Anonymous

“ No sooner resolved on than put in execution; the bull was sold, and the cow reserved for her former use.
Roger, having such success by going to meeting, determined to go there again. The next Sunday, being seated as before, he was very attentive to Aminadab's discourse; and towards the conclusion, he was greatly astonished to hear him pronounce the following words: "That whereas on Monday last I have lost my bull, together with a cow lately made me a present of; whoever can give information of the said cow and bull, so as they may be recovered, shall receive a crown reward." ”

“ Three merry companions having met on a Saturday night at an ale-house, (a hatter a shoe-maker, and a taylor,) where they drank heartily all that night, and to-morrow until mid-day: and their bets were, who had the lovingest wife: So they agreed for a trial of their good-nature, that every man should do whatever his wife bade him do, as soon as ever he went home: or who did not as she ordered him, was to pay all the reckoning, which was seven and sixpence ”

“ A churlish husband and a virtuous wife one time fell sadly out, because the wife had given something to the poor; what said he, mistress I'll let you know there is nothing about this house but what is mine, and you're mine, and you're very arse is mine; a well, well, goodman, then you'll let me have nothing, take it all and give me peace. So away they went to bed, the good-wife turned her back-side towards the good-man ”

“ Q. Amongst what sort of creatures will you observe most of a natural law?
A. The hart and the hind meet at one certain day in the year; the broad goose lays her first egg on Fasterns Even, old stile; the crows begin to build their nest the first of March, old stile; the swans observe matrimony, and if the female die, the male dares not take up with another, or the rest will put him to death; all the birds in general, join in pairs, and keep so;, but the dove resembles the adulterer, when the she-one turns old, he pays her away, and takes another ”

“ Roger immediately informed him, that being very much tired by his journey, and seeing his horse stand idle at a door, he had made bold to use him: and, finding a chap who was willing to give a good price for him, he readily sold him, thinking it a sin to refuse a good offer; and therefore hoped he would not take it ill what he had done.
Upon hearing this, the Quaker was in a great passion; and said, "Thou villain! what, after having robbed me of my bull and cow, to steal my horse!—why—why fellow, don't you think to be hang'd?"—"I hope not," replies Roger ”

“ The second is, because in old times the chapmen used to buy dogs and kill them for their skins. The third, when a chapman was quartered in a farmer's house, that night the dog lost his property the licking of the pot.
Q. What creature resembles most a drunken piper?
A. A cat when she sips milk; she always sings, and so does a piper when he drinks good ale. ”

“ A young woman by the old accident having got herself with child, was called to the session for so doing, and after one elder another, examining her how she got it, and where she got it, and what tempted her to get it, and no doubt the deel wad get her for the getting it; last of all the minister he fell a enquiring how she got it, which run the poor lass out of all patience about the getting of it, says the priest, tell me plainly where it was gotten? I tell you, said she, that it was gotten in the byre, at a cow's stake, and what other place do you want to ken about? ”

“ A sailor being travelling between Edinburgh and Linlithgow, which is twelve long computed miles, and as he was setting out in the morning about eight o'clock, he saw a vain-like young spark go running past him, which he never minded, but kept jogging on at his own leisure: and as he was going into Linlithgow, about twelve o'clock, up comes the young spark, and asked the sailor what o'clock it was, why says the sailor, I see you have a watch and I have none, what is it? out he pulls his watch, ho! ”

“ O rise woman and clean the bed, and keep your arse, and a the liberty ye had before, and more if ye want it, feigh, feigh, what's this? I'm a' dirt.
A ship's crew being one time in great distress at sea, by reason of a violent storm, and being all fallen down to prayer, expecting every moment to go to the bottom ”

“ A great drover who frequented a public inn in the north of England as he passed and repassed, agreed with the servant maid of the house, for a touch of love, for which he gave her a six and thirty-shilling piece: On the next morning he mounted his horse, without asking a bill, or what was to pay ”

“ A. The married women turn their backside about to the good-man's belly: virgins, and those going mad for marriage, the heat of their maidenhead keeps them warm, old matrons, whirl'd o'er maidens, widows, and widows bewitch'd, hold up their coldest parts to the fire.
Q. And what remedy does the poor dog take for his cold nose?
A. Stops it below his tail, the hottest bit in his body.
Q. What is the reason the dogs are worse on chapmen, than on other strange people?
A. It is said the dogs have three accusations against the chapmen ”

“ A. All the odds lies in the difference, for if you ask a child to whom he belongs, or who is his father, he'll tell you to kiss his father's a———.
Q. What sort of creatures is kindliest when they meet?
A. None can exceed the kindness of dogs when they meet in a market. ”

“ A. The sailors, for they'll be singing and cursing one another, when the waves their graves, are going over their heads.
Q. Which are the disorderliest creatures in battle?
A. Cows and dogs, for they all fall upon them that are neathmost.
Q. Who are the vainest sort of people in the world? ”