Jerome K. Jerome

“ Geoffrey. Support it! Do you mean that you cannot yourselves see that you are holding out an indemnity to every profligate, male and female, throughout the land—that you would be handicapping, in the struggle for existence, every honest man and woman desirous of bringing up their children in honour and in love? Your suggestion is monstrous!
Peekin. (The little man is not without his dignity.) We apologise, Mr. Chilvers, for having taken up your time. ”

“ It is to give, not to get—to mingle with the sterner judgments of men the deeper truths that God, through pain, has taught to women—to mingle with man’s justice woman’s pity, till there shall arise the perfect law—not made of man nor woman, but of both, each bringing what the other lacks. ”

“ Herbert. Movements do not alter instincts.
Geoffrey. But they do. Ever since man emerged from the jungle he has been shedding his instincts—shaping them to new desires. Where do you find this all-prevailing instinct towards maternity? Among the women of society, who sacrifice it without a moment’s hesitation to their vanity—to their mere pleasures? The middle-class woman—she, too, is demanding “freedom.” Children, servants, the home!—they are too much for her “nerves.” And now there comes this new development, appealing to the intellectual woman. ”

“ Geoffrey. It’s the only one of any importance. It embraces all the others. Shall woman be mother—or politician? (He puts the letter in his pocket.)
Annys. Why cannot she be both?
Geoffrey. (He is looking at her searchingly.) Because if she is the one, she doesn’t want to be the other.
(A silence.)
Annys. You are wrong. It is the mother instinct that makes us politicians. We want to take care of the world.
Geoffrey. Exactly. You think man’s job more interesting than your own.
Annys. (After a moment.) Who told you that it was a man’s job? ”

“ My dear Annys, the men who to-day are advocating votes for women are doing so in the hope of securing obedient supporters for their own political schemes. In New Zealand the working man brings his female relations in a van to the poll, and sees to it that they vote in accordance with his orders. When man once grasps the fact that woman is not going to be his henchman, but his rival, men and women will face one another as enemies. ”

“ Annys. (She smiles.) It’s so easy to hurt those that love us.
(She makes a little movement, feebly stretches out her arms to him. Wondering, he comes across to her. She draws him down beside her, takes his arms and places them about her.) I want to feel that I belong to you. That you are strong. That I can rest upon you.
Geoffrey. (He cannot understand.) But only an hour ago— (He looks at her.) Have you, too, turned traitor to the Woman’s Cause?
Annys. (She answers smiling.) No. But woman, dear, is a much more complicated person than I thought her. ”

“ Elizabeth. The chains have always been stretched for the few. My sympathies are with my class.
Annys. But men like Geoffrey—men who are devoting their whole time and energy to furthering our cause; what can you have to say against them?
Elizabeth. Simply that they don’t know what they’re doing. The French Revolution was nursed in the salons of the French nobility. When the true meaning of the woman’s movement is understood we shall have to get on without the male sympathiser. ”

“ Annys. I can understand your refusing, but why do you object to my—
Geoffrey. Because I do not choose for my wife’s name to be linked with a movement that I regard as criminal. I forbid it.
(It was the moment that was bound to come. The man’s instincts, training, have involuntarily asserted themselves. Shall the woman yield? If so, then down goes the whole movement—her claim to freedom of judgment, of action, in all things. All watch the struggle with breathless interest.) ”

“ I think she is all right now.
Lady Mogton. Would you like to see a doctor?
Phoebe. There is a very good man close here. (She turns to Jawbones, who is still near the window.) Gordon—
Annys. (Interrupting.) No. Please don’t. I am quite all right. I hate strange doctors.
Phoebe. Well, let me send for Whitby; he could be here in twenty minutes.
Annys. I wish you would all leave me alone. There’s absolutely nothing to fuss about whatever. We pampered women—we can’t breathe the same air that ordinary mortals have to. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. ”

“ You see, I shall have the right of hitting back. (Again she laughs.)
Geoffrey. (Also laughingly.) Is woman going to develop the fighting instinct?
Annys. I wonder.
(A moment’s silence.)
Geoffrey. The difficulty in our case is there seems nothing to fight about.
Annys. We must think of something. (Laughs.)
Geoffrey. What line are you going to take—what is your argument: why they should vote for you in preference to me?
Annys. Simply that I am a woman.
Geoffrey. My dear child, that won’t be enough. Why should they vote for you merely because you’re a woman? ”

