Leonid Andreyev

“ Liuba, like an affronted queen, watched it a moment over his shoulder with savage eyes; then suddenly, as though she had only just understood and been driven mad, with a wild groan of elation she burst into the midst of the jostling women and joined the trampling in a faster measure. But for the earnestness of the drunken faces, the ferocity of the bleary eyes, the wickedness of the depraved and twisted mouths, it might all have been taken for some new kind of dance without music, without rhythm. ”

“ It was as though the Satanic world itself had foregathered there to laugh to its grave that little sprig of virtue, the dead innocence itself joining in the laughter.
The only one who did not laugh was Liuba. Trembling with agitation, she wrung her hands and shouted at them, and finally flung herself with her fists on the fat woman, who even with her beam-like arms could hardly ward off her blows. ”

“ Liuba gazed downwards and fixed her attention on turning a ring on her finger. He looked round the room; each time be conspicuously avoided meeting the girl's glance, and rested his eyes on the unfinished glass of cognac. Then, all at once, it became overwhelmingly clear to him, even palpably evident, that all this was no longer what it seemed—that little yellow glass with the cognac, the girl so absorbed in twiddling her ring—and he himself, too, he was no longer himself, but someone else, someone alien and quite apart.... ”

“ Liuba, stretching her naked neck, heard him. They were together now, side by side, these three plain truths of life, the corrupt old drunkard who yearned for heroes, the dissolute woman into whose soul some scattered seeds of purpose and self-denial had fallen—and the man. After the superintendent's words, he paled slightly, and seemed to wish to say something—but changed his mind and smiled, and went on swinging that hairy leg. ”

“ Truth—that carpet on which thousands of drunken men had scuffled in spasms of hideous passion? Truth—this stale, moist fragrance, loathesomely cleaving to the face? Truth—that music and the jingling spurs? Truth—that woman with her pale and harassed face and smile of pitiful bliss?
Again he rested his heavy head on his hands, looking askance with the eyes of a wolf at bay; and his thoughts ran on without connection.
So she was Truth!... That meant that tomorrow and the day after he would not go, and everyone would know why he had not gone, that he had stayed with a girl, drinking ”

“ He had no desire to die. When they called him from his bed, he had nursed his revolver for a long time from one greasy palm to the other, and although there was little time to spare he had ordered them to clean his jacket, as though for a review. That very night at the police station, he remembered, conversation had turned on this same man who had been dodging them all, and the superintendent, with the cynicism of an old sot, had called the man a hero and himself an old police trollop. When his assistants laughed, he had assured them that such heroes must exist, if only to be hanged. ”

“ I've seen enough of these tradespeople. They pile up millions and then give a pound to a church and imagine they have righted themselves. No, dear, you must build me an entire church. You must give me the most precious thing you have, your innocence. Perhaps you are only giving up your innocence because it has become useless to you, because it has tarnished. Are you getting married?«
»No.«
»Supposing you had a bride awaiting you tomorrow with flowers and embraces and love, then would you give away your innocence, or not? ”

“ He shrugged his shoulders, and again went on, pertinaciously staring at the girl and weaving his fancies. His thought, usually sluggish, once aroused worked forcibly and could not be deterred—worked almost mechanically, turning into something like a hydraulic press which slowly sinking powders up stones and bends iron beams and crushes anyone that falls beneath it—slowly, indifferently, irresistibly. ”

“ He was yawning, burying his flabby red nose in his grey whiskers; and he was thinking that he ought to wait for the military; that it was nonsense to go for such a man without soldiers, with nothing but stupid drowsy policemen who didn't know how to shoot. More than once he reached the point of calling himself the slave of duty, yawning every time long and heavily.
The superintendent was a drunkard, a regular debauchee of the resorts of his district; and they paid him heavily for the right to exist. ”

“ Feminine voices were heard in argument and, cutting through them as scissors cut through a tangle of silk, a male voice, young, persuasive, seeming to proceed from behind strong white teeth and a soft moustache. Spurs jingled as though the speaker were responding with a bow. And—strange!—Liuba smiled. ”

