B. M. Croker

“ Living opposite to you has been as interesting as a tale in The Family Reader or Bow Bells. What with your coming so poor and lowly, and then knowing Lady Hildegarde, and turning the heads of hundreds at the Moate ball—oh, I heard all about it—and then being left desolate, and scorned, and, lastly, being fetched away by a lord, your own uncle—why, it’s most—most awfully affecting! ”

“ I meet such thousands of new people every year. One thing I have not forgotten: your too delicious wire mattresses—such a treat in India—and your charming landau on cee springs; and, oh yes, those absurd old elephants! Dear Mrs. Hayes,” gazing closely at Emma, “you look as if this cold climate did not agree with you; you have got quite hollow-cheeked and thin.”
“I have been rather ailing,” said Emma, faintly.
“You really must get away to Torquay this Christmas. Have you made any friends here?” ”

“ I urged.
“With regard to some people, a little goes a long way. Oh, good heavens, I don’t mean that!”
“I don’t think you know what you mean,” I answered remorselessly.
[235]
“Yes, I do; but I am not quick and brilliant like you. I am doing my best to tell you that you are everything in the world to me—more than father, mother, money. I meant that the little I saw of you went a long way to making me care for you; and you are laughing at my blunders, and raising objections. The real, true, and only obstacle is not Lady Hildegarde nor Miss Chalgrove, but Miss Hayes herself. ”

“ How I wished that Emma, the partner of those dark days, had been alive to enjoy the sunshine of my present prosperity!
I have not forgotten Stonebrook—nor has it forgotten me. I send punctual remembrances to Mrs. Gabb and the Mounds; and Miss Skuce clings to me. She favors me with long letters (crossed) and elaborate Christmas cards, and receives in return hampers of game and hothouse fruit. Uncle Chalgrove calls her “a kind, good, warm-hearted old soul!” ”

“ She knew my own mother intimately long ago, and has repeatedly assured me, with what poor Emma called her “irresistible” manner, that she will take her old friend’s place, and be more than a mother to me! Naturally, I have never once referred to our unpleasant little encounter in Mrs. Gabb’s lodgings, nor to Emma, nor to India, nor to any delicate subjects. I am always civil and—I hope—agreeable. I shall never tell tales to Everard. Perhaps he may have his suspicions—who knows? Perhaps Miss Skuce took all Stonebrook into her confidence—perhaps not. ”

“ Indian ladies, who were frequently compelled to make a very little furniture go a long way, and who were unsurpassed in the art of makeshifts. Some grasses and winter berries filled several bowls and vases; a few pretty Eastern ornaments were scattered about; an Indian drapery was thrown carelessly over the sofa. A smart paper lamp-shade and two or three silk cushions brightened up the room, and last, not least, a considerable gallery of photographs. They caught the eye on all sides, and had a truly imposing effect. Emma had been twelve years in the East, and had accumulated many portraits. ”

“ I spoke French fluently, played the piano and guitar, was an excellent needle-woman; but these would scarcely justify me in seeking a place above that of a cheap governess or waiting-maid. The struggle for existence was now so fierce, the half-million surplus women were such keen competitors for bread, that life was nothing more nor less than one long hardly contested battle. I had grasped this fact, young as I was. I was a good accountant (whilst Emma could not do the simplest little sum in addition) ”

“ One evening she hurried in in a state of breathless excitement.
“They have arrived,” she announced. “Mrs Smith saw the station brougham loaded with luggage. I expect Lady Hildegarde will be in to see you to-morrow at cockcrow—well, at any rate, directly after breakfast.”
“She does not know I am in Europe, much less in Stonebrook,” replied Emma; “we never corresponded.”
[99]
“Oh, that’s nothing. I know from my own experience that she hates writing letters—she never even writes to me! But she is a dear, sweet thing, and never forgets her friends; she is all heart. ”

“ She has been riding a brute of a horse in the teeth of every one of her relations, male and female, and I heard to-day that he has given her rather a nasty fall, and she says it’s nothing; but she is so plucky, she always makes light of everything that happens to herself. Well, you see, Miss Chalgrove is no obstacle.”
[234]
“No, but there is Lady Hildegarde. If I were to marry you, I should only add to her troubles, and possibly she to mine. You cannot say that your mother would approve of your engagement to a girl you have only met five times, and who is both penniless and friendless?” ”

