Hannah Cowley

“ What has disturbed you, Sir George?
Sir Geo. Your having preserved Lady Frances, in so imminent a danger. Start not, Saville; to protect Lady Frances, was my right. You have wrested from me my dearest privilege.
Sav. I hardly know how to answer such a reproach. I cannot apologize for what I have done.
Sir Geo. I do not mean to reproach you; I hardly know what I mean. There is one method by which you may restore peace to me; I cannot endure that my Wife should be so infinitely indebted to any man who is less than my Brother. ”

“ Doricourt's eyes, than he appeared in mine.
Hardy. There you are mistaken; for I asked him, and he told me he liked you vastly. Don't you think he must have taken a fancy to her?
Mrs. Rack. Why really I think so, as I was not by.
Letit. My dear Sir, I am convinced he has not; but if there is spirit or invention in woman, he shall.
Hardy. Right, Girl; go to your toilette—
Letit. It is not my toilette that can serve me: but a plan has struck me, if you will not oppose it, which flatters me with brilliant success.
Hardy. Oppose it! not I indeed! What is it? ”

“ Men are all dissemblers! flatterers! deceivers! Have I not heard a thousand times of my air, my eyes, my shape—all made for victory! and to-day, when I bent my whole heart on one poor conquest, I have proved that all those imputed charms amount to nothing;—for Doricourt saw them unmov'd.—A husband of fifteen months could not have examined me with more cutting indifference. ”

“ Why look ye, Sir George, 'tis very plain you have no inclination to let me see your wife at all; so here I sit (throws himself on a sopha.) —There's my hat, and here are my legs.—Now I sha'n't stir till I have seen her; and I have no engagements: I'll breakfast, dine, and sup with you every day this week.
Sir Geo. Was there ever such a provoking wretch! But, to be plain with you, Doricourt, I and my house are at your service: but you are a damn'd agreeable fellow, and ten years younger than I am; and the women, I observe, always simper when you appear. ”

“ And you I take to be a slanderous Cynic of two-and-thirty.—Twenty years hence, one might have forgiven such a libel!—Now, Sir, hear my definition of a Fine Lady:—She is a creature for whom Nature has done much, and Education more; she has Taste, Elegance, Spirit, Understanding. In her manner she is free, in her morals nice. Her behaviour is undistinguishingly polite to her Husband, and all mankind;—her sentiments are for their hours of retirement. ”

“ Doricourt, to affect madness, rather than fulfil your engagements.
Doric. Affect madness!—Saville, what can I do?
Sav. Since you are discovered, confess the whole.
Miss Ogle. Aye, turn Evidence, and save Yourself.
Doric. Yes; since my designs have been so unaccountably discovered, I will avow the whole. I cannot love Miss Hardy—and I will never——
Sav. Hold, my dear Doricourt! be not so rash. What will the world say to such——
Doric. Damn the world! What will the world give me for the loss of happiness? Must I sacrifice my peace, to please the world? ”

“ Exit Saville.
SCENE IV.——Sir George Touchwood's.
Enter Sir George and Villers.
Vill. For shame, Sir George! you have left Lady Frances in tears.—How can you afflict her?
Sir Geo. 'Tis I that am afflicted;—my dream of happiness is over.—Lady Frances and I are disunited.
Vill. The Devil! Why, you have been in town but ten days: she can have made no acquaintance for a Commons affair yet.
Sir Geo. Pho! 'tis our minds that are disunited: she no longer places her whole delight in me; she has yielded herself up to the world! ”

“ Are you afraid to trust Lady Frances with me, Sir?
Sir George. Heaven and earth! with whom can a man trust his wife, in the present state of society? Formerly there were distinctions of character amongst ye: every class of females had its particular description; Grandmothers were pious, Aunts, discreet, Old Maids censorious! but now aunts, grandmothers, girls, and maiden gentlewomen, are all the same creature;—a wrinkle more or less is the sole difference between ye.
Mrs. Rack. That Maiden Gentlewomen have lost their censoriousness, is surely not in your catalogue of grievances. ”

“ Hardy. And pray, of what sort may your cares be, Mrs. Letitia? I begin to foresee now that you have taken a dislike to Doricourt.
Letit. Indeed, Sir, I have not.
Hardy. Then what's all this melancholy about? A'n't you going to be married? and, what's more, to a sensible man? and, what's more to a young girl, to a handsome man? ”

“ She sleeps at home, but she lives all over the town. In her mind, every sentiment gives place to the Lust of Conquest, and the vanity of being particular. The feelings of Wife, and Mother, are lost in the whirl of dissipation. If she continues virtuous, 'tis by chance—and if she preserves her Husband from ruin, 'tis by her dexterity at the Card-Table!—Such a Woman I take to be a perfect Fine Lady! ”

