Various

“ But Tommy went up to them both, and said, "My good friends, you are very welcome to this: I freely give it to you. Spend the money soberly; and, for the lozenges, give them to your children, if you have any, or suck them yourselves in your leisure moments." Before the entranced officials, who were totally unaccustomed to receive such benefactions, could dry their tears, Tommy was out of sight, having followed Mr. Barlow and Harry to the door.
Mr. Barlow now took Master Tommy and Harry to Evans's Supper Rooms, to enter which place they had to pay a shilling apiece. ”

“ Tommy. Then these are, as you say, Sir, "remarkable for their brightness or position."
Mr. Barlow. Yes. And in time, no doubt, I shall be able to make you acquainted with the names and the appearance of all the Stars in London.
Tommy. Sir, I am much obliged to you, indeed. But of what use is it to know the Stars?
Mr. Barlow. There are some, and those very important, uses to be derived from an acquaintance with the Stars. Harry, do you tell Master Merton the story of The Free Admission and the Grateful Turk. ”

“ There is, however, a popular panacea which he will find invariably efficacious. The prophylactic as well as therapeutic virtues of Punch, of Punch's Pocket-Book, and Punch's Almanack, are so universally known and so deservedly celebrated that any recommendation beyond the merest reference to those powerful tonic, stimulant, and antiseptic publications would be superfluous puffery. How much caution soever the Faculty may recommend in prescribing alcohol in whatsoever form, they are of unanimous opinion that nobody need hesitate to give or take any quantity of Punch. ”

“ Enlightened Statesmen, however, with a just appreciation of their value as British voters, use to call them the People. Now the People of the Gallery are not accustomed to read humorous journals in which caricatures of the People's William, and the People's Robert, appear weekly. If they were, it would be necessary for the humorous journals to be very careful in caricaturing those popular Ministers, lest caricatures should endanger their popularity. The People of the Gallery are our flesh and blood, but they are as yet uneducated, and apt to take jokes too seriously. ”

“ As for the working-men, they smoke pipes of tobacco almost to a man, and as generally prescribe for and administer to themselves alcohol in some one or other of its forms, commonly that of something short, which, if asked to give it a name, we will call gin, or euphemistically, Old Tom, not to say, dyslogistically, blue ruin, for the useless sake of pleasing the United Kingdom Alliance; those conspirators against the potatory liberty of the subject who hate us youth, and specially abhor Punch. ”

“ The gin-drinking, prevalent among the population of the slums, comes of a sense which is medicinal, and the medicine would, in effect, be altogether salutary but for the tendency of people to take it in over-doses.
Everybody knows how continually medical men are exposed to all manner of contagion, and how very seldom they catch any disease. They, it is true, are not in the habit of asking particularly for gin on coming out of a sick-room: but they are accustomed to take, or do, whatsoever may be requisite to maintain the bodily conditions which resist or expel poisonous or morbid effluvia. ”

“ Is there not a bit of Sydney Smith's, wherein that divine, describing a Scottish rising against English tyranny, says that Sawney betook himself to the heather, and, having scratched himself with one hand, and cast up an account with the other, suddenly waxed furious, and drew his sword? We hope that certain Transatlantic friends of ours will not bring in so tremendous a bill against us, as to make it cheaper for us to fight than to pay. For we love them very much, but we are obliged to be awfully economical in these Gladstonian days. ”

“ Tommy's little heart was much affected by this kindly attention; so, pulling out his purse, he poured its contents (four bright new farthings and three peppermint lozenges) into the honest fellow's hand, saying, "Here, my good man, take this, and Heaven bless you!" It is impossible to express the surprise of the poor man at the sight. ”

“ Punch begs to offer a piece of advice gratis to all persons in possession of his universal remedy, price 3d., 4d. stamped, to counterfeit which is piracy. Look to yourselves.
Pestiferous as is the atmosphere of sewers, not only do rats live, but labourers work in it, the former wholly, the latter for most part with impunity. The rodents get acclimatised, unless it be that instinct impels them to take some sort of vegetable or other preventive of zymotic and mephitic diseases. ”

“ Lowe weekly appear in humorous journals, and when scarcely a day passes without these gentlemen being attacked in print on account of one or other of their public acts, every harmless joke upon their official doings should be expunged from the pantomimes, surpasses comprehension."
Our excellent contemporary forgets that there is in theatres a place called the Gallery. This place is occupied by a peculiar description of audience and spectators. In the theatre, by physical position, they constitute the higher orders, but in common talk are contrariwise named. ”

“ The game slaughtered at the battues of eleven noble sportsmen (all members of the Legislature) , has been carefully distributed among the East-End poor.
It has been ascertained, by an accurate survey in London and the provinces, that no fewer than one pantomime has been produced this season, without containing any humorous allusion to "the Claimant." ”

“ Astronomy, along with Geography and the Use of the Globes, has long formed a branch of female education. An intelligent girl, fresh from boarding-school, if requested to describe the Coma Berenices might, or might not inform her questioner that it was a celestial Chignon. ”

“ Barlow, observing his pupil's excitement, laughed at Tommy in his usual good-natured manner, and pointed out to him the example of the poor Greenlanders as worthy of his imitation.
"What is that, Sir?" inquired Tommy.
"They are brought up to so much moderation and self-command," said Mr. Barlow, "that they never give way to the sudden impulses of passion so common among Europeans. And see, you have split your new white kid gloves in applauding this young lady." Then turning to Harry, he asked him if he had not been touched by the acting of Mr. ”

“ He would be an excellent Speaker, but, as matter of humanity, Punch must have opposed this selection. Imagine a triumph of the Anti-Liquor League, imagine the success of a Bill for putting down Porter, and imagine a grandson of Whitbread having to say "That this Bill do pass!"
MY HEALTH.
ome we return from otter-hunting. Tired, but expecting a "Nicht wi' Ruddock." He is to be at dinner, and a few very intimates are coming in the evening. The few "very intimates" have no distance to drive—merely a matter of eight miles or so. ”

“ The Speaker has a salary, a secretary, a chaplain, a counsel, a residence, and an allowance for keeping the Mace in order. When he retires, he has a peerage and a pension, and is allowed to take his Wig and Gown and Chair away with him. ”