John Maddison Morton

“ Sixes!
Cox. Sixes!
Box. Those are not bad dice of yours, sir.
Cox. Your’s seem pretty good ones, sir.
Box. Suppose we change?
Cox. Very well, sir.
[They change dice.
Box. [Throwing.] Sixes!
Cox. Sixes!
Box. Sixes!
Cox. Sixes!
Box. [Flings down the dice.] Pooh! It’s perfectly absurd, your going on throwing sixes in this sort of way, sir.
Cox. I shall go on till my luck changes, sir!
Box. Let’s try something else. I have it! Suppose we toss for Penelope Ann?
Cox. The very thing I was going to propose!
[They each turn aside and take out a handful of money.
Box. [Aside, examining money.] ”

“ Mrs. B. Why—
Cox. Then, I suppose, the gentleman you are speaking of, is the same individual that I invariably meet coming up stairs when I’m going down, and going down stairs when I’m coming up!
Mrs. B. Why—yes—I—
Cox. From the appearance of his outward man, I should unhesitatingly set him down as a gentleman connected with the printing interest.
Mrs. B. Yes, sir—and a very respectable young gentleman he is.
Cox. Well, good-morning, Mrs. Bouncer!
Mrs. B. You’ll be back at your usual time, I suppose, sir?
Cox. Yes—nine o’clock. You needn’t light my fire in future, Mrs. B.—I’ll do it myself. ”

“ Cox. The chimney doesn’t smoke tobacco. I’m speaking of tobacco smoke, Mrs. B. I hope, Mrs. Bouncer, you’re not guilty of cheroots or Cubas?
Mrs. B. Not I, indeed, Mr. Cox.
Cox. Nor partial to a pipe?
Mrs. B. No, sir.
Cox. Then, how is it that—
Mrs. B. Why—I suppose—yes—that must be it—
Cox. At present I am entirely of your opinion—because I haven’t the most distant particle of an idea what you mean.
[Pg 7]
Mrs. B. Why the gentleman who has got the attics, is hardly ever without a pipe in his mouth—and there he sits, with his feet upon the mantel-piece—
Cox. The mantel piece! ”

“ No! [Digs the fork into the chop, opens window, and throws chop out—shuts window again.] So much for Bouncer’s breakfast, and now for my own! [With the fork he puts the bacon on the gridiron again.] I may as well lay my breakfast things.— [Goes to mantel-piece at R., takes key out of one of the ornaments, opens door at R. and exit, slamming door after him.
Cox. [Putting his head in quickly at L.] Come in—come in! [Opens door, L. C. Enters with a small tray, on which are tea things, &c., which he places on drawers, L. and suddenly recollects.] Oh, goodness! my chop! [Running to fireplace.] ”

“ At C., a bed, with curtains closed, at L. C., a door, at L. 3d E., a door, at L. S. E., a chest of drawers, at back, R., a window, at R. 3d E., a door, at R. S. E., a fireplace, with mantel-piece, table and chairs, a few common ornaments on chimney-piece. Cox, dressed, with the exception of his coat, is looking at himself in a small looking-glass, which is in his hand.
Cox. I’ve half a mind to register an oath that I’ll never have my hair cut again! [His hair is very short.] I look as if I had just been cropped for the militia! ”

“ However, some concessions have been made. For example, the lists of abbreviations for exits and entrances and for relative positions on p. 4 were centered rather than coded as indented paragraphs to keep an abbreviation and the corresponding word or phrase on the same line and to prevent uneven spacing between words from line to line. ”

“ COSTUMES. BOX.—Small swallow-tailed black coat, short buff waistcoat, light drab trowsers short, turned up at bottom, black stockings, white canvass boots with black tips, cotton neckcloth, shabby black hat.
COX.—Brown Newmarket coat, long white waistcoat, dark plaid trowsers, boots, white hat, black stock.
MRS. BOUNCER.—Coloured cotton gown, apron, cap, &c.
First produced at the Royal Lyceum Theatre, November 1st, 1847
Time in Representation—35 Minutes.
EXITS AND ENTRANCES.
R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; S. E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance ”

“ I meet him in all sorts of hats—white hats and black hats—hats with broad brims, and hats with narrow brims—hats with naps, and hats without naps—in short, I have come to the conclusion, that he [Pg 9] must be individually and professionally associated with the hatting interest.
Mrs. B. Yes, sir. ”