Jonathan Swift

“ Your inherent portion of dirt does not fail of acquisitions by sweepings exhaled from below, and one insect furnishes you with a share of poison to destroy another. So that, in short, the question comes all to this: whether is the nobler being of the two—that which by a lazy contemplation or four inches round, by an overweening pride, feeding and engendering on itself, turns all into excrement and venom, producing nothing at all but fly-bane and a cobweb: or that which by a universal range, with long search, much study, true judgement, and distinction of things, brings home honey and wax? ”

“ He had been of late most barbarously treated by a strange effect of the Regent's humanity, who had tore off his title-page, sorely defaced one half of his leaves, and chained him fast among a shelf of Moderns; where soon discovering how high the quarrel was like to proceed, he tried all his arts, and turned himself to a thousand forms. At length, in the borrowed shape of an ass the Regent mistook him for a Modern, by which means he had time and opportunity to escape to the Ancients just when the spider and the bee were entering into their contest ”

“ She dwelt on the top of a snowy mountain in Nova Zembla; there Momus found her extended in her den, upon the spoils of numberless volumes half devoured. At her right hand sat Ignorance, her father and husband, blind with age; at her left, Pride, her mother, dressing her up in the scraps of paper herself had torn. ”

“ Here a solitary Ancient, squeezed up among a whole shelf of Moderns, offered fairly to dispute the case, and to prove by manifest reasons that the priority was due to them from long possession, and in regard of their prudence, antiquity, and above all, their great merits towards the Moderns. But these denied the premises, and seemed very much to wonder how the Ancients could pretend to insist upon their antiquity, when it was so plain (if they went to that) that the Moderns were much the more ancient [3] of the two. ”

“ They travel in a caravan, more or less together, and are fastened to each other, like a link of galley-slaves, by a light chain which passes from them to Jupiter's great toe, and yet in receiving or delivering a message they may never approach above the lowest step of his throne, where he and they whisper to each other through a long hollow trunk. ”

“ Say, goddess, whom he slew first and whom he slew last. First Gondibert advanced against him, clad in heavy armour, and mounted on a staid sober gelding, not so famed for his speed as his docility in kneeling whenever his rider would mount or alight. He had made a vow to Pallas that he would never leave the field till he had spoiled Homer [4] of his armour. Madman! who had never once seen the wearer, nor understood his strength. Him Homer overthrew, horse and man, to the ground, there to be trampled and choked in the dirt. ”

“ To all this, the bee, as an advocate retained by us the Ancients, thinks fit to answer: that if one may judge of the great genius or inventions of the Moderns by what they have produced, you will hardly have countenance to bear you out in boasting of either. ”

“ Now it must here be understood that ink is the great missive weapon in all battles of the learned, which conveyed through a sort of engine called a quill, infinite numbers of these are darted at the enemy by the valiant on each side, with equal skill and violence as if it were an engagement of porcupines. ”

“ There is a brain that will endure but one scumming: let the owner gather it with discretion, and manage his little stock with husbandry; but of all things let him beware of bringing it under the lash of his betters, because that will make it all bubble up into impertinence and he will find no new supply; wit, without knowledge, being a sort of cream which gathers in a night to the top, and by a skilful hand may be soon whipped into froth, but once scummed away, what appears underneath will be fit for nothing but to be thrown to the hogs. ”

“ For to speak in the phrase of writers upon the politics, we may observe in the republic of dogs (which in its original seems to be an institution of the many,) that the whole state is ever in the profoundest peace after a full meal, and that civil broils arise among them when it happens for one great bone to be seized on by some leading dog, who either divides it among the few, and then it falls to an oligarchy, or keeps it to himself, and then it runs up to a tyranny. ”

“ As he came near, behold, two heroes of the Ancients' army, Phalaris and Æsop, lay fast asleep. B-ntl-y would fain have despatched them both, and stealing close, aimed his flail at Phalaris's breast; but then the goddess Affright, interposing, caught the Modern in her icy arms, and dragged him from the danger she foresaw, for both the dormant heroes happened to turn at the same instant though soundly sleeping and busy in a dream. For Phalaris was just that minute dreaming how a most vile poetaster had lampooned him, and how he had got him roaring in his Bull. ”

“ The difference is, that instead of dirt and poison, we have rather chose to fill our hives with honey and wax, thus furnishing mankind with the two noblest of things, which are sweetness and light." ”

“ As when two mongrel curs whom native greediness and domestic want provoke and join in partnership, though fearful, nightly to invade the folds of some rich grazier, they, with tails depressed, and lolling tongues, creep soft and slow ”

“ Away the lance went hizzing, and reached even to the belt of the averted Ancient, upon which lightly grazing, it fell to the ground. Temple neither felt the weapon touch him nor heard it fall, and W-tt-n might have escaped to his army, with the honour of having remitted his lance against so great a leader, unrevenged, but Apollo, enraged that a javelin flung by the assistance of so foul a goddess, should pollute his fountain, put on the shape of ⸻, and softly came to young Boyle, who then accompanied Temple. ”

