Abbie Hoffman

“ Ask around for an experienced commune and get one of their members to come to your first tribal meeting. The more stable communes that are established the sooner we can begin to realize a freer more humanistic society. ”

“ Once you find your favorite, stick to it. You can soon become a regular. They won't mind your loading up on free food because they consider you one of the crowd. Little do they realize that you are a super freeloader. ”

“ The only know cure for Tasmanian Pig Fever is revolution. Paranoids unite!
DOPE — As you probably know, most dope is illegal, therefore some risks are always involved in buying and selling. In the legal section we have discussed the selling problems. Now let us consider the problems involved in buying. Arrests are not a problem unless you are inside and happen to get caught in a raid on a major dealer. What is a major hazard is getting burned. The usual trick is to take your dough and just vanish, leaving you standing on the street. ”

“ The best places are Third Avenue in the fifties and the Theater District off Times Square. Both best in the evening on weekends. Uptown guys with dates are the best touch especially if they are just leaving some guilt movie like "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" The professional panhandlers don't waste their time on the Lower East Side except on weekends when the tourists come out.
Devise a street theater act or troupe. It can be anything from a funny dance to a five piece band or a poetry reading. People give a lot more dough and the whole atmosphere sings a little. ”

“ It is a good idea to have a meeting when you first form to make decisions on some of the important things that are sure to arise. The first is whether you want a crash pad or a commune. The difference is that a commune is a closed unit. Other people may join, but unlike a crash pad, they may not join for one day. ”

“ If you really want to live for free, get some friends together and seize a building at Columbia University. 116th Street and Broadway. The cops come free, as do blue ribbon committees with funny long names.
FREE BUFFALO — In order to keep the herds at a controllable level the government will give you a real, live buffalo if you can guarantee shipping expenses and adequate grazing area. ”

“ On Wednesday night there are fantastic pick-ups on 35th Street in back of Macy's. Move quickly though, the guards get pissed off easily; the truckers couldn't careless. This street method can furnish your whole pad. Beds, desks, bureaus, lamps, bookcases, chairs, and tables. It's all a matter of transportation. If you don't have access to a car or truck it is almost worth it to rent a station wagon on a weekday and make pick-ups. Alexander's Rent-a-Car is about the cheapest for in-city use. $5.95 and 10c a mile for a regular car. ”

“ There is a new bill already passed, waiting for the governor's signature, that would upgrade the dope penalties, for example, sale of pot to a minor could get you up to life imprisonment. If this bill is passed and you are caught selling to a minor, pull out a gun and shoot the kid. You can only get 10-20 years for first degree manslaughter and can be paroled in 6 years. ”

“ The Sun is free. Hair is free. Naked bodies are free. Smiles are free. Rain is free. Unfortunately there is no free air in New York. Con Edison's phone number is 679-6700.
WELFARE — If you live in lower Manhattan the welfare center for you is located on 11 West 13th Street, 989-1210. There is, of course, red tape involved and they don't dig longhairs. Be prepared to tell a good story as to why you cannot work, however your looks (which they cannot make you change) might be good enough reason. This is one place where sloppy clothes pay off. You have to be over 18 to get help. ”

“ There are numerous arrests down here and a working knowledge of what to do about the cops can be very helpful. Never let cops in your house if they do not have a search warrant. Ask them to slip it under the door. They only have a right to enter without a search warrant if they have strong reason to believe a crime is being committed on the premises. Most cases without a search warrant are thrown out of court. If you are arrested, give your name and address. If you do not you will have bail trouble. ”

“ Have to go by car or truck between 6-9 A.M. but well worth it. You can get enough vegetables to last your commune a week. Lettuce, squash, carrots, canteloupe, grapefruit, melons, even artichokes and mushrooms. Just tell them you want to feed some people free and it's yours, all crated and everything. Hunt's Point is the free people's heaven.
FREE MEAT AND POULTRY - The closest slaughterhouse area is in the far West Village, west of Hudson Street and south of 14th Street. ”

“ There is always left-over food. Tell them you're a college student and want to bring some back for your fraternity brothers. Jews dig the college bullshit. If you want the food served to you out front you naturally have to disguise yourself to look straight. ”

“ If the charges are misdemeanors he should be used, if the charges are felonies you might be advised to get help from a private lawyer, Mobilization for Youth or some other agency. A good lawyer can get a bail reduction that can save you a good deal of time if you are hard up for bread. Bail depends on a variety of factors ranging from previous arrests to the judge's hangover. It can be put up in collateral, i.e. a bank book, or often there is a cash alternative offered which amounts to about 10 to 20% of the bail. Try and have your friend show up with at least a hundred dollars in cash. ”

“ For very high bail there are the bail bondsmen in the area of the courthouse who will cover the bail for a fee not to exceed 5%. You will need what they term a solid citizen to sign the bail papers and perhaps put up some collateral.
DOPE BUSTS — Possession of less than a quarter of an ounce of pot is considered a misdemeanor. The penalty can be up to one year. In actuality, a conviction for possession is very rare. The New York courts are quite lenient on this charge. More than a quarter of an ounce is considered possession with intent to sell. ”

“ Some will actually dig the whole scene and won't give you a hard time, others can be a real bitch. Getting on welfare can get you free rent, phone, utilities, and about $20.00 a week to live on. There are also various food stamp and medical programs you become eligible for. If you can stomach hassle, welfare is a must. The main office number is Dl 4-8700 if you do not live in lower Manhattan. ”

“ Bring a car or truck. A freezer unit will save a good deal of running around. Don't give up on this one. Turning a guy on to the free idea will net you a week's supply of top quality meat. There is some law that if the meat touches the ground or floor they have to give it away. So if you know how to trip a meat truck, by all means . ”

