Richard Doyle

“ Then what Sport to observe the fat Coachmen, in their Wigs, something like Bishops', sitting on their Boxes, and the Footmen behind with their parti-coloured Liveries of drab and green, and red and yellow Plush, and gold-laced Hats, Shoulderknots and Cockades, bearing their Canes, and their Noses to the Sky, holding their Heads as high as Peacocks for Pride in their Frippery and plump Calves! ”

“ We eating and drinking with great Delight till late in the Afternoon, but at last broke up, the Multitude saluting us each as we stepped into the Street, and the Policeman and Beadle that were guarding the Door in great State, touching their Hats. A grand Marriage Breakfast do give a brave Treat to the Mob, in Show, and to the Company in Eating and Drinking, and is great Fun to all but those most concerned. But to think what a Fuss is made about most Marriages, and how little Reason for it is shown by most People's married Life. ”

“ The moment she came on the Stage, the Audience, Lords, Ladies, and all, upon their Legs, shouting, cheering, waving Hats and Handkerchiefs, and clapping of Hands in white Kid Gloves. But at last they silent, and let the Nightingale sing: and for certain she is a wonderful Singer. It did amaze me to hear how easy and sweetly she do trill and warble the most difficult Passages: and I perceive she hath a rare Ability of Voice. But what did no less astonish me was her Acting, it being as good as her singing; for she did seem to forget herself in her Part, instead of her Part in herself ”

“ If some old philosopher, for instance Socrates, exchanging robes for modern clothes, lest he should be followed by the boys and taken up by the police, could revisit this earth, walk our streets, see our sights, behold the scenes of our political and social life, and, contemplating this bustling age through the medium of his own quiet mind, set down his observations respecting us and our usages, he would write a work, no doubt, very interesting to her Majesty's subjects. ”

“ Methinks such Bantering is strange of a Peer, and one that hath been Lord Chancellor and used to sit on the Woolsack, or anywhere else but the Box of an Omnibus. But strange, how sober a Speech in summing up the Evidence my Lord did make after all; and no Doubt he can be reasonable and quiet when he pleases. Save a few words from Lord Campbell, not a Syllable spoke but my Lord Brougham; wherefore methinks he must have been thoroughly happy, having had nigh all the Talk to himself. ”

“ But every one to his Taste; and they who delight in the trivial Style of Musique to theirs, as I to mine, not doubting that the English, that have but just begun to be sensible to Musique at all, will be awake to the nobler Sort of it by-and-by. And, at any Rate, an Evening of insipid Musique and weak Tea is better than sitting toping and guzzling after Dinner. ”

“ The Varlets, as they went, repeating Doggrel Verses, bidding to remember the Day, and asking whomsoever they met for Money for a Bonfire to burn their Guy, and did beg of me; but I would not fling my Money into the Fire. But Lack to think of the Delight I do take in Guy Fawkes, because of his ridiculous Figure, and recollecting how I loved to play with Fireworks on this Day when a Boy; though I know what a Libel is the Holyday on the Roman Catholiques, and the good Reason, though the Doggrel say to the contrary, why Gunpowder Treason should be forgot. ”

“ With this Noise of continual Tearing, and the Squeaking of Tin Trumpets, and blowing of Whistles, and half-a-dozen different Bands playing as many Tunes, is altogether made a most discordant Musique; and the Showmen bellowing to the Spectators to walk up, do increase the Babel. Strange to see the Lads and Lasses, heaved up and down, over and under, in the Swings, and to think what Pleasure they can take in such a Motion, which methinks a Physician might prescribe in Lieu of a Sea Voyage. ”

“ But good Lack! to think how, in these Days, Execution is Everything in Musique, and Composition little or Nothing: for almost no Account is made of the Master, and a preposterous Value put upon the Player, or artiste, as the Frenchified Phrase now is! After the Concerto, some Polkas and Waltzes, which did better please me; for they were a lively Jingle certainly, and not quite unmeaning. Strange, to find how rare a Thing good Musique is in Company ”

