John Dough

“ John Dough looked after them wonderingly. Then he drew himself up, pulled down his fine vest, sighed at discovering a slight crack in his shirt-front, and walked slowly along the street again. His first experience of life was not altogether pleasant. "Good gracious!" said a voice. He paused, and saw a woman leaning over a gate beside him and glaring at him in mingled surprise and terror. She held a broom in her hand, for she had been sweeping the walk. John lifted his hat politely. "Good morning, madam," said he. "Why, it's really alive!" gasped the woman. "Is a live person so very unusual?" ”

“ John gazed at her in horror. "Good eating!" he cried; "woman, would you murder me?" "I can't say it would be exactly murder," she replied, looking at him hungrily. "To destroy life is murder!" he said, sternly. "But to destroy gingerbread isn't," she rejoined. "And I can't see that it's cannibalism to eat a man if he happens to be cake, and fresh baked. And that frosting looks good. Come inside while I get a knife." She opened the gate and tried to grab John Dough by an arm. ”

“ Indeed, on all the Isle of Phreex, there is no one more unpleasant to meet with than this same lot of Failings."
At this the Brothers all bowed, saying at the same time:
"We are proud of ourselves!"
At that instant the Awkward tripped over his own toes and fell against the Blunderer, who tumbled headlong and thrust his slim lance straight through the body of John Dough.
"Oh!" cried Chick, greatly horrified.
"I told you so!" growled the Fresh-Air Fiend, pulling out the lance hastily. "Tell me, John Dough, are you dead, or are you just dying?" ”

“ In fact, it will make a curious ornament." "Look here, Sir John Dough," said the kinglet, turning to the gingerbread man; "what am I going to do? I've said the Indian must die, because he has no wart on his nose. And I find I can't kill him. Now, you must either tell me how to get out of this scrape or I'll cut your head off! And it won't be as hard to cut gingerbread as it is wood, I promise you." This speech rather frightened John, for he knew he was in great danger. ”

“ At the same instant the Arab leaped into the group that surrounded the throne and placed himself between the King and John Dough. "Stop!" he screamed, his voice shrill with anger. "How dare you eat the gingerbread I have bought and paid for?" "There's enough for all," said the King. "We'll divide him up, and have a feast." "Not so!" shouted the Arab. "He's mine, and mine alone!" But while they were thus quarreling the gingerbread man, free of his bonds, turned and fled swiftly into the forest, and before the Mifkets or Ali Dubh knew he had gone their intended victim was far away. ”

“ "No, thank you," said John. "I have no use for diamonds, any more than you have."
"But the time may come when riches will be a great help to you," said the man, and picking out three very big stones he began pressing them into John Dough's gingerbread body, one after the other.
"There!" he exclaimed. "They are now safely concealed, and if you ever need them you can dig them out and sell them. Those three stones would be worth several thousand dollars if you ever get into the world again, where diamonds are valued."
"You are very generous," said John.
[Pg 116]
"Oh, not at all, I assure you!" ”

“ It sent the Brotherhood of Failings sprawling in every direction, while the Incubator Baby flew to the water's edge, and John Dough's armor-clad body was knocked down and pressed into the soft sand until it was level with the surface. ”

“ The talk he had overheard made the gingerbread man very sad indeed. The bakery was no safe home for him, after all. Evidently it was the Arab's intention to find him and insist upon eating him; and John Dough did not want to be eaten at all. Therefore his enemies must not find him. They were no safer to meet with than the awful woman who wanted to cut him into slices; and he was learning, by degrees, that all men were dangerous enemies to him, although he had himself the form of a man. ”

“ After the conversation with the soldier, Chick went back to the hall of the castle and told John Dough and Para Bruin what the man had said. "They all expect a wise and just ruler, who is not made of flesh and blood," reported the little one; "so I guess it's up to you, John, to run this island." "I'm surprised," said Para Bruin, "that they do not prefer a king who is made of pure rubber and can bounce. But if they want John Dough instead of me I'm willing to yield in his favor." ”

