Harold Acton Vivian

“ Oh, see the real Fire engine dash across the Stage! The horses move Almost as quickly as a Broadway car. How red the real Flames are. Yes; the Gas bill will be very High. Do not scream, children; no one will get Burnt. ”

“ Who is the Handsome man in the Beautiful greasy overalls? Is it not the Man we saw on the Street car that Every one took for an Actor? What is he Doing here on the Stage at so Early an hour? Ah! little children, he is a poor but Honest scene-shifter, and he is About to go to Work. Can any one tell where He got the Lovely clothes he Wore in the Car? ”

“ Watch the Pretty lady buy two Fifty-cent tickets. She wants to know if they are Down stairs. No, they are in the Gallery. In the front row? Yes. Has the man nothing further in Front? she asks. The Poor lady would like them in the Centre. Yes, those would do. But are they on the Aisle? No, there is no Centre Aisle. She says it is not a nice Theatre, but she Supposes she Must take the Tickets. Are they for Thursday night? Yes. Oh, that is too bad. She is going to Play cards on Thursday night, and she wants the Tickets for Friday night. ”

“ Step softly, children dear; the actor is dying. He has played many parts in his life and has made many enemies. Some of them are gathered round him now; the others have always been his friends. Once he was rich, but of late he has been poor. His friends and enemies alike have helped him. They have given their services at benefits and have visited him. Some who have spoken harshly of him are sorry now, and they say so. Are there many people as good to their kind as actors and actresses? ”

“ Do the public Like to be done? There is no such thing as the Public, children; each Man thinks he is too wise to be Done. But the newspaper man; what About him? Ah, that is the Sad part of it. The press agents Do him every time they Get a chance.
98
Let us look into the actor's Trunk. It has just been Brought up to the Dressing room. The poor actor; he must have Packed his trunk in a Great hurry. See; here is a Panama hat that he Wears in the First scene, right on Top. The place for hats is the Bottom of the trunk. Johnny, take the Things all out and We will re-pack the trunk. ”

“ It costs two big Dollars to get into a Theatre but People are always in a Great Hurry to get out. This is right, as it Helps the actors to act. When you go to a theatre you should always Cry as Loud and as Long as you can. It gives great Pleasure to all the People, and makes your Mother feel Good.
2
Oh, see the Press Agent! Is he not a wonderful Thing? Next to the Theatre, he is the most Important Thing in the Business. He is much Greater than the Manager, but he does not get so much Money. The Press Agent always tells the Truth, and loves to give away Free Tickets. ”

“ One of the ladies does not know her part. Notice how encouragingly the Manager speaks to her. He says the best Actresses are poor studies. Oh, one of the men has Forgotten a piece of Business. The low sweet voice of the Stage Manager is heard again. He wants to Know what the Blankety blank blank the Man means. Always keep your temper, children. A soft answer Turneth away Wrath, but a good stiff Punch is more often used. Be like the Stage Manager, little ones, and when you Die you will have lots of company.
59
What a large number of Letters. Yes; this is the Actor's mail. ”

“ They are poor, and cannot Afford to sit downstairs. The Gallery Seat has many Charms. There is no room for One's knees, so one cannot grow out of one's clothes while watching the Show. The Fire Commissioner allows Poor People to sit in the Aisles in the Gallery. Is he not Kind?
67
This is the Water Boy. He is a very Smart little fellow, and hopes some day to be an Actor. He has many Glasses of water. The people are Thirsty; they all call and beckon to him. How strange that he does not Respond. No; it is not strange either. The poor Little Fellow is both Deaf and Blind. ”

“ Father will pay for the Supper, just like he pays for the Auto. Is he not a good Father to the Poor Hard-working Chorus Girl? The Chorus Girl is a much better actress than the Leading Lady, but she is not jealous of the Leading Lady's success. ”

“ The Art is so far above us that we cannot Tell what the Picture is meant for. Is that a Horse in the lower corner? Surely it is. How strong the horse is. His limbs are like Iron. They look it! Why has the Lady with Pink hair got on a Green sheet? ”

“ From their Talk they must be the Greatest actors and actresses in the Country. No doubt that is Correct. This large man says he has Made more great Hits than any Other actor in the Land. Is a touch a hit? Surely these Great Artists do not come Here looking for Work. Dear me, no; they Just drop in to get their Mail.
79
Do you Notice the chilly feeling, children? Yes; the lady Star has Quarrelled with the Manager. She says she will Have her friends Back on the stage Whenever she likes. The manager says it is against the Rules. Why is he So angry about a little Thing? ”

“ How Glad the actor will be when he sees what We have done. He will come in in a Hurry and will be Tickled to death. In spite of his hurry He will try to find us so that he can Thank us.
99
The hotel Clerk has been to see the Show. He is trying to Make an impression on the Soubrette. He sent her a Big bunch of Flowers and a Little note. He would like to Take her to Supper. Does he Know the Soubrette? Oh, dear, no. He has never seen her Off the stage. He will wait at the Stage door for Her and will Wear a big Carnation in his Buttonhole. The man With the broad Shoulders will be there, Too. ”

