Various

“ I began.
"Sand!, Sand!" shrieked Phyllis.
"Sand,", echoed Lillah, and both children were gone.
They had just noticed the present possibilities of the empty lake as a substitute for Margate. Two best frocks! Essentially a moment for efficiency.
I stepped firmly across the railings. And there the British Government stepped in. I turned to regard a policeman (out-size) .
"May I call your attention to this, Sir?" he said.
I gazed at the notice like a fish:—
"ONLY CHILDREN ARE ALLOWED
ON THE BED OF THE LAKE."
It is still there; you can go and see it for yourself. I argued, I entreated. ”

“ The demand for an eleventh edition of Lord Ernest Hamilton's book, The First Seven Divisions (Hurst and Blackett) is no more than a deserved tribute to what has already taken rank as the best history, so far, of the most critical period of the World War. Lord Ernest Hamilton writes as one having authority. He tells the facts as he knows them—facts in many cases hitherto undisclosed, and given here with adequate detail and just; enough of explanation to make the account clear even to the most unmilitary reader. ”

“ If I were to resign now it would only give joy to my enemies, and they are the last people in the world to whom I wish to give joy. He won't get rid of me just yet, for he finds me too useful as a lightning-conductor. ”

“ You should assert yourself, and if he does not improve you should send in your resignation. After all there are better things in the world than to be Chancellor to a man who does not appreciate your work. ”

“ Bloodhounds are like that, Jimmy says, they avoid a disturbance; Faithful is a very good avoider, Jimmy says.
Jimmy says he thinks one of eggs must have been addled, and come undone in the excitement of the moment, by what the man said. He didn't seem to like addled eggs much, Jimmy says, and he called Faithful an animal.
There was a luggage train due, and Jimmy thought he would just see it come in and then take Faithful away, when on looking round he saw that his bloodhound had suddenly thrown himself on the Spy trail. ”

“ Windows can also be shut, both in houses and railway carriages, and thus keep the place warm and pleasantly insanitary and comfortable. It has been said that the pure air of many German towns is due to the fact that the Germans keep their windows shut.
Glass is also used for the chimneys of lamps, which, when the wick is turned up too high, as it usually is, break. It is employed furthermore in the manufacture of glass eyes, which, as all who have visited A Kiss for Cinderella know, do not always match the real ones.
But the best thing that glass does is to become bottles. ”

“ Glass is useful also for making glasses—the receptacles from which wine is drunk. Without glasses we should be hard put to it to consume our liquor and should have to resort to half-cocoanuts, cups, the hollow of the hand, or even sponges.
Just at the moment bottles—I mean the more genial variety—are under a cloud. It is a penal offence to sell a bottle before noon, between half-past two and half-past six, and after half-past nine at night. But they are expected to come to their own again when Peace is celebrated. ”

“ But you will miss a good deal of fresh-air sanity, of illumination (for the man can see and find the vivid phrase to express his vision) on war and peace and education and feminism and internationalism and citizenship, if you let yourself be alienated by such lapses. ”

“ Jimmy says bloodhounds don't like coppers jumping about in tin cups; it makes them harbour resentment, and then you have to show people where the piece came out of your dress. The milkman told Jimmy that he had met the deaf-and-dumb woman that morning. She was all by herself in one of his fields, practising "Where is my wandering boy to-night" Her husband had enlisted, that was why, and she had sold the business. Jimmy wanted to see the woman, but she never came past, so he went down to the railway-station with Faithful to see if she were there. ”

“ Glass is an invisible substance made in some mysterious way. It is used for a multiplicity of things, but principally for windows and bottles. It is when used for windows that its special quality of transparency comes in so happily, for it enables you to see through. ”

“ You see the idea? It is simply technique. I have explained this system to Margaret, their mother. But she is not one who sees reason very easily.
In spite of opposition, however, I continue to do my duty.
In this spirit I dashed into the nursery the other day and declared my afternoon and my finances at the service of Lillah and Phyllis. Margaret definitely forbade a cinema, from a curious notion that their patrons consisted exclusively of bacilli. So Lillah and Phyllis declared at once for Charlie Chaplin or nothing. ”

“ What you have to do is to get the fishing-line ready, and when the train comes in to the station you tie one end of the line to one of the railway trucks, and then, if you are lucky, you manage to hook the other end through the string of the parcel.
Jimmy says that when you see the parcel you are carrying suddenly jump from under your arm and go bumping along after the train as it goes out of the station, you forget to hiccough. ”

“ And when he further says of British administration of subject territories that "the British are a race coldly aloof. They have nothing to give a black people and no disposition to give"—well, it isn't an obvious truth. These are blemishes of a kind to which a quick-thinking man, a little too anxious to set everybody right by wholesale methods, is naturally subject. ”

“ A thin man in a top-hat was the first to notice it.
"Still pretty cold in the North Sea?" he ventured, with an eye upon the tam-o'-shanter.
"So I've 'eard," the sailor replied guardedly; "but this 'ere," he touched his headgear, "ain't an Arctic brow-mitten. I got this from a friend, 'avin' lost me own little 'at jest after the second torpedo was fired."
"Gracious!" ejaculated the elderly lady, and the occupants of the 'bus became magnetised to attention.
"Now that's extremely interesting," exclaimed the thin man with a nervous movement of his hand; "could you tell us the name of the ship?" ”

“ Most of us, at one time or another, have endured or inflicted that well-intentioned banality. And here is Miss Marjorie Bowen, most skilful of historical romancers, setting out to tell us precisely what stories. She calls her volume Shadows of Yesterday (Smith, Elder) , explaining in a preface that is by no means the least attractive chapter that they are supposed to be the histories attached to a collection of antique oddments in a little Italian museum. ”

