E. B. Lowry

“ Until our marriage laws are so adjusted that there are no unequal marriages, the question of divorce always will be eminent. The ever present agitation about uniform divorce laws and the divorce problem cannot be settled until there are more stringent marriage laws. Trying to settle the divorce question without first settling the marriage question is like trying to keep chickens in a small yard surrounded by enticing fields without first constructing an adequate fence.
Divorce is the concession of society to its inability to solve the marriage problem. Anyone can get married! ”

“ Why is it not just as necessary that the girl, who is intrusted with the care of delicate organisms upon whose condition depends the health of the future generation, be instructed regarding the care of these organs? Instead, she is left in absolute ignorance and then blamed if she mars them.
Every woman should have some knowledge of the structure and care of her body, especially of those parts which are concerned so intimately in the welfare of the future generation. Every woman, too, should receive some instruction regarding the care of young children and the proper management of the home. ”

“ Some people become veritable drug fiends, slaves to certain drugs without in the least realizing their condition. How many are slaves to certain laxatives or headache powders! With them the daily dose of "harmless" teas or waters or even of pills cannot be neglected. And yet such a person would be indignant at the suggestion that she was the victim of a drug habit. What are drugs, anyhow? The majority are simply extracts of herbs and vegetables. And yet people imagine that they are avoiding the use of drugs and medicines when they take "simple herb remedies, prepared at home." ”

“ No woman should allow her mind to grow up to such weeds. If the circumstances of her position, her education or her environment seem to make it unwise that she take up any work that would bring a monetary reward, she easily can find some charitable work that needs all the energies she can devote to it. If such a woman would take up some special branch of philanthropic work she would be amply rewarded, not only by the consciousness of the good she had done, but by the improvement in her own health and happiness. ”

“ A woman doing housework exercises most of her muscles during the day, and if she makes pleasure,204 and not drudgery out of her work, this exercise is very beneficial. It is a pleasure to be able to accomplish so much, but the housework is not sufficient exercise. This woman needs exercise for her mind and for her beauty-loving soul. In her spare time she should lie under the trees and enjoy nature or a good book, or she should go to some gathering where she will meet those who will refresh her intellectually. Keep the mind open to all the impressions of nature. Love the open air. ”

“ If taught correctly, the girl should regard the sexual act as the culmination of true love. It should be regarded as something sacred, something that makes her and her husband as one. Fortunate indeed is the girl whose husband realizes this lack of knowledge and gently leads her to desire the fulfillment of love. Unfortunate is the girl whose husband regards this act only as the gratification of animal passions—something it is a wife's duty to endure as such.
Passion or sex sense is a sign of maturity. It is the calling for a mate. ”

“ There are some things so far removed from the lives of normal, decent people as to be simply unbelievable by them. The 'white slave' trade of to-day is one of these incredible things. The calmest, simplest statements of its facts are almost beyond the comprehension of belief of men and women who are mercifully spared from contact with the dark and hideous secrets of the 'under-world' of the big cities. ”

“ Another underlying but often unknown factor in many of the divorce cases is sterility. In some states the law says this is a just cause for divorce, because the future of the nation depends on the production of children. Because a woman, in her ignorance, has married a man who is incapable of producing healthy offspring, due to his having "sown his wild oats," should not be a reason why she should be condemned to forego the pleasures of motherhood. Because a man has married a woman who is sterile or who selfishly refuses to bear children should not be a reason why he should be denied an heir. ”

“ But because a girl has erred through ignorance is no reason why she should be doomed to everlasting punishment in the shape of social ostracism or being denied the happiness of having a home and children.
These are only a few of the many letters I have received, but they serve to show the great need of early instruction of girls on these much neglected subjects. Every girl, soon after she enters school if not before, learns where babies come from. She too often is led by older children, both boys and girls, to do things she may regret later. It has been said that "sin is but ignorance." ”

“ If circumstances have given a woman home and children, they always must come first, but this does not mean the woman must do housework if conditions permit the employment of somebody to do it. She must do the work for which she is best fitted both by nature and by training.
In whatever occupation a woman is engaged she should endeavor to make a success of that work, to do it a little better than anyone else could; for in every field of endeavor there is joy and reward for always being and doing one's best. The great secret of success is concentration. ”

“ Not long ago an estimable young woman in speaking of the unfortunate girls in the world said, "I cannot see how any refined girl could get into trouble. I cannot conceive of any circumstances which would permit any self-respecting girl to allow the familiarities necessary for such a condition." That is the attitude assumed by many intelligent women. Because they grew up in an environment without temptations, because they had no unsatisfied longings to be loved or to be popular, they are incapable of understanding these feelings in any other person. ”

“ Such a woman expects a man to be willing to provide her with all the gifts of the gods, with all the luxuries of life, but in return is not willing to become the mother of his children nor to exert herself to make their mutual habitation a home and not merely a house—a place in which to eat and sleep. ”

“ You remember I made the remark that the large percentage of men contracted these diseases before their twentieth year, before they had any adequate knowledge of the possible consequences. If boys were warned there would be no more of this innocent acquisition of disease. Many a man has had cause to regret all his life a few moments of thoughtless dissipation. Even though a boy has acquired one of these diseases that is no reason why he should suffer from it the remainder of his life any more than that he constantly should suffer from an attack of smallpox. ”

