Various

“ He tells the Conservatives that they are to be neither apathetic nor precipitate, that they are to play a waiting game—the World to him who can Wait—and, meantime, they are to support Mr. Gladstone against the extreme men on his own side. And, said the Earl, "political life is not to be looked at as if it were a soaped pole, with £5,000 a year, and lots of patronage at the top." The sentiment is lofty and honourable. "But," said to Mr. Punch a rising lawyer, who intends to rise a good deal higher, "the deuce of it is that Lord Derby talks from the top of a golden Pyramid about soaped poles. ”

“ The only thing that Old Ruddock says the whole time, is that he wouldn't keep Cochin China fowls even if they were given him.
"Wouldn't you?" exclaims Pendell, looking slily at me and beginning to laugh, evidently in anticipation of some capital story, or a witticism from Ruddock. No, not another word. He is, it strikes me, reserving himself. I turn to my partner, and try to interest her in Ramsgate, Torquay, the Turkish bath, London and Paris news. ”

“ Who, with a heart, can resist feelings of the deepest commiseration, the most profound pity for the sufferings of another, when he hears that in twelve short years it has been the unhappy lot of the present Examiner to read one thousand eight hundred dramatic pieces—one thousand eight hundred tragedies, comedies, melodramas, farces, pantomimes, burlesques, and extravaganzas? There are labours which no salary can remunerate, services which no fees can requite. ”

“ Pendell looks at Old Ruddock, and, alluding to the last speaker's remark, whatever it was, says, "Aha! that isn't the way we grow mangel in the South, is it, Mr. Ruddock?" and therewith gives Old Ruddock such a humorous look, as if they had, between them, several good jokes about mangel, which, when told by Old Ruddock, would set the table in a roar. ”

“ Punch seldom agrees with anybody, and he distinctly disagrees with the Ancient in question. One big book, for instance, which is no evil, but a good, is Kelly's Post-Office Directory, with which he has been favoured, and which he has been perusing with avidity ever since it arrived. ”

“ We can think of the choice of a new Speaker without discontent with our own lowly lot, and at the present time envy of the Lord Chief Justice of the Common Pleas is not the predominant feeling in our breasts. ”

“ But might tell it later, when I'm really in the humour, which I evidently am not now, and yet I thought I was.
Old Ruddock begins to come out, not as a raconteur, but as an interrupter, which is a new phase of character.
For example, Tregony commences one of his best Cornish stories, to which we are all listening attentively, something about an uncle and a nephew, and a cart.
"They went," says Tregony, "to buy a cart"——
"A what?" says Ruddock, really giving his whole mind to it.
"A cart," answers Tregony.
"O," returns Ruddock, "I beg pardon. ”

“ They believed, above all things, in the existence and power of the evil one. The devil was everywhere in their thoughts. In our modern times we have gone free from that superstition. We of New York know there is no such being. ”

“ OUR POCKET-BOOK AGAIN.
eally, greatness has its multifold inconvenience. Falstaff wished that his name were not so terrible to the enemy, as he should then be less urgently called upon to go and fight. Mr. Punch wishes that his works were not so universally attractive, as he should not then have to answer so many questions about them. He has actually had to receive a Deputation upon the subject of his splendid and unparalleled Pocket-Book for 1872. ”

“ The matters in question are usually something vexatious with regard to paupers, a political question deeply mixed up with the existence of the Yeomanry, the state of the roads in the next district, the queer temper of a neighbouring clergyman, the difficulty of dealing with Old Somebody at a vestry meeting, the right of some parish authorities to bury somebody who oughtn't, or ought, to have been buried without somebody else's consent ”

“ I'd myself engage the best Premier that money could secure, and serve the country that way. But blow it, as it is, and Henrietta's governor refusing to hear of me until I'm in Parliament, you see, old cuss——" "Virtue alone is happiness below," replied Mr. Punch severely, as he went away to get some oysters at Prosser's. ”

“ Punch chooses to exert himself to put. But he must add that the world would go on delightfully if this rule were always acted upon; and he is glad that the Trade Societies are enlightened enough to do their best to bring on a Millennium.
Suggestion to Mr. Lowe.
Lay a heavy tax on all persons telling old jokes, making old puns. ”

“ We firmly believe that the Ædile rejoiceth at this, as Mr. Gregory knows a deal about Art, and the Ædile loveth not such men. Mr. Punch regrets to lose a bright speaker from the House, but is glad of his promotion. ”

“ Punch admits that his collaborateur has admirably done his part of the work.
HISTORIANS AND HERETICS.
By attempting to enforce the Infallibility Dogma on those inconsistent people, who, calling themselves Old Catholics, have seceded from Popery in exercising their private judgment, and refusing, though ordered by an Œcumenical Council, to eat dirt, the Archbishops of the Roman Obedience appear to be waking snakes. The Pall Mall Gazette a few days since, said:—
"It was announced in our latest edition yesterday, that the Archbishop of Munich has excommunicated Professor Froschhammer. ”

“ Professors Froschhammer and Döllinger, however, are snakes in a more serious sense than the ordinary cobras, rattle-snakes, copperheads, and vipers in general which the Fathers of the Lateran Council would mean by snakes, as a name for heretics. Hitherto heretics have been regarded by the Roman Catholic hierarchy as vipers which, in impugning Authority, bite a file. The above-named Professors appeal to History against the Pope. Dr. Manning may declare this appeal to be treason. He might add that it is undeniable treason. The reproach of treason lies in failure. ”

“ Mr. Barlow. Indeed, my dear Tommy, I cannot exactly tell. And it is nearly impossible for an ordinarily well-instructed person to comprehend the precise meaning of any one subject on which those who should know best are apparently disagreed, and who, in consequence, signally fail in rendering their own meaning intelligible in the public.
Harry. That is true, Sir, and I perceive that you have noticed how, at various times, this same piece has been announced as a "Musical Extravaganza," an "Operatic Burlesque," a "Grotesque Drama, illustrated with music by Mr. ”

“ Herein she has acted on principles which many persons, besides a writer in the Western Mail, may call "illogical and unsafe," but no thinking man, or woman either, would call those persons philosophers. If every School Board were to legislate as to the Fourth R simply on the principle of teaching just so much of it as children can be expected to understand, would not their practical arrangement be of necessity about the same as that recommended by Mrs. ”