Jonesville

“ Josiah still called ’em “coolers,” because they wuz dressed kinder cool, but carryin’ baskets, buckets, sedans, or trottin’ a sort of a slow trot hitched into a jinrikisha, or holdin’ it on each side with their hands, with most nothin’ on and two pigtail braids hangin’ down their backs, and such a jabberin’ in language strange to Jonesville ears; peddlers yellin’ out their goods, bells ginglin’, gongs, fire-crackers, and all sorts of work goin’ on right there in the streets. Strange indeed to Jonesville eyes! Catch our folks takin’ their work outdoors; we shouldn’t call it decent. ”

“ Josiah owned a old dwellin’ house in the environs of Jonesville, right acrost from Cap’n Bardeen’s, who rented it of him to store things in. The town line runs right under the house, so the sink is in Zoar, and the cupboard always had stood in Jonesville. But owin’ to Ernest White’s labors and prayers and votes, his and all other good ministers and earnest helpers, Jonesville went no-license now jest as Loontown did last year.
And jest as Satan always duz if he gits holt of souls that he can’t buy or skair, he will try to cheat ’em, he is so suttle. ”

“ Most men would have tamely submitted to their fate instead of chasing up all the Joneses of Jonesville! Freddy sent me an early answer—a gay, happy, overflowing little note—telling me to try and engage Doctor Jones for a three-day house-party at Morristown. ”

“ I didn’t say a word, but oh! what a strange agitated feelin’ I felt, to hear brother Minkley go on—for that very Senator Vyse he was a talkin’ about, is a disgrace to Jonesville and the world. A meaner, licentiouser man never trod shoe leather. He lives two or three miles out of Jonesville, in a awful big, nice place; looks like a castle; he has troops of servants, and a colored nigger to drive his horses, and is considered a big-bug. And truly, if meanness makes a man feel big he has reason enough to feel. ”

“ She don’t realize things as she ort, and as she will when she is older. Now there is a young feller here in Jonesville that has got after her, Caleb Cobb, or Kellup, as everybody calls him. And just out of pure fun she lets him foller her up. I feel bad about it, and so I have told Josiah. ”

“ No soldier-high or low-ever admitted engaging an equal or inferior force of the enemy.
About 9 o'clock in the morning—Sunday—they rode through the streets of Jonesville on their way to give us battle. It was here that most of the members of the Regiment lived. Every man, woman and child in the town was related in some way to nearly every one of the soldiers. ”

“ The Parsees dress in very rich silks and satin, the men in pantaloons of red or orange and long frocks of gorgeous colored silk; they wear high-pinted black caps, gold chains and rings and look dretful dressy.
Josiah loved their looks dearly, and he sez dreamily, “What a show such a costoom would make in Jonesville; no circus ever went through there that would attract so much attention,” and he added, “their idees about the sun hain’t so fur out of the way. The sun duz give all the heat and light we have, and it is better to worship that than snakes and bulls.” ”

“ In the old Jonesville meetin'-house now, when Elder Minkley is a-preachin' on Jonah—and you know he trots him out a dozen times a year as a warnin'—how you and I could lift up our heads and tost 'em, and how the necks of the Jonesvillians would be craned round to look at us—we two, who had rid out in a whale—we had been right there, and knew how it wuz."
"I don't want to show off," sez I, "and I don't want any necks craned or tosted on account of my gettin' into a whale and ridin' it;" and then I sez, "Good land! what won't Chicago do next?" ”

“ Our esteemed friends of the Sixty-fourth Virginia, who were in camp at the little town of Jonesville, about 40 miles from the Gap, had learned of our starting up the Valley to drive them out, and they showed that warm reciprocity characteristic of the Southern soldier, by mounting and starting down the Valley to drive us out. Nothing could be more harmonious, it will be perceived. ”

“ She was the widder of Sampson Bump; he died with collery morbeus, and she moved to Jonesville and set up a tailoress shop, and had been called likely. Though the wimmen of Jonesville had gi’n in that their husbands never had so many clothes made in the same length of time, and a good many of the men had got scolded considerable by their wives for runnin’ through with their property, and goin’ so deep into their store-clothes. But the men had all gi’n in that ready-made clothes ripped so it was a perfect moth to buy ’em, and it was fur cheaper to hire ’em made by hand. ”

