Bouncer

“ Bouncer was as good as his word, and at once took active measures to extricate his friend from the pitfall into which he had been lured by one who had proved himself to be too astute and cunning for the simple nature of the other who had so readily fallen into his toils. ”

“ Thee, and the Cottage which thou dost surround."
At places of pleasure and entertainment in the Far West, are often found functionaries known as "bouncers." It is the duty of the bouncer to give hints to objectionable visitors that their presence is not desired. And inasmuch as there are many men who can never take a hint without a kick, the bouncer is a person selected on account of his peculiar fitness—psychic and otherwise—for the place. We all have special talents, and these faculties should be used in a manner that will help our fellowmen on their way. ”

“ Bouncer makes his best bow to you, and thanks you for having tolerated his society. He has been well pleased to meet you, and hopes that you also may have experienced some little pleasure in meeting him. ”

“ Dustacre had no such obliquity of vision, but looked straightly and fixedly at the object before him.
Mr. Bouncer rose from his easy-chair, and silently returned the silent bow of the other. The Doctor took a chair and brought it to the writing-table, near to Mr. Bouncer, all the while making an eye-study of his appearance and manners. It was such a skilled, professional study, that it might have been called eye art. Mr. Bouncer had again settled himself in his chair, and began to experience the sort of sensation which a bird is supposed to feel when it is being fascinated by a serpent. ”

“ Bouncer's reading for his degree. The gentleman with the limited knowledge of the cornet-à-piston, who had the rooms immediately beneath those of our hero and his friend, had made such slow progress in his musical education, that he had even now scarcely got into his "Cottage near a Wood." This gentleman was Mr. Bouncer's Frankenstein. He was always rising up when he was not wanted. When Mr. Bouncer felt as if he could read, and sat down to his books, wigless and determined, the doleful legend of the cottage near a wood was forced upon him in an unpleasingly obtrusive and distracting manner. ”

“ Bouncer sulkily replied, "Bother the play of light and shade! I want to know what 's the meaning of all this, and what game you chaps are up to."
"Pray don't agitate yourself," said the gentleman in spectacles; "it is only a drive to do you good."
But Mr. Bouncer could not see the transaction in this light, and did not approve of being rapidly whirled away, a captive in the old bald-pate's car, sitting knee to knee with a burly individual who appeared to be prepared to pounce upon him if he gave the slightest evidence of attempting resistance or escape. ”

“ LITTLE MR. BOUNCER GIVES A BREAKFAST PARTY.
ERE are the notes, Giglamps," said little Mr. Bouncer, as he re-entered his friend's room at Brazenface, on his return from the interview with the Hon. Blucher Boots. "I had a squeeze to get them for the fellow cut up rather rusty. But here they are, and joy go with them."
"Oh, thank you, so much!" cried Verdant Green, heartily, as he once more handled the three five-pound notes that had been entrusted to the charge of the son of Lord Balmoral. "You are a real friend. What can I do to repay you?" ”

“ Bouncer and other ameteurs, in which grandeur of effect and satirical expression were sought for, rather than delicacy of execution and flattery of portraiture; the smashed panel, through which a small but highly obnoxious Freshman had been propelled, would be made good ”

“ Bouncer was a person who was capable of giving him good advice and was ready to keep him from falling into those snares and temptations that beset every young man on his entrance into life, and none more so than a home-nurtured, inexperienced youth who is suddenly removed from a well-ordered household to the mixed society of a throng of undergraduates, in a beautiful city where he can freely procure all that he desires without troubling himself to think of present payment. ”

“ Bouncer, encouragingly; "that won't mend matters. I 'll see what can be done to pull you out of the mire. You trust to your faithful Bouncer to get you out of the pickle, if it can anyhow be managed."
"Perhaps I had better go to Blucher Boots, and see what can be done?" timidly suggested Mr. Verdant Green.
"Perhaps you had better do nothing of the sort," promptly rejoined Mr. Bouncer. "If you open your mouth, you are sure to put your foot into it. No, my tulip! you leave it to yours truly ”

“ Bouncer chuckled to himself, and said, "I suppose, Giglamps, you took him for a cannibal of the Fa-fe-fi-fo-fum species; and, if you did, old fellow, you'd not be very far off the mark; for Blucher Boots would pick your bones as clean as a chicken, and get every shilling out of your pocket. He 's so hard up that he can scarcely rub two half-crowns against each other, and a sovereign might dance in his pocket without breaking its shins. ”