“ Let us on," interrupted the little man with the big head. "Our kinglet doubtless awaits us."
When they had gone a few steps farther the Incubator Baby paused to say: "Some one is following us, and it's a stranger."
This remark caused John to look around, and immediately he stopped short with an expression of horror upon his frosted face. For there, turning the corner of the rocky path, was Ali Dubh the Arab. The fellow at once uttered a yell of joy and triumph, and drawing his gleaming knife he rushed upon John Dough with great eagerness. ”

“ But John Dough's little friend was back at his side before long, and together they went hand in hand through the halls of the castle to the throne-room of the kinglet.
They found his Majesty already seated in the throne, with the fat Nebbie asleep at one side of him and the girl executioner carefully sharpening her sword on the other side.
"This is my busy day," said the kinglet, nodding graciously to Chick and the gingerbread man. "There are too many useless people in my kingdom, and I'm going to kill off some of them. ”

“ It's lots of fun, isn't it, John Dough?" "Not exactly fun," said John, seriously; "but I will admit this voyage is rather exciting." Just then something snapped, and they heard a rapid whir of machinery inside the bird, a squeak that sounded like a wail of despair, and then a dull crash. The big machine trembled, ceased flopping its wings, and remained poised in the air like an immense kite. "It's all up," said Chick. "The thing's busted." "What's going to happen?" asked John, anxiously. "Wait and see," returned Chick, with a laugh. "It's cruel to laugh when we are in such grave danger!" ”

“ The Silver Pig
"How long is that story of the Silver Pig?" asked John, when they were alone in their room.
"As long as I want to make it," answered Chick, brightly.
"But suppose they get tired of it?" John suggested, timidly.
"Then they'll finish us and the story at the same time," laughed the child. "But we won't wait for that, John Dough. This palace isn't a healthy place for strangers, so I guess the quicker we get away from it the better. When everybody is asleep we'll go to the place where our machine lies, up on the roof, and fly away." ”

“ For clothing they wore gay leaves of the forest plants, twisted and woven together in quite a clever way; and taken all together, they were as unlike any creatures that inhabit our part of the world as can well be imagined. "Ah, these must be the beings called Mifkets," remarked John Dough, speaking aloud in a language he had never used before, but that seemed well fitted to such creatures. "That's easy enough to guess," retorted one of the group, coming nearer to the gingerbread man and impudently thrusting forward its putty-like face, which it wrinkled and distorted in a disturbing manner. ”

“ This is a little mortal Princess named Jacquelin, whom I have protected because her heart is as fresh and innocent as the daisies that grow in the fields. This is Chick, known also as the Cherub, an Incubator Baby without relatives, but who is not lacking in friends. And this is John Dough, a strange creature, having the form of a man, made out of gingerbread. He is not exactly a fairy, but lives through the magic of a fairy compound known as the 'Great Elixir,' and is therefore not responsible for being alive and is liable to perish before he has grown very old. ”

“ Between the lips of the man our baker pressed two rows of small white candies, and it was wonderful to remark the pleasant smile that now lent its charm to the face. With a sigh of satisfaction in the result of his work, the baker at last declared his gingerbread man ready for the oven. "And it is my masterpiece!" cried Monsieur Jules, proudly. "Never, even in Paris, have I seen so perfect a man of dough. He is well worthy to have a name, and I will call him John Dough, which will be appropriate, indeed!" ”

“ Here's a chance for either a fine ransom or a pot of boiling oil!"
"Then it's the oil," said Para Bruin, despondently; "for we have no ransom."
"You may as well start the bonfire," remarked Chick.
But John Dough stepped up to the pirate chief and asked:
"How much ransom do you require?"
"Well," answered the chief, "you're not worth much, yourself, and the child's too small to count; but a fine rubber bear like that is worth ten pieces-of-eight or a sparkling jewel."
"I will give you a sparkling jewel for him, as a ransom," said John, "provided you will then permit us to depart in peace." ”