“ Hake. Thank you, miss.
(He goes out.)
Elizabeth. Can nothing be done to rouse the working-class woman out of her apathy?
Phoebe. Well, if you ask me, I think a good deal has been done.
Elizabeth. Oh, what’s the use of our deceiving ourselves? The great mass are utterly indifferent.
Janet (She is seated in an easy-chair near the fire.) I was talking to a woman only yesterday—in Bethnal Green. She keeps a husband and three children by taking in washing. “Lord, miss,” she laughed, “what would we do with the vote if we did have it? Only one thing more to give to the men.” ”

“ Chilvers, if you could only hear the stories that I have heard from dying lips.
Geoffrey. Very pitiful, my dear lady. And, alas, only too old. But there are others. It would not be fair to blame always the man.
Annys. (Unnoticed, drawn by the subject, she has risen and come down.) Perhaps not. But the punishment always falls on the woman. Is that quite fair?
Geoffrey. (He is irritated at Annys’s incursion into the discussion.) My dear Annys, that is Nature’s law, not man’s. All man can do is to mitigate it.
Peekin. That is all we ask. The suffering, the shame, must always be the woman’s. ”

“ Geoffrey. That’s the danger. It may come to a real fight.
Annys. (Upon her also the fear has fallen.) It must not. (She flings her arms around him.) We must show the world that man and woman can meet—contend in public life without anger, without scorn.
Geoffrey. (He folds her to him.) The very words sound ugly, don’t they?
Annys. It would be hideous. (She draws away.) How long will the election last?
Geoffrey. Not long. The writ will be issued on Wednesday. Nomination on Monday—polling, I expect, on Saturday. Puts me in mind—I must prepare my election address. ”

“ We have had no children of our own, of course. But (hopefully) it is a woman’s instinct.
Geoffrey. Oh, Lord! That’s what the lady said who had buried seven.
Annys. (Her mouth is growing hard.) Don’t you believe in the right of women to share in the government of the country?
Geoffrey. Some women. Yes. I can see some capable—
Annys. (Winces.)
Geoffrey. —elderly, motherly woman who has brought up a dozen children of her own—who knows the world, being of some real use.
Annys. If it comes to that, there must be—I don’t say more “capable,” but more experienced, more fatherly men than yourself. ”

“ All the things that are going to cease when woman has the vote.
Mrs. Chinn. You see, sir, he’s the youngest.
(Gradually the decent but dingy figure of Mrs. Chinn has taken to itself new shape. To Geoffrey, it almost seems as though there were growing out of the shadows over against him the figure of great Artemis herself—Artemis of the Thousand Breasts. He had returned home angry, bitter against all women. As she unfolds her simple tale understanding comes to him. So long as there are “Mrs. Chinns” in the world, Woman claims homage.) ”

“ Herbert. Undoubtedly.
Annys. I’d rather not.
Lady Mogton. It’s not a question of liking. It’s a question of duty. For this occasion we shall be appealing to the male voter. Our candidate must be a woman popular with men. The choice is somewhat limited.
Elizabeth. No one will put up so good a fight as you.
Annys. Will you give me till this evening?
Lady Mogton. What for?
Annys. I should like to consult Geoffrey.
Lady Mogton. You think he would object?
Annys. (A little doubtfully.) No. But we have always talked everything over together.
Lady Mogton. Absurd! He’s one of our staunchest supporters. ”

“ You’ll take some tea?
Elizabeth. Thank you.
Geoffrey. You must be enjoying yourself just now.
Elizabeth. (Makes a moue.) They insist on my being agreeable.
Annys. It’s so good for her. Teaches her self-control.
Lamb. I gather from Mrs. Spender, that in the perfect world there will be no men at all.
Elizabeth. Oh, yes, they will be there. But in their proper place.
St. Herbert. That’s why you didn’t notice them.
(The Deputation reaches the door. The sound of voices is heard.)
Phoebe. She’s getting on very well. If she isn’t careful, she’ll end up by being a flirt. ”

“ There is heard a great burst of cheering, renewed again and again.)
Janet. (Re-entering.) They want you! They want you!
(Mingled with the cheering come cries of “Speech! Speech!”)
Lady Mogton. You must say something.
(The band strikes up “The Conquering Hero.” The women crowd round Annys, congratulating her. Geoffrey stands apart.)
Phoebe. (Screaming above the din.) Put on your cloak.
Janet. (Rushes and gets it.)
(They wrap it round her.)
(Annys goes out on to the balcony, followed by the other women. Elizabeth, going last, fires a parting smile of triumph at Geoffrey.) ”

