George Bronson-Howard

“ THE DEVIL
Can you get anybody to believe that coward over there isn’t Magnus? Now, aren’t you glad I happened along this morning?
AGNUS
It means—success—
THE DEVIL
Wiser people—better world—morals adjust themselves. Forty crooks and one honest man in a community, the crooks would elect the honest man—because wisdom teaches them not to trust crooks. The only incurable crime is ignorance!
AGNUS (protesting)
The only one!
THE DEVIL
Who ever heard of a professional crook being a murderer, for instance? Only ignorant amateurs—like Schwartzenhopfel here.—If he wasn’t ignorant, he wouldn’t murder. ”

“ MRS. FELIX (judicially)
I think now—Addington—you can be sure!
THE DEVIL (wrenching himself free)
Damn it!—Doesn’t she know that if Magnus will write one check, he’ll write another!
FANNY (her lip drawn)
Oh, I forgot that! I forgot that! (Sobbing on her mother’s breast) Oh, mammy, what can I do to prove it to him? This is my punishment—this is my punishment!
DOLL BLONDIN (to The Devil, herself in tears)
She’s on the square with that stuff, old boy. Don’t be a devil!
THE DEVIL (suddenly realizing)
A devil: that’s what I am—a devil. No human being would act as I’m doing, would he? ”

“ While I still go on among them to bring them to Wisdom through Understanding, teaching them that Ignorance and Hate bring no gain—the only reasoning they can understand. And so sustained by you in your lonely star, while you shine on hoping men will look up, ever up—I work bitterly among them here below—until I have won Wisdom for them and Freedom for us; freedom that we may go on to our Father, the Sun, we two Exiles; Star of the Morning, and Red Light of Mars! ”

“ VANILLITY
You have the man you love, Miss Felix.
FANNY
If the man I love doesn’t love me well enough to make some sacrifices for my sake—
VANILLITY
But the same applies to you—
FANNY
Women sacrifice enough when they surrender their liberty—when they take on the duties of marriage—
MRS. FELIX
But you said you didn’t intend to have more than one child, anyhow—
FANNY (shocked)
Mother!
MRS. FELIX (to Tromper)
Will you pardon us just a moment, Mr. Tromper? (Shows him into the hallway and closes the door) You others don’t matter, knowing us as well as you do. Now, Fanny, what do you mean? ”

“ FANNY (lifting a tear-stained face, whispers)
What is he saying, mammy? Is it about me?
THE DEVIL (giving the Faust matter up)
No use, I forget—
AGNUS (piteously)
You will do something, won’t you?
THE DEVIL (sadly)
I suppose I ’ll have to. Humanity has to suffer as usual. Sentiment, always sentiment, maudlin sentiment: that’s what keeps abuses unrectified, men ignorant, women slaves, the world’s intellect developing no faster than a snail crawls. ”

“ JUDGE CRITTY (they are both at fire)
Boy—you’ve hit it—boy! The great scientist (bows to laboratory doors) retains all his boyish shyness and lack of confidence. He even (preening himself) gives me credit for part of his success. Because once I said the time was coming when science would keep us alive forever. He says that put him on the track.
5
VANILLITY (with melancholy satisfaction, looking toward laboratory) Immortality! No more building up just for Time to tear down!
JUDGE CRITTY (in a smoking-room manner, ribald)
And making us independent of women! ”

“ The Devil turns on the electricity in the fringed white candelabrum, whereby the room becomes pervaded with a gentle glow of light. Schwartzenhopfel rises, stretches, pats himself; throws out each leg, each arm; tries to speak, but is overcome with emotion and bursts into tears. From tears he is translated into hysterical laughter. The room begins to grow lighter, but furious rain continues outside. Schwartzenhopfel follows the light around the room, pointing at it derisively, his body doubling up with speechless laughter each time he points. The light moves away with dignity. ”

“ THE DEVIL (who has been musing on what Doll has said)
Not fit to associate with human beings. No, I guess not. (Looking at Schwartzenhopfel) I should have remained the Dutchman with no human ties. Sentiment and romance just make me ill.
DOLL BLONDIN (indignantly)
Shame on you! (She goes over to comfort the other two women)
THE DEVIL (still musing)
I suppose that’s how The Devil got his bad name. Trying to cure Faust of Marguerite in order to use him for the world’s advancement. Same ingratitude, same mix-up; everybody calling me names. ”

