Dougal Graham

“ With that I rose and lifts twa or three long straws, and casting knots on them, into the byre I went and throws a knotted straw to every cow's stake, saying, thy days shall not be long: The wife followed, wringing her hands, earnestly prayed for herself and all that was hers. ”

“ I considering what sort of a pish-the-bed supper I was to get if I staid there, thought fit to set out, but take up a pitcher with water, and fill's up the pot until it was running over, and then takes up my pack and comes about a mile farther that night, leaving the honest woman and her son, to sup their watery witcht sowens, at their leisure. ”

“ On the morning I went into the house, the goodman ordered me the pottage pot to lick, for, says he, it is an old property to chapman. Well, I had no sooner begun to it, than out came a great big mastiff dog from below the bed, and gripes me by the breast, then turns me over upon my back, and takes the pot himself: Ay, ay, said the goodman, I think your brother pot-licker and you cannot agree about your breakfast? ”

“ O but, says I, goodman, there is some of them fuller than others, you may let me lie with your mother and the lass; I shall lie heads and thraws wi' them, and keep on my breeks. A good keep me, quo' the lass, frae a' temptations to sin, although thou be but a callan, heth I'll rather lie wi' Sannock Garner: Hute awa', quo' the auld wife, the poor lad may lie on a battle of strae, beyond the fire: No, no, cries the goodwife, he's no be here the night, or I'se no be here: Dear goodwife, said I, what ails you at me? ”

“ O goodwife it would be a great thief that wad run awa' wi' a barn on his back, I wonder ye let it stand out all night; "Hute awa' ye daft body, how can we get in, ke awa' chapman ye're joking me now." I then took a turn round the country for two weeks, and then came back to be avenged on the naughty wife and her sowens; it being very dark or I came in, the goodwife did not know me, but made her speech as follows: "Indeed says she, ye's no be here; for there is so mony thieves and robbers gawn athort the kintry, and our goodman's no at hame; is thou honest enough?" ”

“ So I went to the barn and lay till next morning, about chapman's rising-time, when pottage was ready, and then gives the wife a fine cotton lace and a few pins, which pleased her so well, that she went through the cogs and collected about a mutchkin of pottage for me, for which I thanked her: "A wat well lad, said she, an ye be coming by ony time, ye’s be welcome to a night o' our barn, frae ye hae na steal'd naething; thanks to you goodwife, said I, that's very fair; Indeed lad, 'tis no every ane we'll trust wi' our new barn, far sore sud we?" ”

“ Me, said I, I never had ado with you a' the days of my life, and do not say that Sandy is mine: "A wae worth the body, am I saying ye had ado wi' me. I wadna hae ado wi' the like o' you, nor I am sure, wi' them I never saw." But what about the button and the bane kame goodwife? Sannock is nae this the man! Ay is't cried the boy, gie me my button, for I burnt the kame, and she paid me for't. Gae awa sir, said I, your mother and you is but mocking me. It was either you or ane like you, or some other body. ”

“ On the morning, the old matron got up first, and ordered up the house, then told me to rise now, for chapman and every body was up; then she asked me if I had an use of laughing in my sleep? Yes, said I, when I see any daft like thing, I can look and laugh at it, as well sleeping as waking: A good preserve us, said she, ye're an unco body, but ye need nae wait on our porrage time, I'se gie you cheese and bread in your pouch, which I willingly accepted, and away I came. ”

“ Now, said I, goodwife, I like to be here: a d---l be here, an' ye be here the night, said she; ho, ho, said I, but I'm here first, and first com'd first serv'd, good-wife; but, an' the ill thief be a friend of your's you'll have room for him to. Ye thief like widdyfu', said she, are ye evening me to be sib to the foul thief; it is well kend I am come of good honest fouks: It may be so goodwife, said I, but ye look rather the other way, when you would lodge the d---l in your house and ca out a poor chapman to die, such a stormy night as this. What do ye say! ”

“ O dear honest chapman, cried his wife, ye manna do that, and I'se gie you cheese and bread. No, no, you thieves, I'm for nothing but vengeance; no bribes, for such: So as I was lifting up my pack, there was a pretty black cat which I spread my napkin over, took the four corners in my band, carrying her as a bundle ”