“ Russell marching up one of the side Galleries, and taking the Measure of the House through his Eye-Glass: a sharp delicate little Man, with a mild Voice, but do carry himself stately. Methought his Observations amused him, for he smirked a little, and looked as if he knew the Customers he had to deal with. But to see him and the Home Secretary and the Chancellor of the Exchequer trying to persuade the Irish Members not to press their ridiculous Motions to a Division, wheedling and coaxing them, as smiling and civil as Haberdashers! ”

“ The Younger Men mostly mighty Polite, they, and especially one with a fine slim Figure and hooked Nose, with constrained Postures, making Obeisance as they serve the Girls with Beer and Wine, whereof they as well as the Men mostly drink their Whack, and pretty to see how one most elegant Damsel seem falling into a happy Dream and how with her Hair flowing all adown she droop her Eyelids, muzzy. ”

“ To-day he take me over the Club to see it, which delight me much, and good Lack to see how splendid the Building and the Carvings and Gildings of the Walls and Windows, for all the World like a Palace, wherein a private Man every Day of his Life may live like a King, as I should like to. ”

“ Up betimes, it being scarcely Light, to Smithfield, to see the Cattle Market, which I do think a great Disgrace to the City, being so nasty, filthy, and dangerous a Place in the very Heart of London. I did observe the Manner of driving the Beasts together, used by the Drovers, which did disgust me. To force the Oxen into their Places, they have stout Cudgels, pointed with iron Goads or Prods, wherewith they thrust the Creatures in the flesh of their Hind Quarters, or with the Cudgel belabour them on the Hock. ”

“ I do hear Widdicombe is now an old Man, but his Cherry Cheeks, and black Hair and Eyebrows, make him look young, and his Waistcoat padded well out on the Chest takes from his Paunch, and though no Doubt he be made up, he make himself up mighty clever. All this while the Orchestra, mostly of Brass, trumpeting and banging away the most suitable Music to the Performance I think that ever could be played except the Tongs and Bones. ”

“ Sent my Vest to the Tailor's to be let out in the Back, and my Wife and every Body say I grow too stout, which do put me in mighty Pain lest I should lose my Shape; wherefore I have resolved to take a long Walk daily, for Exercise, to bring down my Fat. So begin this Day, and set out to walk to Barn-Elms, by the way of Hammersmith, on a brave melting Afternoon. I did muse at the Carriages and Omnibuses that passed me, crowded both inside and on the Roof, and the People upon them whooping and blowing Horns, as the British Public always do when they ride to see any Sport. ”

“ Good Lack! to see what Numbers of Ragamuffins everywhere with their Hats awry, Noses bleeding, or Eyes blacked, staggering under huge Placard Boards, whereon, in great Letters, "Callow and Agriculture," or, "Vote for Fairport and Commerce!" The Windows and Balconies full of Ladies, some pretty, to whom in my Wife's Absence I did kiss my Hand. But [60] to think of the Ladies wearing the Colours of the Candidates, Blue and Yellow, but only for an Excuse to deck themselves out with Ribbons! ”

“ The Members of the Skating Club, with their Booth by the Ice mighty select, yet do as it were perform for the Amusement of the British Publique. Pretty to see them cut out Figures of 8, and in a Sort dance Quadrilles upon the Ice, which I very much wish I could do myself, but cannot skate at all, and never could, but whenever I tried to always tumbled down, generally a Squat, which hurt me. Upon the Ice all sorts of People high and low, great and little, old and young, Women and Children, indeed a Multitude of the British Publique altogether. ”

“ This is how we treat Art in this Country, and with Paintings presented to the Nation buried in a Vault, but sorry Encouragement is given to Genius; and no Wonder that Artists do Pictures for Furniture to sell to the great and small Vulgar, and so produce the Kind of Works that make up the greater Part of the Exhibition. ”

