Carolyn Wells

“ There are roses for every stage of the game, from the blush rose to the Bride Rose. There are moss roses for those who love old-fashioned flowers, and the Last Rose of Summer is a variety much admired by Romanticists. There are many old-fashioned gardens in Arcady, and here may be seen Bleeding Hearts, Forget-me-nots, Love-Lies-Bleeding, Pansies for Thoughts, and Rosemary for Remembrance. There is also Heartsease and Rue. There are lanes of lilacs and orchards of apple bloom. There are daisy fields and groves of orange trees in blossom. Wild flowers grow everywhere and mistletoe is indigenous. ”

“ SHOPS The Arcadian shops offer delightful wares to a doting Lover. Flower-markets and candy-shops show tempting display windows, and book-stalls can supply presentation editions of all the love-lore ever written from Sappho to the present day. The jewel-shops are marvels of splendor, and the Arcady arcades and bazaars show love-tokens and souvenirs of all sorts. An interesting place to visit is Dan Cupid’s Heartware shop, where charms, love-philters, and true-love knots are for sale. There is also a repairing department, where broken hearts are mended and made as good as new. ”

“ But he’s well versed in love and rule,
Although he never went to school
And never went to college.
He’s blind, and yet the rogue can see
A thousand times as well as we;
And that’s how Cupid comes to be
A Paragon of Knowledge.
POLITICAL NOTES Arcady is an Absolute Monarchy. It is under Home Rule, and Home is where the Heart is.
Each citizen is a King or Queen, and rules one subject.
Any Monarch may be deposed suddenly and supplanted by another. Beside being a Monarch each citizen is a slave, and thus the balance of power is preserved. ”

“ Though usually the weather is balmy and pleasant, sometimes a sudden coolness springs up and a frost is often distinctly felt. A stormy time may ensue, and then suddenly the clouds clear away and all is sunshine once more. ”

“ Despairing Swains threaten to end their lives by dashing into the seething waters, unless their capricious sweethearts will smile on them.
As the sweethearts usually smile, death rarely, if ever, ensues.
Near the middle of the Country of Arcadia is its capital, the town of Arcady, which is described elsewhere.
Toward the Northwest lies Lotus Land, the land where it is always afternoon, where the charmed sunset lingers low adown in the red West.
LAND OF HEARTS DESIRE—ARCADY and its Environs
The inhabitants are the mild-eyed, melancholy Lotus-Eaters, whose cult is Indolence set to Music. ”

“ The Road to Wealth is another easy way out of Arcady. Not content with the Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow, many with a greed for lucre will follow the Goddess Fortune, who is even more false and fickle than the Goddess Fame. ”

“ Orders are filled also for wedding-cakes, and very soft drinks are served in loving-cups.
HEARD IN ARCADY
HEARD IN ARCADY
MUSIC IN THE GRASS
I
In the summer of the summer, when the hazy air is sweet
With the breath of crimson clover, and the day’s a-shine with heat,
When the sky is blue and burning and the clouds a downy mass,
When the breeze is idly dawdling, there is music in the grass—
Just a thistly, whistly sound
In the tangles near the ground;
And the flitting fairies often stop to listen as they pass. ”

“ Agnes are dear to Lovers, and as every day is Somebody’s Birthday, there are celebrations continually. Mayday, too, is a pleasant occasion, and on that day there are May-parties all over the place, for Arcady is a Land where it is always Saturday Afternoon.
THE LAY OF LOTHARIO LEE
Lothario Lee was saddened, the world seemed grim and gray;
For Lothario Lee was a lover bold, and today was St. Valentine’s Day.
’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and he fain would send his heart to the fair Florelle,
For the radiant maid had inspired in his breast a passion he could not quell. ”

“ Going southward, following the shores of the Gulf of Time, we come to the Land of Yesterday—and further South to Never Never Land. These are beautiful and attractive spots much sought by Lovers of retrospective and imaginative tendencies.
On the West side of the river, just South of Lotus Land, lies Wanderland, and nearby are the Elysian Fields. These districts are usually thronged with Lovers sauntering about in pairs, each couple being entirely oblivious of all the others. ”

“ Oftenest the Citizens of Arcady are transients and come and go as circumstances decree, but in some rare instances a happy pair spend their whole life in Arcady, or wander through the Happy Valley and make their home in the Land of Heart’s Desire. ”

“ Owing to the prevalence of mirage it is difficult to give definite statistics; but the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is still visible, and the sanguine, light-hearted people have already begun to rear anew their castles in the air. ”

“ The male population is divided into Lovers, Poets, and Lunatics. There are various types of Lovers—those that sigh like a furnace, those that are pale and wan, and Swains.
Swains are usually Rustic or Lovelorn.
Feminine Arcadians are called Queens, Goddesses, Angels, and other titles of incredible foolishness.
In physical appearance dwellers in Arcady are beautiful beyond all words. The women have eyes as stars of twilight fair, faces with gardens in, lily hands, amber-dropping hair, and feet like little mice. ”

