Dougal Graham

“ I made myself a chapman when very young, in hopes of being rich when I became old; but fortune was fickle, and so was I, for I had not been a chapman above two days, until l began to consider the danger of deep ditches, midden dubs, bitting dogs, bogles in barns, bangster wives and weet sacks, and what comfort is it, says I, to lie in the cow’s oxter, the length of a cold winter night ”

“ The wife hearing the aforesaid sentence, clapt her hands, and called out another old woman as foolish as herself; who came crying after us to come back; bark we went where she made us eat heartily of butter and cheese; and earnestly pleaded with me to go and lift my cantrips, which I did, upon her promising never to deny a hungry traveller meat nor drink, whether be had money to pay for’t or not; and never to serve the poor with the old proverb, “Go home to your own parish,” but give them less or more as ye see them in need. ”

“ A good keep me, quo’ the lass, frae a’ temptations to sin, altho’ thou be but a callan, heth I’ll rather lie wi' Sannock Gardner. Hute awa, quo' the auld wife, the poor lad may lie on a battle e’ strae beyond the fire. No, no, cries the good wife, he’s no be here the night, or I'se no be here. Dear goodwife, said I, what ails you at me? If you will not let me stay, you’ll not hinder me to go where I please. Ay, ay, said she, gae where you like; then I got in beyond the fire, beside the goodman. Now, said I goodwife, I like to be here. A deil be here, an’ ye be here the night, said she. ”

“ Gae awa, cried the lass, he, filthy body that he is, the last chapman that kissed me had a horse pack, but he’ll hae naething in his but a wisp o’ strae, some auld breeks, hair skins, maukin-skins, ony thing that bears bonk, and yet he wad kiss and handle me, I was made for a better fallow; ane o’ them came by ae day, and sell’d our Meg twa ell and a quarter o’ linen, to be her bridal sark, for be had nae mair, and when she made it and put it on, it wadna hide her !———! ”

“ Thus I continued going from house to house, until my belly was like to burst, and my pockets could hold no more; at last I came to a farmer’s house, but thinking it not dark enough to prevail for lodging, I sat down upon a stone at the end of a house till day lignt would go away; and as I was getting up to go into the house, out comes the goodwife, and sat down at the end of the stone, I being at the other, there she began to make off her water with full force, which I bore with very modestly till near an end ”

“ It being now so dark, and I, a stranger, could see no place to go to, went into the corn-yard, but finding no loose straw I fell a drawing one of their stacks, sheaf by sheaf, until I pulled out a threave or two, and got into the hole myself, where I lay as warm as a pie. The goodman in the morning, perceiving the heap of corn sheaves, came running to carry it away, and stop up the hole in the stack, wherein I lay with some of the sheaves ”