“ He could do it without compunction; actually, while he held her so firmly, she had been twisting herself about like a snake.
»So you know, Liuba, what I am?«
»I do. You«—she enunciated the words syllable by syllable, harshly and with an air of triumph—»you are a revolutionary! That's what you are!«
»How do you know?«
She smiled mockingly.
»We aren't quite in the backwoods here.«
»Well, suppose we admit that I....«
»Pooh, suppose we admit! Let go of my arm! You're all alike, you men, always ready to use your strength against a woman. Let go! ”

“ « he hesitated a moment and went on firmly, proudly. »Up to now I have never known a woman.... Never ... do you understand? You are the first I even see ... like that. And to tell the truth, I am just a little ashamed to be looking at your bare arms.«
The music rose again wildly, and the floor vibrated with the rhythm of dancing feet, broken by a drunken man's wild whoop, as though he were heading off a herd of stampeding horses. But in the room it was still, and the tobacco smoke rose serenely and melted into a ruddy mist.
»That is what my life has been, Liuba! ”

“ Like children enjoying a new game, with a whoop and a laugh, they leapt up and began trampling on the spot where lay the fragments of that invisible dainty porcelain, a beautiful human life. Gradually a new frenzy overcame them. ”

“ And the more quietly and fearlessly, and even joyously, he anticipated Thursday, when he would probably have to die, the more was he oppressed with the prospect of a night with a woman who practised love as a profession, a thing utterly ridiculous, an incarnation of chaos, senseless, petty, and dirty. ”

“ Then Liuba suddenly took up the word, stretching out her hands.
»He is my betrothed. He will stay with me. He was virtuous and had comrades, and now he will stay with me!«
»Come and take Màrkusha's place,« the fat woman drawled.
»Shut up, Manka, or I'll smash your face! He will stay with me. He was virtuous....«
»We were all virtuous once,« the evil old woman grumbled. And the others joined in: »I was straight four years ago ... I'm an honourable woman still ... I swear to God....«
Liuba was nearly weeping.
»Silence, you sluts! You had your honour taken from you; but he gives it me himself. ”

“ He said WERE as the living speak of the dead, or as the dead might speak of the living, and through the even course of his calm and almost indifferent narration it resounded like a funeral knell, as though he were an old man telling his children the heroic tale of a long departed past. And, in the darkness, before the girl's enchanted eyes, there rose the image of a little group of young men, pitifully young, bereft of father and mother, and hopelessly hostile both to the world they were fighting and to the world they were fighting for. ”

“ « said Liuba, turning very pale, »He is my betrothed.«
»To those who are blind from birth! Ye who can see, pluck out your eyes! For it is shameful«—and he banged on the table—»it is shameful for those who have sight to look upon those who are blind from birth! If with our light we cannot illumine all the darkness, then let us put out the signal fires, let us all crawl in the dark! If there be not paradise for all, then I will have none for myself! ”

“ Do you understand what it means, to sacrifice one's life?«
»No, I do not,« the girl retorted harshly, but listening attentively.
»Some do it out of stupidity, some for spite. Because, Liuba, a common man cannot endure a fine man, and the wicked do not love the good....«
»What should they love them for?«
»Don't think, Liuba, that I am simply praising myself. But just look what my life has been, what it is! From the age of fourteen I have been rubbing along in prisons, expelled from school, expelled from home. My parents drove me out. Once I was nearly shot dead, saved only by a miracle. ”

“ Then some of them crept along the dark corridor on tiptoe to the fearsome door.
A desperate knock—a shout—threats to shoot through the door. And when, almost knocking Liuba, half naked, off her feet, they burst into the little room in close formation and filled it with their boots and cloaks and rifles—then they saw him—sitting on the bed in his shirt, with his bare hairy legs hanging down—sitting there silent. ”

“ Liuba slowly rose to her feet, and when, in a tempest of emotion, with proud distended nostrils, he looked at her, he was met by a look as proud and even more disdainful. Even pity shone in the arrogant eyes of the prostitute ”

