Samuel James Arnold

“ Kemble has spread like a plague—infected the growing race of actors, mixed itself with the very life-blood of the art, and extended its contagion through every new branch, even to the very last year’s bud. Thus Mr. Kemble is imitated by those who never saw him. Let us tell Master Payne that it is the very worst school he could go to, this of the statuary. It is as much inferior to the old one—to that of Garrick, Barry, Mossop, and nature, as the block of marble from which the Farnesian Hercules was hewed, is to the god himself. ”

“ Charles. Something must be done. I am involved in a quarrel with Helen too! curse on my irritable temper.
Pon. So I say, sir—try and mend it; pray do.
Charles. I am resolved to have another interview with her;—to throw myself at her feet, and sue for pardon! Though fate should oppose our union, I may still preserve her from the arms of a villain, who is capable of deceiving the innocent he could not seduce: and of planting a dagger in the female heart, where nature has bestowed her softest attributes, and has only left it weak, that man might cherish, shelter, and protect it. ”

“ Sir R. No longer the man you seem to be! hear me! before grief and shame shall burst my heart, hear me proclaim my guilt! When the late lord Austencourt dying bequeathed his infant son to my charge, my own child was of the same age! prompted by the demons of ambition, and blinded to guilt by affection for my own offspring—I changed the children.
Charles. Merciful Heaven!
Sir R. (to lord A.) Hence it follows that you, unnatural monster, are my son!
Sir W. Ods life! Hey! then there is something in the world to astonish me, besides the reformation of my lady Worret. ”

“ When a man’s in doubt whether he should act as an honest man or a rogue, there are two or three small reasons for choosing the right side.
Lord A. What is’t you mean, sir?
O’Ded. I mean this thing—that as I suppose you’re in doubt whether to persecute the poor souls, or to marry the sweet girl in right earnest.
Lord A. Marry her! I have no such thoughts—idiot!
O’Ded. Idiot! That’s no proof of your lordship’s wisdom to come and ask advice of one.—Idiot, by St. Patrick! an idiot’s a fool, and that’s a Christian name was never sprinkled upon Cornelius O’Dedimus, attorney at law! ”

“ Sir W. True—but it isn’t that—that is, not altogether so: no, ’tis that I once more hold my friend Falkner by the hand, and that my daughter—you remember your little favourite Helen—
Falkner. I do indeed!
Sir W. You are arrived at a critical moment: I mean shortly to marry her—
Falkner. I forbid the banns!
Sir W. The devil you do!
Falkner. Pshaw! (aside) my feelings o’erstep my discretion. Take care what you’re about—If you’re an honest man, you’d rather see her dead than married to a villain.
Sir W. To be sure I would; but the man I mean her to marry—
Falkner. ”

“ Sir R. Beware, lord Austencourt, beware how you proceed!
Lord A. Do you again threaten me? (to O’Dedimus) are my orders obeyed? is every thing in readiness?
O’Ded. The officers are in waiting!
Charles. Hold, monster! Proceed at your peril. To me you shall answer this atrocious conduct.
Lord A. To you!
Charles. Ay, sir, to me, if you have the courage of a man.
Lord A. I will no longer support these insults. Call in the officers.
Enter sir Willoughby, lady Worret, and Helen.
Sir W. Hey! zounds! did you take me and my lady Worret for sheriff’s officers, my lord? ”

“ R. It is. The treaty of marriage between lord Austencourt and Helen is this morning concluded.
Char. And does she consent?
Sir R. There can be little doubt of that.
Char. But little doubt! False Helen! Come, come, I know my Helen better.
Sir R. I repeat my words, sir. It is not the curse of every parent to have a disobedient child.
Char. By Heaven, sir, that reflection cuts me to the heart. You have ever found in me the obedience, nay more, the affection of a son, till circumstance on circumstance convinced me, I no longer possessed the affection of a father.
Sir R. Charles, we are too warm. ”