“ The camp is entirely on soft sand, so that burying is a beautifully simple operation. In every tent parties could be seen rapidly putting home-made chairs, beds, boxes, tins and cooking utensils below ground. Personally I was fastening my less sleek mules to a somewhat soiled waggon, collecting odd men who wouldn't be nice for the great to see, and despatching the lot behind a neighbouring wood. They looked very like a troupe of roving gipsies. A sentry was posted in case the V.G.M. should come round the wood, when the troupe would, with infinite stealth, track round in his wake. ”

“ The many excellent photographs that illustrate it are in precisely the same style, being, many of them, the successful little snapshots of an artistic amateur, such as often convey a far better impression of places and people than the more ambitious products of expert science. ”

“ In contrast to the scorn and ridicule scattered over the puritanical sect of which Raymond's parents were members, the Church of England parson, Mr. Bosover, receives a very warm pat on the back. "The tradition of gentleman is kept alive by the English parson. He is the only remaining interpreter of that ancient culte." So now you know.
A Woman in the Balkans (Hutchinson) is a book of which the publishers very properly observe that it "will undoubtedly make a wide appeal at the present moment." These are times when the records of anybody intelligent "in the Balkans" must be attractive reading ”

“ Jimmy says the policeman might have let the man off if it hadn't been for the porter. You see when the man's parcel was bumping along after the train, the man opened his mouth [pg 389] so wide that some German words fell out, and the porter had heard them. The porter knows German, Jimmy says; he learned it before the War began from a German whose luggage he had put into the wrong train. ”

“ An A.B., fresh from the Naval fight, had read a statement in the Press that the Kaiser had given three Hochs! for his Navy. "Well, I don't give a Dam for it!" said the British tar.
The President of the Republic of San Domingo has resigned, "to save the State from armed American intervention." We fear that somebody has been pulling the gentleman's leg.
The Pall Mall Gazette on the Jumble Sale at the Caledonian Market: "But there were bargains for everybody, whether it was an elephant or a daintily bejewelled carrier, a Paris hat or a three-year-old, or a motor-car, or an elephant." ”

“ It is supposed that the writer, a woman novelist, wrecked with disease and the drugs that bring endurance, goes down into the country and there becomes obsessed with the history of another woman, in circumstances much like to her own, who had once lived and loved in the same remote house. ”

“ He still believes in the Bloch deadlock, and gives victory to the Allies merely for better staying power. For British training and method he naturally has nothing but scorn, which takes him further than most of us can follow him. ”

“ They lost ships, yes, and we lost ships too, and we can afford to lose ships much less that the English can. What is the use of pretending that we've won the War and beaten down England because our sailors shot straight and fought bravely? So did the English, and they've got more ships left than we have, more's the pity.
She. But he has made a glorification speech about it, hasn't he?
He. Yes, he has. In another day or two he will have worked himself up to the point of believing that he commanded our ships in the battle. I know him ”

“ We are, however, informed that in one district a woman voluntary worker was heard to express the opinion that she would be more keen upon her part of the work if the ground were not so horribly far down. ”

“ I quite agree that discharged soldiers should have a medal, or some distinguishing badge. It really has been most unpleasant for me sometimes when I have spoken to likely-looking men, only to find they have already served. ”

“ I have always looked upon myself as an efficient uncle, but now—well, one more incident of this kind and I shall be definitely passé.
The technique of being an uncle I mastered quite early. For instance, at stated seasons in the year I choose with some concentration two toys and two improving books. The toys I give to my nieces, Lillah and Phyllis; the books I send to a hospital. In the same spirit, when I take them for a treat and they over-eat themselves, I simply finance the operation and at the same time buy a large bottle of castor oil and send it anonymously to St. ”

“ Voice from the house. "If you keep your father out too long he'll be catching another nasty cold."
ON THE SPY TRAIL.
The milkman told Jimmy that the Kaiser was like a gambler who had mortgaged his resources up to bursting point, and now with every tooth drawn was chewing the bitter dregs of remorse to the bone. The milkman says these things come to him whilst he is milking, and the reason is that when he presses his head to the cow's side the heat of the cow thaws the blood in his brain for a time. ”

“ An advertisement from The Times: "Very stout gentleman, ineligible Army, requires permanent engagement to act for Cinema. Had some experience in comedy pictures; fatter than any other movey actor; weight 22 stone; exceptional opportunity for British producers, but willing go abroad." What about an exchange, on a weight basis, with America, who might send us Sir Herbert Tree and Charlie Chaplin?
At the Bow County Court a man who was questioned regarding his occupation said that he was a tinsmith, a carrier, a job-buyer, a milkman and a general dealer ”

“ When Jimmy told the milkman about it, the milkman said that it was "Ha, ha, one more feather plucked from the horde of German rats that pollute the air with their diabolical designs."
He was just telling Jimmy that the Kaiser was standing on the brink of a deep abscess, when he heard Jimmy's bloodhound taking his horse home to put it to bed, and this disturbed his flow of thought.
The Mess Bore (innocent of small gunpowder plot) . "Depend upon it, Sir, there'll be something happening quite soon now, and nearer than we think for."
A testimonial:—
"I have much pleasure in recommending Mrs. ”

“ Those who do hold the victory—
Beatty possidentes.
Commercial Candour. "—— & SON,
Window-Cleaners.
We spare no panes."
Our Optimists.
"As a result of Wednesday's battle the strength of the British Fleet is now greater, not relatively, but absolutely, than it was."
Daily Telegraph.
Ships in Wolff's clothing: the "victorious" German Fleet.
"Villagers here are heartily congratulating Mr. Charles Gibbs on his marvellous escape from the great North Sea Battle, from one of our lost cruisers. ”