Various

“ In these Democratic times, when Humanity is advancing by leaps and bounds towards International Solidarity, soldiers are such grotesque and unnecessary anachronisms.
Lady Maisie (to herself, with a little shiver) . Oh, why does he—why does he? (Aloud.) I should have thought that, until war itself is an anachronism, men who are willing to fight and die for their country could never be quite unnecessary. But we won't discuss Captain Thicknesse, particularly now that he has left Wyvern. Suppose we go back to Mr. Spurrell. ”

“ Lady Maisie (the light dying out of her eyes) . No, don't—don't go on, Mr. Blair! We were all exceedingly stupid, no doubt, but you must make allowances for us—for me, especially. I have had so few opportunities of meeting people who are really distinguished—in literature, at least. Most of the people I know best are—well, not exactly clever, you know. I so often wish I was in a set that cared rather more about intellectual things! ”

“ Our neighbour has many Colonies. The Colonies of our neighbour are very productive. Why should we not have (some) productive Colonies? The cook is more valiant than the lion. Let us send the Ambassador to the bad Queen. The bad Queen has pulled the nose of the Ambassador. She is very obstinate, but she is not very amiable. The soldiers, the sailors, the ships, the stores, and the ammunition will soon arrive. The island has a very good soil, but not a very good climate. Why have the soldiers and the sailors not yet marched to the capital? ”

“ There is nothing like travel to enlarge the mind. Besides, one learns so much of foreign languages when one hears the varied idioms and phrases of the natives.
Thus meditating I arrive at the top of the ladder. What a smell of paint! They are evidently doing up the palace. Turn along a passage about two feet wide—how that German got through it has puzzled me ever since—and find myself in a magnificent studio, filled with painters, easels, palettes and canvases, and with the smell of paint. That German deceived me. I have come to the wrong place after all. ”

“ It is right to live for glory. There is much glory in shooting barbarians. When the island is conquered, who will go and live in it? My tailor, my butcher, my wife's mother (the mother of my wife) , and all my creditors, I hope, will go and live in it. We are not so rich as we once were. Why are we not so rich as we once were? Because we have spent all our money in trying to have big Colonies like our neighbour. If our neighbour is so wicked, why should we imitate him? He is only wicked because he has (the) big Colonies.
[Pg 259]
"ALL'S WELL!" British Lion And Russian Bear (together) . ”

“ Lady Maisie. At all events, he may have had to pay more heavily than you imagine. I wonder whether—— But I suppose anything so unromantic as the love affairs of a veterinary surgeon would have no interest for you?
Und. Why not, Lady Maisie? To the Student of Humanity, and still more to the Poet, the humblest love-story may have its interesting—even its suggestive—aspect.
Lady Maisie. Well, I may tell you that it seems Mr. Spurrell has long been attached, if not actually engaged, to a maid of mine. ”

“ That world is closed, whose magic "sesame" He only held, where he alone could capture The spirits of strange woe and witching glee, And set them sounding in dull human ears. Music whose memory moves our smiles and tears. ”

“ If man's nose is asked to decide, well, I think, In puzzlement pure man must—rub it! If the fragrance of "grains" will to some suggest drains, And to others bright Bendemeer's roses, Sanitation's big problem a puzzle remains, Since it all seems a question of noses. ”

“ Or, steaming on the briny deep, Watch each on each we scarce need keep From off the ironclad's steel deck, Lest mutual foes meet common wreck. Lord, no! If a strange hull draw near, A friendly voice salutes each ear. ”

“ Not at all the sort of man to give way to emotions or to be in love. However, it's a capital match for Nellie as St. Leger's firm are about the largest accountants in the city. My wife thinks it will be a good thing in another way, too, as my other six sisters may now have a chance of going off. It seems that when once this kind of epidemic gets into a family, all the unmarried sisters go popping off like blazes one after another. Called with my wife this afternoon to congratulate Nellie. ”

“ Goodbody called at home on his way from the City, and set to work as soon as he got into the drawing-room. He first kissed Nellie, then repeated the performance with my poor mother, and, finding that Maggie was close beside him, he kissed her on the forehead. Where will this end?
Friday.—He has regularly broken loose. He dined at home to-day, and, without a word of warning, kissed the whole family—my mother, Nellie, Maggie, Alice, Mabel, Polly, Maud, and little Beta. He quite forgot he had begun with my mother, and, after he had kissed Beta, got confused, and began all over again. ”

“ My life is lived! my day is done! Othello's occupation's gone— Ah! would that I were dead!"
He ceased. The manly voice broke down. I could no longer stay, But, as I hurried off to town, I pressed upon him half-a-crown, And joyed to see the hopeless frown Die for a while away.
THE ADVANTAGE OF HIGHER EDUCATION. Eton Boy (who has come to see his Brother at Harrow) . "I say, these Floods are stunning! We're all sent home, Four Weeks before the time!"
Harrow Boy (gloomily) ."I wish to goodness the Gov'nor had sent me to Eton. We're up on a beastly Hill here, an' no chance of any Floods!" ”

“ A. If you appreciate your work at its proper (that is to say, your own) value, you will not admire contemporaries.
Q. And what will you say of authors of the past?
A. That it is fortunate that they did live in the past, as they certainly do not exist in the present, and will certainly not revive in the future.
Q. How should you criticise a contemporary's novel? ”

“ Because the soldiers and the sailors have all got the fever. Why have they got the fever? Because our neighbour is wicked. Does it rain like this every day? Yes, it rains every day in the wet season. Which, then, is the dry season in the island? There is no dry season in the island. ”

“ This means that when I am nominated, as I shall be, of course, by all sections of the community (for I feel in my inward heart that it will be "all right on the night") , there will be only one candidate too many. Who will be the unsuccessful one? ”

“ How any Parliament can ever have dared to insert such a monstrous section I cannot understand. But there it is. "Free trout-fishing!" Well—there ought to be someone on the Parish Council to defend the rights of property. I shall be the man.
Next Tuesday the Parish Meeting in the Voluntary Schoolroom at 7.30. It cannot fail to be an eventful night.
Room-attics. ["Madame Patti caught cold in a damp artist's room."—Weekly Paper.] ”

“ Cassell & Co. evidently, or, says a Baronite fresh from school, "Ovidently" put a new construction on "Ars est celare Artem," for in their Magazine of Art it is clearly shown not only what Art does but how it does it. The etchings and photogravures are charming. There is a capital article on stage costumes, and among them is found the original idea out of which the fashionable Serpentine dance was twirlingly evolved.
Most little people will be much amused by the waggish tale of Toby, by Ascott R. Hope. ”

“ Am just about to apologise and retreat when I perceived a fine old master on the wall. Peeping amongst the painters, easels, palettes, and canvases, perceive other old masters, almost entirely hidden by the various erections of the students. ”

“ He is not of course Mr. Punch's "Toby," cela va sans dire. There cannot be two Tobies. It is "Toby or not Toby," and there is no "question" about it. This Toby, to whom the Toby never stood godfather, gives us the benefit of his amusing opinions. He is brought out by Innes (& Co.) , and is one of the daintiest dogs in the Dainty Book Series. So much for Toby.
Any who read the first series of Eighteenth Century Vignettes, by Austin Dobson, will eagerly welcome a second series issued by the same publishers, Messrs. Chatto and Windus. Of all writers at work to-day, Mr. ”