Lady Noggs

“ His action gave the countess time; she got her breath, and looked sorrowfully at the Lady Noggs: she said, "Oh, what a cruel child, to give me such a fright!"
"What fright?" said the Lady Noggs, puzzled.
"It's really monstrous that you should play such a trick, Felicia!" cried the Prime Minister angrily.
"Stealing jewels, even for a joke, is a bit thick," said a young admirer of the countess.
"Stealing!" cried the Lady Noggs hotly. "I didn't steal them! They weren't stolen at all! She hid them herself in the White Pool, at the bottom of the garden. ”

“ Sue stuffed her old frock and boots and hat under a bush; and then they began to talk, or rather the Lady Noggs began again her intimate and searching questions into the matter of Druggers' Rents and the life of the inhabitants of Poplar.
As they talked, the pride of wealth now and again got the better of Sue's manners. A blank silence would follow a question from the Lady Noggs, and she would find her protégé absorbed in the ecstatic contemplation of a boot, or a stocking, or a portion of her frock. ”

“ The Lady Noggs understood that it was a question, though she did not recognize the form. "Yes, they are, really," she said. "You change."
"Blimy!" said Sue, and she set about the operation with a bewildered air, dazed by this sudden possession of wealth beyond the dreams of ostentation. She fingered each article with awed respect; turned it this way and that, with trembling hands; then stripped off her old clothes with feverish haste. The frock fitted her very well, though, since her body was mostly skin and bone, it was a little large. ”

“ For an hour the Baroness Pulvermacher growled hoarsely of the glories of the house of Meiningen-Schwerin, and of the grovelling respect due to her distinguished pupil from the rest of the world. For another hour she growled with undiminished hoarseness of etiquette. For an hour she growled of the arts of reading and writing, in which branches of polite learning Princess Wilhelmina was about as far advanced as a bricklayer's daughter at the age of seven. The Lady Noggs, in spite of the reproaches of the baroness, yawned and yawned. She was bored to extinction. ”

“ When she had done the duke said with natural heat, "Look here, Noggs; you've no business to go to such places—no business at all! It must stop! It's not only the Hooligans, but such places are hot-beds of disease. You might catch any fever there!"
I didn't want to go!" cried the Lady Noggs. But Billy and uncle, and both those two stupid politicians said that Sue was wrong—that children weren't really treated like that—and I had to go and see for myself. And Sue was quite right, just as I thought. You belong to the House of Lords; why don't you see after the poor children?" ”

“ In a somewhat halting and uneasy fashion the Prime Minister said, "I have an invitation for you, Felicia. The Princess of Meiningen-Schwerin has written to ask you to go to live with her little daughter at Catford Palace."
"Me!" cried the Lady Noggs with the liveliest disgust. "Me go and live with a princess! I won't do anything so horrid! I'm sure she's a stuffy old thing!" ”

“ The train started with a little jerk; then the tension suddenly relaxed; and the Lady Noggs threw up her hands over her face, and burst into a fit of tearless sobbing. John Cooper let her sob for three minutes, then he said sharply, "Take a pull. Lady Grandison! Take a pull! Yew've got to look after the youngster!"
The Lady Noggs choked down her sobs, though her mouth went on twitching, and turned to the baby. The stranger moved down to the seat opposite him, and took a careful look at him: "He's powerful sick," he said, "and I've had a sick child of my own, a very sick child. ”

“ She kicked idly at a tuft of grass with a boot several sizes too large for her and split across the toe.
The Lady Noggs, ignorant of the social hierarchy and of the vast gap between the classes in which the child in the crimson frock and the little red-haired girl respectively moved, was indignant at the unkindly firmness with which the superior five had vindicated their claim to a higher social standing. She leaned through the hedge and said, "Little girl, would you like to come into the wood? It's ever so much nicer than those silly fields." ”

