Various

“ This is the fifth accident caused by orange-peel at the same place within the last week."
"The Bishop was in his night-gown, and the sight of two strangers visibly alarmed him."
"It is scandalous!" I broke in. "This mania for dropping orange-peel is decimating London. Curiously enough I happen to be the medical man who——"
"Yes, I know; you are the medical man who was passing."
"Holes," I ejaculated, "you are a magician."
"No, not a magician; only a humble seeker after truth, who uses as a basis for his deduction some slight point that others are too blind to grasp. ”

“ As in a Glass Darkly.—Grubby and grovelling "Realists" boast that they only "hold the mirror up to Nature." Perhaps! But when their particular "mirror" happens to be—as it commonly is—dirty and distorting, Nature, like the victim of a bad looking-glass at a country inn, is taken at a disadvantage. ”

“ Drabley, a lady of independent means, was walking in Piccadilly, she inadvertently stepped on a piece of orange-peel, and fell heavily on the pavement. She was carried into the shop of Messrs. Salver and Tankard, the well-known silversmiths, and it was at first thought she had broken her right leg. However, on being examined by a medical man who happened to be passing, she was pronounced to be suffering from nothing worse than a severe bruise, and, in the course of half-an-hour, she recovered sufficiently to be able to proceed on her business. ”

“ THE LATEST CRISIS.
[Mr. Bartley protested in the House of Commons against Mr. W. O'Brien's conduct in dining in the House with strangers at a table reserved for Members. Mr. O'Brien explained that Mr. Austen Chamberlain had taken a table which he (Mr. O'Brien) had previously reserved. The question is under the consideration of the Kitchen Committee.]
A crisis! A crisis! The man is a fool
Who desires at this moment to talk of Home Rule. ”

“ Your Cricket Team can need no reconstruction!
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, July 31.—No one who chanced last Thursday to see Hayes Fisher and Logan engaged in controversy on Front Opposition Bench would suspect them of essentially retiring disposition. This conclusively proved to-night. Decided on further consideration that something must really be done in direction of modifying effects of Thursday's riot. Someone must apologise. This put to Hayes Fisher, who delighted Walrond with swiftness, even enthusiasm, of acquiescence. ”

“ There are mirrors which make a man look a monster, but then the monstrosity is not in the man but the mirror.
TIMON ON BIMETALLISM. (Adapted from Shakspeare.)
["He advocates bimetallism with the passionate ardour of a prophet promulgating a new revelation. On most subjects he is cool, analytical, and perhaps a little cynical; but on this subject he is an enthusiast."—The Times on Mr. Balfour's Speech about Bimetallism.] ”

“ Remember that you should see the Bay and forget that you are expected to die immediately afterwards. Paris. Remember that it is always pleasant and forget that the exception is during August. Quebec. Remember it's in Canada and forget that it's the least pleasing place in America. Rome. Remember its objects of interest and forget its fever. Strasbourg. Remember that it has a Cathedral and forget that the clock is a fraud. Turin. ”

“ We believe that our lively neighbours, the French, having seen that there is a chance of some alteration being made in the rules of cricket in England, have determined to suggest some changes on their own account. ”

“ Now you think the matter ends there. I don't. I mean to discover who dropped that orange-peel. Will you help me?"
"Of course I will, but how do you mean to proceed? There must be thousands of people who eat oranges every day in London." ”

“ Only person free from somnolent influence of hour is Mr. G. Has nothing to do in this galley; looks on wistfully whilst Lowther (not Jimmy) talks about Vitu and the Pamirs; Jimmy (lui même) is sarcastic on subject of Board of Trade engaging in experiments in journalism; and Dicky Temple wants to know all about reported modifications in constitution of St. Paul's School by the Charity Commissioners. Mr. G. liked to have offered few remarks on one or all these subjects. Tommy Bowles nearly succeeded in drawing him. ”

“ Scene closes in upon a renewal of chatter upon the raising of the Curtain on another Act.
"Give a Day a Bad Name and——."—It is stated that the day of the disgraceful Donnybrook in the House of Commons has been nicknamed "Collar Day," because Mr. Hayes Fisher seized Mr. Logan by the collar, and Mr. Chamberlain "collared" Mr. O'Brien's table in the dining-room. This is all very well in its way, but would not "Choler Day" be more appropriate and intelligible? ”

“ Florida is an orange-growing country. Let us call on the Bishop."
In a moment we had put on our hats, and in another moment we were in a Hansom on our way to the Bishop's lodgings in Church Street, Soho. Holes gained admittance by means of his skeleton key. We passed noiselessly up the stairs, and, without knocking, entered the Bishop's bedroom. ”

“ Look out for shindy.
"Benefits Forgot."—This is the title of a serial in Scribners'. Many over-strict persons will not read it, being under the impression that the story is essentially theatrical. A natural mistake. Nothing in an actor's life could give occasion for more bitter reflection than the memory of "Benefits Forgot," especially after they had been got up and advertised at great personal expense. ”

“ His apology followed by one from the lingering Logan. Scene ended amid mutual tears.
"Yes, it's all very well," said Fisher, wringing his pocket-handkerchief and glaring angrily at Mr. G. "But, after all, the real criminal has escaped, and logic, as applicable to events of daily life, has received a staggering blow."
Business done.—Acland explained English Education Estimates in speech admirable alike in matter and manner.
Another Injustice to Ireland.
Tuesday.—Some men are born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards. ”

“ Armour to be allowed to the striker, so as to prevent accidents from the ball.
3. The umpires to be henceforth experienced surgeons, so that their medical services may be available for the wounded.
4. Camp-stools to be permitted to the long-stop, and other hard-worked members of the field.
5. Fielders expected to run after a rapidly-driven ball, to be allowed to follow the object on bicycles. ”

“ And it's so much pleasanter to chat than to listen. This piece, they tell me, is full of clever dialogue—so satisfactory to people who like that sort of thing.
Third Empt. (looking round the house with an opera-glass) . Why scarcely a soul in the place we know. Well, I suppose everybody is leaving town. ”