Various

“ House of Commons, Monday, August 7.—House brisked up to-day on approaching Report Stage Home-Rule Bill; over three hundred Members present, including Joseph, fresh from Birmingham; on whole, a melancholy gathering. At outset every appearance of collapse. Influence of Bank Holiday over it all. Ministers who should have been in places to answer questions not arrived. Worse still when Home-Rule Bill reached, and new Clauses called on. ”

“ The Home Secretary was seated in his room awaiting the arrival of the Deputation:—
"Well, I suppose I was right to allow them to interview me," he murmured. "The submerged Tenth have not the franchise to-day. Ah! but they may have it to-morrow!" ”

“ Things looking desperate; still Tim plodded on. Surely age of chivalry not so finally gone that there was not left in an Irish bosom sufficient courage to deny to a political adversary that two and two made four? Perhaps Tim had been piling on the units too high. He would continue on a lower scale. "Very well, that's thirteen. Now North Fermanagh's one. Thirteen and one's fourteen." No pen can describe the acrimony Tim threw into this proposition. ”

“ The authoress of "Tiger Songs" (adapted from the original Norwegian) may see the Editor from afar off, and come dancing towards him with the airy gaiety of a Morgiana. She executes a pas de fascination, and, when he is completely captivated by the exquisite grace of her movements, causes him to seize a bundle of MS. When she has retired, and the Editor gradually resumes his normal composure, he discovers that the authoress of "Tiger Songs" has left him an article upon "Voyages to the North Pole." ”

“ Mr. G. thinks there's no place like London in mid-August, no scene so healthful or invigorating as House of Commons. Plunged in to-night on one of the interminable Amendments. A difficult job in hand. Had to accept Amendment which Solicitor-General and Attorney-General had an hour earlier been put up to show was impossible. Began by pummelling Prince Arthur; proceeded to make little of Henry James; turned aside to pink Joseph with sarcastic reference to inveterate love with which he is cherished in the bosom of his new friends the Tories ”

“ Then recreation, combined with instruction, might be found for special correspondents by erecting steam roundabouts on the Thames Embankment. The "special" might mount his wooden steed, and career round and round until he has done a good twenty miles. Then he would be prepared to give his experiences, which should (if written in the proper spirit) be of exceptional value as "copy."
A thousand details will occur to those who take an interest in the matter, and may be filled in at leisure. ”

“ Nowadays everythink's done on scientific principals. A burglar must know something of chemistry, and be up in things generally. Besides, all the real good things are worked by syndicates. Unless you can put in a 'underd pounds or so, why, you are nowhere. What are we to do?"
The Home Secretary sat in deep thought. ”

“ Moral and Social Queries.—When a man has lost his own character, is he justified in taking away anybody else's? At a party if somebody has taken away your hat, aren't you justified in taking somebody else's?
[pg 76]
THE ADVENTURES OF PICKLOCK HOLES. (By Cunnin Toil.) No. II.—THE DUKE'S FEATHER.
Two months had passed without my hearing a word of Holes. I knew he had been summoned to Irkoutsk by the Czar of Russia in order to help in investigating the extraordinary theft of one of the Government silver mines, which had completely and mysteriously disappeared in one night. ”

“ But when they've filled Wealth's big pot full of gold,
What does he care if their pot becomes cold.
Pot! Pot! Let the poor go—to pot.
Mammon—"retires upon what he has got!"
Mrs. R.—She is very tender-hearted. "Of course," she says, "it's very nice of what they call 'The Forsters' parents—though why 'Forster' I don't know. But certainly, even when they're brought up as one of the family of the Forsters, yet it does make me feel very sad when I see an adapted child." ”

“ If this be so, my shipmates said,
What use that bird to shoot?
We make no way, no more than if
We were shackled hand and foot.
The shipmates, in their sore distress, are tempted to throw the blame on the Ancient Mariner. ”

“ When prices rise—even in the midst of the Dog Days—and the output of first-class coal falls, who reaps the advantage of the enhanced value and readier sale of accumulated stocks of small and slaggy 'rubbish'? ”

“ It was terrible. The Speaker, fearing bloodshed, interposed, ruling Tim out of order; only just in time. One could see by flush on Macartney's cheek that one step more would have been fatal, and that the proposition "Seventeen and two are nineteen" would have led to outbreak beside which the "regrettable incident" would have been meretriciously mild.
Business done.—Took up Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
"Bimetallism."
Tuesday.—The Squires had regular set-to to-night. He of Blankney began it; Squire of Malwood, never loath for a tussle, cheerfully stepping into the ring. ”

“ He knows his own business best." Sergeant Bluff gave a grumbling assent, and in another moment we entered the great gate of Fourcastle Towers, and were ushered into the hall, where the Duke was waiting to receive us. ”

“ Q. Can any member of the human family outside the British Isles do anything in the shape of sport? A. Only imperfectly. However, Australians are good at cricket, and Americans have been known to adequately train racehorses. Q. Can you give any reason for their partial success? A. Yes. Australians are our first-cousins, and Americans our first-cousins once removed. ”