“ So you died for men, and thereafter men called hate Anger Against The Heathen; lust—the Woman Leading Them to Holier Things; greed—World Conquest in your Name. (Drops on his knees) I see you ever, Son of the Sun, sad and weary in that bright star of your exile; hoping against hope that a stray seed sown two thousand years ago may yet bring men to wisdom through Love. ”

“ VALET (astounded at his accuracy)
Mr. Magnus, I swear—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Don’t perjure yourself. Take one hundred and fifty dollars a month—I’m buying back your self-respect with the extra fifty and giving it to you. But if you cheat again—remember, if you cheat again—jail!
VALET (with tears in his eyes and choking voice)
Sir—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Wait in there. (Points to the door, and the valet goes out; then to chauffeur) And I give you? ”

“ The light has been darting viciously between The Devil and Agnus.
THE DEVIL
Oh, go home to your bombs again, Schwartzenhopfel! This gentleman didn’t want your old body. When he sees how ridiculous it looks on him, he’s liable to shoot himself—or yourself. Nobody can love a body like that. ”

“ Fanny does not hear this. For some time she has been sitting all humped up, staring blankly into space. Doll Blondin sits in same position, showing the same attitude, and the same lack of expression. The two of them look more like decorative statues than human beings, one on either side of the room. The light flies about distractedly. Mrs. Felix slowly drawing the startled Schwartzenhopfel around until he faces her and stares into her eyes. ”

“ MRS. FELIX
It will be more than interesting to you when we win, John Magnus. Why do you control the money-market of America? Because women, having no interest in business, urge their men to make as much money as they can. They can do this only by taking advantage of other people’s weakness; not realizing that, if they do this to weaker people, stronger men will do it to them. And so it’s dog eat dog, and as you’re the biggest one in the kennel you eat them all—
FANNY
Mother! ”

“ She’s got too much dignity to kiss a man without being kissed!
THE DEVIL
Then she doesn’t love you—
AGNUS
She does love me!
THE DEVIL
When a woman loves a man, she doesn’t care which one kisses first so long as they kiss. I’m glad she doesn’t love you. If she did, rudeness and neglect, even knocking her down, would only make her love you more. But women get very dignified when a man they don’t love ill-treats them. They’re only too glad of an excuse to be rid of him. ”

“ JUDGE CRITTY
Of good women, I mean. They are the only dangerous kind. We learned how to handle the bad ones a few thousand years ago!
VANILLITY
My dear Judge!
JUDGE CRITTY (going back to the days of boyish confidences) Tommy: it’s my profession to be a hypocrite. That’s why I enjoy talking to you. Being absolutely dependent on me, you can’t give me away. (Laughs foxily) If I didn’t have you, I’d become a Catholic. I simply can’t keep all my cleverness to myself. That’s why most people enjoy confession. And so I say again: the good women are the only dangerous kind! ”

“ No man can be selfish and great. Mr. Magnus only amuses himself by playing a game with the public. But how he can be amused by winning games from his inferiors, I don’t know. That’s the kink in his greatness.
MAGNUS
I have just begun to realize their inferiority, Loo. That’s why the game begins to bore me—
MRS. FELIX
Start teaching them instead of beating them, then.
MAGNUS
Anything to get back my interest in life! How shall I begin?
MRS. FELIX
By endowing that brilliant boy in there to carry on his search for immortality—give him some of your useless millions.
FANNY
Mother! He isn’t a beggar. ”

“ THE DEVIL
Oh, too bad he’s married. I should have thought of that before. I’d rather be a single Dutch comedian than a married Adonis. It’s bad enough being tied to one human body, let alone two. (Looks around and sees that the light has disappeared) The Dutchman’s gone, eh? He goes back to his foolish attic every now and then to see if the police have found any bombs yet. There are seven sewed up in the mattress—and I don’t dare take them out of the house for fear the police may be watching for a man with a suit-case. That Dutchman will get me in jail yet. ”

“ Magnus! (Solicitously) What is wrong, sir?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (after another outbreak, hoarsely to The Devil) Did I walk like that? Look like that? Oh, what liars are looking-glasses!
THE DEVIL
Men don’t see what the mirror shows them. They see what they look to see. A good-looking, intelligent, well-groomed countenance for each. ”

“ THE DEVIL
But suppose I didn’t?
DOLL BLONDIN (indignantly)
Then you would be a devil! Not fit to associate with human beings.
FANNY (crying to her mother)
Can’t you think of something I can do to prove I’m not the same girl who came here this morning?
MRS. FELIX (crying)
It’s my fault. If I’d been a good mother, instead of a good bridge player—
AGNUS (agonizedly)
Oh! for God’s sake! Can’t something be done? I’ll kill myself—
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SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (who has also been moved, says now sharply) Here, here! (In a hoarse whisper) Don’t you go taking such liberties with what don’t belong to you. ”

