mariana, that we are not young ... in that sense.” ”

“ Thus Mariana pondered, while the feeling of agitation and annoyance grew stronger and stronger within her. Her pride was hurt. Why had everyone forsaken her? Everyone. This stout woman had called her a bird, a beauty ... why not quite plainly, a doll? And why did Nejdanov not go alone, but with Pavel? It’s just as if he needed someone to look after him! And what are really Solomin’s convictions? It’s quite clear that he’s not a revolutionist! ”

“ Nejdanov was inwardly annoyed, Markelov angry and indignant, just as indignant, though in a different way, as he had been at the Subotchevs’; Solomin was observant.
Paklin was in high spirits and delighted Golushkin with his sharp, ready wit. The latter had not the slightest suspicion that the “little cripple” every now and again whispered to Nejdanov, who happened to be sitting beside him, the most unflattering remarks at his, Golushkin’s, expense. He thought him “a simple sort of fellow” who might be patronised ”

“ Nejdanov, overwhelmed and half frightened, his heart beating fast, answered at first curtly, in monosyllables, but soon began to be annoyed with his own excitement. “After all,” he thought, “am I not a man like everybody else?” ”

“ Nejdanov said.
“I was not thinking of that.”
“What were you thinking of then?”
“He is so unhappy and so unfortunate. It would be difficult to find a better man than he is, but he never seems to get on.”
Nejdanov looked at her.
“Do you know anything about him?”
“Nothing whatever, but you can see for yourself. Goodbye, Alexai Dmitritch.” Mashurina clambered out of the carriage.
An hour later Nejdanov was rolling up the courtyard leading to Sipiagin’s house. He did not feel well after his sleepless night and the numerous discussions and explanations. ”

“ It can’t be! Or are you sorry for Markelov—afraid for me, for yourself? Or is it for our lost hopes? You did not really expect that everything would go off smoothly!”
Nejdanov suddenly lifted his head.
“It’s not that, Mariana,” he said, mastering his sobs by an effort, “I am not afraid for either of us ... but ... I am sorry——”
“For whom?”
“For you, Mariana! I am sorry that you should have united your fate with a man who is not worthy of you.” ”

“ Nejdanov asked.
“I am simply worn out!” Markelov began furiously. “No matter what you do, you simply can’t make these people understand anything! They are utterly incapable of carrying out an order, and do not even understand plain Russian. If you talk of ‘part’, they know what that means well enough, but the word ‘participation’ is utterly beyond their comprehension, just as if it did not belong to the Russian language. ”

“ Mashurina sighed. “Oh, Alexai Dmitritch—”
“What is it?” Nejdanov asked.
Mashurina looked intense.
“Oh, nothing. Goodbye. It’s nothing.” She squeezed Nejdanov’s hand a second time and went out.
“There is not a soul in St. Petersburg who is so attached to me as this eccentric person,” he thought. “I wish she had not interrupted me though. However, I suppose it’s for the best.”
The next morning Nejdanov called at Sipiagin’s townhouse and was shown into a magnificent study, furnished in a rather severe style, but quite in keeping with the dignity of a statesman of liberal views. ”

“ Nejdanov thought to himself.)
“From whom?”
“Why, you know ... from Vassily Nikolaevitch. And then we must wait until Ostrodumov comes back.”
Mariana looked questioningly at Nejdanov. “But tell me, have you ever seen this Vassily Nikolaevitch?”
“Yes. I’ve seen him twice ... for a minute or two.”
“What is he like? Is he an extraordinary man?”
“I don’t quite know how to tell you. He is our leader now and directs everything. We couldn’t get on without discipline in our movement; we must obey someone.” (“What nonsense I’m talking!” Nejdanov thought.) ”

“ We already know that Nejdanov’s father was Prince G., a rich adjutant-general. His mother was the daughter of the general’s governess, a pretty girl who died on the day of Nejdanov’s birth. He received his early education in a boarding school kept by a certain Swiss, a very energetic and severe pedagogue, after which he entered the university. His great ambition was to study law, but his father, who had a violent hatred for nihilists, made him go in for history and philology, or for “aesthetics” as Nejdanov put it with a bitter smile. ”

“ Nejdanov was sincerely enthusiastic in his praise of Markelov, and expressed himself with particular warmth about Solomin. While uttering the most enthusiastic expressions about him, he kept asking himself continually why he had such a high opinion of this man. He had not said anything very brilliant and, in fact, some of his words were in direct opposition to his (Nejdanov’s) own convictions. “His head is screwed on the right way,” he thought. “A cool, steady man, as Fimishka said; a powerful man, of calm, firm strength. ”

“ Nejdanov asked slowly.
“It is easy to see from your very words, from your whole behaviour. Today, for instance, at Golushkin’s, who said that he failed to see any elements that we could rely on? You! Who demanded to have them pointed out to him? You again! And when that friend of yours, that grinning buffoon, Mr. Paklin, stood up and declared with his eyes raised to heaven that not one of us was capable of self-sacrifice, who approved of it and nodded to him encouragingly? Wasn’t it you? Say what you like of yourself ... think what you like of yourself, you know best ... ”

“ I will show them to you and you can judge for yourself. He is full of enthusiasm. And what activity the man is capable of! He has rushed over the length and breadth of Russia five or six times, and written a twelve-page letter from every place!”
Nejdanov looked questioningly at Ostrodumov, but the latter was sitting like a statue, not an eyebrow twitching. Mashurina was also motionless, a bitter smile playing on her lips.
Nejdanov went on to ask Markelov if he had made any socialist experiments on his own estate, but here Ostrodumov interrupted him. ”