“ Sir R. Charles, how dare you thus persevere! You cannot deny, rash and foolish boy, that you are in a dependant state. Your very profession proves it.
Char. O, father, spare that insult! The profession I glory to belong to, is above dependence—yes! while we live and fight, we feel, and gratefully acknowledge, that our pay depends on our king and country, and therefore you may style us dependant; but in the hour of battle we wish for nothing more than to show that the glory and safety of the nation depends on us ”

“ Fanny. Dearest father, what can you mean? Who calls himself my husband! He is my husband.
Ab. Gr. If he is your husband, how does he dare to pay his addresses, as he now publicly does, to the daughter of sir Willoughby Worret, our neighbour. I may be mistaken. I’m in the midst here of old acquaintances, though in this guise they know me not. They shall soon see me amongst them. Not a word of this, I charge you. Come girl, this lord shall own you. If he does not, we will seek a remedy in those laws which are at once the best guardians of our rights and the surest avengers of our wrongs. ”

“ Traitor back again into your teeth, my master! and since you’ve neither pity for the poor innocent, nor compassion for the little blunt gentleman her father, ’tis time to spake out and to tell you that instead of a sham priest and a sham license for your deceitful marriage as you bid me, I have sarved the cause of innocence and my own soul, by procuring a real priest and a real license, and by St. Patrick you are as much one as any two people in England, Ireland, or Scotland! ”

“ I yesterday received intelligence which, but for this discovery, had shed a gleam of joy over my remaining days. As it is, should your husband prove the villain I suspect him, that intelligence will afford me an opportunity to resume a character in life which shall make this monster lord tremble. The wrongs of Abel Grouse, the poor but upright man, might have been pleaded in vain to him, but as I shall soon appear, it shall go hard but I will make the great man shrink before me, even in his plenitude of pride and power.
Fanny. You terrify me, sir, indeed you do. ”

“ We speak thus freely to Master Payne because we think he has talents worth the interposition of criticism, and if we speak at all, must speak the whole truth. The praise we give him might well be distrusted, if from any false delicacy we slurred over his defects and errors. The most dangerous rock in his way will be adulation. Sincerely we wish him to be assured that those who mix their applause with a proper alloy of censure are his best friends. Indiscriminate flatterers are no better than the snake which besmears its prey with slime, only to gorge it the more easily. ”

“ Helen. Won’t you go first, papa?
Sir W. Hey? If I lose sight of you till you’ve explained this business, may I be laid up with the gout while you are galloping the Gretna Green! “Be master of your house and wife if you don’t wish to continue, what you now are!—Hey? the laughing-stock of all your acquaintance!” Sir Willoughby Worret the laughing stock of all his acquaintance! I think I see my self the laughing-stock of all my acquaintance (pointing to the door) I’ll follow you ladies! I’ll reform! ’tis never too late to mend! ”

“ The most that a Vandyke can arrive at, is to make his portraits of great persons seem to think; a Shakspeare goes farther yet, and tells you what his pictures thought; a Betterton steps beyond them both, and calls them from the grave, to breathe, and be themselves again, in feature, speech, and motion. When the skilful actor shows you all these powers at once united, and gratifies at once your eye, your ear, your understanding. To conceive the pleasure rising from such harmony, you must have been present at it! ’tis not to be told you! ”

“ There cannot be a stronger proof of the charms of harmonious elocution, than the many, even unnatural scenes and flights of the false sublime it has lifted into applause. In what raptures have I seen an audience, at the furious fustian and turgid rants in Nat. Lee’s Alexander the Great! for though I can allow this play a few great beauties, yet it is not without its extravagant blemishes. Every play of the same author has more or less of them. ”

“ Sir W. Yes, I know your taste to a T. A consumption is always a key to your tender heart; and an interesting pallid countenance will at any time unlock the door to your best affections: but I must be excused if I prefer seeing my daughter with the rosy glow of health upon her cheek, rather than the sickly imitations of art, which bloom on the surface alone, while the fruit withers and decays beneath—but zounds! don’t speak so loud, here’s somebody coming, and they’ll think we are quarrelling. (Helen sings behind) So here comes our madcap. ”