“ Special wards are provided for the moonstruck, and padded cells for Swains suffering from Love’s delirium, or those frantic Lovers who have been bitten by the Green-Eyed Monster.
Emergency Specialists provide first aid to the smitten, and Anatomical Experts attend those who have had their heads turned, or who have fallen over head and ears in love; while clever Oculists look after those whom Love has made blind, or whose eyes are in a fine frenzy rolling.
The Weather Bureau: The weather bureau in Arcady is a most unreliable affair. ”

“ One good kiss deserves another. ’Tis love that makes the man come round. Kisses speak louder than words. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t hold hands. The woman who deliberates is won. Where there’s a will there’s a wedding.
COSTUMES There is a tradition of Arcadian simplicity in dress, but it is not always observed. The men, unless Poets, are often most careful dressers, and the women deck themselves in whatever garb they deem most attractive to men.
White muslin with blue ribbons is a popular costume, and “some sort of white, shimmering stuff” is much used for gowns. ”

“ The explorer is menaced by pits of boiling imagination and fine frenzies rolling. But relief supplies are already being received. A ship, with Youth at the helm and Pleasure at the prow, has just come into the harbor, bringing a cargo of fresh hopes and such stuff as dreams are made of. ”

“ CONVEYANCES Arcady is oftenest traversed on foot, as Lovers would rather stroll together through the beautiful country than to ride, and many of them walk on air. But, if desired, any vehicle for two may be obtained at the Livery Stables. Old-fashioned sidebar buggies and hansom cabs are much in demand, and some swains still enjoy a bicycle built for two. ”

“ However, ’tis Love that makes the world go round, and this explains why Love makes Time pass so rapidly.
“’TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND”
THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS
“FOREVER ——— NEVER
NEVER ———FOREVER”
Watches are of little use in Arcady, as the Lovers deem them always too slow or too fast, and usually forget to wind them, anyway. The town timepiece is the Old Clock on the Stairs, whose refrain is:
Forever—Never—
Never—Forever—
Forever and Never are the units of time most employed by Arcadians, and their meanings are synonymous. ”

“ It is feared that many loves have been lost in the ruins. Even now the agents of the Love Insurance Company are on the spot estimating the casualties. Many of the survivors declare they will rebuild at the earliest possible moment. Indeed, it may safely be predicted that new and more elaborate and beautiful castles in the air will soon take the place of the old ones. ”

“ On the water all sorts of boats are used. On moonlight nights and balmy afternoons, and also in the radiant glow of the early morning, the lakes and streams are dotted with Shallops, Cockle-Shells, or Gondolas, in which loving pairs are idly drifting. ”

“ The dearest gift of Love is Peace.
AMUSEMENTS The Mayday Plaisance is a large Amusement Park situated on Good Times Square.
This is frequented by light-hearted and frivolous-minded young Arcadians, who enjoy the amusements provided.
There is a Captive Aeroplane in the Seventh Heaven, which makes flights every half-hour. The stay in the Seventh Heaven is necessarily short, but enthusiastic Lovers go often. ”

“ Any vehicle may be used and any speed maintained. Oftenest it is a slow, merely moving crawl, but again it may be a break-neck dash. Joy Rides have been popular in Arcady for many centuries. Some have been immortalized in Song and Story. Robert Browning’s “Last Ride Together” is a stirring tale of a Joy Ride. See also “The Ride of Lochinvar” and “The Young Lady of Niger.”
Bands of Serenaders are often heard in the Mayday Plaisance. These are of troubadour effect and sing sad or tender love songs to the accompaniment of such instruments as lutes, guitars, bassoons, etc. ”

“ Post-Office: The post-office is in the heart of an old hollow oak tree at the corner of Lovers’ Lane and Great Joy Street. It is always much used, but on St. Valentine’s Day the accommodations are quite inadequate.
Heart Exchange: The Heart Exchange is a time-honored institution, and a circulating library of hearts is patronized by summer girls and college youths. The Poet’s Corner (corner of Grub Street and Maiden Lane) is always a crowded spot, and the Photograph Galleries are well patronized.
THE INTERCEPTED VALENTINE ”

“ A very popular table d’hôte service consists of Bread and Cheese and Kisses, and the partakers thereof drink to each other only with their eyes and leave a kiss in the cup, so that wine is never asked for. ”

“ That’s the one I’ve been describing to you, the heart of Lothario Lee.”
As she left the shop in triumph, said Cupid, “I seem to find
Each day a more convincing fact to prove that Love is blind.”
Money: Money is of little use in Arcady. Those who are rich spend their money lavishly, but the poor get along just as well, and often better. ”

“ The Declaration of Dependence is signed by all good Arcadians.
ARCADIAN LAWS Be sure you’re right then lose your head. A fool and his money are soon married. A little debutante is a dangerous thing. Proposals make cowards of us all. There’s no fool like a bold fool. The longest way round is the sweetest way home. ”

“ Citizens of Chicago, members of the theatrical profession, students of co-educational colleges, naval heroes, and summer girls are not eligible to membership, and their applications will not be considered by this company. ”