Anonymous

“ A. The married women turns their backside about to the goodmans belly: virgins, and those going mad for marriage, the heat of their maiden-head keeps them warm old matrons, whirl'd o'er maiden, widows, and widows bewitch'd hold up their cold parts to the fire. ”

“ So away they went to bed, the good wife turned her backside toward the good man; and as he was falling asleep she draws up her smock and lets fly in the goodman's shirt tail, which awakened him in as great fright as he had been shot; ay, ay woman what are ye about? what am I about said she: dear woman you're filling the bed. Not I goodman, for when my arse was my own I took care of it, and take you care of it now, its yours, O rise woman and clean the bed and keep your arse and a' the liberty ye had before and more, if ye want it ”

“ Three merry companions having met on a Saturday night at an ale house (a hatter a shoe-maker, and a taylor,) where they drank heartily all that night, and to morrow until mid day: and their bets were who had the lovingest wife: So they agreed for a trial of their good nature, that every man should do whatever his wife bad him do, as soon as ever he went home ”

“ When he arrived at his house, Friend Aminadab happned to be at the door. Roger directly doff d his hat & gnawing its corner, addressed him in the following manner:—Friend Aminadab, Ize brought you here our cow Cherry, an you pleases to acceptan her. Thou art an honest fellow, replies Aminadab: Here, Sarah, take our honest neighbour into the kitchen and let him eat heartily: and hark ye, make him drink some of our best ale. At these sounds Roger's heart leapt with joy. ”

“ Q. What time is a scolding wife at the best?
A. When she is fast asleep.
Q. What time is a scolding wife at the worst;
A. When she is that wicked as to tear the hair out of her own head, when she can't get at her neighbour's, and through perfect spite bites her own tongue with her own teeth: my hearty with is, that all such wicked vipers may ever do so.
Q. What is the effectual cure and infallible remedy for a scolding wife? ”

“ The beauty of old age, the hoary head, and louching shoulders incline to mortality; yet I'll compare thee to the Eagle that has renewed her youth, or a leek with a white head and a green tail this comes to thee with my kind compliments for kisses of thy lips and the kindness I had to thy late bed-fellow, Fidler Pate my brother-pensioner ah! ”

“ Q. What is the reason that young people are vain, giddy-headed and airy, and not so humble as the children of former years?
A. Because they are brought up and educate after a more haugty strain, by reading fables, plays, novels, and romances: gospel books, such as the psalm book, proverbs and catechisms are like old almanacks: nothing in vogue, but fiddle, flute, Tory and Babylonish tunes, our plain English speech corrupted with beauish cants, don't, won't, nen and ken, a jargon worse than the Yorkshire dialect. ”

“ Q. What's the reason that these three parts of men women and dogs are coldest?
A. Fabulous historians say, that there was thrice little holes broke in Noah's ark, and that the dog put his nose in one, and another the man put his knee in it, a third and biggest hole broke, and the woman hang'd her backside into it; and these parts being exposed to the cold blast make them always cold ever since.
Q. And what remedy does the man take for the warming of his cold knees? ”

“ A sailor traveling between Edinburgh and Linlithgow which is twelve long computed miles; and as he was setting on in the morning about eight o'clock, he saw a vain-like young spark go running past him, which he never minded but kept jogging on at his own leisure: and as he was going into Linlithgow about twelve o'clock. up comes the young spark, and asked the sailor what o'clock it was, why says the sailor, I see you have a watch and I have none, what is it? out he pulls his watch, ho! ”

“ The second is because in old times the chapmen used to buy dogs and kill them for their skins. The third when a chapman was quartered in a farmer's house, that night the dog lost his property the licking of the pot.
Q. What creature resembles most a drunken piper!
A. A cat when the sips milk; she always sings and so does a piper when he drinks good ale. ”

“ A. The hart and the hind met at one certain day in the year; the broad goose lays her first egg on Fastern's Even old stile; the crows begin to build their nest the first of March old stile: the swans observe matrimony and if the female die. the male dares not take up with another, or the rest will put them to death: all the birds in general join in pairs and keep so; but the dove resembles the adulterer, when the one turns old he pays her away and takes another; the locusts observe military order and march in bands: the frogs resemble pipers and preachers for the young ride the old to death. ”

“ A. If you ask them a question in civility, if it were but the read to the next town, they'll tell you to follow your nose, and if go wrong curse the guid-.
Q. Are young and old of them no better?
A. All the odds lies in the difference, for if you ask a child to whom he belongs, or who is his father, he'll tell to you kiss father's a———
Q. What kind of creatures are kindliest when they meet?
A. None can exceed the kindness of dogs when they meet in a market. ”

“ It was then determined to sell the bull and keep the cow. No sooner resolved on than put in execution? the bull was sold, and the cow reserved for her former use.
Roger having such success by going to meeting determined to go there again. The next Sunday, being seated as before, he was very attention to Aminadab's discourse; and towards the conclusion, he was greatly astonished to hear him pronounce the following words: "that whereas on Monday last I have lost my bull together with a cow lately made me present of ”

“ Q. And what remedy does the poor dog take for his cold nose.
A Stops it below his tail the hottest bit in his body.
Q. What is the reason that dogs are worse on chapmen, than on other strange people. ”