“ That’s how things are arranged in this world! She ought to have such a name. Do you know who Saint Snandulia was? She was a virtuous woman who used to visit prisons and heal the wounds of the sick. But ... goodbye! goodbye, Nejdanov, thou man to be pitied! And you, officer ... ugh! misanthrope! goodbye!” He dragged himself away, limping and swaying from side to side, towards the oasis, while Markelov and Nejdanov sought out the posting inn where they had left their conveyance, ordered the horses to be harnessed, and half an hour later were driving along the high road. ”

“ Nejdanov?”
“Yes, I love him.”
Valentina Mihailovna sat up straight in her chair.
“But, Mariana! he’s only a student, of no birth, no family, and he is younger than you are!” (These words were pronounced not without a certain spiteful pleasure.) “What earthly good can come of it? What do you see in him? He is only an empty-headed boy.” ”

“ He was filled with wonder at the proud, heart-rending note in all that Markelov had said. The man’s vanity must have been hurt, he must have suffered, but how nobly he forgot his own personal sorrows for that which he held to be the truth. “He is a limited soul,” Nejdanov thought, “but is it not a thousand times better to be like that than such ... such as I feel myself to be?”
He immediately became indignant at his own self-depreciation.
“What made me think that? Am I not also capable of self-sacrifice? Just wait, gentlemen, and you too, Paklin. ”

“ We may as well go, I suppose.” The young people rose from the seat.
“What a forbidding individual that is you have with you,” Paklin whispered to Nejdanov, indicating Markelov. “The very image of John the Baptist eating locusts ... only locusts, without the honey! But the other is splendid!” he added, with a nod of the head in Solomin’s direction. “What a delightful smile he has! I’ve noticed that people smile like that only when they are far above others, but without knowing it themselves.”
“Are there really such people?” Nejdanov asked.
“They are scarce, but there are,” Paklin replied. ”

“ Nejdanov was certainly revolutionary. To do him justice he made no secret of his opinions.”
“Nejdanov,” Paklin ventured, “may have been carried away, but his heart—”
“Is good,” Sipiagin put in; “I know, like Markelov’s. They all have good hearts. He has no doubt also been mixed up in this affair ... and will be implicated.... I suppose I shall have to intercede for him too!”
Paklin clasped his hands to his breast.
“Oh, your excellency! Extend your protection to him! He fully ... deserves ... your sympathy.” ”

“ Mariana’s contempt for aestheticism was no less strong than his, but for all that the main reason why she did not accept Markelov was because there was not the slightest trace of the aesthetic in his nature! She did not for a moment admit this to herself. It is often the case that what is strongest in us remains only a half-suspected secret.
Thus the days went by slowly, with little variety, but with sufficient interest.
A curious change was taking place in Nejdanov. He felt dissatisfied with himself, that is, with his inactivity, and his words had a constant ring of bitter self-reproach. ”

“ Sipiagin greeted Nejdanov kindly.
“Ah!” he exclaimed, “I see you are one of the early birds!” (He evidently wanted to express his approval by this old saying, which was a little out of place, of the fact that Nejdanov, like himself, did not like lying in bed long.) “At eight o’clock we all take tea in the dining room, and we usually breakfast at twelve. I should like you to give Kolia his first lesson in Russian grammar at ten o’clock, and a lesson in history at two. I don’t want him to have any lessons tomorrow, as it will be his name-day, but I would like you to begin today.” ”

“ Nejdanov began, “do you really attach any importance to Mr. Kisliakov’s letters that you gave me today? They are utter nonsense, if you’ll excuse my saying so.”
Markelov drew himself up.
“In the first place,” he began angrily, “I don’t agree with you about these letters—I find them extremely interesting ... and conscientious! In the second place, Kisliakov works very hard and, what is more, he is in earnest; he believes in our cause, believes in the revolution! And I must say that you, Alexai Dmitritch, are very luke-warm—you don’t believe in our cause!” ”

“ He seemed to be surrounded by purple noses, dusty heads of hair, tanned necks covered with nets of wrinkles. Rough hands seized him. “Go on!” they bawled out in angry voices, “talk away! The day before yesterday another stranger talked like that. Go on ...” The earth seemed reeling under Nejdanov’s feet, his voice sounded strange to his own ears as though coming from a long way off.... Was it death or what?
And suddenly he felt the fresh air blowing about his face, no more pushing and shoving, no more stench of spirits, sheep-skin, tar, nor leather.... ”

“ He didn’t fall into the right rut somehow. He was about as fitted to be a revolutionist as I am! Do you know what he really was? The idealist of realism. Do you understand me?”
Mashurina flung him a rapid glance. She did not understand him and did not want to understand him. It seemed to her impertinent that he should compare himself to Nejdanov. “Let him brag!” she thought, though he was not bragging at all, but rather depreciating himself, according to his own ideas.
“Some fellow called Silin sought me out; Nejdanov, it seems, had left a letter for him too. ”

“ What is the fellow’s name ... Kisliakov?” Nejdanov asked.
“Later on ... I will show them to you later on. We can do it all at the same time.”
The carriage moved.
“Hold yourself in readiness!” Markelov’s voice was heard again, as he stood on the doorstep. And by his side, with the same hopeless dejection in his face, straightening his bent back, his hands clasped behind him, diffusing an odour of rye bread and mustiness, not hearing a single word that was being said around him, stood the model servant, his grandfather’s decrepit old valet. ”

“ Nejdanov could not make him out at all, and wondered what possible use he could be to them. Solomin was silent as usual and Markelov wore such a gloomy expression that Nejdanov could not help asking what was the matter with him. Markelov declared that it was nothing in a tone in which people commonly let you understand that there is something wrong, but that it does not concern you. Golushkin again started abusing someone or other and then went on to praise the new generation. “Such clever chaps they are nowadays! ”