Various

“ But if one volume is lost, the set is spoilt, and the missing book cannot, in the ordinary course of bookselling nature, be replaced. Consequently only a very careful and methodical person can venture upon travelling about with one of these volumes as his pocket-companion. A little Shakespeare is a dangerous thing. And this is why the small books belonging to Cassell's National Library, price threepence apiece, ought to find favour in the eyes of those who can read in a cab, in a coach, in a train, or even walking. ”

“ Why, Sir, it is well known that the Britons understood the Romans, and the Romans the Britons, and if the Romans had said their repetition in the absurd foreign fashion that a few modern-side pedants advocate, is it likely that the Britons would have understood them, much less that they would have had so much respect for them as to admit their garrisons, and their Mayors, and their Corporations, and what not for four or five hundred years? ”

“ As the snail carries his shell about with him, so every Englishman can carry his own Cassell, and get rid of it too—which is more than the snail can—and can lose it—and can replace it for the small sum of threepence, or if secondhand (for being in limp covers they soon become "secondhand" in appearance) for considerably less. With a volume from this library carried always in the tail-pocket of his coat—the very place to carry a short tale—no one need ever be idle, and every spare moment, as long as he is wearing the coat, can be well occupied. ”

“ Punch trusts that the Processions which you mention, and "the wandering bands perambulating the streets," which you are going to consider as disorderly, will be taken to include those disturbers of our Sunday Quiet, calling themselves Members of the Salvation Army, who, it is to be hoped, in every district wherever their presence is not welcome to a majority of the respectable residents, will be summarily dispersed and their noise stopped. On working days let perambulating bands come out for air and exercise, only let them take care that their "air" be always in tune. ”

“ Why should sech as you and me keep the likes o' them in laziness? If we 'ad our rights, it's us as 'ud be riding in their places!
Artisan (after a glance at him) . Dunno as the Show'd be much the prettier to look at for that, mate.
After the Procession.
Practical Pleasure-seeker (who has been pushed into a back row, and seen nothing but the banners, to Duggie and Weetie, miraculously recovered) . Thank Heaven, they're found! Children, let this be a lesson to you in future never to——What? Seen the Show beautifully, have you? (Boiling over.) Oh, very well—wait till I get you home! ”

“ It is well known that the celebrated gallery at Bingham Place, Somersetshire, is haunted, after midnight, by the apparition of a knight in full armour, who heralds his approach by the clanking of chains and cannon-balls, and who, after flinging about the boots and hot-water cans standing at the doors of the various guest-chambers, tumbles head-over-heels down-stairs, shrieking the refrain of a thirteenth century hunting-chorus, and having thoroughly awakened everybody sleeping on the premises, finally disappears with a loud unearthly wail, in the butler's pantry. ”

“ Johnny Russell was quite a nervous, modest person, compared with Gr-nd-lph. I should really like to see my old friend in my old chair.
The post, of course, has its attractions. It is no small thing to be principal Secretary of State, with a seat in the Cabinet, and an adequate salary. But, to tell the truth, dear Toby, the Home Secretary lives too near the People to have an uninterruptedly pleasant time. He is too close to, and too frequently under, the public eye. It is like working in a glass hive. ”

“ As stewards of the splendid patrimony of empire, we must not only keep it together, but properly—that is, justly and sagaciously—administer it, which, indeed, is the only sure and safe way of maintaining it. ”

“ Punch's good friend, Father James, of Little Bray, and precious little bray about him.
A MYSTERIOUS PAPER. The near approach of Christmas, with its fireside stories, has suggested the following list of questions for examination that may be put to himself by any intending raconteur. As he may be sure that if he can tackle them satisfactorily he will be able effectually to enchain any family circle he may come across during the coming festive season, he may be safely recommended to go at them in all confidence:—
1. What is a "spook"? Have you ever met one in society? Define "telepathy." ”

“ Unless you prefer to climb a tree.
She. Then, John, all I can say is, I wish I had stayed at home! (John murmurs a silent, but fervent assent.)
A Practical Pleasure-seeker. Now I tell you what we'll do, Maria—you take Weetie, and keep close to me, and I'll look after Duggie, and we'll just stroll comfortably up and down till the very last minute, and drop comfortably into front places, and there we are!
Patriotic P. What I like about occasions like this, is the spectacle of a thoroughly good-humoured, well-behaved British crowd—you don't see that on the Continent, y'know! ”

“ Routledge, who have just brought out a dainty little edition of the Cricket on the Hearth. This is a lasting work got up in a lasting manner. And so whether the tale be long, or short, pointed or not, every man for a small sum, in some instances a very small sum, can be his own talebearer: only the tale isn't his, it is somebody else's, but his by purchase.
Among the handiest of handy books must be included the Pocket Diaries for 1888, numbered, respectively, one, two, three,—of which No. 3 is "A1,"—brought out by John Walker & Co. ”