“ Now give me five and sixpence, and I will send it off by the next post,” returned Miss Skuce, when she had ceased to scribble. “And so I hear you are leaving!—Mrs. Gabb says you have given her notice.”
“Yes, I am going away very shortly to London.”
“Well, I think it is an extremely wise move. There is no opening here for a governess or companion; every one that I know is suited. I am very sorry for you, and for poor Mrs. Hayes; but I always felt that she was not long for this world. She was subject to delusions, wasn’t she, poor dear? That was all a delusion about Lady Hildegarde! ”

“ Home is the last place in which to look for people in these days. A great rage for rambling has seized old and young. We migrate to the South of Europe for the winter, show ourselves in town for a few weeks in the spring, and then start off again. I think the old people are far the worst—they set the example. I tell my mother she is like the wandering Jew.”
[46]
“Does Lady Hildegarde never come to town?”
“No, not the last two years.” Then, looking over at me; “Did you have a good time this season, Miss Hayes?”
“A good time!” repeated Emma. “Why, the poor child has never been anywhere. ”

“ I noticed that Emma gave a little start.
“My mother’s name was Chalgrove. This girl and I are so much alike that we might be cousins. She is so bright and animated and fascinating, that I took a fancy to her on the spot. I wish she was my cousin. It is really too bad that I have no relatives, not a single cousin, and Mr. Somers has fifty!” ”

“ She has had a lot of trouble lately. My father has been ailing for a long time, and we have been most unlucky in some money matters, and she is worried and perhaps a little brusque and sharp. I wish you understood one another.”
We understood one another to admiration. I was keenly alive to Lady Hildegarde’s family politics: how it was absolutely necessary that this young man—her son, so eagerly making her excuses to me—was bound, by every family law, to marry his cousin (and my cousin) , Dolly Chalgrove—the marriage meant mental ease, suitability, prosperity, fortune. ”

“ It was not for me, a girl of eighteen, to make inquiries respecting our finances. I took for granted that the phrase “left badly off” meant at least a thousand a year. Emma had imparted [14] to me that her auction had brought in a large sum, and that she expected the old Jam-Jam—meaning the Rajah of Jam-Jam-More—“to do something handsome for both of us.”
Meanwhile we remained in Sloane Street, were extravagant in flowers, books, and coupés, and hospitable Emma haled in every passing acquaintance to lunch, tea, or dinner. ”

“ All things considered, Emma bore the change in her circumstances with surprising equanimity. She rarely complained. She was so easily amused and interested, so easily roused to animation; but it made me sad to note her wandering eye, when we were abroad, always scanning the crowd, in intent search for some familiar face, some one she knew in old days.
And then her disappointments: the Sugdens, who scarcely deigned to bow to [40] her; the Woden-Spunners, who invited us to a crush, and left us totally unnoticed all the evening—and the cabs and our gloves alone had come to seventeen shillings. ”

“ A dainty luncheon had been provided, which we discussed under cool green branches, up a deliciously sequestered backwater; then followed the row down to Taplow, and our tea at [54] the inn: in fact, every item of the program was conscientiously carried out; and during that long summer’s day, in the intimacy of picnicking and boating, Mr. Somers and I made extraordinary strides in advancing our acquaintance.
We parted reluctantly at Paddington Station, full of plans for the morrow. We were to lunch with Mr. Somers again, and accompany him to a very private view of most lovely Indian paintings. ”

“ It was raining hard outside, and at regular intervals an intrusive drop came spluttering down the chimney.
“Dear me, what a sigh!” exclaimed my stepmother. “Mariana in the Moated Grange could scarcely surpass it! Cheer up, Gwen; a girl of nineteen has no business to be melancholy—though I grant that you have some provocation. Never meet troubles half-way, that is my motto. I have an idea that our luck will turn soon: I saw two magpies to-day.” ”

“ And my stepmother closed her novel, with an impatient snap, as she added, “This is the worst of these horrid, poky lodgings; one never can have anything at the time one wants it. What a dismal little den it is, Gwen! What possessed us to come here?”
I could have answered the question promptly and briefly in a single word [8] “Poverty;” but, as it was a term my relative specially detested, I merely shrugged my shoulders, and continued to gaze into the miserable apology for a garden which ran between our quarters and the high street of Stonebrook, an insignificant market town in Sussex. ”