“ Heav'n and Earth!——How shall Innocence preserve its lustre amidst manners so corrupt!—My dear Fanny, I feel a sentiment for thee at this moment, tenderer than Love—more animated than Passion.——I could weep over that purity, expos'd to the sullying breath of Fashion, and the Ton, in whose latitudinary vortex Chastity herself can scarcely move unspotted. ”

“ But henceforward, my dear Sir George, you shall be my constant Companion, and Protector. And, when they ridicule the unfashionable Monsters, the felicity of our hearts shall make their satire pointless.
Sir Geo. Charming Angel! You almost reconcile me to Courtall. Hark! here's company (stepping to the door.) 'Tis your lively Widow—I'll step down the back stairs, to escape her. ”

“ Doric. I don't like this—I must rouse their sensibility. There! there she darts through the air in liquid flames! Down again! Now I have her——Oh, she burns, she scorches!—Oh! she eats into my very heart!
Omnes. Ha! ha! ha!
Mrs. Rack. He sees the Apparition of the wicked Italian Princess.
Flut. Keep her Highness fast, Doricourt.
Miss Ogle. Give her a pinch, before you let her go.
Doric. I am laughed at!
Mrs. Rack. Laughed at—aye, to be sure; why, I could play the Madman better than you.—There! there she is! Now I have her! Ha! ha! ha!
Doric. I knew that Devil would discover me. ”

“ Enter Saville and Kitty Willis, habited like Lady Frances.
Sav. I have seen Courtall in Sir George's habit, though he endeavoured to keep himself conceal'd. Go, and seat yourself in the tea-room, and on no account discover your face:—remember too, Kitty, that the Woman you are to personate is a Woman of Virtue.
Kitty. I am afraid I shall find that a difficult character: indeed I believe it is seldom kept up through a whole Masquerade. ”

“ Mrs. Rack. Well, now 'tis over, I confess to you, Mr. Doricourt, I think 'twas a most ridiculous piece of Quixotism, to give up the happiness of a whole life to a Man who perhaps has but a few moments to be sensible of the sacrifice.
Flut. So it appeared to me.—But, thought I, Mr. Doricourt has travelled—he knows best.
Doric. Zounds! Confusion!—Did ye not all set upon me?—Didn't ye talk to me of Honour—Compassion—Justice?
Sir Geo. Very true—You have acted according to their dictates, and I hope the utmost felicity of the Married State will reward you.
Doric. Never, Sir George! ”

“ Why, Sir—it may seem a little paradoxical; but, as he does not like me enough, I want him to like me still less, and will at our next interview endeavour to heighten his indifference into dislike.
Hardy. Who the devil could have foreseen that?
Mrs. Rack. Heaven and earth! Letitia, are you serious?
Letit. As serious as the most important business of my life demands.
Mrs. Rack. Why endeavour to make him dislike you?
Letit. Because 'tis much easier to convert a sentiment into its opposite, than to transform indifference into tender passion. ”

“ Ha! ha! ha!—Well, 'twas a cheap way of breeding her:—you know he was very poor, though a Lord; and very high-spirited, though a Virtuoso.—In town, her Pantheons, Operas, and Robes de Cour, would have swallowed his Sea-Weeds, Moths, and Monsters, in six weeks!—Sir George, I find, thinks his Wife a most extraordinary creature: he has taught her to despise every thing like Fashionable Life, and boasts that example will have no effect on her. ”

“ O Lord! your Wise Men are the greatest Fools upon earth:—they reason about their enjoyments, and analyse their pleasures, whilst the essence escapes. Look, Lady Frances: D'ye see that Figure strutting in the dress of an Emperor? His Father retails Oranges in Botolph Lane. That Gypsey is a Maid of Honour, and that Rag-man a Physician.
Lady Fran. Why, you know every body.
Flut. Oh, every creature.—A Mask is nothing at all to me.—I can give you the history of half the people here. ”

“ So Miss Hardy, with only beauty, modesty, and merit, is doom'd to the arms of a husband who will despise her.
Doric. You are unjust. Though she has not inspir'd me with violent passion, my honour secures her felicity.
Sav. Come, come, Doricourt, you know very well that when the honour of a husband is locum-tenens for his heart, his wife must be as indifferent as himself, if she is not unhappy.
Doric. Pho! never moralise without spectacles. But, as we are upon the tender subject, how did you bear Touchwood's carrying Lady Frances? ”

