J. M. Barrie

“ PHOEBE. Fanny, you presume!
VALENTINE (puzzled) . If one of you ladies would deign to enlighten me. To begin with, what is Miss Livvy's malady?
MISS HENRIETTA. He does not know? Oh, Phoebe.
VALENTINE. Ladies, have pity on a dull man, and explain.
MISS FANNY (timidly) . Please not to ask us to explain. I fear we have already said more than was proper. Phoebe, forgive.
(To CAPTAIN BROWN this but adds to the mystery, and he looks to PHOEBE for enlightenment.)
PHOEBE (desperate) . I understand, sir, there is a belief that I keep Livvy in confinement because of your passion for her. ”

“ Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know you are very brave—
BLADES. Ha!
PHOEBE. And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt with the ladies again.
SPICER. Oh, ma'am.
PHOEBE. As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that you adore her.
BLADES (in an ecstasy) . Nay, I swear.
PHOEBE. And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so deficient in conversation.
SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (with sudden irritation) . Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and read improving books. ”

“ Oh, sir, how dare you look so pityingly at me? Because I have had to work so hard,—is it a crime when a woman works? Because I have tried to be courageous—have I been courageous, Susan?
MISS SUSAN. God knows you have.
PHOEBE. But it has given me the headache, it has tired my eyes. Alas, Miss Phoebe, all your charm has gone, for you have the headache, and your eyes are tired. He is dancing with Charlotte Parratt now, Susan. 'I vow, Miss Charlotte, you are selfish and silly, but you are sweet eighteen.' 'Oh la, Captain Brown, what a quiz you are.' That delights him, Susan ”

“ Miss Susan, 'tis infamous; they have eyes for no one but your niece.
CHARLOTTE. Miss Livvy has taken Ensign Blades from me.
HARRIET. If Miss Phoebe were here, I am sure she would not allow her old pupils to be so neglected.
(The only possible reply for MISS SUSAN is to make herself look as small as possible. A lieutenant comes to them, once a scorner of woman, but now SPICER the bewitched. HARRIET has a moment's hope.)
How do you do, sir?
SPICER (with dreadful indifference, though she is his dear cousin) . Nay, ma'am, how do you do? (Wistfully.) May I stand beside you, Miss Susan? ”

“ MISS SUSAN. If to be ladylike——
PHOEBE. Susan, I am tired of being ladylike. I am a young woman still, and to be ladylike is not enough. I wish to be bright and thoughtless and merry. It is every woman's birthright to be petted and admired; I wish to be petted and admired. Was I born to be confined within these four walls? Are they the world, Susan, or is there anything beyond them? I want to know. My eyes are tired because for ten years they have seen nothing but maps and desks. Ten years! Ten years ago I went to bed a young girl and I woke with this cap on my head. It is not fair. ”

“ VALENTINE. My faith in Miss Susan is absolute. (At this she retires into the bedroom, and immediately his manner changes. He takes MISS PHOEBE'S hands into his own kind ones.) You coward, Miss Phoebe, to be afraid of Valentine Brown.
PHOEBE. I wrote and begged you not to come.
VALENTINE. You implied as a lover, Miss Phoebe, but surely always as a friend.
PHOEBE. Oh yes, yes.
VALENTINE. You told Miss Livvy that you loved me once. How carefully you hid it from me!
PHOEBE (more firmly) . A woman must never tell. You went away to the great battles. I was left to fight in a little one. ”

“ MISS FANNY. Phoebe?
VALENTINE. Yes, ma'am.
(The ladies are for a moment bereft of speech, and the uplifted PHOEBE cannot refrain from a movement which, if completed, would be a curtsy. Her punishment follows promptly.)
MISS HENRIETTA (from her heart) . Phoebe, I am so happy 'tis you.
MISS FANNY. Dear Phoebe, I give you joy. And you also, sir. (MISS PHOEBE sends her sister a glance of unutterable woe, and escapes from the room. It is most ill-bred of her.) Miss Susan, I do not understand!
MISS HENRIETTA. Is it that Miss Livvy is an obstacle? ”