“ They had turned their horses' heads in the direction of Oxford, on their way back home, when Charles Larkyns cantered up and joined them. He was mounted on that very hack of Tollitt's that was usually hired by Mr. Bouncer; and, after a few moments' scrutiny, as he reined in his horse by his friend's side, he said, "Why, you 've changed your horse since you started!" "Indeed, I have n't," replied Mr. Bouncer. "Giglamps will tell you it 's the werry identical. There is no deception, my little dear." ”

“ After dinner, music and dancing alternated for the remainder of the evening; and little Mr. Bouncer not only persuaded Mrs. Flabby to be his partner in a country dance, but also covered himself with glory by singing Dibdin's "Tight Little Island," which he had often sung at wine-parties at Brazenface, where, however, the chorus to that patriotic song had never been so enthusiastically rendered as it was by the pic-nic company assembled on Firs Hill. It did Mr. Bouncer's heart good to hear the full chorus of voices proclaiming—
For, oh! ”

“ Bouncer, as he lay, in an extremely inelegant attitude, in a red morocco chair, which was considerably the worse for wear, chiefly on account of the ill-usage it had to put up with, in being made to represent its owner's antagonist, whenever Mr. Bouncer thought fit to practise his fencing. "Oh! it's you and Giglamps, is it, Charley? I'm just refreshing myself with a weed, for I've been desperately hard at work." ”

“ The style of their garments must be held to excuse the absence of that quality in their rowing, for each man's stroke was a thing to itself, as he painstakingly illustrated the famous maxim of Mr Charles Bouncer, "Dig your oar in deep, and pull it out with a jerk!" ”

“ Bouncer thought that he would make a call upon Messrs. Stump and Rowdy. They were the individuals who, according to the little gentleman's own language, had got all his tin or property until he came of age, and only let him have money at certain times, because it was tied up, as they facetiously termed it; though, why they had tied it up, and where they had tied it up, Mr. Bouncer had .no more idea than had the two dogs that he had left tied up in the little yard at the rear of the Old Hummums. ”

“ Besides his Grinds, and cricketing, and boating, and hunting, he would paddle down to Wyatt's, for a little pistol practice, or to indulge in the exciting amusement of rifle-shooting at empty bottles, or to practise, on the leaping and swinging poles, the lessons he was learning at MacLaren's, or to play at skittles with Mr. Bouncer (who was very expert in knocking down three out of the four) , or to kick football until he became (to use Mr. Bouncer's expression) "as stiff as a biscuit." ”

“ Bouncer, who thought—as others like him have thought—that the getting up of a few abstruse proper names would be proof sufficient for a thorough knowledge of the whole subject. "But I'm not going to let them gulph me a second time; though, they ought not to plough a man who's been at Harrow, ought they, old feller?" ”

“ Bouncer, "is, that there are as many sets of men in a College as there are of quadrilles in a ball-room, and that it's just as easy to take your place in one as it is in another; but, that when you've once taken up your position, you'll find it ain't an easy thing, you see, to make a change for yourself, till the set is broken up. Whereby, Giglamps, you may comprehend what a grateful bird you ought to be, for Charley's having put you into the best set in Brazenface." ”

“ Bouncer; "why where are your eyes, old boy? there must be some defect of vision. This is the mouse-coloured hack. What 'll you bet? a bottle of blacking?"
"I could lay you any odds that this is certainly a bay," said Charles Larkyns. ”

“ LITTLE MR. BOUNCER IS TAKEN CAPTIVE BY THE FRENCH.
ab No. 7542, a four-wheeler, rattled through the London streets, and passing Covent Garden Market, set down Mr. Bouncer and Huz and Buz at the Old Hummums. The little gentleman always patronised this hotel when he visited town unaccompanied by his mother and sister; but, when they were with him, they all stayed at Morley's—the Old Hummums, for some reason, declining to lodge ladies within its comfortable walls, and, therefore, necessitating the taking of Mr. Bouncer's women-kind to other quarters. ”

