Arthur Bowie Chrisman

“ There was the wit-wandering beggar, Weng Fu, as an instance.
Weng Fu walked in the Street of Wang's Broken Tea Cup, bearing a great bundle of bamboo switches upon his back, and shouting thunderously. . . . "Who'll buy? Who'll buy? What young man wishes to buy him a father?" Whereat, several persons gathered, laughing. "I, Weng Fu, will sell myself as a father to any young man for only five cash." The crowd and the laughter increased. "Who'll buy a pretty father? An orphan may have me for only one cash. A most excellent father I'll be to my son. I promise to beat him twice each day. ”

“ Poor King Ho Chu was hard put. Wind? Wind? . . . By the uprooted pine tree of Mount Tai, how was he to produce the wind. A good half hour—sixty minutes in that land—passed before he had an inspiration. Again he called for the royal tailor. "Procure," he told the tailor, "many bales of the stoutest silk. Then place some of your brawniest men outside yonder lattice, and have them rip the silk, tear it into strips—with all the noise possible." With which King Ho Chu entered the treasury to see how his gold was dwindling.
Huge-armed stalwarts stood outside Tiao Fu's window. ”

“ Scarcely a hundred bales of silk had been torn when Tiao Fu hurled her crown across the room and began to weep. "My dear, what's the trouble? What is the trouble?" questioned Ho Chu. "Is the wind too violent?" "Oh no. The wind is natural enough, and it pleases me. I miss—oh, how I do miss the rumbling thunder of Kiang Sing, and the fall of lightning-shattered trees. I miss them and oh, I wish it would rain—real rain." The tears fell faster with each word.
Now King Ho Chu had a tremendous army encamped on the palace grounds. He Summoned General Chang and explained matters—with an order. ”

“ He was wolf, and tiger, and clucking biddy by turns. He knew all cries of the wild.
A train of coolies trudged along the road below. Meng Hu, seeing them, thought to have great fun. He placed his hands trumpet fashion to his mouth and gave the wolves' hunting song: "Ow-w-w-w-wh." Instantly the coolies flung down their burdens and ran as fast as men can run to the village. Those scary fellows had no wish to help fatten a famine-maddened wolf. Naturally, their fright lent great powers to their imaginations. ”

“ Meanwhile, the onward swept hat-shoes disappeared from view. Chueh Chun raced along the bank, calling, and anxiously scanning the water for a trace of his lost property. The neighbors, too, hurried after, one leading the donkey. Rounding a willow-draped elbow of the river, Chueh Chun stumbled over a boat that had drifted ashore. He fell headlong and heavily, his chin plowing a prodigious furrow in the sand. Up panted the neighbors, shouting: "Alas, likewise alack. What woe. Such woe. Poor Chueh Chun, how we ache for you. Our own bones pain out of sympathy. ”

“ The Wei Chou ambassadors were encamped in the palace garden. Their servants had been washing garments, brilliant-hued garments such as the wealthy and noble of that land wear. The garments had been hung on the cypress tree to dry. And there the garments hung when the water demons appeared. The tree was aflame with color. Instantly the Shen raised a great shout. ‘Come billow. Come ocean.' They shouted in triumph. ”

“ Chueh Chun stretched out a hand to pick up his two hat-shoes, drifted against a willow bough. Said he, rather indistinctly because of the sand in his mouth: "Nothing of the kind, greatly respected neighbors. My fall was most beneficial, for it placed me nearly a-top my lost shoes. Otherwise I might never have found them." He sobbed to prove his joy.
It is doubtful if the others heard. They, inquisitive fellows that they were, had hands and eyes and tongues busy as they investigated the boat that had caused Chueh Chun's downfall. ”

“ The letters are too long to quote, but the sum of them was this: "I, Wong Sing, Ruler of the Earth, and the Moon, and three-fourths of the Sun, will consider it a favor to receive your beauteous Thousand-pieces-of-gold in marriage."
Every mandarin replied by sending to the palace a daughter. No magic could have stopped the rebellions quicker. Revolt was at an end. Could a rebel leader, no matter how determined, continue to rebel, when all of his colonels and majors and half of his captains were fathers-in-law to the Emperor? ”

“ The beggar's rags tore away by the handful. A train of laden donkeys labored down the street. "Ho. Good man, you must get out of this," shouted Ah Tzu, pulling. "The donkeys will shred your flesh from the bones. Come." "Will you buy me for a father?" "Certainly. Now see if you cannot arise." Ah Tzu pulled manfully, and the contrary old beggar moved his limbs in helping. The two staggered aside just in time to avoid being trampled. "Where shall we go—Father—where is your house?" asked Ah Tzu. "In the Street of The Place Where The Cow Lost Her Horn," answered Weng Fu. ”

