Johann Karl August Musäus

“ The company were eager to become acquainted with so extraordinary a character; and the Countess Cecilia became the table-talk of the day. The first time she made her appearance in the rooms, with her beautiful daughters, all the world crouded to have a sight of them. But how were the ladies astonished, to find the whole party here to whom they had been introduced so lately at the castle of my Lord Giantdale! They were first of all struck by the Bohemian nobleman in the blue ribband, the reverend belly of the canon, and the paralytic privy counsellor. ”

“ God’s blessing has now forsaken me for ever in this world!’ The same instant she condemned her heart for the profane thought.—‘If the poor cattle be all the blessing God has given thee in this world, what is Stephen, and what are thy children?’—She blushed deep for her rashness—‘Farewell all the riches in the world,’ thought she, ‘still thou hast thy husband and thy four children. The fountain of milk for the poor suckling is not dried up, and, for the other three, there is water in the well. ”

“ The yawning Countess, out of humour at being disturbed from so comfortable a nap, sharply demanded, ‘Who’s there? what is all that noise for?’—‘Your honour,’ replied John, with a trembling voice, ‘be so good as only just to look out at the window; for, Lord have mercy upon us! there walks a man without an head close beside us!’—‘Blockhead as thou art,’ replied the Countess, of what is thy vulgar imagination dreaming? And if that was the case,’ continued she in a tone of raillery, ‘a man without an head is no rarity ”

“ She had a child at the breast, another rode on her back, a third she led by the hand, and a fourth carried an empty basket with a rake, for she was come for a basket of leaves for her cattle at home. ‘Truly a mother,’ thinks Number-Nip, ‘must be a kind affectionate creature; see how she drags herself along with her load of four children, and over and above attends to her houshold business, and all without a murmur: this is in faith buying the raptures of love at an high price!’ These reflections put him into great good humour, and he felt an inclination to converse with the traveller. ”

“ The honest priest exchanged the gold by degrees for sterling money, and purchased a large farm, on which Stephen and Jane lived all their lives. The surplus he lent at interest, and managed the capital of his ghostly daughter as conscientiously as if it had been the church-money, for which service he received no other recompence but the surplice: Jane caused this badge of ecclesiastical pomp to be made so rich and sumptuous, that no archbishop need have been ashamed to wear it.
The affectionate mother, in her old age, had great joy from her children. ”

“ The knave finding himself detected, and apprehensive of the weight of his adversary’s fist—for he doubted not but the horseman was Number-Nip himself, whom he had ventured to personate—surrendered at discretion, and begged piteously for his life: ‘My good Lord of the Mountain,’ said he, ‘have compassion on a wretch who has been the shuttle-cock of fortune all his days; who could never be what he would, but was always violently thrust out of the character he had studied; and who, now his existence is annihilated among men, cannot even figure as a ghost.’
This address was a word in season. ”

“ The Jewess declared it was pure gold, and, after a little haggling, gave her in exchange two heavy dollars down upon the table. All her sorrow was now forgotten. The poor woman had never so abounded in sterling coin in all her life. She ran to the bake-house, and bought puffs and cakes for the children, and a pig’s pudding, which she put by to dress for Stephen, when he should come hungry and tired off his journey in the evening. How did the children jump and cling to their joyful mother, as she began to serve so uncommon a breakfast among them! ”

“ The Countess in the mean time arrived safe, and in good plight, at Carlsbad. The first thing she did, was to call in the physician of the wells, in order to hold a consultation with him on the state of her health, and to settle the plan for taking the waters. It was not long before the once-renowned Dr. Springsfeld, who would not have exchanged the golden spring of Carlsbad for Pison, the river of Paradise, stepped into the apartment: ‘Good doctor, your servant, we are happy to see you,’ exclaimed mama and both the misses, in voices of intimacy and friendship. ”

“ So shall I judge thee as I find thee.’ This the culprit was right glad to hear, in hopes, by a faithful relation of his adventures, to talk away the threatened vengeance of the sprite, or at least to mitigate the punishment.
‘Once,’ he began, ‘in my early days, I went by the name of Poor Robin; by the occupation of an honest purse-maker in a country town I gained a miserable livelihood; for there is no profession that keeps a man so low as honesty. ”

“ The Countess, who found herself just in her element whenever she could assume the didactic tone, and march forth in battle array against prejudices, placed herself at the head of the philosophical party, and dreadfully embarrassed, by her scepticism, a paralytic privy counsellor, who had nothing pliant about him but his tongue, and who took upon himself to be the attorney general of Number-Nip. ”

