Jackass

“ This great open wild world was certainly quite unlike the mild, half-domesticated and cared-for little patch of wild that Finn had claimed as his hunting-ground beside the Sussex Downs. Just then a laughing jackass started a hoarse chuckle above Finn's head, and a big white cockatoo, startled by the jackass, flew screaming out from the branches of a grey gum, with the agonized note in its cry which these birds seem to favour at all seasons, and quite irrespective of the nature of their occupations at the moment. ”

“ I picked them up in every Department and every class, and asked myself the question: “Why does M’Gill turn out so many Civil servants?” Pa answered the question at once. “Don’t you see,” he said, “that the percentage of fools is pretty much the same in all paths of life, and that passing a Jackass through a certain process in a university, and tagging him with a degree, does not make him less a Jackass. In truth an educated Jackass is a more hopeless fool than the common or garden variety, because he believes that his degree makes him of the aristocracy of intellect. ”

“ Asa [Down L. of Florence, overhearing.] Oh! that's your idea, is it? Wal, stranger, I don't know what they're going to do with me, but wherever they do put me, I hope it will be out of the reach of a jackass. I'm a real hoss, I am, and I get kinder riley with those critters.
Dun Now he thinks he's a horse. I've heard of a great jackass, and I dreampt of a jackass, but I don't believe there is any such insect.
Flo Well, cousin, I hope you made yourself comfortable.
Asa Well, no, I can't say as I did. You see there was so many all-fired fixins in my room I couldn't find anything I wanted. ”

“ Every one of his hunting trails in the neighbourhood of the encampment he ranged with growing thoroughness and care, without finding so much as a mouse with which to satisfy his appetite. Even Koala and Echidna were nowhere to be found. It was as though a blight had descended upon the countryside, and the only living thing Finn saw that morning, besides the crows, was a laughing jackass on the stump of a blasted stringy-bark tree, who jeered at him hoarsely as he passed. ”

“ Last winter, here in New York, I saw Hoppe and Schaefer and Sutton and the three or four other billiard champions of world-wide fame contend against each other, and certainly the art and science displayed were a wonder to see; yet I saw nothing there in the way of science and art that was more wonderful than shots which I had seen Texas Tom make on the wavy surface of that poor old wreck in the perishing saloon at Jackass Gulch forty years before. Once I saw Texas Tom make a string of seven points on a single inning!—all calculated shots, and not a fluke or a scratch among them. ”

“ Any jackass gets aboard one and runs it from hell to breakfast, blowin’ his whistle to beat the band and tellin’ the rest of the world to look out for him, because he’s comin’ and can’t look out for himself! ”

“ Ivy Lane. From the ivy-covered houses of the prebendaries attached to St Paul’s Cathedral.
J Jackanapes. Properly “Jack-of-apes,” an impudent fellow who apes the manners of his social superiors.
Jackass. The male ass.
Jack-boots. When first worn by cavalry these high leather boots were covered with metal plates as a protection for the leg. The term Jack is derived from the Norman-French jacque, a leathern jerkin worn over a coat of mail. At a later period the jacque itself was made sword-proof by metal plates on its under side.
Jacket. Expressed originally the diminutive of the jacque--viz. ”

“ Mule, Jackal, and Lion
The Mule, the Jackal, and the Lion went in company.
"We will eat the one whose race is bad," they said to each other.
"Lion, who is your father?"
"My father is a lion, and my mother is a lioness."
"And you, Jackal, what is your father?"
"My father is a jackal, and my mother too."
"And you, Mule, what is your father?"
"My father is an ass, and my mother is a mare."
"Your race is bad; we will eat you."
He answered them: "I will consult an old man. If he says that my race is bad, you may devour me." ”

“ I cannot express what comfort I found in having that poor beast on my shoulders close to me, barking, and then giving a little growl as though to hearten me, and then licking my face. At last he fell silent. The gray of the dawn was stealing into the sky. I said, 'Jackson, how is it with you, poor beast?' He didn't answer: I spoke again, and finding him still silent I pulled him down and found he was dead. I was too weak, too near my own death to cry ”