“ What is better than roast duck with sweet ginger dressing? Is anything—anything—in the world and all, superior? Two roast ducks—as Ching Chung said—are more to be desired? Ah, of a certainty. Two. Two roast ducks, with hong keong dressing, and ling gow, and jung yee, and tou ya, and yu chien (the very fine tea that grows only in three gardens of Ku Miao) , and—but really that's enough for any dinner. More might mean misery.
Those were the dishes that Cheng Chang prepared with matchless perfection. Those were the dishes that Ching Chung ate with the utmost gusto. ”

“ Night came and the army tramped onward. . . . A pillar of flame shot up from a hilltop. It was a beacon. "Return," said the beacon. "Not I," said General Chang; "I've had enough of the Queen's whims. Besides, it's raining right now. Forward. March."
The army entered Kan Su and there encountered the rebels. It is better that the fight go undescribed. Here suffice it to say that if so much as one rebel escaped, he took pains to keep the fact secret. There is no mention of him in the books.
General Chang was jubilant. Surely the King would be highly pleased. ”

“ Wolf Heart uncovered his wrath in all its blackness. He spoke with such fury that Wong Sing became frightened, and offered to send another bride—a dozen brides. The Barbarian refused to accept brides. He demanded gold—much of it. Gold, he said, could not leap into the river. And even if it did leap from a boat it would not necessarily be lost.
For that matter, a maiden may leap from a boat and not necessarily be lost. ”

“ Too, there were stones in the bowl—blue lapis lazuli, and green jade, and yellow topaz (precious stones, as befitted a palace garden) , for that is the way sacred lilies are grown—in bowls filled with water and pretty pebbles. ‘You are quite welcome to it,' reiterated the King. The Shen shook their heads half in despair. ‘It is too little,' groaned they, ‘far too little.' ‘But,' said Chieh Chung, ‘you are demons—hence magicians. Why do you not make yourselves smaller? Why not change yourselves into red hung pao shih and recline in the bowl amid the lily roots? ”

“ But I thought that I told him, emphatically, to break no more of your cabbages."
"It is no blemish upon my lips. It is the truth," said Ching Cha, sullen and hurt because Chi disbelieved. "He played elephant in my cabbages. Come and I will show you." ”

“ When Big Brother Hai Lee came home, his voice was doleful. "Oh, Brother, my Brother, you have put us into vast trouble. Why on earth did you shoot an arrow into the traveler's quilted coat? He is a foreign ambassador and says that his country will instantly declare war upon us. Think of the sadness your act will cause. I beg of you be not so rash in future. The next time you see a stranger lose his hat, don't shoot. Instead, be polite, and chase the hat."
Next day, as Hai Low kept house, he noticed a great company of men approaching. Gong beaters led. ”

“ A water Shen cannot exist where there is no moisture. In that respect he is like the yin yu and the shih pan (fishes) . So the Shen turned to Chieh Chung and said, ‘Is there water here, O King, where we may spend the day hours? ‘There is little,' said Chieh Chung; ‘I dare say too little for your purpose. But in such quantity as it is, you are welcome.' He pointed to a crystal bowl in which burgeoned a sacred lily. There was water in the bowl, water surrounding the lily bulb. ”

“ But Ying Ning was quite rich—and liberal. She gladdened Loh Yang's dishonest palm with gold. And he portrayed her as marvelously beautiful. Of all Loh Yang's paintings, the portrait of Ying Ning is most sightly. Yet she was the very ugliest of Wong Sing's many wives.
By and by it came Radiant Blossom's turn to sit for a portrait. Loh Yang suggested that for a moderate weight of gold—say ten pounds—he could make his brush fairly outdo itself. Radiant Blossom refused, with indignation. "Bribe you? To paint me as I am not? Never." Loh Yang begged for pardon. ”

“ Ten mills, eleven, another white cat. It was Ah Tcha's ambition to become the richest person in the world.
They who worked for the wealthy orphan were inclined now and then to grumble. Their pay was not beggarly, but how they did toil to earn that pay which was not beggarly. It was go, and go, and go. Said the ancient woman Nu Wu, who worked with a rake in the field: "Our master drives us as if he were a fox and we were hares in the open. Round the field and round and round, hurry, always hurry." Said Hu Shu, her husband, who bound the grain into sheaves: "Not hares, but horses. ”