“ At last he said, "Begging your ladyship's pardon, but if so be as you wouldn't say nothing about that rabbit, I should take it kindly."
"I shan't say anything about the rabbit, because I never tell tales," said the Lady Noggs proudly.
"Thank you, your ladyship," said William with a grunt of relief.
"You've no business to poach, William," said the Lady Noggs, still aggressively virtuous. "It's very wrong. One of these days you'll get caught and go to prison. Why don't you do honest work?"
"Honest work?" cried William Cotteril, suddenly purple with the bursting forth of a grievance. ”

“ The Lady Noggs respected his brooding. She devoted herself to her breakfast in silence, only breaking it to say, "Uncle, you are eating a cold chop; those in the dish are hotter," or "Uncle, you're drinking cold coffee; you'd better pour it away and take fresh."
The Prime Minister followed her suggestions dreamily. When they had done, and were going out of the room, he awoke and said: "You won't forget to apologize to Mr. Borrodaile?" ”

“ The money must be replaced!"
"Then it just shan't be!" said the Lady Noggs, filled with wrath at the unjust aspersion on her protege. "I collected the money and I'll spend it how I like—on charity! And I won't collect any more for the heathen! I'll get a box for sick children!"
"This is worse and worse!" stuttered Mr. Cringle. "Our—our first duty is to the heathen."
The Lady Noggs gave Villikins a cut, and, as he dashed off, she cried: "It can't be! The heathen haven't got pins in their throat—so there!" ”

“ She swept down the room, and was making an excellent exit, when she spoiled everything by turning on the Lady Noggs as she passed and crying, "Oh, you wicked and abominable child!"
The Lady Noggs had at last grasped in all its fulness the nefarious attempt of the countess, and she was indeed angry. "I'm not!" she cried fiercely. "You're a wicked woman! ”

“ The Lady Noggs waited to hear no more; she saw that the intervention of a capable person was called for; jumped out of bed, put on her dressing-gown and slippers, took the reticule from under the mattress, and hurried out of the room. She was already at the head of the staircase when Miss Caldecott and Mr. Borrodaile came out of the sitting-room to see what was going on, saw her, and hurried after her.
The Lady Noggs ran down to the staircase into the great hall, and, hearing a buzz of talk from the library, made for it. She found her uncle and most of his guests in it ”

“ A marriage with a penniless girl like herself meant the ruin of a career which promised to be so brilliant.
She had been under the impression that she regarded him merely as the pleasantest and most entertaining of her friends. The thrill came as a most unpleasant warning that her deeper feelings might be very much more concerned in the matter than she supposed. At once she resolved not to return to Stonorill for at least a fortnight; and she began also to consider the resignation of her post of governess to the Lady Noggs. ”

“ She met no one but Mr. Borrodaile. At the sight of her excessive innocence his eyes grew alert; then he saw the hat in her hand, and a look of understanding filled his face. The innocence and the hat in conjunction meant truancy. He opened his mouth to turn her from her purpose by a timely rebuke, then shut it quickly. The prospect of a pleasant hour or two in the woods with Miss Caldecott, hunting for her vanished charge, opened before his mental vision. He passed the Lady Noggs without a word. ”

“ They do," said Tinker.
At once the Lady Noggs became all hospitality. She took the unresisting wedding guest by the hand, led him to a table, and pressed refreshment upon him. She offered him the innocuous drinks his soul abhorred—hock-cup, claret-cup, champagne-cup, and cider-cup. He refused them all with great shortness, and was turning away from the table when Sir Hildebrand Wyse came up to them and greeted her. She shook hands with him, crying with joyful pride, "Oh, let me introduce you, Tiger Jake—Sir Hildebrand Wyse. He was a tough in Arizona, and used to shoot people in saloons." ”

“ It would be awfully handy to have a car each," said Tinker. "We could do a lot more with two cars than with one."
"Couldn't we?" said Elsie. And their eyes seemed to light up with splendid visions of a yet further discomfited Humanity.
The Lady Noggs regarded them with admiring respect; but in a moment Tinker returned to the present earth, and said, "What we've got to do now is to get Noggs to the Pavilion on the hill without anybody seeing her." ”

