C. S. Montanye

“ In this age of dashing yachtsmen who make frequent trips to the West Indies on business, yeggs, eggs, race tracks, bobbed-hair bandits, to say nothing of all the strangers from out of town who take Broadway and make themselves eligible for doing time by lifting watches, head waiters, waiters with no heads, the tin-can pirates with crooked meters, chorus girls, cloakroom burglars and—finish it yourself—any one who can retain what good fortune, gray matter or Mistress Luck has bequeathed him deserves all the medals. ”

“ Ottie looked at me, coughed and unbuttoned his jacket so she could get a glimpse of his new platinum watch chain.
“Er—you've got me wrong, Peachy,” he began with a smirk. “I ain't no more a mechanic here than you're the janitress and I couldn't tell you what ails your job if you promised on your word of honor to wed me at four o'clock. The name is Otto Scandrel. If you hail from New York or its suburbs you probably know all about me.” ”

“ There was action from the first punch to the last punch and the Marquis of Queensberry might have drawn up a set of rules governing parchesi for all the notice either took of them. Catching King short with a left and a right, Hogan jabbed a hook to the mouth and a left to the body. We looked for the heir to the coal business to take the pad with alacrity but he weathered both wallops and came through with a sizzling uppercut that rocked Hogan like an old-fashioned cradle. ”

“ Father don't care if it is driving a truck, cleaning the streets or manipulating an elevator. If I can excel in something and prove that I can earn money by my own ability, he'll be glad to bury the battle-ax, knowing I'm not quite as lazy and worthless as he believes me. So after the jolly old talk he wrote me out a check, I cashed it and purchased this garage from a gentleman who didn't like the police commissioner and didn't want to stay in the same city where he was.”
“And the jolly old garage is a flop,” Ottie horned in. ”

“ No, it ain't pocket picking any more than law is medicine. Leave me tell you about it. The other day when I went to shop for a new bus I got a steer over to the Night-and-Day Garage which is nearer the East River than it is to Times Square. I didn't pick up a bargain there for the reason that the head of the works can't tell the difference between a new car and a used car when it comes to prices. The name of this party is Jerry King and he told me he's thinking of selling out on account of the tough hours and having to watch out that nobody gives him the oil to steal his gas. ”

“ It will be jolly nice of you and if you can furnish me with a fair estimate of my prowess and ability you may be sure I'll be deeply appreciative.”
“A return to prosperity has undoubtedly unbalanced you,” I told the big egg when King and an express wagon full of the gymnasium paraphernalia departed. “You might think Lane is as phony as the Bell System but I'm telling you that he's the next welterweight champ of the world. It's a crime to send a green boy in against him.”
Scandrel shrugged this off with the indifference of a duck getting rid of a raindrop. ”

“ He closed in and they stood toe to toe and slugged, but it was a cinch to see King had all the advantage of it and that Hogan was tiring rapidly.
With encouraging shouts from the gallery who overlooked the fact that Hogan was one of them, King tore loose and prepared to administer a final pasting. With his left he jabbed the groggy Hogan off so he could measure him and unleashed a mattress wallop.
“That's pretty!” Ottie roared above the tumult. “The old right now and take your time, kid! Measure him and then straight to the button. Let her go!” ”

“ Ottie grunted.
Jerry King flushed.
“There's a difference,” he pointed out stiffly, “between doing the work yourself and having some one do it for you. The head of a vast corporation such as father's coal business has only to sign letters and checks. My chirography is splendid, if I do say so myself, and competent aids will handle all the necessary routine, leaving me merely to push buttons. This is why I'm selling out this garage. ”

“ Ottie swallowed his disappointment and rolled a lamp hastily about.
“So this is what Water, the car washer, meant when he said you were down with the bells and the bags, eh? What's the big idea?”
King smiled sheepishly.
“I rather imagine that I will be more successful in the prize ring than in the garage business. At college I used to spar a bit and more than once several people told me that I should go out after amateur welterweight laurels. I've always kept fit and top hole, you know. ”

“ Pitz talks too much with his mouth and Lane ought to be stiffened on general principles. Now pay attention. Give me the name of the gym where you expect to work and I'll call around and watch you step. If you've got anything at all except a pair of arms I'll manage you myself for nothing, shape you up like the Winter Garden and teach you tricks you'd have to have your head beaten off to learn otherwise. Make me?”
The former owner of the Night-and-Day Garage looked a trifle surprised but didn't hesitate. ”