“ Josiah thought I wuz flirtin', and asked me anxiously if I'd got sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn't dain to reply to him—at my age! and with my reputation to carry round! The idee!
Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot where the central cascade gushes out, what a seen lay spread out before us. You can look off two milds one way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in the world milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty differin' from the other as one star differs from another in glory. ”

“ But bein' born at last and growin' up to be a good-lookin' young man and well-to-do in the world, he come out to Jonesville on business and also to foller up the ties of relationship that wuz stretched out acrost hill and dale clear from Maine to Jonesville. ”

“ He wanted to get put in county judge; and so, the korkuss bein' held in Jonesville, I s'pose he thought he'd come down, and endear himself to us, as they all do.
I am one that likes company first-rate, and I always try to do well by 'em; but I tell Josiah, that somehow city folks (Elburtus wus brought up in a city) are a sort of a bother. They require so much, and give you the feelin', that, when you are a doin' your very best for 'em, they hain't satisfied. You see, some folks'es best hain't nigh so good as other folks'es 3d or 4th. ”

“ Paloma Jones had developed wonderfully since Dave Law had last seen her. She had grown into a most wholesome and attractive young woman, with an unusually capable manner, and an honest, humorous pair of brown eyes. During dinner she did her part with a grace that made watching her a pleasure, and the Ranger found it a great treat to sit at her table after his strenuous scouting days in the mesquite.
"I'm glad to hear Jonesville is prosperous," he told his host. "And they say you're in everything."
"That's right; and prosperity's no name for it. ”

“ But there seems to be a kind of a happy-go-lucky air in ’em all, even to the beggars and the little lazy, ragged children layin’ in the sunshine. The people live much out of doors here, you can see ’em washin’ and dressin’ the children, and doin’ housework, and everything right from the street, and though I don’t spoze the poor suffer so much here on account of the warm climate, yet dirt and rags and filth and vermin didn’t look any better to me here than they did in Jonesville. ”

“ But at the last minute a dispute had rosen: some of the leadin' minds of Jonesville, uncle Nate Gowdey amongst 'em, insisted on it that Liberty wuzn't a woman, he wuz a man. And they wanted him depictered as a man, with whiskers and pantaloons and a standin' collar, and boots and spurs—Josiah Allen wus the one that wanted the spurs. ”

“ Sez he, “I almost always give a groan and so does Ury––Bridge of 332 Groans.” Sez he, “that will sound uneek and genteel in Jonesville.”
But mebby he won’t do it; he often makes plans he don’t carry out and he gits things wrong––he did the very first minute we got there.
We arrove in Venice about the middle of the afternoon, and as Robert had writ ahead for rooms, a man wuz waitin’ with a sizeable gondola to take us to our tarven.
When Josiah see it drawin’ nigh he sez to me, soty vosy, “Never, never, will I ride in a hearse; I wouldn’t in Jonesville and I won’t in Italy ”

“ We had the old mare and the colt, and seein' a strange horse come up so close behind us, the colt started off full run towards Jonesville, and then run down a cross-road and into a lot.
Says the man behind us, "I am a little younger than you be, Mr. Allen; if you will hold my horse I will go after the colt with pleasure."
Josiah was glad enough, and so he got into the feller's wagon; but before he started off, the man, says he:
"You can look at that machine in front of you while I am gone. I tell you frankly, that there haint another machine equal to it in America ”

“ It wuz a sight to see ’em, all on ’em a growin’, and some on ’em hundreds of years old. Josiah says to me:
“If I ever live to git home I will surprise Jonesville. I will have our maple and apple trees trimmed in this way if I live. How uneek it will be to see the old snow apple tree turned into a lumber wagon, and the pound sweet into a corn house, and the maples in front of the house you might have a couple on ’em turned into a Goddess of Liberty and a statter of Justice, you are such a hand for them two females,” sez he. ”

“ But he didn't stay bowed down for any length of time: truly, men are constituted in such a way that mortification don't show on 'em for any length of time.
But it made sights and sights of talk in Jonesville. The Jonesvillians made sights and sights of fun of him, poked fun at him, and snickered. I myself didn't say much: it hain't my way. I merely says this: says I,—
“You thought you wus so awful popular, Josiah Allen, mebby you won't go round with so haughty a mean onto you right away.” ”