“ Sir W. What the devil does he mean? yes, yes you was always eccentric; but do you know—
Falkner. I know more than I wish to know; I’ve lived long enough in the world to know that roguery fattens on the same soil where honesty starves; and I care little whether time adds to information which opens to me more and more the depravity of human nature.
Sir W. Why, Falkner, you are grown more a misanthrope than ever.
Falkner. You know well enough I have had my vexations in life; in an early stage of it I married—
Sir W. Every man has his trials! ”

“ Sir W. How different are the fates of men!
Falkner. In the next instance, I had a friend whom I would have trusted with my life—with more—my honour—I need not tell you then I thought him the first of human beings; but I was mistaken—he understood my character no better than I knew his: he confided to me a transaction which proved him to be a villain, and I commanded him never to see me more.
Sir W. Bless me! what was that transaction?
Falkner. It was a secret, and has remained so. ”

“ Austencourt, I should say; I ask pardon for the blunder: and now, ladies and gentlemen, be pleased to hear me speak. This extraordinary discovery is just exactly what I did not expect. It is true I had a bit of a discovery of my own to make: for I find that the habits of my profession though they haven’t led me to commit acts of knavery, have too often induced me to wink at them. Therefore as his quandam lordship has now certainly lost Miss Helen, I hope he’ll have no objection to do justice in another quarter. ”

“ You’re man and wife, sure enough. We’ve decent proof of this, too, sir.
Lord A. You no doubt expect this intelligence will exasperate me. ’Tis the reverse. By heaven it lifts a load of guilty wretchedness from my heart.
Fanny. Oh, my lord! my husband!
Falk. Can this be genuine? Sudden reformation is ever doubtful.
Lord A. It is real! my errors have been the fruits of an unbridled education. Ambition dazzled me, and wealth was my idol. I have acted like a villain, and as my conduct has deserved no forgiveness, so will my degradation be seen without compassion ”

“ And sir Willoughby and her ladyship will smile most of us all; for every body knows they’re the happiest man and wife among us.
Helen. And while amongst ourselves we anxious trace
The doubtful smile of joy in every face,
There is a smile, which doubt and danger ends——
The smile of approbation from our friends. ”

“ We shall not readily forget the mixed sensations of concern and risibility with which, day after day, from the first annunciation of Master Payne’s expected appearance at Philadelphia, we were obliged to listen to the misjudging applause of his panegyrists. There is a narrowness of heart, and a nudity of mind too common in our nature, under the impulse of which few people can bring themselves to do homage to one person without magnifying their incense by the depreciation of some other. According to these a favourite has not his proper station, till all others are put below him ”

“ If that was my heaviest misfortune, sir, I could carry double with all my heart. No, sir, I was thinking that as your father, sir Rowland, sent you on a cruize, for some cause best known to himself; and as you have thought proper to return for some cause best known to yourself, the chances of war, if I may be allowed the expression, are, that the contents of that trunk will be your only inheritance, or, in other words, that your father will cut you off with a shilling—and now I’m thinking—
Char. No doubt—thinking takes up so many of your waking hours, that you seldom find time for doing. ”

“ The unfortunate girl never knew misfortune till she knew you, my lord; and I heartily wish your lordship may never look more ridiculous than you would do in performing an act of justice and mercy.
Lord A. You presume strangely, sir, on my confidence and condescension!
O’Ded. What! are you coming over me now with the pride of your condescension. That for your condescension! When a great man, my lord, does me the honour to confide in me, he’ll find me trusty and respectful ”

“ Enter lord Austencourt.
Lord A. Helen! too lovely Helen! once more behold before you to supplicate for your love and pity, the man whom the world calls proud, but whom your beauty alone has humbled.
Helen. They say, my lord, that pride always has a fall some time or other. I hope the fall of your lordship’s hasn’t hurt you. ”