Elizabeth F. Guptill

“ It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills, clever burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children impersonate the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a surprising fun maker. ”

“ If this house is haunted, its mesilf that won’t stay a night in the place, I don’t wurruk where there’s witches nor ghosts, that’s flat. (Bell rings again. Nora looks at phone.) Sure, and I belave it’s that little box that’s makin’ all the noise. Perhaps that’s the phone, now. But how can I answer it? There is no dure to open. (Bell rings again,) Shut up, you sassy box! I aint goin’ to answer yez. (Bell rings again.) Well, ting-a-ling-a-ling, thin. Doos that suit yez? (Enter Miss Courtney, dressed for the street.)
Miss C. Why Nora, didn’t you hear the phone? ”

“ A highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four characters: A Determined Young Lover, an Irate Father, a Daughter with a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother—parts: tenor, basso, soprano and alto.
This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will serve to enliven any entertainment. The music is moderately easy, melodious and should be available in practically all communities. ”

“ A father, who objects to his daughter having a beau, believing that she is planning to elope with an unknown young man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young lover answers the advertisement, and the father hires him to detect the culprit, promising to pay him “anything within reason.” When the young lover’s true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for having detected himself, the hand of the daughter. ”

“ Come, that’s a good baste! (She has been looking everywhere. She now seats herself.) Stay where yez are, thin, bad ’cess to yez! I naden’t answer yez if yez don’t shpake, that’s sure! (Phone rings; Nora jumps, with a little scream.) Sure an’ I niver heard the durebell sound as near as that! (Exit.) (Comes back muttering.) Bad ’cess to thim byes! A rapping and a ringing and thin whin yez go to the dure, no wan bees there, at all, at all! (Phone rings again. Nora runs out, but comes back to put her head through the doorway.) Faith, an’ I’ll watch fur ’em this toime, and ketch the crathers! ”

“ Is that roight?—— Yis, I’ll tell her yez hollered through the little box, but I’ll not tell her yez called, for yez didn’t. I niver set eyes on yez. I can lie, if I must, for my misthress, but I shan’t lie to her—— Yis, goodbye to yez. (Hangs up receiver.) Sure and I did that in foine shtyle. It’s Nora Flanagan can learn the Yankee ways. Now where was that woman, I wonder? And how did I hear the voice av her so plain? It’s witchcraft, I do belave. Sure, and I’ll ask the praste, nixt toime I go to confession, if it’s all roight fer a good gurrul to middle with. ”

“ Quare things they have in Americky——little rooms that goes up or down with [5] yez, pieanny’s that play thimselves, trumpets that sing at yez, and boxes that talk to yez! (Bell rings.) There goes the thing again. Well, she put this to her ear, and talked through this. Hello!—— It’s mesilf—— Sure and it isn’t. It’s number 12 Maple Avenue, Mrs. Coortney’s house—— Yis, I’m the gurrul, Nora Flanagan—— No, she’s not at home, she’s gone out, and the young lady too—— Sure, and she said she would be home at taytime—— -Oh, begorra, she said I wasn’t to know whin she’d be home. ”

“ A country store with all its peculiar environments is depicted. The loafers, the small customers, the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers, all have parts. There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the play proceeds and culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the greatest success as a popular entertainment. 25 cents.
CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE. A spectacular play or cantata, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations compete for the laurel crown. It embraces a fine march ”

“ Sure I will that same—— And a little supper, did yez say, aftherwards? I’ll be there—— No, it’s no freak, it’s the right voice av me—— Yis, I do thin, a little—— Well, goodbye thin, me dear—— Yis, at eight, goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) To think I’ve got me a beau, so soon, and I’ve niver set eyes on him, nayther. Reginald! It’s a pretty name, that it is. Whin did he see me, I wonder? (Primps before glass.) Well there’s lots of Yankee gurruls not so good looking as Nora Flanagan. I must hurry up the tay, and be riddy whin me young man gits here. ”

“ The directions are very elaborate, enabling any person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete, consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for voices of both women and men ”

“ Answering the Phone. Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most trying experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in their absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special reference to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora makes a date with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. ”

“ Nora. Sure and if that’s the man, yez kin have him and wilcome. It’s no city dude loike that, that Nora Flanagan wants. But bedad, if it is him, yez’ll hev to say yis or no this noight, for I promised him through the little phone that yez would. Good luck to yez, Miss, and good luck to me, too. If I’ve made a mis larrago this toime, mebbe the little bellbox’ll bring me a good Irish beau yit. Come out to tay, and thin bedad, we’ll both git ready for our beaux, and good luck to the both av us. Sure and it’s great fun answering the phone annyhow. ”

“ A brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 5 cents.
“SCAT!” By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. 5 cents.
SEEING THE ANIMALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, and a spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 5 cents.
THE STUPID WITNESS. 3 males. The lawyer and witness lock horns and have an awful time, but it’s fun for the audience. Swift and keen. ”

“ A dandy little play for Irish and eccentric characters. Easy and amusing. 5 cents.
THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR. By Louise Rand Bascom. 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic is mistaken for the brain specialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. 5c.
LOOK OUT FOR HEZIKIAH. By Louise Rand Bascom. 3 males, 1 female. Hayseed parents visit college dean. Splendid opportunity for clever acting. Bright and amusing. 5c.
LAUGHTER AND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog interspersed with jolly songs, making a continuous funny story. ”