Corey Ford

“ It is hard to associate this simple picture of early New York life with the great, throbbing metropolis of today; but the changes which have taken place are inextricably woven with the history of The New Yorker. ”

“ In order to spare the book editor from wading through the modern fiction, he receives only the covers of the book he is to review, the inside of each copy being filled instead with delicious bonbons. The motion picture reviewer writes his criticisms in a large sunny playroom, equipped with rocking horses and alphabet blocks, in order to adjust his mind to the mental level necessary for his work.
Although these elaborate arrangements have been made to maintain a regular staff, it must not be assumed that outside contributors are not welcomed to The New Yorker. ”

“ In other words, if the reader will picture one tree, and then multiply that tree by 10% of 86,570,000 trees, he may perhaps form some idea of how many trees 8,657,000 trees are. It is typical of the great New Yorker organization, that it owns and operates to-day the biggest paper forest in the world, covering 29,000,000 or so acres in Canada, Maine, and northern New Jersey, under the close supervision of The New Yorker's field superintendent, Mr. Eustace Tilley. ”

“ For example, the dramatic critic is fed daily on raw eggs and olive oil, in order to secure the lustre and smooth finish of his dramatic reviews. Flutes lull the music critic to his slumbers, he awakens to the sound of distant chimes, and typewrites his musical criticisms on a piano. ”

“ Since the inception of The New Yorker, the first issue of which was printed in pencil in 1847, the problem of getting ink has indeed been a pressing one, to which hundreds of experts have devoted hours of study. ”

“ Tilley decided to call it New York, a clever combination of the first seven letters of the name of this magazine (The New Yorker) . Although "New York" is today the second largest city in the world, with a population well over four million, it is significant that every one of its citizens is actively con- nected with this magazine, most of them being engaged in contributing $5.00 an- nually — the best way of becoming a recognized citizen of "New York." ”

“ In order to realize the number of trees which must be felled each week, for one issue of The New Yorker, the reader should try to visualize a vast forest of 8,657,000 trees, or sufficient trees when divided by 10 to equal 865, 700 trees. ”

“ It is but natural that Inspiration should visit frequently in such an environment; and as a precaution against such an emergency, each contributor's room contains a single operating desk and a large blunt instrument like a typewriter. ”

“ The adoption of mechanical presses came in the nick of time, for the increasing circulation of The New Yorker was forcing the staff to sit on issues day and night, in order to meet the demand, and the paper was rapidly getting out of touch with events. ”

“ The Proof Reading Department of The New Yorker is located on the top floor, since so perfect is the system on this paper that typographical errors never ocur in its ifficient organization In fact, in all the forty-eight years that the Proof Reading system has been organized by our Mr. Eustace Tilley, the only mistake thot has been known to occur was when the slugs of a two-liner were inadvertently reversed, and the inverted joke appeared as folows:
"What is an optimist, Pop?"
"A man who thinks he can make it in par." ”

“ We have never been able to discover what he did in this record time, but nevertheless "Fred" was immediately rewarded with a year's subscription to The New Yorker (equal to $5 in your money) .
Postscript: It has just been brought to our attention that the very best paper isn't made from trees at all, but is really made from rags. Inasmuch as The New Yorker uses only the very best paper, it looks as though we don't get it from trees after all. ”

“ Next the happy paper jacks straddle the slippery logs and ride them through the rapids, singing merrily the while. This phase of the work is sometimes most exciting and amusing, since the wild logs are not always broken and sometimes buck and attempt to unseat their riders into the icy water. ”

“ In addition to this question of lineage, the squid is provided with an ink sac (says the International Encyclopedia) and when attacked it will discharge its mantle through its syphon, the ink passing out with the water as if from a syringe. In order to get ink from this strange creature it is necessary first to attack him in such a way that the ink will flow into an ink well or other handy receptacle ; and it may well be imagined that this work requires delicate handling. Methods of attack vary, but the most common are biting, kicking, and tackling just below the knees. ”

“ Ex- treme care is taken to keep The New Yorker free from foreign matter, such as La Vie Parisienne jokes. Every ink maid must thoroughly wash her hands before and after inking, and the deep-sea stables are scrubbed daily. All the ink is pasteurized before it is bottled. ”

“ After all the rest of the magazine has been assembled and bound together, however, there still remains the important work of gathering in the five dollar bills as they are sometimes humorously known. In order to accomplish this task The New Yorker relies on an in- genious plan known as popular "subscription," as it is called. To any man sending five dollars (five dollars) to our office to cover postage, tobacco and incidentals, The New Yorker will mail a year's subscription (or subscription) gratis. ”

“ Some girls crawl on their hands and knees, others slide down the banisters, while others spend the afternoon at Coney Island. Within a fortnight the dresses are completely worn out and are in rags ready for paper. The record time for wearing out a dress was made by Miss Madeline Buckle, a stenographer, who reduced a dress to rags in thirty-five minutes and fourteen seconds, by wearing it home in the West Side subway from Park Place to 165th Street. ”

“ In this titanic city every effort has been made to provide for the comfort and happiness of its inhabitants. Seven hundred and forty theaters have been located through the city at strategic points, to provide pleasure and enter- tainment for the inhabitants ”

“ Six hundred trained mathematicians from Yale, Columbia, Harvard and other universities are employed in the work of numbering these pages alone. Let us say for example that the car coming up from the mine contains, among other things, the letters, f, v, d, 1, 1, r and s. These letters are laid in a row along the ground. Now from the next car the experts select several vowels, such as i, e, o, and, a. The experts then gather in a conference, and various suggestions are considered as to possible combinations of these letters to make words. ”

“ By placing one end of the tube in their mouths and simply breathing in and out, copy is moved about at a furious rate. In fact, when one of these glass blowers inadvertently sneezed recently, the magazine was printed two days ahead of time. ”

“ After the letters have been mounted on these slugs and are in the form of words, they must be arranged next in sentences; and before a sentence may be used in The New Yorker it must be cleaned and polished. The work of brightening these sentences is accomplished by a trained editorial staff of 5,000 men named Mr. March ; and when they are sufficiently polished they are used for example by Mr. Ring Lardner in that story he is going to write. Sentences in The New Yorker vary in length from six inches to six months or $100 fine or both. ”

“ All such employees, who are ren- dered useless for any real labor, are
sent to a public institution known as City Hall, where they fill the posts of Mayor, Comptroller, Aldermen, etc., the responsibility of their position de- pending on the extent of their general incapacity. John Hylan, for years a worker on one of The New Yorker's largest presses, the Interboro, has been maintained for eight years in this Home, and is being sent to Florida some time this Winter on a one-way ticket.
The name of this Model Village was long in doubt ”

“ This Conference Method was estab- lished by The New Yorker in 1885, in order to meet the problem of avoid- ing people who came to see the Editor, and has since spread to most phases of Big Business. The New Yorker Sys- tem involves two styles of Conferences: In the first case, a group of three or eight men is seated around a long ma- hogany table and does not want to be disturbed. In this event, the Office
Boy says they are "In Conference.'* In the second case, the Editor is seated around a long mahogany table and does not want to be disturbed. ”

“ In addition, a number of news- papers are published for the edification of the citizens, containing puzzles, col- umns, pictures and comic strips, which enable the readers to keep their minds free from the coal strike and other an- noying problems of the day. ”