“ What were we to wear? A serge skirt and a shirt had done very well for the river; but for a smart luncheon at a smart club, for an exclusive gathering at a private view, where possibly all the gowns would be carefully noted down and described in the papers, our now rusty black dresses would be, oh, so sadly out of place!
“It does not matter so much about me, dear,” said Emma, “but you. I am so sorry now that your best crépon came in for that shocking wetting last Sunday. ”

“ The Chalgroves have left the Moate, gone home, and nothing settled about the match. Young Somers is a fool. There is a rumor that he is in love with some wretched girl who hasn’t a penny, and Lady Hildegarde is nearly beside herself! Lady Polexfen told Captain Blackjohn, and he told young Ferrars, who told his mother, who told me. By the way, Lady Polexfen—Maude, you know—is making herself the talk of the place, the way she is flirting with Captain Blackjohn. However, I’m forgetting that you are not Mrs. Hayes; we should not talk gossip to girls. ”

“ Dear me!” she continued, turning to me with a little dry laugh, “do you know that you are a very pretty and distinguished-looking girl, and are bound to be the belle of the evening? Yes, indeed, my charming, blushing Cinderella. Aubrey Price, come here,” beckoning to an extremely lackadaisical young man, who now lazily approached. “I give Miss Hayes into your charge. Take the greatest care of her. Take her to the refreshment-room—the morning-room, you know—and get her tea—or something.” ”

“ I burst into a short, involuntary laugh.
“Oh yes, you may laugh, my old-head-on-young-shoulders, but I mean to have a regular good talk with the cards by and by; in the meanwhile, we will ring for the lamp and tea. Mrs. Gabb will say it is too early, but [11] I intend to brave her for once. Britons never shall be slaves!” ”

“ When I had restored Emma, after some difficulty, and left her comparatively composed—and armed with salts and fan—I ran up to my own room, locked the door, and sat down to think. Something must be done immediately; we ought to leave our extravagantly expensive lodgings without even a week’s delay. If Mrs. Keene would but let us off, it would save twelve guineas, and then we should have twelve pounds twelve shillings, to add to that ghastly eightpence. ”

“ She will never, alas, be able to walk, to dance, to mount a horse again! She will be a cripple, more or less, as long as she lives. Nevertheless, she takes a vivid interest in life—life, in which my pretty, vivacious, warm-hearted Cousin Dolly can be but a bystander and spectator. She takes a keen interest in Everard and me. We have been engaged to be married for some time—with the full approval of both families.
Yes, Lady Hildegarde paid a three days’ visit to the Chase when we returned from Germany, ostensibly to inquire for Dolly, and judge of her progress with her own eyes ”

“ Cholmondeley, the wife of a M. F. H., was still with us—a smart, fashionable-looking woman, with sandy hair [91] and a long-handled eye-glass, by means of which she noted everything.
“Lady Bloss is quite too amusing,” she remarked, after she had sped that lady most affectionately, and asked her why she had not been to see her for such ages? “She is no more cousin to Lady Hildegarde than to the man in the moon; her husband was an old Indian judge, a K. C. B. She and Lady Hildegarde have the same dressmaker, and that is positively the only connection.” ”

“ Somers is in his dotage, and has burnt his fingers badly over investments in South America, and the son must marry money. Both families wish him to marry”—here the fly rattled over a sheet of stones, and I lost the name. [134] “His mother is quite determined about it. I don’t call her a good-looking girl, and I can’t imagine what any of the men see in her, except unlimited effrontery. She calls herself advanced. I call her abominably fast. She goes about everywhere alone, just as she pleases, hunts, and keeps race-horses. ”

“ Somers suspect, as he dashed onward, that he had been showing a last token of respect to Emma Hayes.
After the funeral, I had to face the world. Poor people cannot afford an extended period of retirement and mourning. I made my black gown, and as I sewed, I made plans. I had nearly twenty pounds. I had youth, health. I would go to London and work for my bread like other girls. But how? I could teach French. I could sew and embroider beautifully. No, I would not be a nursery governess, a bonne d’enfants. I could play the guitar and sing. ”