St. John Hankin

“ JANET
But I like it, father.
MRS. CLOUSTON
Like it! A De Mullin like keeping a shop! Impossible.
JANET
(firmly)
Yes, Aunt Harriet, I like it. And I’m proud of it.
DE MULLIN
(sharply)
Nonsense, Janet. Nobody can possibly be proud of keeping a shop.
JANET
I am. I made it, you see. It’s my child, like Johnny.
DE MULLIN
(amazed)
JANET! Do you understand what you’re doing? I offer you the chance of returning to Brendon to live as my daughter.
JANET
(indifferently)
I quite understand, father. And I’m much obliged for the offer. Only I decline it. That’s all. ”

“ Fortinbras.
[Turning up his coat collar resignedly.] It’s perfect rot, you know,
To let yourself be frightened by a Ghost! Horatio.
[Angrily.] A Ghost! You’re always so inaccurate!
Nobody minds a spectre at the feast
Less than Horatio, but a dozen spectres,
All sitting round your hospitable board
And clamouring for dinner, are a sight
No one can bear with equanimity.
Of course, I know it’s different for you.
You don’t believe in ghosts!... Ugh, what was that? Fortinbras.
Nothing. Horatio.
I’m sure I saw a figure moving there. Fortinbras.
Absurd! It’s far too dark to see at all. ”

“ DE MULLIN
(solemnly)
Listen to me, my girl. You say that now, and I dare say you believe it. But when you are older, when Johnny is grown up, you will bitterly repent having brought into the world a child who can call no man father.
JANET
(passionately)
Never! Never! That I’m sure of. Whatever happens, even if Johnny should come to hate me for what I did, I shall always be glad to have been his mother. At least I shall have lived. These poor women who go through life listless and dull, who have never felt the joys and the pains a mother feels, how they would envy me if they knew! ”

“ Pauline, I forbid you! Sit down at once. If my family are not good enough for your friends, let them drop us and be hanged to them.
Pauline.
Claude, don’t storm. It’s so vulgar. And there’s not the least occasion for it either. I only thought it would be pleasanter for all our visitors—your dear mother among the number—if we avoided all chance of disagreeable scenes. But there, dear, you’ve no savoir faire, and I’m afraid we shall never get into Society. It’s very sad. ”

“ MRS. CLOUSTON
(tartly)
Whose fault is that?
JANET
Never mind whose fault it is, Aunt Harriet. The question is, will they see through it or will they not? Of course, they know nothing so far, but I’ve no doubt they suspect. What else have people to do down here but suspect other people? Miss Deanes murmurs her doubts to Mrs. Bulstead and Mrs. Bulstead shakes her head to Miss Deanes. Mrs. Bulstead! What right has she to look down that huge nose of hers at me! She’s had ten children!
MRS. DE MULLIN
JANET! She’s married.
JANET
To Mr. Bulstead! That vulgar animal! ”

“ She’d leave her husband upon any terms.
Is there a woman in the whole wide world
That would not rather die a dozen times
Rather than live her life out with this man,
This puling, miserable, craven thing,
Who lets his wife lay down her life for him
And, when by miracle she is restored
To earth again and claims his gratitude,
Has the bad taste to grumble at the fact? Admetus.
I told you, Heracles, she had a tongue. Heracles.
Indeed, she’s well equipped in that respect. Alcestis.
To such a man the stones themselves would speak. Heracles.
Well, lady, are you then content to die? Alcestis. ”

“ DE MULLIN
By the right of a father, Janet. By that right I insist on your obedience.
JANET
(losing her temper)
Obedience! Obedience! I owe no one obedience. I am of full age and can order my life as I please. Is a woman never to be considered old enough to manage her own affairs? Is she to go down to her grave everlastingly under tutelage? Is she always to be obeying a father when she’s not obeying a husband? ”

“ I say what I think, do what I please. Scandal has done its worst with me, and I no longer fear it. Whereas, when I had a character for morality to maintain, all my time was wasted in trying to live up to it. I had to conceal every trifling flirtation, and had finally wrapped myself in such a web of falsehood that when your hand tore away the veil, I give you my word, I was almost grateful. Depend upon it, Sir Peter, there’s no possession in the world so troublesome as a good reputation.
Sir Peter.
[Digging him in the ribs.] Ah, Joseph, you’re a sad dog. But here comes your uncle, Sir Oliver. ”