“ Bouncer, as he took his hack a few paces in advance, and then slowly turned him round, in such a way that the clipped and unclipped sides were distinctly seen, and the subject of the dispute was at once made clear. Charles Larkyns declared that he would write a parody on the fables of "The Chameleon" and "The Knights and the Shield." It was evident that there could be two sides to every question, including that of a horse's colour. ”

“ Having this impression on his mind, he firmly grasped his thick walking-stick as he thought—I must humour the old bald-pate and keep him civil: it is lucky that I have taken him out of Winstanley's way, for he might have alarmed the poor fellow and done mischief. Mr. Bouncer said, "Are you fond of missionary meetings, sir?" ”

“ Bouncer, as he thought of the leading article that he had just been dozing over, when the sonorous sentences on the political crisis in Moldavia had failed to excite or amuse him. "A good murder or a daring burglary is interesting, so is a prize-fight, for the matter of that."
"Do you prefer the perusal of works of modern fiction to the study of classical authors?" asked Dr. Dustacre.
"I should rather think I did," answered Mr. Bouncer, heartily, as he thought to himself—This old bald-pate is the parson of the parish who coached Smalls. ”

“ Smirke with alacrity. "If I shied the duck at him, as you say I did—and I confess that I don't remember very clearly about it—it would only be right in me, as a gentleman, to apologise to Bulpit; would n't it?"
"I quite agree with you. It is better to prevent bloodshed, if possible," replied little Mr. Bouncer, as he lighted a cigar, and threw his cap and gown on the floor. "But you must write the letter at once, if it is to be written at all; or Bulpit and Effingham will have started for the Port Meadow before we can stop them. ”

“ Bouncer, as he gave him another vigorous shake and pulled the clothes off him. "It 's all very well for Dr. Watts' sluggard to do the downy like the door on its hinges, so he on his bed; but I can't allow it." ”

“ Verdant Green's rooms, little Mr. Bouncer was knocking at a certain door on a particular staircase, where, as he had ascertained from the porter at the lodge of the College, the person of whom he was in quest "hung out;" so, at least, Mr. Bouncer phrased Mr. Blucher Boots' tenancy of the rooms in question.
"If he thinks it 's the woodpecker tapping, he 'll be slightly deceived," said Mr. Bouncer to himself. ”

“ Bouncer, "why, and then you shall be presented with another pair as a testimonial of affection from yours truly. Come, Giglamps, don't do the mean! a man of your standing, and with a chest like that!" and the little gentleman sounded on our hero's shirt-front, as doctors do when they stethoscope a patient. "Come, Giglamps, old feller, you mustn't refuse. ”

“ I should advise you not to open it, but to pitch it in the fire: it may save a fit of the blues. If you want any help over shaving, just say so, Giglamps, will you, before I go; and then I'll hold your nose for you, or do anything else that's civil and accommodating. And, when you've done your tumbies, come in to the dove-tart and the spread-eagle." And off went Mr. Bouncer, making terrible noises with his post-horn, in his strenuous but futile endeavours to discover the octaves. ”

“ Bouncer meant what he said; for, he freed himself from the cotton wrapper, and, despite the entreaties of Mr. Quickfall, quitted that person's spacious hair-cutting saloon, its proprietor being "left lamenting," like Lord Ullin in Campbell's ballad, but firmly refusing to take his customer's sixpence, on the ground that, if he were paid for an incompleted job, it might provide his implacable foe, Tarver, with a stinging taunt against him as a member of the Town Council of Barham. ”

“ But, how was it?"
"You know Blucher Boots?—the Honourable Blucher Boots, son of Lord Balmoral?" added Mr. Verdant Green in explanation.
"Know him!" cried little Mr. Bouncer; "yes! who doesn't know him? Although he 's Honourable by name, he 's not by nature. He 's as genuine a cad as was ever pupped; and if some feller would give him a good licking, and take the conceit out of him, it would be a public benefit. And did he help you to make your book on the Derby, Giglamps?" ”

“ Bouncer. "You have persuaded my friend, Verdant Green, who knows nothing whatever about horse-racing, to make a book on the Derby, and you have taken his money to invest on a certain dark horse."
"What of that!" exclaimed Mr. Blucher Boots. "Though the horse is a comparative outsider, yet he 's entrusted with good money, and has some big bets written in his name. His stable companion has been backed for a good amount; but he 's the better horse of the two, and I have certain private information about him on which I can rely. I 've put a lot of money on him myself ”