“ It only made me conceive a greater respect for our opponents.
"How do you know he was the butcher-boy?" I inquired with interest.
"From his blue apron, and having no hat, sir," said Mrs. Jackman, as if it were ridiculous to ask such a question.
"Well, he was n't," I said sharply. "And the sooner we get back the better. Jackman, does n't it strike you as remarkable that while I am engaged with one gentleman in the front, both Mrs. Jackman and you are inveigled away by another at the back? You see what the effect is—to leave the house bare of its defences." ”

“ Be he alive or be he dead,
I’ll grind his bones to make me bread!”
“Say’st thou so?” said Jack; “then thou art a monstrous miller indeed.” The giant cried out again: “Art thou that villain who killed my kinsmen? Then I will tear thee with my teeth, suck thy blood, and grind thy bones to powder.”
“You’ll have to catch me first,” quoth Jack, and throwing off his invisible coat, so that the giant might see him, and putting on his shoes of swiftness, he ran from the giant, who followed like a walking castle, so that the very foundations of the earth seemed to shake at every step. ”

“ I could consider myself little better than a savage, like the brutal Sandwich Islanders; my conduct to Jackson had been only in a degree less inhuman than that these idolaters had shown to their teacher when he was in their power. I fancied at the time that I served him right, for his villainous conduct to my father, and brutal conduct to me: but God having punished him for his misdeeds, I felt satisfied I had no business to put him to greater torment as satisfaction for my own private injuries. ”

“ Be kind, we implore you, to Poor Jack, wherever you meet him, for he would shed the last drop of blood in his veins to defend you! Make every Christian allowance for his follies and his sins when ashore. Do all you can—and we think you might do much if you would—to ameliorate his physical condition, and you will improve his moral one at the same time. For ourselves, we can only say that we ever shall own Poor Jack as a messmate and a brother, and while we have a shot in the locker, he shall freely share it, God help him! ”

“ Where, in the old days, ignorance and all its accompanying evils held sway over the mind of poor Jack, and made him a prey to superstition and imagination, to-day, by dint of careful training of brain as well as body, he has become a thinking creature of power and force of mind. He knows in a general way the working of the great mechanical contrivances; and in the fights that are to come, as well as those that have been, he will show that the metal the American Jacky is made of rings true and stands well the trial by fire. ”

“ Away in the swamp lie twenty good men who would raze this place to the ground if anything were to happen to me. I, too, want revenge, and upon Jackson--he who ruined your husband, he who has hunted me until I live a beast of the field. I could kill him at any time, but that is not enough. I want him to live with a wound on his heart from which he will never recover. I will kill him afterward if it suits me, and now--stoop--see here," and the dacoit rapidly whispered to Ma Mie words that made her start back and say, "No! no!" "But I say yes--think of it--it is a vengeance worthy of a Burman. ”

“ Jackson leaned towards me in his desire to hold my full attention, “he went from that room with every reason to fear that the will to be destroyed was the one favoring himself, and the one to be retained that which made you chief heir and the probable husband of Orpha. Have we heard of anything having occurred between then and early morning to reverse the conclusions of that moment? No. Then why should he resort to crime in order to shorten the few remaining days of his uncle’s life when he had every reason to believe that his death would only hasten the triumph of his rival?” ”

“ Jacky is in his element. He gallops wildly up to them, with arms and legs flying north and south, and his cap many miles behind. That hidden sense that tells the young and artless one that the real meaning of all fun is to take some one by surprise and frighten the life out of him, is full upon him now. ”

“ Putting his hand in his pocket, the prince gave the woman all he had left, so that after their day’s food, which cost what small store Jack had by him, they were without a penny between them.
When the sun got low, the king’s son said: “Jack, since we have no money, where can we lodge this night?”
But Jack replied: “Master, we’ll do well enough, for I have an uncle lives within two miles of this place; he is a huge and monstrous giant with three heads. He’ll fight five hundred men in armour, and make them to fly before him.” ”