“ MRS. DE MULLIN
Sh! Hugo! You mustn’t excite yourself. You know the doctor said...
DE MULLIN
Be quiet, Jane! (turning furiously to Janet) Why am I angry! You disgrace the family. You have a child, that poor fatherless boy....
JANET
(quietly)
Oh come, I could have got along quite well without a father if it comes to that. And so could Hester.
MRS. DE MULLIN
Janet!
JANET
Well, mother, what has father ever done for Hester or me except try and prevent us from doing something we wanted to do? Hester wanted to marry Mr. Brown. Father wouldn’t have allowed her. ”

“ Sir Peter.
[Angrily.] And now ’tis Joseph. Zounds, Madam, is a man never to be allowed to change his mind? [Raising his voice in fury.] I say ’tis Joseph! Joseph!! Joseph!!!
[Enter Joseph Surface. Sir Peter and Lady Teazle are obviously disconcerted at this inopportune arrival, and say nothing. Joseph has greatly changed in appearance in the six months which have elapsed between the play and the sequel. He has lost his sleekness and his air of conscious virtue, and looks like a careless, good-humoured man-about-town.
Joseph.
[Obviously enjoying their discomfort.] Sir Peter, your servant. ”

“ JANET
My dear boy, I’m extremely human—and therefore curious (pause) . What’s she like, Monty? Now, I mean. She promised to be pretty.
MONTY
She is pretty, I suppose (pause) . I wonder if Bertha and I will ever have a son like Johnny!
JANET
Let’s hope so, Monty. For Bertha’s sake.
MONTY
Isn’t that some one coming? (pause, listens) , I expect it’s she (rising hastily and advancing towards stile) . Is that you, Bertha?
BERTHA
(at stile)
Oh! There you are. Yes. Isn’t it hot? (entering by gate which he opens for her) . Am I punctual? (with a cry) Janet! When did you come home? ”

“ You may laugh at me, Pauline, but you know I’m right.
Pauline.
Of course you’re right, dear. Much too right for this wicked world. That’s why I never can take your advice on any subject. You’re so unpractical.
Claude.
[Breaking out again.] The world, the world, oh, how I hate this world! Pauline.
Now that’s silly of you, dear. There’s nothing like making the best of a bad thing. By the way, Claude, didn’t you say Mrs. Melnotte was coming to call this afternoon? ”

“ What’s catechism?
BROWN
Come, Johnny, I’m sure your mother has taught you your catechism.. Can you repeat your “Duty towards your Neighbour”? (Johnny shakes his head emphatically) . Try “My duty towards my neighbour....
JOHNNY
Mother says it’s every one’s duty to be healthy and to be happy! Is that what you mean?
BROWN
(scandalized)
No! No!
JOHNNY
Well, that’s what mother taught me.
JANET
(coming to the rescue)
I’m afraid he doesn’t know his catechism yet, Mr. Brown. You see he’s only eight. (Brown bows stiffly.) Run away, Johnny, and play in the garden for a little. ”

“ Octavian.
[In his tired voice.] Better put him to death. It will save a lot of trouble in the end.
Agrippa.
But the boy’s your own cousin.
Octavian.
Yes. I have always disliked my relations.
Agrippa.
[Admiringly.] I begin to think you are a genius, Cæsar, after all.
Octavian.
I am. Much good it does me! I’d give my genius for your digestion any day.
[Leans back on throne and closes his eyes.
[Enter Charmian hurriedly, looking pale and dishevelled.
Charmian.
Help! Help! The Queen is dying!
Octavian.
[Irritably, opening his eyes.] Stop that noise, girl! You make my head ache.
Charmian. ”

“ JANET
(more gently)
I know, mother. But when Hester marries...
HESTER? DE MULLIN JANET
Yes.
DE MULLIN
(turning angrily to his wife)
But whom is Hester going to marry? Is she going to marry? I have heard nothing about this. What’s this, Jane? Has something been kept from me?
MRS. DE MULLIN
No, no, Hugo. Nothing has been kept from you. It’s only some fancy of Janet’s. She thinks Mr. Brown is going to propose to Hester. There’s nothing in it, really.
DE MULLIN
Mr. Brown! Impossible!
MRS. CLOUSTON
Quite impossible! ”