“ If you get stoned enough and miss getting off you can also wiggle a free boat ride although you get sent back as soon as you hit the other side — but it's a free ocean cruise, even if it's in the brig. ”

“ You can always use the Public Libraries. The main branch is on Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street. There are 168 branches all over the city. Call OX 5-4200 for information and a schedule of free events.
POEMS are free. Are you a poem or are you a prose???
FREE GAS — If you have a car and need some gas late at night you can get a gallon and then some by emptying the hoses from the pumps into your tank. There is always a fair amount of surplus gas left when the pumps are shut off. ”

“ Let's face it, the Lower East Side is a ghetto and getting busted by a cop is common in any American ghetto. The following is some general basic advice and some help on the chief causes for busts — dope and runaways, although runaways are not technically busted.
The TPF is the riot control squad in New York and is called out to handle many street demonstrations. The local police come out of the Ninth Precinct located on 5th Street between First and Second Avenues. The local cops are under the direction of Lieutenant Joe Fink. ”

“ Call them up and tell them when and where you want to go and they will tell you if they have a car. They give you the car and a tank of gas free. You pay the rest.
Go to pick up the car alone, then get some people who also want to go to help with expenses. You can make San Francisco for about $80.00 in tolls and gas in four days without pushing. Usually you have the car for longer and can make a whole thing out of it. You must look "straight" when you go to the agency.
If you would like to meet a real ghost, write Hans Holm c/o New York Committee for Investigation of Paranormal Research. ”

“ Gonorrhea is more common than syphilis. The first sign of gonorrhea is a discharge from your sex organ. It may not be noticed in women. In men there is usually itching and burning of the affected areas. ”

“ With a little effort, you can grow kilos galore. Growing grass indoors is a big hassle but it can be done if you construct a planting box with a light bulb or artificial growing lamp. Some hardy souls have planted grass in Carl Schurz Park next to Gracie Mansion, 89th Street and East River Drive. ”

“ Acid and other dope, although against the law rarely result in busts and even less in convictions (heroin is another thing, of course) . There are too many technicalities involved in analyzing the substance, many such as STP are not covered by the law. For this reason, they generally go after the grass unless there is a major production or sale involved.
RUNAWAYS — Laws governing runaways are equally ridiculous. Persons who look underage (under 16 for males, under 18 for females) can be stopped by a cop anytime and asked to produce identification. ”

“ Have you considered growing your own? Being a weed, grass is very easy to grow if it gets enough water and sun. Get your seeds together, travel over to Jersey or Staten Island, find a field and plant your seeds. Draw a furrow in the ground about half an inch deep and plant the seeds about two inches apart. Cover the seeds with soil and water the area. Returning every two weeks to tend your crop will be sufficient. ”

“ Syphilis usually begins with a sore which may look like a cold sore or any other kind of sore or pimple around your sex organ. Soon the sore disappears, even without treatment, and is often followed by an inflammation of the mouth and throat, and rashes on the body. ”

“ You can get free food in varying quantities by going to the factories. Many also offer a free tour. However, the plants are generally located outside of Manhattan. If you can get a car, try a trip to Long Island City. There you will find the Gordon Baking Company at 42 25 21st Street, Pepsi-Cola at 4602 Fifth Avenue, Borden Company at 35 10 Steinway Street and Dannon Yogurt at 22-11 38th Avenue. ”

“ Agents always buy with another person or agent present as a witness. Never sell to anyone facing an indictment for they are subject to pressure. Undercover agents have some pretty interesting disguises. Black undercover cops are very hard to spot. Often undercover cops wear beards and mustaches but few, contrary to rumor, have very long hair. Longhair that takes a year to grow is not possible since agents are switched around and anyway long hair doesn't grow in Queens. Undercover cops always carry a gun so look out for that noticeable bulge or a jacket being worn on a hot day. ”

“ Always test the swing bars in the turnstile before you put in the token. Someone during the day was sure to drop an extra token in and a free turn is just waiting for the first one to take advantage of it. ”

“ This method is a lot safer than the customary shoplifting. In order to be prosecuted for shoplifting you have to leave the store with the goods. If you have eaten it there is no evidence to be used against you. ”

“ Bellevue should be considered a bad trip. Be careful of drugs you know nothing about. STP is only for people who have been into acid for a time. Heroin is addictive and can be a mighty expensive habit. ”

“ If they don't want you, you can be sent to the Youth Detention House which is a very bad trip indeed. If you are a runaway, get fake identification and quick. People who put up runaways are subject to arrest for contributing to the delinquency for a minor. ”

“ Large amounts must be purchased outside New York City. Most dealers will not sell you large amounts since the Transit Authority has been pressuring them. Try telling dealers you want them to make jewelry. ”

“ A&P stores clean their vegetable bins every day at 9:00 A.M. They always throw out cartons of very good vegetables. Tell them you want to feed your rabbits. Also recommended is picking up food in a supermarket and eating it before you leave the store. ”

“ All Long champs are good. Max's Kansas City at Park Avenue South and16th Street doesn't even mind it if you freeload when you are hungry and an advantage here is that you can wear any kind of clothes. Max features fried chicken wings, Swedish meatballs and ravioli.
THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY FOR KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS is located at 26 Second Avenue. Every morning at 7:00 AM a delicious cereal breakfast is served free along with chanting and dancing. Also 12 Noon more food and chanting and on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:00 P.M. again food and chanting. ”

“ Another method is substituting oregano or parsely for grass, chewing tobacco as hash, and aspirin and barbiturates as acid. A general rule is no bread up front. If you're getting an ounce or more of grass you are entitled to sample it. ”