Nelson Lloyd

“ I knew that life in the palace and life in the slum were of equal interest to him who observed, that they showed him the same humor and pathos, the same vices and virtues. Snobbery exists as much in Harlem, in Brooklyn, in Jamaica, on Grand Street or Houston as on Fifth Avenue. But if you are going to climb, it is well to reach that dizzy pinnacle where none can snub you. I climbed. Now I can drive a public coach, give a monkey dinner or a costume dance, and while the town jeers it envies, and those rail loudest on whom my door is tightest closed. ”

“ But to move in society costs, everybody knows that, and the only reason everybody does not join the mad whirl is that there is a difference of opinion as to whether or not the income compensates for the output. For me it is a necessity, as I am in a business that widens with your circle of rich friends, and, like the champagne agent, I must have social position to be a real success. I do not think I should have gone to Westbury from pure love of adventure, but the Radigans are a good speculation. ”

“ Radigan the laurel wreath of social victory, there are in the town a thousand simple, unambitious souls who would give a year of their lives for six hours with a woman so conspicuous as my friend. The Radigans are in. The Radigans are smart. And by smartness we mean that highly intellectual state which requires yachts, horses, automobiles, dancing, and bridge to keep the mind occupied.
I was walking up the avenue the other afternoon when a brougham swerved into the curb, and a familiar voice hailed me and bade me get in, as she wanted to see me. There is no mistaking a Radigan carriage. ”

“ The cigarette was poised in midair; she flicked the ashes from it with that fine little finger of hers and was about to take another puff when, by a sudden impulse, she tossed it away and, arising, came to my chair and seated herself on the arm in an attitude so half-caressing, so unusual for her, that Sally Radigan put down her cup and stared at her in amazement. For myself, I was astounded, but I yielded not an inch. And they say in our set that Pearl Veal is cold; that she is vapid, and has neither heart nor brains; that she is beautiful in her way, but knows it and poses ”

“ Mudison in His Memoirs Gives Us Some Insight into Mrs. Radigan's Shattered Romance
My own story lies unfolded in my fragmentary record. As I glance back over my pages so leisurely scribbled it seems as though the great events of my life had been squeezed into two years. A man's romance ends when he is married—generally. After that he may be happy, but existence is humdrum. I am floating on placid waters, flowing gently, carrying me easily along, sometimes into the shadow of rugged, threatening shores, but always out again into the delicious calm and sunshine. ”

“ If she had not been born just what she was, the heiress to the great Bumpschus fortune, she would far rather have been a nurse than a person merely well-to-do. But she was an accomplished talker, and though I cannot remember a thing she said, she left none of those dreadful pauses. For this I was grateful, anyway, as I could not break in on Mrs. Williegilt's engrossing discussion of glanders and carbureters with Radigan, nor on Mrs. Radigan's sermon on carbureters and glanders to Bobbie Williegilt; nor could I turn from Willie Lite the smile of Miss Veal. ”

“ Radigan will marry again. Time was very recently when she had a fond eye on J. Madison Mudison, for he was undoubtedly the smartest bachelor in town, while she had risen no higher than to stand in the line of patronesses at subscription dances. Now with the new house, the costume-ball, and the completion of a traffic agreement between the Radigan and the Williegilt railroads, she has set herself on such a dizzy height that a match with Mr. Mudison would be a tumble, for Radigan to-day belongs to just as many clubs, and, besides, has millions that keep adding unto themselves. ”

“ For myself, I like new things; fresh people as well as fresh vegetables; new families as well as new clothes. Old families new painted are pleasant to know, but spare us the heirlooms. After all, the Plumstone Smiths are the Radigans of yesterday.
So Pearl Veal is in a position to choose. She has chosen and I bow to her will. There was a time when I suspected that she would take nothing less than a duke and would have a wedding-riot, but she says that love in a cottage is all she asks. ”

“ I must confess that I was surprised that Ethel Bumpschus asked Pearl to accompany her to the altar, but then the reason was very evident when I saw the list of the wedding-party. Ethel is going in for beauty. No expense is being spared on flowers and music, and she must have been conscious of the discord created in the first bars of many a grand sweet song by a procession of exquisitely gowned ancients moving slowly down the aisle at the heels of a lovely bride. Now Ethel is not beautiful, but she will have the advantage of a veil. ”