“ He will some day return with an army to take revenge." "Nonsense," said the prince. "He is no more than an ant—and idiotic besides. How could such a fellow secure an army?" "Nevertheless, I fear the ant will work your downfall. He must be killed." The councillor insisted. He argued so strongly for Han's death that, rather than hear more, the prince consented. "It is useless. But do as you wish. Send a squad of horse to overtake him and fetch back his head."
When Han Hsin beheld the soldiers approaching at top speed, there was no doubt in his mind as to what harsh errand brought them. ”

“ She wagged a crooked finger at Ah Tcha, screeching: "Oh, you cruel money-grubber. Because you fear the rats will eat a pennyworth of grain you must beat me with bludgeons. You make me work like a slave all day—and wish me to work all night. You beat me and disturb my slumber. Very well, since you will not let me sleep, I shall cause you to slumber eleven hours out of every dozen. . . . Close your eyes." She swept her wrinkled hand across Ah Tcha's face. Again taking the form of a cat, she bounded downstairs. ”

“ AH MEE'S INVENTION
"A shamelessly rainy day, my honorable Brother Chi."
"That is truth, esteemed Brother Cha. It rains perfectly hard. There will be plenty of leisure in which to beat the children."
Ching Chi was merely quoting an old Swa Tou saying. Every one knows that on rainy days old and young are crowded, arm against elbow, in the house; often to get in each the other's way—and misunderstandings are likely to arise. ”

“ In a month or so King Chang's happiness turned to gloom. The enemy had learned of Wang's clever trick, and resolved to march again. The army of Chang was scarcely larger than before. To come off victorious each man would have to whip a dozen of the enemy. There was no time to increase the royal army. And the enemy lay on the other side of Ku Hsueh River, waiting for the waters to lower.
King Chang rode with his generals to the river. Said he: "There lies the enemy. The depth of the river lessens with each minute. Who has a plan?" Some of the generals stroked their beards. ”

“ The neighbors redoubled their wails, asking each other, "Is not that the extreme height of ill fortune?"
"Not at all," denied old Chueh Chun, perhaps a trifle grumpily. "In my opinion it may be a blessing. It, no doubt, will save me from something worse. Besides, it convinces me that my donkey is very strong, despite her age."
By darkest midnight the Khan of the warlike Tartars, with fifty thousand men, swooped down to raid such villages as had, rather foolishly, been built outside the Great Wall. Tien Ting suffered. Every able-bodied man was taken prisoner. ”

“ Beside the river bank he found his daughter, the Princess Chin Uor, or Princess Many Dimples—for that is the meaning of Chin Uor. Nurses standing near kept watch upon wheelbarrows spilling over with golden dolls. But Chin Uor had no thought for such toys. Her royal hands shaped the tastiest of mud pies. Very pretty pies they were—made of white clay.
The King said: "Littlest and most beautiful daughter, the golden dolls are longing for your touch. Why do you not please them? It is not seemly for a princess to dabble in clay. Then why do you make pies?" ”

“ Chu Ping, instead of scolding Ah Fun, scolded the excellent people of Lao Ya Shen, saying: "This town is getting very very bad. One cannot walk decently and in peace from the well to one's house, but that some scamp must toss an old shoe in the water bucket." ”

“ Instead, he ordered all the men to feast and make pleasure. Han Hsin ordered his men to remove the iron points from their spears. The hollow bamboo shafts of the spears were lashed together, forming rafts. Armed only with light bows the men quickly crossed Lan Shui River and pounced upon their unready enemy. The feast was eaten by soldiers other than those for whom it had been intended.
Prince Chin led the third and largest army. He had far more braves than Han commanded. There could be no whipping him in open battle. In strategy lay the only hope. ”

“ Marriage? Will marriage cause Wolf Heart to sheathe his sword? Marriage to tame the Barbarian? It is foolishness. But surely I misunderstand your words."
But indeed he did not. And there was only one word. "Marriage." That was all the advice most mighty Wong Sing could get from word-stingy old Ching Who Speaks Only Enough.
However, is not enough always enough? Is not a word to the wise like melon seeds planted in fertile ground? A little study soon convinced the puissant Wong Sing that old Ching had given good advice. ”

“ They said: ‘Our sea is far too small. We must have more room. We are mighty, are we not? Then let us take some land and occupy it, so that our sea may expand.'
"Accordingly, the water demons swam along the coast, seeking land to conquer. They passed the shores of Fu Sang without stopping, for that region is high and mountainous. They passed the region of San Shen Shan, for in that place lives the powerful land demon named Hu Kung. The water demons were in no great haste to gain Hu Kung's hatred. They passed without a second glance. But when the Shen swam up to Kua Hai, it was to rejoice. ”