“ James Muir Howie, on the "Nerve Rest-Cure," which says—"For those who cannot get a sufficient holiday, the best substitute is an occasional day in bed." Why not several days in bed? In fact one's whole summer holiday? "Better than climbing toilsome mountains," he remarks. Quite so—and much better than toilsome trip to Ramsgate with one's whole family in tow. (Think of the Old Woman who lived in a Shoe. She had all her family in toe. Laugh feebly at my own joke. Really my nerves must be very bad.) Best feature of new holiday plan, however, is its cheapness. ”

“ Make room for this little boy, will you, please, I want him to see.
Crowd good-naturedly make way, affording unimpeded view of procession to Duggie—and the Experienced Sightseer, who troubles himself no further. ”

“ That schools and clubs should have their bands is an excellent thing. But there are six days in the week for noise, and the Salvationists can let us have our Sunday in peace. Mr. Punch is all for freedom of speech, and so he speaks out freely. He is all for the liberty of the subject, but the subject must remember that he is a subject, and Mr. Punch takes the liberty to remind him of it. At the meeting of real working men of business to protest against these meetings in Trafalgar Square, Mr. ”

“ The Author supplies a note in the official programme, in which she informs the World that Amun-Mykera Nitocris was "handsome among women, and brave among men, and governed for her husband with great splendour and much justice, though she is rebuked by several of the ancient historians for her cruelty and sensuality," and no doubt these facts have suggested the five long Acts of the more or less poetical play. ”

“ Mr. Coles was innocent of the charge brought against him, was convicted in the face of evidence; and as there was no one to screen Coles, poor Coles—Coles down again!—was shovelled into a black hole, which was, pro. tem., a Coles cellar. After sixteen months of Haytian bonds, and being kept in durance by Haytian Black Guards, the energy of the British F. O. obtained for the unfortunate prisoner a free pardon! But no further redress, except the offer of £500, which Coles couldn't be "cokes'd" into accepting. Now this matter of Hayti and Coles is a very black affair. What is going to be done? ”

“ Trafalgar Square may be "the finest site in the world," but the Mob in it isn't.
A ROW IN THE GALLERY. What does it all mean? "Pitch 'em over!" cries Sir Coutts-Lindsay of his "salaried assistants," and perhaps Sir Coutts would like to pitch Messrs. Comyns Carr and C. E. Hallé all over, and make them come out uncommonly black after the process. But apparently the "salaried assistants" have thrown over their munificent patron of the Arts, and turned themselves out. ”

“ Immediately the police and the other officials organised a stream right and left, and when it was found that there were many schools amongst the sight-seers, a cry of "Make way for the children!" secured the safety of the little ones. The picture galleries were as popular as ever, and I observed that the crowd generally gathered in dense masses near the paintings with historical events as their subjects. ”

“ There is too much latitude given to jabberers and chatterers in the present day. Politicians do nothing but prate, and the talking man nowadays has taken the place of the working man. We might begin our reform in the House of Commons. ”

“ As the landlord cannot induce any bailiffs to cross the threshold, the tenant who is, notwithstanding their ghastly condition, quite cheerful on the premises, is several quarters in arrear with his rent. ”

“ A Foreign Secretary labours in secret in the Samoan Islands, or some equally remote quarter, and months elapse before the publication of the Blue Book places his labour under the criticism of the public. ”

“ In the mean time, at this distance from Parliament Street, I get the advantage of perspective in regarding the office of Home Secretary. Down here it seems odd enough that it should be so much hankered after by men of various temperaments. H-nry J-m-s wanted it at the time H-rc-rt secured it. It had a strange fascination for L-we, and I am disclosing no secret when I mention that my old friend and patron, Gr-nd-lph, fancies it would suit him down to the ground. ”

“ Then Soris gets half-poisoned and entirely stabbed, and Nitocris and the Embalmer's Apprentice repair to a "stretch of desert in the neighbourhood of the Pyramids," to be drowned in an inundation which is much talked about but never seen. ”

“ Benson that "seven years and a half ago"—nothing like being exact—"he (H.R.H.) was enabled to lay the foundation stone of this Cathedral with Masonic honours." "Archbishop in scarlet, forsooth! scarlet tiny acolytes!" (such was evidently the rebuke conveyed in H.R.H.'s speech) —"you should just see Me as Most Worshipful Grand Master, with my Wardens, Deacons, Chaplains, and Tylers! Why, in comparison with that blaze of splendour, you and your scarlet are nowhere. ”