“ Sometimes Pearl becomes cynical. Sometimes she rails. She wonders whether it really pays to be so smart as we have become under Mrs. Radigan's generalship. Then it is that I know that she has brains.
Are these days over? I am looking to the future with dread. Few women, however noble, can refuse a Duke. When the opportunity comes they deem it a sacred duty to mend the roofs of historic castles. I feel that my fate lies entirely with his Grace. Will he take Miss Bumpschus and her ten millions, or Pearl Veal with her four? I await his decision. He had luncheon with the Radigans yesterday. ”

“ There is nothing more depressing than the ballroom where, to the music of a big orchestra, a half-dozen men and women are cavorting around in lonely state. Dancing made easy is dancing made uninteresting, for take away the jam of whirling figures, the sweep of bedraggled trains beneath the feet, the stab of elbows, and the wild plunges of the nimbler footed, and you take away the dangers that make the sport. ”

“ Time was when men won women with the sword, when gallant deeds and pretty speeches, when a noble bearing and a nimble wit were the snare we set for beauty. How different now! Little did I dream as I sat at the Radigan table, covertly admiring Miss Veal across the board, that I was awakening a divine flame as I consumed terrapin and champagne ”

“ I went through the new Radigan house on Fifth Avenue the other day, and I must say that not in years have I had so delightful an adventure as that trip through my friends' fairy-palace. The phrase fairy-palace is used not to imply beauty, but the marvel of its building, for it might be said to have arisen in a night. But Coppe & Coppe are masterful architects. ”

“ What with Pearl's beauty and my insidious remarks to him about the enormous wealth of the house of Bumpschus [Pg 172] and the speculative character of the Radigan fortunes, he flutters about as aimlessly as a wounded butterfly and has about as much to say. When the dog-fancier is particularly pressing for a payment on the bull pups his Grace will concentrate his attentions on one heiress or the other for a day at a time, then he will go all to pieces again and aimlessly wander up and down the Park Mall or stand on the Battery wall watching the steamships come in. ”

“ Pearl is so different from her sister. Mrs. Radigan has become very broad and says that nothing keeps her with John but her affection for him, and his dog-like admiration for her. She has become brilliant and is writing a book, a satire on society, I believe, so has begun to surround herself with what she calls clever people, whom she patronizes. He has not changed. He knows nothing of "atmosphere" or of "color," has no imagination, and cannot rise above stocks, carbureters, and glanders. His wife loves him, but pities him. ”

“ Radigan have seen fit to cast our lot in the past few years. Sometimes we forget even John and Sally, but that is only in the excitement of the road when we are hurling ourselves over hill and valley. When evening comes and Gascan has unloaded the car, and dinner comes, and Pearl and I sit over coffee and a cigarette, she will blow a smoke ring and say, as she watches it rise into the darkness: "I wonder what Sally is doing now." ”

“ Radigan. "But it is much more interesting to be an unhappy [Pg 222] duchess than a happy common person. Think of the children alone. It must be lovely to have your picture taken holding Lord Algernon Percy Montmorency Fitznit and all that in one hand, and Lady Angeline Mary Maria Fitznit in the other—sounds much better than when Mrs. John Jones is seen with just Jim and Kate. A duke is a duke, Pearl, and even if he is a jibbering idiot, he takes precedence over a mere genius all over the world, even in our common democratic America. ”

“ Poor Nocastle! His Grace seems to have a problem to solve that is beyond his intellectuality. Here stands Ethel Bumpschus, with spectacles and ten millions; there Pearl Veal, beautiful, with but four. Which will he choose? And surely he has only to choose, for he is a peer of England. He is only five feet four, partially bald, pale, fuzzy mustache upside down, but then, besides, he is Charles John Peter Michael Henry Edwin Reginald Clarence Angus Joseph Fitznit, Duke of Nocastle, Marquis of Bumpshire, Earl of Duckham, Baron Llfygntynllan, Baron McGonigle in Ireland, etc. ”

“ Fortunate, indeed, is the public to have such men as Garish and Duff working in the interest of clean sport, and putting it on a thoroughly business-like and paying basis, men whose fathers' names were symbols of integrity in the business world, whose own names head the subscription lists of every charity in the city. As I told Mrs. Underbunk, Garish is the moving spirit in the Anti-pool-room League, and has done a great deal for the community in ridding it of those gambling-holes, which are so demoralizing to the wage-earners. ”