“ Dost thou not know that there are many things in the world that fit, and yet are not together? many a man has a stable, and no horse; a barn-floor, and no corn to thresh; a pantry, and no bread; a cellar, and no beer; and so, according to the proverb, one has the purse, and another the gold. Aye, but they would be better together, quoth he—if thou wilt come ’prentice to me, I will put the finishing hand to thee; and as thou already understandest so well the making of purses, I’ll teach thee how to fill them, for I am a money-maker by trade ”

“ In a moment the company was enlarged by the addition of another person; a man on horseback passed very coolly beside the driver, without seeming to take the smallest notice of his wanting an head; and then he rode on before the coach, as if he had been hired for that purpose. The black figure did not seem to relish the society; he turned the horses into another road; the horseman took the same: and however often the driver changed his course, he could not get rid of his troublesome companion, who followed as faithfully as if he had been tethered to the coach. ”

“ And, as for one person really possessed there are an hundred Lukinses, an hundred fanatics for one truly inspired, and an hundred dreamers for one gifted with genuine second sight—so, for one authentic anecdote, there has ever gone about the neighbourhood of the Giant-mountains an hundred lying reports, among the vulgar, concerning Number-Nip. It was the Countess Cecilia, Voltaire’s contemporary and pupil, for whom the last interview with the spirit, in our days, was reserved ”

“ Instead of the turbulent temper, coarse appetites, low cunning, unrestrained ferociousness, and unrelenting vengeance, relieved by those magnanimous atchievements, sage reflections, and spirit-stirring sentiments, which, like transient gleams succeeded by sudden squalls, compose the unsettled weather of a savage mind, an endless procession of undistinguishable automatons is marched in the same slow solemn pace, across the unchanging scene. ”

“ Another favourite of the present hour works after a different fashion. He empties plenty of lamp-black into his pot of rancid oil, whisks it furiously about, soaks his brush thoroughly, dashes it dripping wet upon the canvas, scrubs away till he becomes faint—and at length, when he exhibits his portrait, the connoisseurs laugh in their sleeves, to find that the right honourable Edmund has varnished those whom he only designed to blacken.
Our artist, who had to draw as well for the multitude as their betters, is plainer than the one, and less dashing than the other. ”

“ Whenever the author, whose range of information seems unusually narrow, is at a loss for a metaphor or an allusion, he has recourse to his Bible. Neither the sanctity of the patriarchs, nor the respect due to old age, as in the instance of the venerable Nahor; nor the tremendous strength of the giants, the sons of Anak, which could daunt the armies of Israel, and defeat, for a time, the gracious purpose of hewing to pieces the idolatrous nations, and extirpating them from the face of the promised land, can restrain the fallies of his riotous imagination. ”

“ The creatures are yonder in the pasture, and in no danger of running away. As for Number-Nip’s prank, do not take that so much to heart, who knows how soon he or another may make us rich amends?’ ‘Aye, thou mayest wait long enough for that,’ said the disheartened husband. ‘Little looked for often comes at last,’ retorted the merry-hearted wife. ‘Do not despair, Stephen, though thou haft no glass and I no goat, yet we have four fine children, and four stout arms to maintain them and ourselves; this is all our wealth.’ ‘Then Lord have mercy upon us!’ cried Stephen, in absolute despondency ”

“ The ladies were conducted to state-beds with superb hangings and delicate counterpanes; they had no sooner stretched themselves upon the down, than a sound sleep fell upon them, and the imagination could not even work up the terrifying phantoms that figured in the ghost stories they had heard, into a puppet-shew of terrifying dreams. It was far in the day when mama awaked; she immediately rang for her maid, and roused the young ladies, who gaped and stretched, and would fain have tried a nap upon the other cheek ”

“ Among people that can be entertained with the common run of ghost and apparition stories, it seldom happens that the party is soon broken up; nor is there ever felt any want of speakers on this, copious subject, or of an attentive audience.
A well-fed canon was able to relate many surprising stories of Number-Nip: the truth of them was eagerly combated, and as eagerly supported. ”

“ In the Legends of Number-Nip, the author’s muse sports like a child: she takes her pleasure in huts and cottages, rather than in halls and palaces. His Baron is shewn more distinctly in his indigent estate than in his affluence. The daughters enjoy but one day of luxury for fix of solitude and hardship. ”