“ Don't think it was compassion, Liuba. No, really it wasn't. Really not, Liuba. I ... but turn out the light, Liuba.«
With an agitated smile he put out his hands to her in the clumsy caressing way of a man who has never had to do with women. And this is what he saw: she clenched her fists with a slow effort and raised them to her chin and became, as it were, one immense gasp contained in her swelling bosom, her eyes huge and staring with horror and anguish and inexpressible contempt.
»What is the matter, Liuba? ”

“ And enchanting sleep, spaciously smiling, came and nestled with its downy cheek against his, gently fondled him, stroking his knees, and mercifully settling to rest with its soft, velvety head on his shoulder. He smiled.
»What makes you smile?« The girl smiled involuntarily.
»Because I am comfortable.... How soft your pillows are! Now we can talk awhile. Why don't you drink something? ”

“ It was then, at the last moment, when he had nothing to do but to open the door and go out and seek his comrades and end a noble life with a heroic death—it was then he committed the wild, incomprehensible act that ruined his life. It may have been a frenzy that sometimes unaccountably seizes hold of the strongest and calmest minds ”

“ Never before having been to a brothel he did not know that in every well equipped house of this sort there are one or two such women, dressed in black like nuns or young widows, with pale faces, unrouged, even stern, their task being to provide an illusion of propriety to those who seek it,—but when they go with a man to their room, drinking and becoming like the rest, or even worse,—brawling and breaking the china, dancing about, undressing and dancing into the hall naked, and even killing men who are too importunate. ”

“ But his terrible exhaustion, after two sleepless nights and days of ceaseless vigilance, had brought in its train a new danger: he might drop off to sleep anywhere, on a seat in the boulevards, even in a cab, and be ludicrously arrested as a common drunk.
It was now Tuesday. On Thursday—only one day to spare—he had to carry out a terrorist act of great importance. The preparations for the assassination had kept the little organization busy for some considerable time. ”

“ This he did not observe, but resolutely dragged the girl along with him, she tapping her way on high French heels on the parquet flooring.
There was a corridor, as there always is, and narrow dark little rooms with open doors. At one of them inscribed above in irregular handwriting, »Liuba«, they entered.
»And now, Liuba,« he said, looking round and unconsciously rubbing his hands one over the other, as though carefully washing them in cold water, »don't we want wine and something else? Or some fruit?«
»Fruit is expensive here.«
»That doesn't matter. Do you drink wine? ”

“ Better had he remained on the street, surrendered to the police, gone to prison where it was possible and even not disgraceful to be fine. And now it was too late even for prison.
»Are you crying?« the girl asked, perturbed.
»No,« he answered curtly. »I never cry.«
»And no need, dearie; we women can weep; you needn't. If you wept, too, who would there be to give an answer to God?«
She was his? This woman was his?
»Liuba,« he cried in anguish, »what can I do? What can I do?«
»Stay with me. You can stay with me, for now you are mine.«
»And They?«
The girl frowned.
»What sort of people are They? ”

“ « she exclaimed, and surprised herself by adding a coarse reproof. He raised his brows in surprise and spoke to her calmly, but without averting his eyes, dully, remotely, as from a great distance.
»Listen, Liuba, certainly you can betray me, not only you, but anyone in this house, or in the street. One shout—Halt! arrest him!—and men will come in their tens and hundreds and try to get me—or kill me. And for what reason? Merely because I have done no harm, merely because I have devoted all my life to these very people. ”

“ But you see, I do!«
»If you've got some cigarettes, I'll have one.«
»They're very common ones.«
»I don't care.«
And when he took the cigarette he noticed with pleasure that Liuba had put her chemise straight, and the hope that everything might yet go smoothly rose again. He was a poor smoker; he did not inhale, and womanlike held the cigarette between two straight fingers.
»You don't even know how to smoke!« the girl exclaimed angrily, and roughly tried to snatch the cigarette from him. »Throw it away!«
»Now, there you are,—angry with me again!«
»Yes, I am!«
»But why, Liuba? Just think! ”