“ Elizabeth. The curse of it is that it’s true. Why should they put themselves out merely that one man instead of another should dictate their laws to them?
Phoebe. My dear girl, precisely the same argument was used against the Second Reform Bill. What earthly difference could it make to the working men whether Tory Squire or Liberal capitalist ruled over them? That was in 1868. To-day, fifty-four Labour Members sit in Parliament. At the next election they will hold the balance. ”

“ Mrs. Chinn. Well, ma’am, from what I can see, I think Mr. Chilvers is trusting a little too much to his merits. Shall I bring some more cups and saucers, sir?
Geoffrey. Ah! yes! (To Annys.) You’ll have some tea?
Annys. Strong, please, Mrs. Chinn.
(Mrs. Chinn goes out.)
(Laughs.) Yes, I know it’s bad for me. (She puts a hand over his mouth.)
Phoebe. Old Mother Chinn is quite right, you know, Geoff. You’re not putting up a good fight.
Geoffrey. (A slight irritability begins to show itself.) I frankly confess that I am not used to fighting women.
Elizabeth. Yes. ”

“ St. Herbert. That may be the solution. The brainy woman will have to marry the manly man.
(Ginger enters.)
Jawbones. (He is on his knees blowing the fire. In a low growl.) Shut the door!
Ginger. Can’t till I’m inside, can I? (Shuts it.) Where’s Lady Mogton?
Jawbones. I don’t know.
Phoebe. What do you want her for?
Ginger. Only to tell her that I can’t find Chilvers.
Phoebe. Isn’t she here?
Ginger. Not unless she’s come while I’ve been out.
(Janet enters.)
Janet. Oh, Lady Mogton—
Phoebe. (Interrupting her.) Isn’t Annys here?
Janet. No. (To Ginger.) Haven’t you found her? ”

“ That the law must be altered to press less heavily upon the woman—that the man must be made an equal sharer in the penalty—all that goes without saying. The remedy you propose would be a thousand times worse than the disease.
Annys. And meanwhile? Until you have devised this scheme (there is a note of contempt in her voice) under which escape for the man will be impossible?
Geoffrey. The evil must continue. As other evils have to until the true remedy is found.
Peekin. (He has hurriedly consulted with the others. All have risen—he turns to Geoffrey.) You will not support our demand? ”

“ Geoffrey. (He rises, crosses to the desk, throws into a waste-paper-basket a piece of crumpled paper that was in his hand; then turns. The personal note has entered into the discussion.) The women who want to be childless—what about them?
St. Herbert. (He shrugs his shoulders.) Are there any such?
Geoffrey. There are women who talk openly of woman’s share in the general scheme being a “burden” on her—an “incubus.”
St. Herbert. A handful of cranks. To the normal woman motherhood has always been the one supreme desire. ”

“ All of you. Upsetting the foundations upon which society has been reared—the natural and lawful subjection of the woman to the man. Why don’t you read St. Paul?
Lady Mogton. St. Paul was addressing Christians. When men behave like Christians there will be no need of Votes for Women. You read St. Paul on men. (To Janet.) I shall want you!
(She goes out, followed by Janet.)
(Sigsby gives vent to a gesture.)
Jawbones. Getting saucy, ain’t they?
Sigsby. Over-indulgence. That’s what the modern woman is suffering from. Gets an idea on Monday that she’d like the whole world altered ”

“ Elizabeth. I think the thing ought to be settled at once.
Lady Mogton. It must be. I have to return to Manchester to-night. We shall have to get to work immediately.
St. Herbert. Geoffrey will surely take it as a compliment.
Janet. Don’t you feel that woman, all over the world, is calling to you?
Annys. It isn’t that. I’m not trying to shirk it. I merely thought that if there had been time—of course, if you really think—
Lady Mogton. You consent?
Annys. Yes. If it’s everybody’s wish.
Lady Mogton. That’s settled.
Phoebe. (She springs up, waving a handkerchief.) Chilvers for ever! ”

“ Herbert. I understand. Woman has suddenly started hitting man on the nose. Her excuse being that she really couldn’t keep her hands off him any longer.
Jawbones. (He has pinned the poster to the wall.) They begun it. To ’ear them talk, you’d think as man had never done anything right.
Geoffrey. He’s quite right. Their posters are on every hoarding: “Who’s made all the Muddles? Man!” “Men’s Promises! Why, it’s all Froth!” “Woman this Time!” ”