Elizabeth F. Guptill

“ Ah, what an excellent cook Mrs. Mortimer is and what a delicate, refined little lady. I’m glad she has brought up her daughter to be sensible and keep her goodies for morning, when they’ll be digestible. I told Miss Dunham she was mistaken. Beatrice and Lillian are both too fond of me to grieve me by such a flagrant breach of rules. I told her she might go to bed and I’d go the rounds and see who was missing. It seems unnecessary now, however. (Betty gives a slight cough, immediately suppressed. Mrs. Mortimer looks toward bed.) There, Lillian has taken cold again. Her chest is so delicate. ”

“ Betty hide behind screen, Florence, Vivian and Maude dive under bed. Effie unlocks door, calmly fills her hands and apron with goodies and gets into the box couch. Someone knocks twice, then door opens and Mrs. Waterman enters.
Mrs. Waterman. Lillian! Beatrice! (No answer. She lights lamp and looks around her, advances to bed, holds lamp high.) Lillian! Beatrice! (Still no answer. Girls appear to be asleep. She gives a quick glance behind screen, then seats herself near table, occasionally glaring at or beneath the bed. Talks aloud to herself.) ”

“ Shall we admit the daughter of a murderer to our learned and elegant society?
Dorothy. If you are going to insult my father, Lil Norton, I don’t want to join your old society.
[11]
Lillian. Is the candidate getting touchy? Smooth her ruffled feelings, guards. (Girls smooth Dorothy vigorously.)
Dorothy. There! That will do. My feelings aren’t ruffled any more.
Lillian. Drop the candidate’s paternal parent with a sharp thud. (Bee drops a book.) He is dropped. We will proceed. Miss Mason, you may take up the cross-examination.
Vivian. Does your mother ever wash her face? ”

“ Betty. I do believe she will, girls. She’s a perfect terror at finding out things she ought not to know.
Vivian. An investigating mind, hey?
Florence. Look out, Vivian! If Miss Dunham hears you say “hey” she’ll give you another imposition.
Vivian. Who cares for Old Dunham? I’ll say “hey” when I please, and straw, too, for all her!
Beatrice. Say, girls, I met her this morning and she put out her left hand to stop me—you know her way.
Effie (mimicking) . Just so!
Beatrice. Exactly, Effie. And she said, “Isn’t that a rather conspicuous badge, Miss Mortimer?”
Maude. What did you say, Bee? ”

“ Girls, S. O. M. F. is disbanded.
Florence. And nobody had a feast after all but that troublesome little Effie.
Vivian. And she’ll pay for hers.
Betty. Indeed she will. No one can coax, hire, threaten or force her to take castor oil at home.
Beatrice. She was a little trump, though, and never tattled a bit. Stood her sermon like a little martyr. Let’s change our society to one where we needn’t sneak, and let Effie join.
Florence. So we will. Now, girls, let’s run, and in the morning we’ll ’fess. We do think a lot of Mrs. Waterman, and we’ll prove it.
Vivian. Think of her sending Dunham to bed. ”

“ Voice (from without) . Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! Young ladies. (No response.) Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! (Loud rapping.) Open this door! (A pause.) Do you intend to obey? Very well, I shall fetch Mrs. Waterman. (Steps recede.)
Beatrice. Scoot, girls, quick!
Betty. We don’t dare. She’s probably waiting a little way down the corridor.
Lillian. What shall we do?
Florence. You and Lil get into bed quick. The rest of us will hide. Effie, you’re little and spry, you blow out the candle and unlock the door. Then get back into your former hiding place.
Effie. All right. ”

“ I presume Beatrice will be asking permission to have a party tomorrow afternoon or evening. Let’s see. I believe I can guess whom she will ask, even. Betty and Maude, Florence and Vivian and Dorothy. “We are Seven,” and where one is, behold the other six. Dear girls, I wonder if they know how truly I have their interests at heart, and how well I love them all. (Packs basket, commenting on food. As she rises from packing last of it, her eyes meet Effie’s, peeping out from couch. Effie dodges back, Mrs. W. advances, lifts cover and motions her to get out.) Why, Effie Warren! ”

“ Effie. N—no. But it wasn’t stealing.
Mrs. W. Robbery, then, if you like that any better. A little girl who forces herself on those who do not wish her company is very bold and forward, indeed. How much have you eaten, Effie?
Effie. Two cream cakes, three tarts, two pickles, a hunk of nutcake, a piece of pie, some macaroons. I guess that’s all.
Mrs. W. I should hope so. Come with me to my room and have a dose of castor oil, and then go back to bed with Hazel as quickly as possible. ”

“ Effie. I don’t need any castor oil, Mrs. Waterman.
Mrs. W. Indeed you do, after eating all of that in the middle of the night. Here, help me carry this hamper. [18] (They go out and close door. Girls come out from hiding places.)
Vivian. Oh, I’m so cramped. Floss and Maude did crowd so!
Maude. Crowd! I was way at the back, being crowded. ’Twas Floss.
Florence. Well, I was right in front and I was sure she could see me.
Dorothy. And Betty coughed.
Lillian. Yes, and I’ll have to take cod liver oil to cure it.
Beatrice. Do you suppose she’ll make you?
Lillian. Of course. ”

“ Betty. No. That will spoil it. Go get up a society of your own with Hazel and Helen and Marjorie.
Florence. I’ll paint your badges, Effie, and never ask what the letters stand for.
Effie. Can’t switch me off that way. I’m going to find out about that S. O. M. F. of yours, and I’m going to join. [7] You’ll see! (Snatches badge from Florence’s hand and runs off with it. Girls start to chase her.)
Enter Miss Dunham.
Miss Dunham (putting out left hand) . Stay, young ladies, the chapel is in the other direction.
Lillian. But—
Miss Dunham. No excuses, please. The bell has rung for prayers.
Maude. ”

“ Hazel. Aren’t you coming?
Effie. Not just now. (Hazel runs out.) Bx! That’s Russian for box, I suppose. And tonight at midnight! I’ll be there. Oh, yes. Won’t it be fun to see the girls’ faces! Here goes for chapel. (Runs out.)
Curtain.
Scene II.
Scene: A bedroom in a boarding school. One door, may be either right, left or center, to suit convenience of stage. A box couch at one side, a bed at the other. A table near center with a motley collection of food upon it. Florence, Vivian, Lillian, Beatrice and Maude sitting around in various schoolgirl positions. ”

“ Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park all night, brings her to life. ”

“ GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Charlotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With “blood in her eye” she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part.
THE GODDESS OF LOVE.—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton ”

“ Sorry to disturb you before the initiation was over, but you asked such a heap of foolish questions, and its stuffy in there. Besides, I was hungry. (Makes a dive for the table, grabs a cream cake and a pickle and begins to munch.) ”