“ It is strange when anything is as widely spread as are these diseases that so few people know anything about them, or realize their importance. At one time epidemics of typhoid fever were regarded as a revelation of the wrath of God. Now we know they are due to carelessness and lack of sanitation. It is the same with the sufferings of women. We used to think it was a dispensation of Providence if a woman were compelled to undergo an operation. Now we know it usually is due to someone's lack of care, to a desecration of Nature's teachings. ”

“ I have made so emphatic the necessity of early and proper instruction of girls and I have shown you that so much of the disease and unhappiness in the world is due to this lack of instruction that I do not believe any of your daughters ever will say, "Why was I not told these things before it was too late?" But you women will have sons as well as daughters and you are just as responsible for their future happiness as you are for that of your daughters. Besides the future happiness of another woman's daughter depends in a large measure upon the health of your son. ”

“ Real life has proved these promises seldom are kept. The man "changes" his mind after the mis-step has been taken. He goes away and forgets, the girl is left to bear the consequences of their mutual sin. The men of the world like to take these girls out and enjoy themselves but when it comes to marriage—the man wants a different kind of a wife. There are three courses from which such an unfortunate girl may choose. One course is an abortion with all its attendant dangers, its risks to her life and the thoughts of having taken a life. Another is to brave the world, bear her child and keep it. ”

“ In too many instances the home woman, the little wren, has been deserted for the gay song-bird. The necessities of life have forced other women into the business world—women whose preference would be for the ideal, quiet home life. One must not think that because a woman is leading a public life that she prefers it, that she has no desire for a home and little ones. ”

“ It is just as impossible for such people to work in harmony as it is for two incompatible chemicals, as nitrogen and iodine. We do not try to over-ride the laws of Nature by trying to force these chemicals to stay together. It is just as impossible to force certain incompatible people to be harmonious. If society or business throws two such people together it would be wise for one to make a change before there is an explosion. It is impossible for any person to do good work in an atmosphere of irritation.
Another element in mental self-abuse is longing for the unattainable. ”

“ Whenever a physician has for a patient a woman who gives a history of having had several abortions without any apparent cause and all at about the same age of the fœtus, he immediately becomes suspicious of syphilis either of the father or the mother. It is a peculiar fact with this disease that it may be transmitted to the offspring without the mother ever actually having the disease. ”

“ It would be considered very immodest for a girl to discuss such matters. She does not feel free even to talk with her mother or other adviser, and so she goes to the altar ignorant of many things she should know. Then during the first few days of married life this knowledge so overwhelms her and often gives her such a severe shock that it leaves a lasting impression. She has no way of knowing that her husband is just like other men. She is liable to regard him as a brute and resent his attentions. ”

“ Too many women waste their energies thinking and talking about the things they would like to do. Every time you talk about the thing you would like to do you waste just that much energy and make your goal less possible of achievement. ”

“ Every thought we entertain is being sent out along these invisible wires and eventually will reach someone who responds to it. If we send out worry thoughts or thoughts of self-depreciation we must expect others to receive the message as we send it. So if we want to make the most of our lives we continually must send out only thoughts that we wish others to receive. We must value ourselves if we expect others to value us!
Too much introspection and concern for self is often the cause of nervous conditions that produce worry and ill-health. ”

“ How often do we meet women who complain of being nervous. What they really mean is that they have not control of their nerves but let them run away. A woman may be of a nervous temperament and yet have such good control of her nerves that she never complains of being nervous. This lack of nerve control manifests itself in various ways. Sometimes it only is a tendency to cry at trivial things or an inclination to despondency—to have "the blues," or to worry over real or fancied slights. Many women waste so much time thinking over things that are past and gone. ”

“ I shudder on account of fear to think of becoming a mother. I hear so much of woman's pains and aches and the such, that I often think I would prefer to remain single all my life, although I am perfectly healthy and a happy, cheerful girl. My mother is, and always will be, too busy to tell me about such matters,106 although I had a right to know long ago. As you say, an ignorant, innocent girl would be guilty before the world if something wrong should happen to her and in most cases it is not her fault. Can you give me the desired information or can you recommend some good book? ”

“ He can be taught in a simple manner that all nature comes from a seed; that the mother makes a tiny nest for the seed and that with all seeds it is necessary for their growth that the father gives them some pollen.
Until these subjects are put before children and young people with some degree of intelligence and sympathetic handling, it cannot be expected that anything but the utmost confusion in mind and in morals should reign in matters of sex. ”

“ Lack of self-confidence is an evidence of mental self-abuse. A person who has no confidence in herself cannot expect others to have. One who keeps herself in the attitude of Uriah Heap, who continually asserts, "I am a poor worm, I am unworthy of the blessings of life, I cannot expect great reward," must expect to be taken at her word. In this age a man (or woman) is valued, in a large measure, by the estimate he sets upon himself. Honors are not thrust upon a man unless he shows the self-confidence which commands confidence. ”

“ Then later to teach the relation of fatherhood and how the love of parents for each other and their desire to have a child of their very own was the cause of that child's existence—these things seem so natural to the child mind that has not been polluted with vulgar ideas that they excite in him no sense of unfitness, only a deep gratitude and a kind of tender wonderment. ”

“ Their ideas of the perfect life were to wear a stern, unsmiling countenance and do those things that were unpleasant. If anything was uncongenial, then it was their duty to overcome their inclinations. ”

“ There is a peculiar thing about the human race. A machine will get out of order and the owner will send for an expert machinist to repair it—not attempting to patch it up himself. But when these bodies of ours, the most wonderful and complicated of machines, get out of repair we try to patch them up ourselves or try various remedies recommended by those who know worse than nothing about the physical machinery. ”