“ I was ordered to sit down behind their backs, the goodwife then took a dish, went round the servants, and collected a soup out of every cog, which was sufficient to have served three men; the goodwife ordered me to be laid in the barn all night for my bed, but the bully-faced goodman swore he had too much fluff in it, to venture me there, the goodwife said, I should not lie within the house, for I would be owr near the lasses' bed ”

“ O! Sandy. Sandy, the deil's on the top o' the mou,' sheavling his mouth at me; I'll not be so well this month man, my heart's out o' its hole, vow but yon be a fearfu' like face indeed, it would fright any living creature out o' their senses.
I hearing the fear they were in, cried to them not to be frighted, for I was not the d---l, but a poor chapman who could not get quarters last night; a soul fa' thy carcase, Sir, for our Jock is through the midden-dib, dirt and a' the gither ”

“ Dear goodwife, said I, they were very good when I left them, tho' I did not prie them, and I wish'd them as much good of them as I got, but certainly they are not witcht, but a blessing in them, when they are so multiplied. 'Gae awa', cryed she in a passion, ye're no canny, ye's ne're be here again. ”

“ I then came home to my lodging-house, and then went to dinner with the goodman, and it being the custom in that place to eat pease bread to their broth, and corn cakes to their flesh, so the goodwife laid down a corn scone and a pease scone to the goodman, and the same to me, the pease one for the broth, and the corn one for the beef ”

“ Gae awa', cried the lass, he, filthy body at he is, the last chapman that kist me had a horse-pack, but he'll hae naething in his but a wisp of strae, some old breeks, hair-skins, maukin-skins, ony thing that fills the bag, and bears bouk, and yet he would kiss and handle me, hech, I was made for a better fallow; ane of them came by ae day, and fell'd our Meg twa ell and a quarter o' linen to be her bridal sark, for he had nae mair, and when she made it, and pat it on, it widna hide her hech, hech, hech, he. ”

“ Witch here or witch there, said the wife, swearing by all her saul, and that was nae banning she said, they'll be good substantial meat, a' what say ye chapman? indeed goodwife said I, sowens is but sast meat at the best, but if ye make them thick eneugh, and put a good lump of butter in them they'll do very well for a supper; I true sae, lad, said she, ye hae some fense, so the old woman put on the pot with the sowens, and went to milk her cows, leaving me to steer ”

“ A dear man, quoth she, and whar in a' the world comes he frae! All the way frae Italy, where the Pope o' Rome dwells, says he: A sweet be we' us, quoth she, for the fouks there awa' is a witches and warlocks diels, brownies, and fairies. ”

“ Youffer came roaring upon me like like a lion, he being a tyke of such a monstrous (illegible text) frighted me so that I ran back; but he pursued me so hard, I was forced to face about, and boldly put the briar to him, which he gripped in his mouth, and then stripped it through his teeth, and gave him a hearty blow upon his ear with my rung, which made him go tumbling towards his master's door, and when he got up, he could not fight any, his mouth being so full of prickles by the biting of the briar, which caused him go about yuling, and rubbing his mouth with his foot ”

“ My first journey was thro' Old Kilpatrick, all the day long I got no meat nor money until the evening I began to ask for lodging, then every wife to get me away, would either give me a cogful of kail, or a piece of cake. ”

“ He gave bad council to none but children, to burn the bone-combs, that their mother might buy another when he came again.
He never fought with any but dogs, and the good wifes' daughters in their daffing, and that's not dangerous. ”

“ I went twice through it, but none of them would give me credit to stand all night among their horses, or yet to lie in their cow's oxter: at last I prevailed with a wife, if her husband was willing, to let me stay, she would, and sent me to the barn to ask him, and I meeting him at the barn door carrying in strae for his horses ”

“ A ill chance on your picture, cried an old wife, for mony a ane has ta'en me be there in daffing, and I ne'er said a word about it, a wheen daft jades, canna ye haud your tongues, whan it's to your shame ye speak. ”