“ It sailed away from the roof just as the Arab appeared at the top of the stairs. "Stop!" screamed Ali Dubh. "You're mine, John Dough. Come back and be eaten." "Don't mind him," said the Cherub, peeping at the Arab through a little window in the bottom of the bird's body. "And don't worry about this flying-machine, either. Imar has told me how to run it, and it will carry us somewhere, never fear. This button that I pushed is to start it, and there's another button somewhere to stop it." "Where?" asked John. "I don't remember. But never mind that; we don't want to stop just yet, anyhow." ”

“ Our hero's first act was to take off the Blunderer's heavy armor and pile it in one corner of the room. When free from the weight of metal he felt more like himself again, and walked to the window to view the scenery.
"It's a pretty place, Chick," he remarked.
"Oh, the Isle is all right," answered the child. "It's the people here that are all wrong, as you'll soon find out. Do you ever eat, John Dough?" ”

“ If I can find him, and eat him, a bit at a time, I shall get the benefit of the Great Elixir after all! It would not be so powerful, perhaps, as in its natural state; but it would enable me to live for many, many years!" John Dough heard this speech with a thrill of horror. Also he now began to understand how he happened to be alive. "I do not know where the gingerbread man is," said Monsieur. "He walked out of my shop while he was quite hot." "But he can be found," said the Arab. "It is impossible for a gingerbread man, who is alive, to escape notice. ”

“ Taken altogether, this odd creature presented a most surprising appearance, and while John Dough and Para Bruin stared at it in amazement Chick boldly asked: "Who are you?" "Sport is my name, and sport is my nature," answered the creature, winking one eye frightfully, and grinning until its queer mouth curled up at both corners of the slit. "Sport," remarked the rubber bear, gravely, "is something amusing; so I am sure you are misnamed." "Oh! you're a balloon," returned Sport, kicking at the bear with one of his golf-club feet; "the kid's a chucklehead and the other's a bun." ”

“ Indeed, so frightened was he that he uttered screams of terror with every breath, and forgot all about eating John Dough in the more important thought of how he might reach safety.
"Let's run!" exclaimed Chick, grasping John's hand. "Don't mind the Arab. If he falls it's good enough for him!"
"The Mifkets will rescue him, I'm sure," added the Princess. "See! there come some of the creatures now, with Black Ooboo at their head."
Hearing this, John hesitated no longer, but fled down another pathway with the children, and soon left the sound of Ali Dubh's cries far behind him. ”

“ Thereupon the child led John Dough to the King's attiring-room, and hunted in the closets until a fine ermine robe and a crown and scepter were discovered. The crown was a little tarnished [Pg 310] from lack of use, but the jewels in it still sparkled brightly; so the bear set it upon John's gingerbread head and put the scepter in his right hand. Chick folded the ermine robe around him in such a way that his missing left hand was not noticed, and then they led the gingerbread man to the great hall and placed him in the royal throne. ”

“ But behind this green sward towered a forest so strange and magnificent that both Chick and John Dough held their breaths in amazed awe as they gazed upon it. For they beheld a confused group of the most gorgeous plants imaginable, most of them having broad leaves as big as the sails of a ship and of exceedingly vivid colorings. ”

“ The rabbit did not know, of course, and looked at its new acquaintance in a puzzled sort of way.
"Are there any more like you on this island?" inquired John Dough.
"Oh, yes; there are lots of us!" exclaimed the rabbit. "But not so many of us as there are Mifkets."
"And what is a Mifket?" asked John.
"A sort of creature that is neither an animal nor a man," answered Pittypat. "And the Mifkets rule this island because they are bigger and fiercer than we rabbits are. Also I know many squirrels and birds and mice, and the Fairy King of the beavers—for I am well acquainted here. ”

“ And it proves the purity and high grade of my rubber." "It does, indeed!" declared John. "I am greatly pleased to have met so remarkable and talented a bear." "You must visit me often," said the bear, making a dignified bow. "It is a great treat to hear my own language spoken, for I am the only bear upon the island. I haven't any visiting cards, but my name is Para Bruin, and you are always welcome at my cave." "I am called John Dough," said the gingerbread man. ”