“ These, only these, make up “Society.” Pauline.
[Patiently.] But that’s such a dreadful misuse of words, dear. When one talks of “Society,” one does not mean good people, or unselfish people, or high-minded people, but people who keep a carriage and give dinner parties. Those are the only things which really matter socially.
Claude.
Pauline, Pauline, what dreadful sentiments!
They show a worldly and perverted mind.
I grieve to think my wife should utter them! Pauline. [Pg 112]
[Very sweetly.] I wish, Claude, you’d try and give up talking in blank verse. It’s very bad form. ”

“ MRS. DE MULLIN
Janet!
JANET
(impatiently)
I would. You seem to think there’s some peculiar virtue about always living in the same place. I believe in people uprooting themselves and doing something with their lives. What was the good of the De Mullins going on living down here century after century, always a little poorer and a little poorer, selling a farm here, mortgaging another there, instead of going out into the world to seek their fortunes? We’ve stayed too long in one place, we De Mullins. We shall never be worth anything sleeping away our lives down at Brendon. ”

“ JANET
Are they your friends, Hester? Then I won’t sneer at them. But you can’t call Mr. Brown handsome, can you?
HESTER
Mr. Brown is a very good man and works very hard among the poor. That’s better than being handsome.
JANET
Yes. But less agreeable, isn’t it? However, if you like him there’s an end of it. But he needn’t have begun asking Johnny his catechism the very first time he met him. ”

“ I go [Pg 77] no more to my Lady Sneerwell’s, though I vow hers was a most delightful house to visit. Such fashion and elegance. Such wit! Such delicate malice!
Sir Peter.
[Fretfully.] Just so, Madam; that is what I complain of. All the while you are longing to return to these follies. You are not happy when you are alone with me.
Lady Teazle.
Great heavens, Sir Peter: you must not ask for miracles. What woman of fashion is ever happy alone with her husband?
Sir Peter.
There it is, Lady Teazle. You think only of fashion. ”

“ Ebbsmith.
[Puzzled.] Your hour? I don’t think I quite understand you.
Agnes.
There’s only one hour in a woman’s life—when she’s defying her husband, wrecking his happiness and blasting his prospects. That is her hour! Let her make the most of every second of it! ”

“ You will be an old woman before your time unless you marry and have children. And what will you do then? Keep a lap-dog, I suppose, or sit up at night with a sick cockatoo like Miss Deanes. Miss Deanes! Even she has a heart somewhere about her. Do you imagine she wouldn’t rather give it to her babies than snivel over poultry? No, Hester, make good use of your youth, my dear. It won’t last always. And once gone it is gone for ever. (Hester bursts into tears.) There, there, Hester! ”

“ Cleopatra.
[Losing her temper.] Oh, you’re not a man at all! You’re a block, a stone! You have no blood in your veins. You’re not like Antony.
Octavian.
No, dear lady, I’m not like Antony. If I were, I shouldn’t have beaten him at Actium.
Cleopatra.
I won’t stay to be baited in this way. I won’t! I won’t!
[Pg 209]
[Goes towards door.
Octavian.
[Gallantly.] Farewell, then. We shall meet again. Agrippa, the Queen is going.
Agrippa.
[Breaking off in the midst of his flirtation.] Eh? Oh, good-bye.
Cleopatra.
[Stamping her foot.] Charmian! ”

“ To know that a child is your very own, is a part of you. That you have faced sickness and pain and death itself for it. That it is yours and nothing can take it from you because no one can understand its wants as you do. To feel it’s soft breath on your cheek, to soothe it when it is fretful and still it when it cries, that is motherhood and that is glorious! ”

“ Zounds, Nephew, don’t stand chuckling there. And his character has not reformed one whit, in spite of his promises. His flirtations with my Lady Sneerwell and others are so excessive that Maria has quite thrown him over, and the engagement is broken off. Add to this that I have paid his debts three times, only to find him contracting fresh liabilities, and you may judge that my patience is exhausted.
Joseph.
But these are old stories, Uncle. You knew that Charles was vicious and extravagant when you made him your heir. He has done nothing fresh to offend you.
Sir Oliver. ”

“ MRS. DE MULLIN
Janet!
JANET
(exasperated)
Well, mother, do you seriously believe she cares? Or Miss Deanes? Or Miss Rolt? Or any of these people? They only call because they’ve nothing better to do. It’s sheer mental vacuity on their part. Besides, father’s perfectly well now. They know that. But they go on calling, calling! I wonder Miss Deanes doesn’t bring her cockatoo to inquire. ”