“ But the ladies are changed. It is not merely that Miss Phoebe has again donned her schoolmistress's gown and hidden her curls under the cap. To see her thus once more, her real self, after the escapade of the ball, is not unpleasant, and the cap and gown do not ill become the quiet room. But she now turns guiltily from the sun that used to be her intimate, her face is drawn, her form condensed into the smallest space, and her hands lie trembling in her lap. It is disquieting to note that any life there is in the room comes not from her but from Miss Susan. ”

“ Susan, what Mr. Brown is so obliging as to inform us of is not what we expected—not that at all. My dear, he is the gentleman who has enlisted, and he came to tell us that and to say good-bye.
MISS SUSAN. Going away?
PHOEBE. Yes, dear.
VALENTINE. Am I not the ideal recruit, ma'am: a man without a wife or a mother or a sweetheart?
MISS SUSAN. No sweetheart?
VALENTINE. Have you one for me, Miss Susan?
PHOEBE (hastily, lest her sister's face should betray the truth) . Susan, we shall have to tell him now. You dreadful man, you will laugh and say it is just like Quality Street. ”

“ MISS HENRIETTA. How do you find yourself, dear Miss Livvy?
(There is no answer. It is our pride to record that they come away without even touching the handle. They look appealing at CAPTAIN BROWN, whose face has grown grave.)
VALENTINE. I think, ladies, as a physician—
(He walks into the bedroom. They feel an ignoble drawing to follow him, but do not yield to it. When he returns his face is inscrutable.)
MISS HENRIETTA. Is she very poorly, sir?
VALENTINE. Ha.
MISS FANNY. We did not hear you address her.
VALENTINE. She is not awake, ma'am.
MISS HENRIETTA. It is provoking. ”

“ But he is not a noble man, and Livvy found it out in an hour. The gallant! I flirted that I might enjoy his fury. Susan, there has been a declaration in his eyes all to-night, and when he cries 'Adorable Miss Livvy, be mine,' I mean to answer with an 'Oh, la, how ridiculous you are. You are much too old—I have been but quizzing you, sir.'
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how can you be so cruel?
PHOEBE. Because he has taken from me the one great glory that is in a woman's life. Not a man's love—she can do without that—but her own dear sweet love for him. He is unworthy of my love ”

“ PHOEBE. The music is calling to us. Susan, I will celebrate Waterloo in a little ball of my own. See, my curls have begun to dance, they are so anxious to dance. One dance, Susan, to Phoebe of the ringlets, and then I will put her away in her box and never look at her again. Ma'am, may I have the honour? Nay, then I shall dance alone. (She dances.) Oh, Susan, I almost wish I were a goose. ”

“ Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson to half a dozen pupils, and is doing her very best; now she is at the spinet while they dance, and again she is showing them the new step. We know it is Miss Phoebe because some of her pretty airs and graces still cling to her in a forlorn way, but she is much changed. Her curls are out of sight under a cap, her manner is prim, the light has gone from her eyes and buoyancy from her figure; she looks not ten years older but twenty, and not an easy twenty. When the children are not looking at her we know that she has the headache. ”

“ VALENTINE. Yes; and I have some intention of pursuing again the old life in Quality Street. (He is not a man who has reflected much. He has come back thinking that all the adventures have been his, and that the old life in Quality Street has waited, as in a sleep, to be resumed on the day of his return.) I came here in such high spirits, Miss Phoebe.
PHOEBE (with a wry smile) . The change in me depresses you.
VALENTINE. I was in hopes that you and Miss Susan would be going to the ball. ”

“ The room is one seldom profaned by the foot of man, and everything in it is white or blue. Miss Phoebe is not present, but here are Miss Susan, Miss Willoughby and her sister Miss Fanny, and Miss Henrietta Turnbull. Miss Susan and Miss Willoughby, alas, already wear caps; but all the four are dear ladies, so refined that we ought not to be discussing them without a more formal introduction. There seems no sufficient reason why we should choose Miss Phoebe as our heroine rather than any one of the others, except, perhaps, that we like her name best. ”

“ MISS SUSAN. 'Tis wonderful.
PATTY. This will be a great year for females, ma'am. Think how many of the men that marched away strutting to the wars have come back limping. Who is to take off their wooden legs of an evening, Miss Susan? You, ma'am, or me?
MISS SUSAN. Patty!
PATTY (doggedly) . Or Miss Phoebe? (With feeling.) The pretty thing that she was, Miss Susan.
MISS SUSAN. Do you remember, Patty? I think there is no other person who remembers unless it be the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta.
PATTY (eagerly) . Give her a chance, ma'am, and take her to the balls. ”