“ The outcry rose to the skies: the prince and princess, the baroness, and the ladies-in-waiting were all expressing their loud horror and dismay together to an accompaniment of the joyous yelping of the poodles, who foolishly supposed it a new kind of game. The Princess Wilhelmina protested that they had but been gathering water-lilies and she had fallen in; the Lady Noggs cried, with an anguished plaintiveness, "How could I keep her out of the pond? She's such a silly little girl." ”

“ The baby seemed no worse for the hasty journey: the little choking cough and moan came no oftener. They sat down a few feet from the line, panting; and William began to knot the handkerchiefs together for the flag. Mrs. Cotteril snatched them out of his tremblingy clumsy fingers, and made it herself very quickly. Then, shading her eyes, they started down the line for the train. The minutes dragged.
Presently the Lady Noggs said, "I think I'd better go to London with Liza and the baby, William. I know all about cabs, and I can see they don't lose time." ”

“ THE LADY NOGGS APOLOGIZES I'M afraid you've had a tiring evening, Mr. Borrodaile," said the Prime Minister with gentle commiseration, pausing at his bedroom door. "It was unfortunate that those despatches came so late."
"Not at all, sir; not at all," protested his secretary.
"Well, we have disposed of them, at any rate, which is always something gained," said the Prime Minister, passing his fingers combwise through his beard; and he sighed as if an infinite load of regret for "something accomplished, something done," weighed upon his scrupulous soul. ”

“ In the middle of this sacrifice to accuracy, Elsie's maid Selina arrived: a middle-aged woman of a very rugged countenance. To the surprise of the Lady Noggs Tinker at once informed her of the fact that she had been kidnapped, and was being held to ransom. The Lady Noggs was even more surprised when Selina made no protest, but only said with patient glumness, "I expect there'll be a fine to do about it." ”

“ How brave you Englishwomen are! Stoics, true stoics!" And she set about being interesting, with sudden shudders and starts of alarm, for the rest of the evening.
Every one began to suggest theories of how the mouse came to be in the napkin: at least not every one; those who knew the Lady Noggs put forward no theories, and the Prime Minister was frowning.
The next morning the Lady Noggs was summoned to his study before breakfast, and found him frowning still.
"Good-morning, Felicia," he said sternly. "Did you put that mouse in the Countess Karskovitch's napkin last night?" ”

“ I always come home some time!" cried the Lady Noggs in a bitterly aggrieved tone. "Some body's always worrying. How was I to know that Liza's baby would get a pin in its throat, and I should have to flag the Northern Star and take him to London? ”

“ What! The idiot told me that Lady Felicia Grandison was on the lawn. It's her I want. I've come to say a few words about meddling with the affairs of other people to Lady Felicia Grandison—I want to tell her to mind her own business. What! Where is she, Violet? Eh! Where is she?"
"I'm here," said the Lady Noggs. "I'm Lady Felicia Grandison."
Mr. Caldecott turned his eyes quickly upon her, and a sudden blankness filled his face. "Eh, what! You're Lady Felicia Grandison?" and he looked at Violet for confirmation.
Violet nodded and said, "Yes, this is Lady Felicia Grandison." ”

“ I could get it out if I had the instruments; but I haven't, and I know of none nearer than London. There every hospital has them."
"Then he must go to London!" cried the Lady Noggs.
"It can't be done. I've just worked it out. The pin must be extracted inside of four hours to save him. If we could have caught the Northern Star at Micklefield we could have got him to a hospital in plenty of time. But it's due at Micklefield in twenty minutes; and it's fifteen miles away. No: there's no hope for the poor little soul." ”

“ The Lady Noggs flitted about the room looking like a charming and gorgeous butterfly, for to Miss Caldecott's extreme surprise she had for once delayed getting into a holland frock immediately after lunch. While she flitted, she discoursed amiably of trifles till she had heard her uncle sigh twice more. Then she said briskly, "Uncle, I want some rabbits, six rabbits a week."
"Six rabbits a week! Three hundred and twelve rabbits a year! ”