“ It wuz Elder Wessel lookin’ for Lucia, so Waitstill said. It wuz Love waitin’ and lookin’ out, hoping and fearing. Poor father––poor girl! Both struck down by a blow from the Poor Man’s Club. She writ considerable about Jonesville news to Arvilly, knowin’, I spoze, how welcome it would be, and said she got it from Ernest White. ”

“ I spoze it wuz on Robert Strong’s account that we wuz invited to the Emperor’s palace, though Josiah thought it wuz on his account. Sez he:
“Fritz is a educated man and reads about foreign affairs; 405 of course, he has hearn of Jonesville and knows that I am one of its leadin’ men, and wield a powerful influence in political and religious circles, and wants to honor me and on my account and to please me, and for various diplomatic reasons he is willin’ to receive my pardner.” ”

“ Now I always found it healthier where Josiah wuz than in any other place. Difference in folks I s’pose. But they say there is sights and sights of husbands and wives jest like Miss Flamm. Can’t find a mite of health anywhere near where their families is, and have to poke off alone after it. It makes it real bad for ’em.
But anyway she came to Jonesville for her health. And she hearn of Thomas Jefferson and employed him. It wuz money that fell onto her from her father, or that should have fell, that she wuz a tryin’ to git it to fall. ”

“ Josiah. (Not lookin’ up from his paper) . I would love to Samantha, nothin’ pleases me more than to churn two or three pails full of cream. Men had always ruther do that than to eat.
Samantha. Take holt then and let me rest a minute. I did a big day’s work before I begun to churn, and I’m tired out.
Josiah. (Still reading) . I would in a minute, Samantha, but if I take this tub of butter to Jonesville I’ve got to grease the democrat, it don’t run good. (Lookin’ up from his paper) . I want you to hear this Samantha. ”

“ And then, agin, it might be that Josiah wuz right.
He sez, "It's easy enough to do that. He casts a mist before our eyes, and we have to see jest what he wanted us to."
"Wall," sez I, "if I had to do one of 'em to entertain the Missionary Society at Jonesville, I d'no but I had jest as soon hist Submit Tewksbury up in the air, and suspend her there in our parlor, as to cast mists before the eyes of the Jonesvillians and make 'em see her there when she wuz a-settin' on the sofa. Either one on 'em is queer—queer as a dog."
"Wall," sez he, "you don't want to go into any sech a job. ”

“ Oh, human love and longing, how strong thou art! I knowed that him meant the things of the sperit, but my human heart translated it, and I sithed and felt that the Jordan my soul wuz passin’ through wuz indeed a hard pathway, and I couldn’t help castin’ a wishful eye on Jonesville’s 49 fair and happy land, where my earthly possession, my Josiah, lay. ”

“ And if them two blessed little creeters can take comfort a ridin’ round the presinks of Jonesville on their own two little ponys, they are goin’ to take it.
Life is short, and if you don’t begin early to take some comfort you won’t take much.
But to resoom. The relation on Maggie’s side has passed away, but the relation on Josiah’s side is still in this world, if it can be called bein’ in this world when your heart and spirit are a soarin’ up to the land that lays beyend. ”

“ Samantha. Oh don’t git agitated, Josiah, this butter has got to be churned and worked over, and the rest of my mornin’s work done, and I wish you’d pull up a pole of water, and help finish the churnin’ and bring up that tub from the suller and help pack it. It is hard work for a woman’s back and arms when they’re most broke already.
Josiah. (Rising and speaking very cross) . If I go to Jonesville that democrat has got to be greased. How can you expect a democrat to run without ilein’? And sometimes they won’t run then. ”

“ Well, the end on't was, he brung it in and sot it up the other end of the parlor, and drove off. And when Josiah come in from his work, and Thomas J. come home from Jonesville, they liked it first rate. [Pg 733]
But the very next day, a new agent come, and he looked awful skairt when he katched sight of that organ, and real mad and indignant too.
"That villain haint been a tryin' to get one of them organs off onto you, has he?" says he.
"What is the trouble with 'em?" says I, in a awestruck tone, for he looked bad.
"Why," says he, "there is a heavy mortgage on every one of his organs. ”