“ Flutter, Lady Frances, and Saville advance.
Lady Fran. How can you be thus interested for a stranger?
Sav. Goodness will ever interest; its home is Heaven: on earth 'tis but a Wanderer. Imprudent Lady! why have you left the side of your Protector? Where is your Husband?
Flut. Why, what's that to him?
Lady Fran. Surely it can't be merely his habit;——there's something in him that awes me.
Flut. Pho! 'tis only his grey beard.—I know him; he keeps a Lottery-office on Cornhill.
Sav. My province, as an Enchanter, lays open every secret to me. Lady! there are dangers abroad—Beware! ”

“ You have chosen an odd situation for study. Fashion and Taste preside in this spot:—they throw their spells around you:—ten thousand delights spring up at their command;—and you, a Stoic—a being without senses, are wrapt in reflection. ”

“ SCENE IV.——Doricourt's.
Doricourt seated, reading.
Doric. (flings away the book) What effect can the morals of Fourscore have on a mind torn with passion? (musing) Is it possible such a soul as her's, can support itself in so humiliating a situation? A kept Woman! (rising) Well, well—I am glad it is so—I am glad it is so!
Enter Saville.
Sav. What a happy dog you are, Doricourt! I might have been mad, or beggar'd, or pistol'd myself, without its being mentioned—But you, forsooth! the whole Female World is concerned for. ”

“ What the devil is the meaning of that flock of foreigners below, with their parchment faces and snuffy whiskers? What! can't an Englishman stand behind your carriage, buckle your shoe, or brush your coat?
Doric. Stale, my dear Saville, stale! Englishmen make the best Soldiers, Citizens, Artizans, and Philosophers in the world; but the very worst Footmen. I keep French fellows and Germans, as the Romans kept slaves; because their own countrymen had minds too enlarged and haughty to descend with a grace to the duties of such a station. ”

“ Sav. I am infinitely honoured, Sir George; but——
Sir Geo. I cannot listen to a sentence which begins with so unpromising a word. You must go with us into Hampshire; and, if you see each other with the eyes I do, your felicity will be complete. I know no one, to whose heart I would so readily commit the care of my Sister's happiness.
Sav. I will attend you to Hampshire, with pleasure; but not on the plan of retirement. Society has claims on Lady Frances, that forbid it.
Sir Geo. Claims, Saville!
Sav. Yes, claims; Lady Frances was born to be the ornament of Courts. ”

“ Polity, Commerce, War, with all the Liberal Arts, employ her sons; the latent sparks glow afresh within our bosoms; the sweet follies of the Continent imperceptibly slide away, whilst Senators, Statesmen, Patriots and Heroes, emerge from the virtû of Italy, and the frippery of France. ”

“ How did I——But what the devil makes you so dull, Letitia? I thought to have found you popping about as brisk as the jacks of your harpsichord.
Letit. Surely, Sir, 'tis a very serious occasion.
Hardy. Pho, pho! girls should never be grave before marriage. How did you feel, Cousin, beforehand? Aye!
Mrs. Rack. Feel! why exceedingly full of cares. ”

“ Nay, nay, nay, nay, this is your sex now——Give a woman but one stroke of character, off she goes, like a ball from a racket; sees the whole man, marks him down for an angel or a devil, and so exhibits him to her acquaintance.—This monster! ”

“ But consider this point: we go into Italy, where the sole business of the people is to study and improve the powers of Music: we yield to the fascination, and grow enthusiasts in the charming science: we travel over France, and see the whole kingdom composing ornaments, and inventing Fashions: we condescend to avail ourselves of their industry, and adopt their modes: we return to England, and find the nation intent on the most important objects ”

“ On my honour, experience will convince you of its truth. A Frenchman neither hears, sees, nor breathes, but as his master directs; and his whole system of conduct is compris'd in one short word, Obedience! ”

“ You, for instance, are a Widow: your air should be sedate, your dress grave, your deportment matronly, and in all things an example to the young women growing up about you!—instead of which, you are dress'd for conquest, think of nothing but ensnaring hearts ”

“ Miss Ogle. 'Tis Lady Frances Touchwood, Mr. Courtall, to whom you are speaking.
Court. Lady Frances! By Heaven, that's Saville's old flame. [Aside.] I beg your Ladyship's pardon. I ought to have believed that such beauty could belong only to your Name——a Name I have long been enamour'd of; because I knew it to be that of the finest Woman in the world.
Mrs. Racket comes forward.
Lady Fran. [Apart.] My dear Mrs. Racket, I am so frighten'd! Here's a Man making love to me, though he knows I am married.
Mrs. Rack. Oh, the sooner for that, my dear; don't mind him. ”