“ Deluded youth! He does not know Mrs. Radigan. He thinks that he has fixed himself for life, when, really, he is simply the isle of safety on which my good friends will rest secure for a few months in the smart whirl. After him, a London season and a duke. And he needs the money so! Besides, Miss Veal is really a great catch. Miss Bumpschus, of course, is a greater prize financially, but, on her mother's side, her family is very old. She traces her line back to the eighteenth century without a break, so she might safely be called plain. ”

“ But as well be on a desert island with such a sum as in Kansas City. The Radigans were wise as well as wealthy. Charming as was their home, they saw that it was no place for persons with millions.
[Pg 12]
Now you can come from Kansas City to New York to stay at a hotel or to exist. To come here to live, the way lies by London and Paris, Long Island and Newport. The dust of the plain is swept away by the Riviera breezes; London's gloom reduces the fever of life; Paris beats down the rough edges of the voice and the manner, giving finish and form. ”

“ I grow sad when she reveals her ambition, for to me it means the loss of Pearl Veal; for though at times there comes to me through the cloud of cigarette smoke that hovers around that lovely girl, comes with her smile and her monosyllabic utterances a gleam of hope, it seems really madness to think that when the crucial question is popped by his Grace's solicitor she will refuse. Mrs. Radigan says that her sister is not mad. Mrs. Radigan interprets the inscrutable smile as favorable. Mrs. Radigan goes on laying her plans for a great wedding, and has already hired a press agent. ”

“ Radigan is herself a manageress of the "Home for Aged but Respectable Unmarried Women." With Radigan passing the plate every Sunday with Major Plaster, and Mrs. Radigan constantly telephoning to Mrs. Plumstone Smith about the home, it just had to come.
After all, it is the brains that rise like cream in the social crock. There are plenty of people in this town with just as much money as the Radigans, but, struggle though they may, they will stay down. They swim dog-fashion, then drown. ”

“ So Mudison is worth knowing. The greatest figures in the financial world, the political powers of the country, the artistic and literary celebrities, deem it a matter of pride to be seen in his company, for he is what so many millions strive to be and only a few hundred are—he is tremendously smart. I do not use the word in its vulgar sense. Mudison does not know a Greek root from an X-ray, but his family has been prominent in New York for fifty years, and its founder, the sheriff of the name, left a fortune that, though divided and subdivided, suffices to keep my friend in clothes and clubs. ”

“ A man can have a clever wife, but the minute he becomes clever himself he is lost. Remember, my name is up for membership in the Cholmondeley Club."
"Nonsense," said Mrs. Radigan firmly. "It would silence all those silly stories in Town Twaddle if people thought we had written a novel together."
"But think of my having to go on the Stock Exchange after the book was published," pleaded Radigan.
"You are afraid of yourself, John," replied his wife kindly. "You do not realize that now you are smart enough and rich enough to be a fool without hurting your position in the world. ”

“ Radigan Captures Miss Bumpschus
If Solomon had been living in these days he would have classed the doings of society folk with the ship on the sea, the snake on a rock, and the way of a man with a maid, the things that pass understanding. Why, for instance, should people who have a comfortable home of their own and money to buy their seats in a theatre, or, indeed, the theatre itself, like the Williegilts, wittingly accept an invitation from the Radigans for dinner and the play, and supper at Flurry's afterward? ”

“ Her husband can abscond or can sue for divorce, she can sue for divorce or can become totally demented, they can abandon each other and their son can abandon them, but as long as the great Radigan fortune hangs together they will be smart. And after all that adjective is not misused, for it is money that makes people interesting in this world. We will listen with bated breath to the twaddle of a multi-millionaire, while we would [Pg 74] yawn in the face of a college professor. Everybody says the Radigans are interesting. Those who knew them in their poorer days must have thought them dull. ”

“ She thought this some subtle flattery, though I spoke in all sincerity, having seen her that very day gowned as she will be when she follows the Duchess of Nocastle down the aisle. Ethel Bumpschus is wise. She is putting her close friends in good seats with the family while she will lead up the aisle five of the fairest of the town. Angelica Clime and Gladys Tumbleton, Clarissa Mudison and Emily Lumpley, Hebes every one, with Pearl Veal still more glorious, will turn all eyes from the tiny Duke and his towering bride. ”