Dougal Graham

“ Mar. Ye may say what ye like about it, ’tis easy to ca' a court whar there's nae body to say again; but I’ll ye a' ken about it, an that is what she tell’t me, and you guidwife tell’t me some o’t yourself; an gin ye hadna brought in Maggy wi’ her muckle tocher atween the taw, your Jockie an my Jenny had a been man an wife the day.
Jock. I wat well that’s true?
Mith. Ye filthy dog that ye are, are ye gaun to confess wi’ a bystart, an it no yours; dinna I ken as well as ye do wha’s aught an wha gat the wean. ”

“ A bonny market, says Jockey’s mither, a-shame sa’ you in her baith, he’s wordy o’ her tho’ she were better nor what she is, or else will be.— His friends and her friends being in a mixt multitude, some took his part, and some took her’s, there did a battle begin in the clap of a hand, being a very fierce tumult, which ended in blood, they struck so hard with stones, sticks, beetles, and barrow trams, pigs, pots, stoups, trenchers, were flying likes bombs and granadoes. ”

“ Mag. Ay, but johnny, a wife is ae thing and a house anither ; a man that’s a mi (illegible text) to marry a woman he’ll no mak her a whore.
Jock. ’Tis a' true, Maggy, but fouks m (illegible text) do it yence or they be married, and no (illegible text) nae ill in their minds.
Mag. Aha, Johnny, mony a ane has been beguil’d wi’ yence; an’ do it yence, ye may do it ay; what an we get a bystart, an hae to suffer for the foul act of fornication.
Jock. Ay, but my mither says, if I dinna get thee wi’ bairn, I’ll no get thee, for ’tis tiie sureft way of wooing. ”

“ Now, tho’ all the ceremonies of Jockey and Maggy’s wedding were ended, when they were fairly bedded before a wheen railling unruly witnesses, who dang down the bed aboon them; the battle still increased, and John’s work turn’d out to be very wonderful, for he made Janet, that was his mither’s servant lass the last year, grow like an elsnin haft, and got his ain Maggy wi' bairn forby. The hamsheughs were very great, until auld uncle Rabby came in to redd them ”

“ O Maggy! Maggy! dost thou not mind since I came to your father’s bull wi my mither’s cow, ye ken she wadna stand, and ye helped me to haud her; ay after that they scorned me that 1 wad be married on a you.
Mag. It’s very true man, it’ll be an odd thing an it be; but it’s no fa’ back at my door, I ashure you.
Jock. Nor at mine. — But my mither bade me kiss ye.
Mag. Indeed sall ye, Johnny, thou's n (illegible text) want twa kisses, ane on every zde o’ th mouth, man.
Jock. Ha! ha! Maggy, I’ll hae a merry night o' kissing you shortly.
Mag. Ay, but Johnny, you maun stay till that night come ”

“ Ay, ay, that’s your way of doing and his, but it’s no the way of ither honest fouk ; see what the Minister will say to it.
Mith. The Minister is but a mortal man, an there’s defections in his members as well as in mine. ”

“ Up gets auld Rabby, an auld Sandy the suter o' Seggyhole, to put every thing in order; they prapet up the bed wi’ a rake and rippling-came the bearers being broken, they made a solidfoundation o’ peets, laid on the caff-bed and bowsters, and Jockey and Maggy were beddet the second time.
Jockey not being used to ly wi’ a naked woman, except heads and thraws wi’ his mither, gets his twa hands about the bride’s neck, and his houghs out- (illegible text) er her hurdies, saying, I ne’er kiss wife nor lass naked before, and for fainness I'll bite you, &c. ”

“ Jockey’s fell a flyting, and he himself a-rubbing his lugs, and riving his hair, crying out, O gin I were but a half ell higher, I sud be a sodger or it be lang; an gie me a good flail or a corn-fork, I sud kill Frenchmen anew, before I gade to face yon flyting Ministers, an be set up like a warld’s wonder on their cock-stool or black-stool; an wha can hide the shame, whan every body looks to them, wi’ their sacken sarks or gowns on them, like the piece of an auld can’as prickt about a body, for naething but what every body does amaist or they be married as well as me. ”

“ My man, Johnny, ye’re no the first that has done it; an ye’ll no be the last; e’en mony o’ the ministers has done if themselves, bout ay, e’en yaur father an I did it mony a time.
Mag. Ay, ay, an that gars your son be so good o’ as he is; the thing that’s bred in the flesh, is ill to pit out o’ the bane.
Mith. Datt woman, what way wad the warld stand if fouks wadna mak use o’ ither? 'Tis the thing that’s natural, bairns-getting ”