“ They come, and no heart beats at their approach: they go, and leave behind them no solicitude for their fate. When a writer has before him all that observation has ascertained of the course of nature; when he adds to this all that superstition and ignorance have dreamed of powers supernatural; and when he assumes the liberty of mixing these heterogeneous materials without constraint, we may expect him to produce some striking situations. But in the work before us we can discover little that affects us with pity or laughter. ”

“ From their infallibility, however, there still lies an appeal to public candour.—Should an humanized generation find relief from a listless hour in the reveries of an iron age, the dust shall be brushed off two or three more volumes of old tales, and they shall be trimmed for open market. And for myself I engage, if I can once more lay hold of the translator, to extort from him a full account of their real origin.—Should they be rejected, as too plain and artless for the intellectual palate of these times, the recital would afford no gratification to curiosity. ”

“ But Stephen is close-fisted. When I ask him for six-pence, he blusters in the house, worse than you do at times in the mountain. Then he casts my poverty in my teeth, and I must needs hold my tongue. Had I but brought him a portion, I should easily know how to stop his mouth.’
‘What is thy husband’s trade?’
‘He is a glassman: he earns his bread hardly enough. The poor slave is obliged to carry an heavy burden quite from Bohemia hither every year; if he breaks a glass by the way, truly wife and children must pay for it ”

“ In fact, if it was known that an individual critic, and not a society, as it is given out, is opposed to an individual author—and that the former individual is sometimes a friend, sometimes an enemy or a rival of the latter, our articles would often be read as mere advertisements—Take away our magic we, our ideal association, and our standing joke, we grey-beards, and we should be able to do as little execution upon the race of writers as Catherine without her standing army upon the nations of infidels—So not a word more on this subject, I beg. ”

“ At the encouraging tale the broken house-keepers, the idlers, and the spendthrifts pricked up their ears; they repaired in troops to the mountain, insolently invoking and importuning the Gnome. They were joined by gold-finders and gypsies, who crossed the mountain, dug holes in every likely spot, in hopes of finding the copper of dollars. ”

“ Number-Nip let them carry on their operations without molestation, as thinking it hardly worth his while to be seriously angry with such vagabonds: sometimes he would amuse himself by causing a blue flame to dance about in the night, and when the lurkers would run eagerly and throw their hats and wigs upon it, he would let them dig up from the place large pots, seemingly full of gold, which they carried home in great triumph, and kept nine days without saying a word, or touching it ”

“ Since his manifestation to the Countess Cecilia, nothing further has been heard of him. He returned to his subterraneous states; and as the great earthquake that destroyed Lisbon and Guatimala, soon afterwards happened, and has since been continually advancing nearer and nearer, so as lately [2] to threaten the pillars of the Giant-mountains themselves, the spirits of the deep have found so much work below ground, in damming the torrents of lava, that they have never had leisure to appear on the surface of the earth. ”

“ I feel every bud of hope in my bosom nipped by the frost of disdain.—But, between friends, suppose you unmask for a moment, and descend from your monthly stilts, that we may have a little confidential chat. We booksellers and you critics are, you know, to one another alternately patrons and protégès. A good understanding may be serviceable on both sides. ”

“ Thy boys will squeeze the last farthing out of thy pocket, when the emperor presses them for soldiers, and sends them far away beyond Hungary, to be slaughtered by the Turks.’
‘That gives me small concern: if they are killed they will die in the service of their king and country; but they may bring home prize-money, and comfort their aged parents.’
The spirit now renewed his proposals for the boy; but the mother disdained to return him any answer; she raked up the leaves, and stuffed them into the basket, on the top of which she tied the little squaller fast by his leading-strings ”

“ After some time the rider turning his horse rode close up to the driver, and asked, in a voice of confidence, ‘Whither away, countryman, without an head?’ ‘Whither away! whither should one go, but, as thou seest, where one’s nose points?’ retorted the postilion apparition, in a voice of timid defiance. ‘Very well!’ replied the horseman, ‘let us see, comrade, which way thy nose points.’ So saying he seized the reins, took the black figure by the middle, and dashed him against the ground with such force, that every bone in his body chattered ”

“ Popular tales are addressed to all ages and conditions. If an illustration is wanted, where can it be so successfully sought as in a book familiar to us all? Though Sandford and Merton, in some few families, may have supplanted Lot’s daughters and Potiphar’s wife, Sampson and Dalilah, together with the royal Solomon, and all his proverbs and concubines, thanks to our good mothers and nurses, we have all these edifying stories well impressed upon our memories, ready to come forward at the shortest notice. ”