“ This was Ottie's cue to snicker out loud.
“No, baby. There are limits to even friendship and admiration. But I'll tell you what I will do, Merla—yes, I'm calling you that because I can see we're due to be regular pals. I'm practically set to snap this sink up outright and once I do I'll advertise the can and wish it off on the first person who comes in here with a loose fifty megs. Right? I'll see you back to Broadway in a taxi—if you don't mind and have your pocketbook with you. This neighborhood is so tough that they boil nails here instead of cabbage.” ”

“ Ottie Scandrel jumps from the ladder of success and falls on the escalator of fortune.
ACCORDING to Marcus Borealis, younger brother of Aurora, one of the literati who roamed about Rome a year or so before the Eagles became sea gulls, “Twice blest is he who can forever retain what is his own.” Marcus might have been a shark or a bust as the Shakespeare of his day but upon that one remark alone he deserves everlasting credit and a prominent place in the textbooks. ”

“ He says that it's a bargain for any one looking for a nifty investment and while I only had a sneer for the proposition I've been thinking it over ever since. It's a cinch that nobody could steal gas off me——”
“Why should they steal it when you give it to them for nothing?” I cut in.
“Well, to lay a long story with a punch in the eye, I'm set now to talk money with this King baby. Give me an hour out of your life and we'll run down and look the works over. I'll pass you in as an expert so he won't try to gyp me and we'll see which is what. Correct?” ”

“ But do you suppose I can have the car fixed so I can use it after the show to-night? I want to take two of my girl friends up to the Outside Inn.”
“The show?” Ottie hollered. “So you're in the show business? I might have known it. No doll with beauty like yours is letting it go to waste. Be at ease with me. The show business is my profession also, you might say. I used to help Georgie Cohan write his songs and plays, I always give the Shubert boys tips when they build a new theayter and I pick out the 'Follies' chorus for Ziegfeld every season. That ought to make us pals on the spot. ”

“ Ottie began. “A little wet but all together otherwise. Meet my friend, Joe O'Grady, who knows more about the garage graft than most paying tellers do about time-tables. For a fact, Joe can run a bus on a gallon of cold water and get fifty miles or more out of it. He knows as much about cars as the party who runs the subway, even if he does hang out in the Bronx. Let's go inside and talk about this and that and so and so.”
The handsome and well-bred Jerry King agreed with a languid nod, smothered a yawn and led us into a small office which he unlocked with two keys. ”

“ Who'd buy themselves trouble?” She gave Ottie a sharp look, laughed a little and continued. “You know it isn't really such a bad car after all. The upholstery is lovely and when the wind shield is clean you can see right through it. Would—would you be interested in buying it from me for nine hundred dollars?” ”

“ Pitz advised.
“I'll lock you perfectly safe!” Scandrel hollered. “You've got too much to say for your size. Don't forget you're handling Right Hook Lane—not Benny Leonard. Take a walk for yourself or I'll knock the top of your nut off!”
Before he could carry out the threat or promise Lane had punched his luckless sparring partner out of the ring and in the excitement I managed to get Ottie away. ”

“ Ottie whinnied, opening and closing the door. “A few thousand in it for me, Joe? This is a big day for me. I forgot to tell you that Right Hook Lane has decided to buy the yellow-dog roadster for two hundred and sixty-five dollars and seventy-five cents precisely. That also will help along the proposal. Lady Luck is certainly carrying on an outrageous flirtation with me!” ”

“ He threw a glance at his arm clock and another at the back of the garage where the herd of busy mechanics were still working on Merla Nevin's horseless carriage. “I got a date now with the lady who owns that ark, so stay around, keep an eye on the gas pump, don't let no one short change me and if there are any callers from the advertisement I put in the paper for Cutey's car start with a thousand dollars but don't take less than eighty-five cash. And be sure to meet me to-morrow morning. You can clean out the office while you're waiting, if you want. ”

“ Prize fighting is a manly art and some of my fondest recollections are battles of the old guard—'Lanky Bob' Fitzsimmons, Tom Sharkey, Peter Maher, Jim Corbett—fighting men who fought like men. Jeremiah tells me that you are handling him. ”

“ Scandrel giggled. “And meet one of my pals—Joe O'Grady, on the left. When we go out on parties we'll find somebody for Joe—maybe you got an aunt whose rheumatism ain't so bad in warm weather. Joe's not much to look at but he's got a nice disposition and money flows with him like cement. Excuse me now while I go and get some one to look over your car. ”

“ Ottie replied briskly. “Get your lawyers to draw up the papers, telephone me at the Swank Club over on Third Avenue when they're ready to be signed and I'll stop in with a certificate check to close the deal. The car business is a made-to-order fit for me. ”