Various

“ I smelt a rat, but thought it best to give him an interview. He is a tall man, with a dark beard, straight dark hair, a sallow face and shifty eyes, and was dressed rather like a dissenting clergyman. He was immensely genial in his manner, said he had read every word of my eloquent speeches, and thoroughly agreed with all I had said, though he himself would never have been able to say it half as well. He then asked me if I had heard of his "History of the Borough of Billsbury" in four volumes. ”

“ House roared with laughter; RADCLIFFE COOKE talked about opposition "coming from Members who hoped to ride in gilded coaches"; CREMER rudely reminded TAY PAY that ten or fifteen years ago, he would have taken a very different view of the convenience of tramway cars. This wasn't pleasant; but when the Division bell rang, TAY PAY had the satisfaction of walking, alone amongst his Party, with the Gentlemen of England, triumphantly vindicating the rights of carriage-folk against tramway trabs. Long time since House of Commons witnessed a scene so rich as this in material for reflection. ”

“ Cruelty, cruelty, cruelty—all is cruelty! Boys are beaten; oxen are stabbed till the blood bursts forth; happy, industrious, dung-collecting beetles are bitten in two by careless, happy, beetle-collecting dogs—everything is wicked and cruel. ”

“ M. MAUREL first-rate as the Don, both in acting and singing, even better in former than latter; but the dear old serenade, which never can be vulgarised, in spite of its popularity, was encored, and the encore was gracefully accepted, Signor BEVIGNANI being in the chair, and willing to tap the desk and announce, "Gentlemen! Monsieur MAUREL will oblige again!" Applause.
If all the village maidens could dress in a costume such as Miss ZÉLIE-ZERLINA wears, then, to take the best and nicest view of it, that village must be uncommonly prosperous. ”

“ A dangerous epoch in a man's life. People apt just then to discover all kinds of shortcomings, and reasons why the promotion should have fallen elsewhere. But no one grudges OLD MORALITY this high and ancient honour; a fresh chapter in the pleasant story of "Mr. SMITH," a new "Part of His Life." For five years he has sat on the Treasury Bench in succession to DISRAELI and GLADSTONE; now he will answer for the safety of the Cinque Ports in succession to PITT and WELLINGTON, DALHOUSIE and PALMERSTON. Business done.—OLD MORALITY made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports. ”

“ It is true that, once let a "tuney tune" become vulgarised by street-musicians, and organic disease would be sufficient to kill it were it not tortured and ground to death by remorseless hands. But the Toréador's song and the March have not been the victims of an organised opposition. ”

“ CHUBSON proposed, "Prosperity to the Billsbury C.C." "Politics," he said, "are like Cricket. We spend our time in bowling overs." At this point a young Conservative, who had drunk too much, shouted, "Ah, and you mostly change sides, too"—an allusion to the fact that CHUBSON is believed to have started in politics as a Tory. ”

“ Excused myself on the ground of great pressure of work. He talked like this for about twenty minutes, and at last came to what he called the chief purport of his visit. He said he had in the course of his investigations, been fortunate enough to acquire important and exclusive knowledge with regard to the early life of Sir THOMAS CHUBSON and his chief supporters in Billsbury. "If it is published," he continued, "it will absolutely blast the prospects of Radicalism in Billsbury. I am not a grasping man, but I must consider my family. ”

“ No work as usual. Think I shall give it all up, and take entirely to politics. Yesterday afternoon a Mr. RICHARDSON GROGRAM called on me by appointment. He had written me a long letter stating that he had important information to communicate to me with reference to my candidature at Billsbury, and desired a short interview in order to lay it before me, Said he was "a Billsbury man born and bred, and naturally interested in everything that concerned the welfare of the old place, though for family reasons he had found it best to make the home of his riper manhood in the Metropolis." ”

“ It 'ud be a jolly long time, I shood think, before your real British Sailers wood learn to call a Waiter a Gasson, tho' as it means, I'm told, a Boy, there is sum little sense in it, coz there's, in course. Old Boys as well as yung ones; but what on airth meaning is there in a Kelner! as I'm acshally told all German Waiters insists on being called! Why the thing's too absurd to tork about. ”

“ I think I took the shine out of CHUBSON. Later on there was a shocking row between two of the town-councillors, who got to loggerheads over the question of the Billsbury Waterworks. It was smoothed over, however, after everybody had shouted "No politics!" for about ten minutes.
TOLLAND says we must begin to canvas a little soon. Horrible work, but absolutely necessary.
BOWLS. (BY A BUFFER.)
"Unfortunately (at bowls) one had to stoop to conquer: it is that stooping which (except in politics) plays the deuce with us after fifty." ”

“ Besides the British Publick is used to our little ways, as we are quite used to theirn, and they talk to us in that nice confidenshal tone about the different wines, et setterer, as no true Born Englishman ewer yet spoke to a Frenchman, much less a German. ”

“ When you print it, your public reads into it all kinds of mysterious and morbid religious emotions, and confused misinterpretations of life-problems, and everybody tacks on his own special explanation. That being so, it is quite unnecessary for you to explain things—which saves a great deal of trouble. ”

“ Might in time grow up to them, as it were.
Wanted the Lord Warden to enter House in his uniform: sadly in need of sensation. One would certainly be provided if Old MORALITY were discovered sitting on Treasury Bench in his present costume. ”

“ Result not altogether satisfactory. As TIM HEALY put it, "TAY PAY showed disposition to hunt with Brer FOX and run with Brer RABBIT." If in the end Brer FOX won, nothing in TAY PAY's Scotland Road speech need prevent him returning to his allegiance. If Brer FOX remained under a cloud, he could jog along with Brer RABBIT. Been careful not to spoil the little game by taking part in debate in House.
Demos.
Now, on this London Tramways Bill, which touches neither Brer FOX nor Brer RABBIT, TAY PAY interposes. Conservatives snort impatiently when he rises; cry aloud for division ”

“ We were in his room at House; just torn ourselves away from Committee on Irish Land Bill, where, at the moment, oddly enough SEXTON chanced to be speaking. Old MORALITY has been made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports, and is trying on his uniform. Rather piratical arrangement ”

“ Well, things is cumming to a pretty pass, things is, when I'm acshally told that, as it used to be said formerly, "No Hirish need apply for nothing," so now, we are told, that no English Waiters need apply at the Royal Nawal Xhibishun unless he bes a German!
"Rule, Britannia, Britannia rules the Waves! For Britons never, never, NEVER Shall be Slaves!"Robert the Waiter. ”

“ Has lately developed new oratorical charm. Constantly repeats his sentences, word for word. Everybody cleared out, even Mr. G., and JOHN MORLEY. Only Prince ARTHUR left languorous on Treasury Bench.
"Drooping like a lily out of water," MCEWAN says. Not that he's given to tropes of the kind; but, being lately at a wedding feast smothered in flowers, some of them have got into his conversation.
Business done.—In Committee on Irish Land Bill, but no forrader.
W.H. Smith in his new character as Warden of the Cinque Ports and Constable of Dover Castle. ”

“ SEYMOUR KEAY absent through greater part of sitting. Various rumours current in explanation of the happy accident. Influenza hinted at; but Grand Young GARDNER, who is familiar with both, says Grippe much too knowing to link itself with Member for Elgin and Nairn. Towards Eleven o'Clock, rumour set at rest by appearance of KEAY. Simple explanation of temporary absence is, that he has been at home, drawing up a few more Amendments.
In his absence. Windbag had it all to himself. How many speeches he has made through the dreary sitting am afraid to reckon up. ”