“ Schwartzenhopfel writes while The Devil is dictating.
THE DEVIL (takes the check and scrutinizes it)
Look at that, Agnus. You should be the happiest man in the world.
AGNUS (scrutinizing the check, the man once more forgotten in the scientist) His signature! Magnus’s! Why, the check’s good! ”

“ JUDGE CRITTY (with swelling dignity, thinking that Magnus is recalling the incident favorably) I certainly did, Mr. Magnus.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
You didn’t say anything about the causes that make them anarchists, though—did you? (Catching The Devil’s eye) But how about a six-months’strike prolonged because millionaires wouldn’t pay fifty cents more a day to men who work with hot rivets two hundred feet in the air—twenty-five per cent of them killed every year? How about the wives of those strikers who died of overwork and little food trying to support homes and husbands until employers gave in? ”

“ THE DEVIL
Any man with brains enough to control money-markets might be a fifth-rate scientist, a fourth-rate painter, or a third-rate author! He must be petty if he’s willing to be nothing but a first-class financier. One thing I never was—a financier! Couldn’t waste my time. Financiers, lawyers, stock-jobbers, and thieves generally are the tumors on the human race! When I get through training women, their superman sons will be the surgeons who remove those tumors— (Suddenly) I see! She wants you to give up science for a paying job under Magnus—eh? ”

“ Agnus ignites the cigarette, looking at the Red Light. The Red Light wags, pleaded. It is growing dark outside—an early winter’s evening. A star appears.
AGNUS (patting Fanny’s hand)
That’s a good girl! I’m sure—now you’ve had your lesson, we’ll be very happy together. ”

“ THE DEVIL (to Schwartzenhopfel)
Let’s spare his feelings while he’s gone. I wonder how big a check he can write.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (excitedly)
I read he could sign one for two million dollars—ready money—a check for two millions—Ach Gott! That was why I wanted to blow him up.
THE DEVIL (coldly)
Well, you’ve got your chance now. A chance no anarchist ever had before. You anarchists always complain you can’t get close enough to millionaires. ”

“ Mrs. Felix clutches Schwartzenhopfel. Fanny gives another short scream. At that moment the folding-doors fly open and Agnus reënters quickly, disclosing The Devil inside.
THE DEVIL (with his eye to microscope, examining slide)
As well as I could do myself! Bravo! Bravissima!
AGNUS (agitated)
Can I do anything? (Sees the tableau of the three frightened women, clinging to Schwartzenhopfel; his eyes follow theirs, and he sees that they are watching the light; then he falls back, holding his head)
DOLL BLONDIN (seeing Agnus’s look)
See! He’s frightened, too. ”

“ The check means triumph for your work—
THE DEVIL (grinning maliciously)
Means houses in New York, and motors, and private railroad cars, and boxes at the opera, too, doesn’t it?
FANNY (earnestly)
Addington, I’d be content to live on the top of a mountain if I had you, dear.
THE DEVIL
That’s all right as a popular song, darling! (He grits his teeth again)
AGNUS (in agony)
She means it, can’t you see? She’s changed. The fear of losing the man she loves has made her forget136 all the little things—realizing that the only big thing is—love!—
FANNY
Oh, Mr. Schwartzenhopfel, you have loved! ”

“ MRS. FELIX
Ideals! Fanny, Fanny!
MAGNUS (to Mrs. Felix)
If the boy accepted so readily, I think perhaps, Loo, it would be an injustice to cancel that first offer—
FANNY (earnestly)
Mr. Magnus—please—don’t—
MAGNUS
I suppose Tromper—my good faithful beef-eating Tromper—will spread the report that I’m losing my mind if I do—
MRS. FELIX
Great men shouldn’t care, John. The mob always think greatness is madness. ”

“ Vanillity’s face brightens as drink and cigar affect him.
6
JUDGE CRITTY
Yes, sir! The only dangerous kind! That’s why I’m sorry for that poor fellow! (Nods toward laboratory)
VANILLITY
Ssh! Ssh!
JUDGE CRITTY
Pooh! He doesn’t know anybody’s on earth when he’s working—poor devil!
VANILLITY
Poor devil? Poor fellow? Who just won the Nobel prize—the most discussed scientist in the world? ”