“ His helmet was of old rusty iron, but the vizard was brass, which tainted by his breath, corrupted into copperas, nor wanted gall from the same fountain, so that whenever provoked by anger or labour, an atramentous quality of most malignant nature was seen to distil from his lips. In his right hand he grasped a flail, and that he might never be unprovided of an offensive weapon, a vessel full of ordure in his left. Thus completely armed, he advanced with a slow and heavy pace where the Modern chiefs were holding a consult upon the sum of things ”

“ Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own; which is the chief reason for that kind of reception it meets in the world, and that so very few are offended with it. ”

“ All arts of civilising others, render thee rude and untractable: courts have taught thee ill manners: and polite conversation has finished thee a pedant. Besides, a greater coward burdeneth not the army. But never despond; I pass my word, whatever spoil thou takest shall certainly be thy own, though I hope that vile carcase will first become a prey to kites and worms. ”

“ For our horses are of our own breeding, our arms of our own forging, and our clothes of our own cutting-out and sewing." Plato was by chance upon the next shelf, and observing those that spoke to be in the ragged plight mentioned a while ago, their jades lean and foundered, their weapons of rotten wood, their armour rusty, and nothing but rags underneath, he laughed loud, and in his pleasant way swore. ”

“ These deities are called by mortal men accidents or events, but the gods call them second causes. Jupiter having delivered his message to a certain number of these divinities, they flew immediately down to the pinnacle of the Regal Library, and consulting a few minutes, entered unseen, and disposed the parties according to their orders.
Meanwhile, Momus fearing the worst, and calling to mind an ancient prophecy which bore no very good face to his children the Moderns, bent his flight to the region of a malignant deity called Criticism. ”

“ Now the Moderns had not proceeded, in their late negotiation, with secrecy enough to escape the notice of the enemy, for those advocates who had begun the quarrel by setting first on foot the dispute of precedency, talked so loud of coming to a battle, that Temple happened to overhear them, and gave immediate intelligence to the Ancients, who thereupon drew up their scattered troops together, resolving to act upon the defensive ”

“ But if it should happen otherwise, the danger is not great, and I have learned from long experience never to apprehend mischief from those understandings I have been able to provoke, for anger and fury, though they add strength to the sinews of the body, yet are found to relax those of the mind, and to render all its efforts feeble and impotent. ”

“ He made a mighty slaughter among the enemy's horse; which destruction to stop, Bl-ckm-re, a famous Modern, but one of the mercenaries, strenuously opposed himself, and darted his javelin with a strong hand, which falling short of its mark, struck deep in the earth. Then Lucan threw a lance, but Æsculapius came unseen and turned off the point. "Brave Modern," said Lucan, "I perceive some god protects you, for never did my arm so deceive me before: but what mortal can contend with a god? Therefore let us fight no longer, but present gifts to each other." ”

“ First B-ntl-y threw a spear with all his force, hoping to pierce the enemy's breast, but Pallas came unseen, and in the air took off the point and clapped on one of lead, which after a dead bang against the enemy's shield, fell blunted to the ground. Then Boyle, observing well his time, took up a lance of wondrous length and sharpness, and as this pair of friends compacted, stood close, side by side, he wheeled him to the right, and with unusual force darted the weapon. ”

“ You boast, indeed, of being obliged to no other creature, but of drawing and spinning out all from yourself: that is to say, if we may judge of the liquor in the vessel by what issues out, you possess a good plentiful store of dirt and poison in your breast ”

“ Immediately the two main bodies withdrew under their several ensigns to the farther parts of the Library, and there entered into cabals and consults upon the present emergency. The Moderns were in very warm debates upon the choice of their leaders, and nothing less than the fear impending from their enemies, could have kept them from mutinies upon this occasion. The difference was greatest among the horse, where every private trooper pretended to the chief command, from Tasso and Milton to Dryden and Withers. The light-horse were commanded by Cowley and Despréaux. ”

“ Creech, but the goddess Dullness took a cloud, formed into the shape of Horace, armed and mounted, and placed in a flying posture before him. Glad was the cavalier to begin a combat with a flying foe, and pursued the image, threatening loud, till at last it led him to the peaceful bower of his father Ogleby, by whom he was disarmed and assigned to his repose.
Then Pindar slew ⸻, and ⸻, and Oldham, and ⸻, and Afra the Amazon, light of foot; never advancing in a direct line, but wheeling with incredible agility and force, he made a terrible slaughter among the enemy's light-horse. ”

“ Meanwhile, those books that were advocates for the Moderns, chose out one from among them to make a progress through the whole Library, examine the number and strength of their party, and concert their affairs. This messenger performed all things very industriously, and brought back with him a list of their forces, in all fifty thousand, consisting chiefly of light-horse, heavy-armed foot, and mercenaries ”

“ W-tt-n, a young hero, whom an unknown father of mortal race begot by stolen embraces with this goddess. He was the darling of his mother, above all her children, and she resolved to go and comfort him. But first, according to the good old custom of deities, she cast about to change her shape, for fear the divinity of her countenance might dazzle his mortal sight, and overcharge the rest of his senses. ”