“ MISS SUSAN (who has in her the makings of a desperate criminal) . Phoebe, why not marry him? If only we could make him think that Livvy had gone home. Then he need never know.
PHOEBE. Susan, you pain me. She who marries without telling all—hers must ever be a false face. They are his own words. ”

“ MISS WILLOUGHBY. You have seen Miss Phoebe, sir?
VALENTINE. I have had the honour. Miss Phoebe, I regret to say, is now lying down with the headache. (The ladies are too delicately minded to exchange glances before a man, but they are privately of opinion that this meeting after ten years with the dazzling BROWN has laid MISS PHOEBE low. They are in a twitter of sympathy with her, and yearning to see MISS SUSAN alone, so that they may draw from her an account of the exciting meeting.) You do not favour the ball to-night? ”

“ Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it.
(She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before his affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She would endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have listened to you, ENSIGN BLADES, with attention, but I am really MISS PHOEBE, and I must now request you to fetch me the implement.' Under the shock, would he have surrendered his palm for punishment? It can never be known, for as she looks at him longingly, LIEUTENANT SPICER enters, and he mistakes the meaning of that longing look.) ”

“ PATTY. Nor have I, ma'am, as yet. But I looks out, and thinks I to myself, at any moment he may turn the corner. I ha' been looking out at windows waiting for him to oblige by turning the corner this fifteen years.
MISS SUSAN. Fifteen years, and still you are hopeful?
PATTY. There is not a more hopeful woman in all the king's dominions.
MISS SUSAN. You who are so much older than Miss Phoebe.
PATTY. Yes, ma'am, I ha' the advantage of her by ten years.
MISS SUSAN. It would be idle to pretend that you are specially comely. ”

“ The pavilion is fantastically decorated in various tastes, and is lit with lanterns. A good-natured moon, nevertheless, shines into it benignly. Some of the card tables are neglected, but at one a game of quadrille is in progress. There is much movement and hilarity, but none from one side of the tent, where sit several young ladies, all pretty, all appealing and all woeful, for no gallant comes to ask them if he may have the felicity. ”

“ VALENTINE. Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (nervously) . 'Twas but a passing indisposition, I am almost quite recovered.
VALENTINE. Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a long stay in Quality Street, ma'am?
PHOEBE. I—I—I hope not. It—it depends.
MISS SUSAN (forgetting herself) . Mary is the worst.
VALENTINE. I ask your pardon?
PHOEBE. Aunt Susan, you are excited.
VALENTINE. But you are quite right, Miss Livvy; home is the place for you. ”

“ ACT I THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM The scene is the blue and white room in the house of the Misses Susan and Phoebe Throssel in Quality Street; and in this little country town there is a satisfaction about living in Quality Street which even religion cannot give. Through the bowed window at the back we have a glimpse of the street. It is pleasantly broad and grass-grown, and is linked to the outer world by one demure shop, whose door rings a bell every time it opens and shuts. Thus by merely peeping, every one in Quality Street can know at once who has been buying a Whimsy cake, and usually why. ”

“ The nervous woman chaperoning them, and afraid to meet their gaze lest they scowl or weep in reply, is no other than Miss Susan, the most unhappy Miss Susan we have yet seen; she sits there gripping her composure in both hands. Far less susceptible to shame is the brazen Phoebe, who may be seen passing the opening on the arm of a cavalier, and flinging her trembling sister a mischievous kiss. The younger ladies note the incident ”

“ He is a frank, genial young man of twenty-five who honestly admires the ladies, though he is amused by their quaintness. He is modestly aware that it is in the blue and white room alone that he is esteemed a wit.)
BROWN. Miss Susan, how do you do, ma'am? Nay, Miss Phoebe, though we have met to-day already I insist on shaking hands with you again.
MISS SUSAN. Always so dashing.
(VALENTINE laughs and the ladies exchange delighted smiles.)
VALENTINE (to MISS SUSAN) . And my other friends, I hope I find them in health? The spinet, ma'am, seems quite herself to-day ”