Various

“ They ought to feel it an immense privilege. I know I shall.
The Bishop (to himself, as he rises) . Port in sight—at last! But, oh, what I have had to suffer!
Lady Cant. (at parting) . Well, we've had quite one of our old discussions. I always enjoy talking to you, Bishop. But I haven't yet got at your reasons for voting as you did on the Parish Councils Bill: we must go into that upstairs.
The Bishop (with veracity) . I shall be—ah—all impatience, Lady Cantire. (To himself.) I fervently trust that a repetition of this experience may yet be spared me!
Lady Rhoda (as she leaves Spurrell) . ”

“ It is not every working-man's friend who will tell the working-man this wholesome truth: that the Bottle and the Betting-Book are his worst enemies. When he defeats them, the grasping capitalist, the mere greedy monopolist, will not have a chance against him. ”

“ Digemup's researches lead him to the belief that in the latter half of the Nineteenth Century a hideous "Annual Custom" prevailed. In the autumn of the year, it would seem, a sort of Social Edict of Banishment drove all decent and well-to-do citizens from their own happy homes, to make themselves miserable—by way of penance probably—in strange places, fusty, ill-furnished, often unhealthy, and always expensive, far from all the comforts and decencies, the conveniences and charms of their own well-ordered residences. ”

“ So if my description is not what the dramatic critics of the nearly newest school term "convincing," the omission is accounted for. We two, braving the rain the wind and the spray, put in an appearance at the end of the Admiralty Pier. There was a sort of boat-house on our right, which seemingly contained clothing for those who intended to do the guns.
"You had better put on canvas, Sir," said the custodian; "the engineers are about, and it is rather dirty down below."
My companion was soon suited with a pair of overalls and a jumper. ”

“ They've made us poor men feel positively obsolete! They'll snub us out of existence soon—our sex will be extinct—and then they'll be sorry. There'll be nobody to protect them from one another! After all, we can't help being what we are. ”

“ It seems to have been a custom almost as cruel as the blood-bath of Dahomey, as irrational and tormenting as the hari-kari of old Japan.
Amanda. Dear me! Poor dear deluded duffers, why did they do it?
Amandus. That even the pundits of the "Shrimpton-on-Sea" Exploration Society cannot so much as conjecture. Their excavators lately came upon a most mysterious "marine deposit" in a sand-choked chalk-cave in the course of repairing the great South-Coast Marine Embankment. Here are pictures of some of the items. Many of them are mysteries whose nature and use cannot be fathomed. ”

“ Since war has broken out between China and Japan there is no saying what may happen next, and it seems to me that a plain statement of our preparedness will have a reassuring effect. So without further preface I will relate my adventures, taking care, however, to give no information that can be serviceable to the enemy.
I am a bit of a soldier myself but frankly confess that I was not nearly so much of a warrior as my companion. We had a pass for two, and it was understood that nothing should be done through indiscretion that might endanger the safety of the country. ”

“ Who knew long exile's ache, and fortune's frown,
But as a friend who long with us did dwell,
And a brave man who bore fierce suffering well,
We grieve for him, and bow as sounds his passing bell.
A Suggested Addendum.—In the course of a sharply-written article in this month's The Theatre Magazine (under the editorship of Frederick Hawkins) , Mr. Clement Scott, while indignantly repelling the charge of venality brought against French dramatic critics by their compatriot M. Alexandre Dumas, observes, referring to English authors, "We have our Dumases on this side of the Channel." Undeniably. ”

“ You may travel over Europe till your heart and foot-soles ache,
You may meet wid many a warrior, but don't make a mistake,
The wondher of the wurruld, and of pathriots wide-awake,
Is the Parthy that is "led" by poor McCarthy.
The way they "pull together" fills a man wid shame and dread;
They're all in love wid Erin swate—or lasteways so 'tis said—
And the way each proves his passion is by breaking 'tother's head,
'Tis that that plays the mischief wid McCarthy.
Chorus.
For Dillon goes for Healy'S chump,
And at O'Brien aims a thump,
And Redmond hits all round with anger hearthy ”

“ But Beauty never hurt me. Fears begone!
See how the long-tressed charmers smile and beckon!
I'll go and risk a chat with them, I reckon!"
And while Punch mused,
They whispering to each other as in fun,
Soft music reached the Unsurpassable One:—
"Whither away, whither away, whither away? ”

“ So down we went into the depths of the earth. The hole was about as big as a kitchen chimney, and had on one side of it a number of iron bars, serving as a ladder. Our guide went first, then my companion, then I myself. I shall never forget the experience. I have often heard of the treadmill, and this seemed a revised edition of the punishment. Each bar hurt my feet, and each foot of descent increased my temperature. I went very slowly—it was impossible to go fast in overalls "36." ”

“ But this stream of "cab-runners" is being daily and hourly so treated, of course only by male occupants of cabs carrying luggage, and the runners take nothing but "damnum et injuriam" for their pains. But when the travellers with impedimenta are ladies or ladies' maids, and nurses with children, then evidently this objectionable stream cannot be "dammed" unless the butler or a stalwart footman be at home to receive Mesdames les voyageuses. In these cases, Eve travelling ought to have Adam handy. ”

“ It was useless to fight against destiny any longer. Assisted by those interested in a popular paper—which had slightly altered its character, changing from an authority on scientific research into a cheap sporting weekly—he reached the Antarctic Circle. ”

“ Our conductor was absolutely startled at my remark. Many years since I was a Volunteer Artilleryman, and I had stumbled on a technical term. "Number One" is the gunner of the firing-party who fires (i.e. lets off) the gun. The result of this display of knowledge was an elaborate description by our guide of the character of the gun bristling with technicalities. (Wishing to protect the Government secrets I do not transcribe it.)
Then we went to see how the gun was loaded, how it was laid or aimed. At last we came to the look-out tower.
"Only room for one gentleman," said our guide ”