“ We remember that she did it when Mother was young. Perhaps, when we have Grand-children, she will give a Farewell tour for them. Do great singers never Grow old? No; people who give Last appearances grow younger every day. ”

“ Do you see the Man with the Bald Head in the Second Row? He is a Great Critic. He gets a Million Dollars for every day that He works. He Knows all About every Show that will Ever be written. He is good to the Actors, and will tell Them how to Act Properly. ”

“ Why does the man in the White shirt sleeves run off the Stage in such a Hurry?
91
Have you noticed the Wires under your seats, children? They are called Hat Racks. Some silly people say they Are nerve racking. They are put under The seats to hold person's Hats. It Never takes more than fifteen Minutes to get a hat into one, but You can get a hat out in Half an hour! If you want to Make your Tall hat look like a Derby put it In a hat rack. ”

“ The manager likes to be The particular friend himself. Will he fire the pretty Lady star? No; they will have Supper together and all will be Serene. If he should Fire the pretty lady they Would both go Broke.
80
The monologue artist is a Funny fellow. His salary is very Large and he is the Real thing. If a joke is not funny he will Tell it over and Over again. All vaudeville people Think it is a Sin to waste a good Joke. ”

“ Then it will be a Great Success, and the Cruel Manager will be sorry because he has Missed a chance to Make Money.
17
This is another Playwright. He is a very successful one Because he Works very Hard. He writes a Dozen plays every year. If one is Good he Gets Paid for All the rest. Of course he has a Reputation. He made it by Knitting Socks.
18
What a Large Chest that man has. Yes; he is a Star. He is the only actor who can Play Hamlet. Did you Know that he Owns a Large part of Broadway? What is he Saying? He says that he is Not a great Actor. ”

“ The Box-office man will Tell you that the Sweeper once found a set of False teeth and Turned them in.
93
Here we have the Foreign Artiste. See; a reporter is going to Interview her. She says bon jour to the Reporter. That is so he will Know she is French. If we listen we will hear Her talk about "gay Par-ee and ze Nobilitee she have met on ze Continong." What a beautiful accent she Has. The reporter is Smiling. When he comes out he Will say that she was Born in Ireland and that her Right name is Murphy. But then, of course, Reporters always think they Know everything. ”

“ The vulgar Stage hands call her Little Eva. What does she do On the Stage? She is the Leading lady's maid. No Leading lady could act if she had not got a Maid. A maid is an Absolute necessity. Also, she is sometimes Useful. She can tell in One minute whether her Mistress' hat is on Straight or not. ”

“ He just Loves to Pay them Money. But he does Not like to make them work Hard. Oh, No; they just do what They want to. By and By they Will get too old to Work, and then he will Buy them a House to live in. All the other Managers love the Big Bug, because he does not try to Hog the Whole thing. ”

“ The leading Juvenile and the Comedian dress here. They like a small room; it is So easy to make a quick change in One. The management wanted to Make the Dressing room Larger but there was Not enough lumber. ”

“ Let us listen to the Manager talking to the actor. The Manager says it is a fine day. That is not so, for it is Raining. The Actor says he would Like his Salary. Why does the Manager laugh and say next Tuesday? The actor tells the manager to go to Yuma, Arizona. Will the manager go? No, but the Actor will soon begin Counting railroad Neckwear.
32
Children, observe the Bouncer. He is a kind and Gentle man, and carries a Stick to protect Himself. He is very weak. Clara, yell as loud as you can. Now, Johnny, whistle on Your fingers. Will the Bouncer tell you to Stop? ”

“ Surely the Actor will not wear this shirt Again. Do not take too much for Granted, children. Clean shirts are a Very expensive Luxury. If the actor were a Manager now, he Might wear a clean shirt Every night. Managers always have Money, but Actors put so Much in the Bank that they can not afford many Clean shirts. And, besides, what's the use?
96
Did you notice the Check room? Isn't it a lovely arrangement? There is Absolutely no charge. The programme says so. When you check your Overcoat, Johnny, be sure and Leave your change in the Pocket. ”

“ It is the newspaper man who has to Go to all the Theatres every night. He must do this so that If there is anything doing it will be In the papers. Is there anything Doing to-night? Yes; the Actors are doing the Managers and the Managers are doing the public. ”

“ She has been Deserted by her Cru-el and faithless Lover. See how Poorly she is clothed. She is trying to Make an honest living selling Matches. It is snowing and the poor Girl must sleep on the Doorstep. She is starving ”

“ See; in his hurry, the Actor has left a pair of shoes in Front of that Chair. Put them behind the Trunk, Clara, and the Actor will thank you.
25
This is a stick of Grease paint. The Leading lady uses it to Make herself look beautiful. In this way she can make many dates. The leading lady is very fond of Dates. Her friends say she always has dates for Supper. Hold the Grease paint in the Gas flame, Johnny, and see it Fizzle. Now rub the wet paint on the Looking Glass. Put some in the Powder box. The Leading lady always uses powder after Paint ”