“ My lord does much the same without the excuse for doing so which Jack had, for he had plenty of means, is a leg, and a black, only in a more polished way, and with more cunning, and I may say success, having done many a rascally thing never laid to his charge. Jack at last cuts the throat of a villain who had cheated him of all he had in the world, and who, I am told, was in many points the counterpart of this screw and white feather, is taken up, tried, and executed; and certainly taking away a man’s life is a dreadful thing ”

“ Why should a burglar cry for help in the house of his victim? I lit a match and peered down. It was Jackman!
"The devil!" I ejaculated.
"The burglar!" he panted.
I grinned. It was too ridiculous, that we should have been destroying each other, while the invader got safely away. But had he? I assisted Jackman to his feet.
"Never mind. He's gone this way. What rooms are these?" I asked hurriedly.
"The—the library!" he puffed out. "But—but he can't be there." ”

“ She asked what was the matter with me, in a tone so peremptory that I dared not refuse to answer; and with many tears I confessed, that Mrs Jackson was displeased with me, and I knew not for what.
"But I shall know," said my lady, pulling the bell with violence—" Jackson cannot be angry without a cause."
Jackson appeared; and without hesitation denied the charge. "Me angry with the poor child!" said she; "how could she think me angry with her? Am not I her best friend? But it is evident what the matter is, my lady: the poor young creature is broken-hearted from confinement ”

“ The "gal," who obeyed the summons, proved to be the sylph-like child that had guided the traveller to the house. To the expression of listlessness and desolation which he had previously noticed, there was now added a look of bewilderment and fear. He thought she might, perhaps, be a step-daughter of Mrs. Jackson; but how could so coarse a man as his host be the father of such gentleness and grace?
While supper was being prepared, Mr. Jackson entered into conversation with his guest about the usual topics in that region,--the prices of cotton and "niggers." ”

“ His name is William Jackson, and he is the only son of the late Sir John Jackson. You may have heard of the father, as he was fifteen years ago one of the most notorious and wealthy rakes in London; in other words, having made a god of self, he had become a fiend to others. Thus, as we carry our circumference with us, he raged at the hell he created, whilst increasing its torments. It is only when we fully realize the damnation of such lives that our hatred turns to pity. ”

“ The Ass, the Table, and the Stick
A LAD named Jack was once so unhappy at home through his father's ill-treatment, that he made up his mind to run away and seek his fortune in the wide world.
He ran, and he ran, until he could run no longer, and then he ran right up against a little old woman who was gathering sticks. He was too much out of breath to beg pardon, but the woman was good-natured, and she said he seemed to be a likely lad, so she would take him to be her servant, and would pay him well. ”

“ Bransome. But Jackson was not in the factory. I guessed, however, where he was; and sure enough I found him in his accustomed haunt at the end of the Point. The moment he saw me he tried to hide himself among the brushwood, but I was too quick for him, and spied him as he crouched behind a dwarf palm.
“I know, I know,” he cried, as I ran up to him; “I saw you come along the beach. Bury them, bury them out of sight.”
“Come, Mr. Jackson,” I replied, “it isn’t fair to put all the trouble on to me. ”

“ They have added another human being to their catalogue of victims, and he, Old Jack, the man who once looked at me till I felt my heart beat in my bosom like a bird beats herself against the sides of the cage. ”

“ Belknap-Jackson scream; then came the deep-chested rumble of the Mixer, “Jackson kicked him first!” They ran for us. They had reached us while our host was down, even while my fist was still clenched. Now again the unfortunate man cried “Help!” as his wife assisted him to his feet.
“Send for an officer!” cried she.
“The man’s an anarchist!” shouted her husband.
“Nonsense!” boomed the Mixer. “Jackson got what he was looking for. Do it myself if he kicked me!” ”

“ And if you don't do that, you will have to forfeit your life."
"All right," said Jack; and away he went to his bed, and said his prayers quietly, and slept till it was near eight o'clock, and he had hardly any time to think what he was to do, till all of a sudden he remembered about the little golden box that his father gave him. And he said to himself: "Well, well, I never was so near my death as I am now;" and then he felt in his pocket, and drew the little box out. And when he opened it, out there hopped three little red men, and asked Jack: "What is your will with us?" ”