“ And, Agnes, if you could manage to be dressed in time to receive them I should be very much obliged.
Agnes.
I?
Ebbsmith.
Of course. I suppose you will be here to entertain our guests?
Agnes.
Your guests, you mean.
Ebbsmith.
My dear Agnes, surely my guests are your guests also.
Agnes.
[Breaking out.] As long as the present unjust and oppressive marriage laws remain in force——
Ebbsmith.
[Interrupting.] I don’t think we need go into the question of the alteration of the marriage laws.
Agnes.
Ah, yes. You always refuse to listen to my arguments on that subject. You know they are unanswerable. ”

“ I apologise, Aunt Harriet. (Calls again) Johnny!
MRS. DE MULLIN
Why are you calling Johnny?
JANET
To tell him to put on his hat and coat, mother dear. I’m going to the station.
DE MULLIN
You’re going to-night?
JANET
Yes, father, to-night. I’ve done harm enough down here. I’m going away.
JOHNNY
(entering l.)
Do you want me, Mummie?
JANET
Yes. Run and put on your things and say goodbye to Cook and Ellen and tell Robert to put in the pony. Mother’s going back to London.
JOHNNY
Are we going now, Mummie?
JANET
(nods)
As fast as the train can carry us. ”

“ I do hope no one else will call at the same time. Perhaps I’d better tell James we are not at home to anyone except Mrs. Melnotte.
Claude.
Oh, no, don’t do that. My mother will enjoy meeting our friends.
Pauline.
No doubt, dear. But will our friends enjoy meeting your mother? [Seeing him about to burst forth again.] Oh, yes, Claude, I know what you are going to say. But, after all, Lyons is a very purse-proud, vulgar place. You know, how my mother can behave on occasions! And if Mrs. Melnotte happens to be here when any other people call it may be very unpleasant. ”

“ HESTER
(frostily)
It looks very expensive.
JANET
(looking at it critically)
Yes, I own I’m rather pleased with it.
MRS. CLOUSTON
(acidly)
You seem to be able to dress very well altogether, in spite of the shop.
JANET
(correcting her)
Because of it, Aunt Harriet. That’s the advantage of being what is called “in trade.” If I were a school teacher or a governess or something genteel of that kind I could only afford to dress like a pauper. But as I keep a shop I can dress like a lady. Clothes are a question of money, after all, aren’t they? ”

“ Time was when the London playhouses had not been invaded by the coarse suggestiveness or the veiled indelicacy of the Norwegian stage, when Paterfamilias could still take his daughters to the theatre without a blush. Those days are past. The Master—as his followers call him—like a deadly upas tree, has spread his blighting influence over our stage. ”

“ If one is in a shop it doesn’t matter how one dresses.
JANET
On the contrary if one is in a shop it matters a great deal. A girl in a shop must dress well. The business demands it. If you ever start a hat-shop, Aunt Harriet, you’ll have to dress very differently. ”

“ Dangle, did you not tell me the critics were all unfavourable to Mr. Puff’s play?
Dangle.
Nearly all of them. But if the other critics abuse a play, you will always find the critic of The World will praise it. ’Tis the nature of the man. ”

“ JANET
(grimly)
No, Hester. I don’t think that. To do as I did needs pluck and brains—and five hundred pounds. Everything most women haven’t got, poor things. So they must marry or remain childless. You must marry—the next curate. I suppose the Bulsteads will buy Mr. Brown a living as he’s marrying the plainest of the daughters. It’s the least they can do. But that’s no reason why I should marry unless I choose.
MRS. CLOUSTON
Well, I’ve never heard of anything so disgraceful. I thought Janet at least had the grace to be ashamed of what she did! ”

“ OCTAVIAN AND CLEOPATRA. Scene.—An extravagantly furnished apartment in the Palace at Alexandria. Cleopatra is discovered seated upon her throne. She is dressed with mournful splendour, as befits a queen who has been defeated at Actium and has suffered a recent bereavement. Her face is as attractive as a liberal use of cosmetics can make it, and her whole appearance is that of a middle-aged and rather dissipated member of the corps de ballet who has gone into half-mourning because the manager has reduced her salary. Charmian, a pretty, shrewish-looking damsel, is in attendance on her. ”

“ Johnny disappears into the wood. Janet falls into a brown study. Presently a footstep is heard coming along the roady but she seems to notice nothing. Then a young man climbs over the stile. He starts as he sees her and draws back, then advances eagerly, holding out his hand. ”