“ The Horsemanship mighty good Fun for the Children, but serious Entertainment to the grown-up, and strange to see how earnest they sit and gaze and stare with their Eyes wide open, and their Minds also fixed upon the Horses, and to perceive that they who think so much of Horses do commonly think very little upon much else, and how many there be of that Sort among the English People. After Astley's in a Cab to the Albion Tavern, where a Dish of Kidneys, a Welsh Rarebit, a Pint of Stout, and a Go of Whisky cost me 3s., and so Home in another Cab and so to Bed. ”

“ Methinks they do seem brought up to think too much of their Outsides, and to look on Display and Show as the Business of their Lives, which is a silly Schooling. I did mark some of their Mothers, old enough to know better, bedizened like the young Beauties, but looking sour and glum, and plainly ill at ease in their Pride and Vanity. ”

“ But to think what a Philosopher Professor Owen is and can tell an unknown Animal whether Bird or Beast by a single Bone, and the French may brag of Monsieur Cuvier, but England have as good Reason to be proud of Professor Owen. ”

“ A large Drawing Room very fine, and well lighted up, and so many Children of all Ages down to Babies almost as I think I did never before, altogether in one room, see. Pretty to see how the little Boys and Girls dance when Mynheer Schlamm thump and bang the Piano, and some of the very smallest taught to dance nearly as soon as they could walk, and how they stand in Position and point their Toes with heels close together, and arms hanging down, as they do when the Dancing-Master teach them their dancing Lessons. ”

“ Good Sport to see a Dragoon ride keeping Order, flourish and point drawn Sword at a fat old Woman who with a cotton Umbrella and Arms spread all abroad in Terror, run out of his Way, and Policemen with their Staves closing in as it were to catch the old Woman. ”

“ Droll to see Hartley's little girl sit in her Grandmother's Chair beside her Crutch, where her Grandmother hobbling in did find her, and to think that she too will be such another old Woman, one of these Days, if she live. Some of the bigger Boys public School Boys, mighty grand, and a few wearing Spectacles like young Owls. Mrs. Hartley's Brother, Mr. St. Leger, dress himself like a Conjuror, in a conjuring Cap with magick Characters on it, and conjure with Cards, and Oranges, and little Images, and Dolls, mighty clever, and I do mean to get him if I can to teach me. ”

“ But most of the Boys make a great deal more Love to the good Things on the Tables; the Sweets and Pastry, Jelly, Blanc-Mange, Tarts, Pies, Tipsy-Cake, Trifle, and Ice-creams, and good Lack how they push, and scramble, and hold out their plates, to get slices of Cake, while Hartley cut up a great rich Cake like a Twelfth-cake and share it between them, and they eat and stuff all they can, and I fear me some of them ill to-morrow if not before. Droll to see a little Boy stand astride stuffing into his Mouth a Pie whole like a Pantomime Clown. ”

“ But good Lack! to see the Fulness of the Place, every Table almost crowded with eager Eaters, the Heaps of Whitebait among them, and they with open Mouths and Eyes shovelling Spoonful after Spoonful into their Plates and thence thrusting them five or six at a Time into their Chaps. Then, here and there, a fat Fellow, stopping, out of Breath, to put down his Knife and Fork, and gulp a Goblet of iced Punch, was mighty [50] droll; also to hear others speaking with their Mouths full. ”

“ Curious to observe the Riding Master continually smacking his Whip to keep the Horses galloping close to the Circle, but above all the Head Riding Master they call Widdicombe in a Uniform [86] with Epaulettes, as it were a Generalissimo, mighty pompous and droll, divert me beyond measure, and good Lack to hear, between the Horsemanship, the dialogues between Widdicombe and the Clown. As the Clown walking before Widdicombe out of the Ring, Widdicombe say "Stop, Sir, go behind; I never follow the Fool." ”