“ Without the pure and patriotic Mary, there would have been no Washington,—and without Washington, the Americans would have had no country, and the oppressed of all lands no asylum of liberty and prosperity. In the sacred bosom of her family, woman is like the queen of night amid the pretty stars. In our infant years, she nourishes, and shields, and cheers us in our precarious journey to maturer years. She imparts the first kiss, and moulds the first prayer, and is prouder of her offspring than a queen of her throne. ”

“ Shaw then comes on tiptoe to my desk, and grabs and drags me to the aisle, with one hand clutched in my throat, and the other in my long hair, when I grab him in a tender spot, and make him squeal; and so severe and unrelenting is my grasp, that he gladly gives freedom to my throat and hair, and implores, in tones of excruciating agony, to release my hands. I slowly do so, when he re-seizes me, and, dragging me several feet by my hair, kicks away the scuttle, and casts me headlong beneath the schoolhouse, closing the scuttle over me; I can hardly sit upright in my new abode; all is darkness ”

“ Before whose darts the stormy Furies run; the moon ascends the east in matchless splendor, and roams in tranquil beauty through infinitude, spreading its snowy light on vale and mead, that vie with lakes of liquid silver; my aunt lingers at my bed, while I say my evening prayer, and invests my heart with sacred feelings; myself and brother William, on our way to school, through a dreary wood, espy a boy in a wagon, when I exclaim: “Why, Bill, there’s our brother Albert;” ”

“ I soon got deathly sick, and thump and scream for Shaw to let me out, who heeds not my piteous cries; I am desperate, and resting my hands and feet on the ground, I get an irresistible purchase, and with a mighty movement of my back, I burst the scuttle with a tremendous crash, and dart from my narrow and dreary cavern into the schoolroom, and run down the aisle, vomiting at every step; the scholars are nearly gone; as I approach the door, Shaw grabs me, when I belch the purest bile plump in his face, which, of course, was purely accidental ”

“ My brother Bill had been snickering in his hat, and sleeve, and handkerchief, until he had saturated them all with his hilarious tears, and, as I passed him on my way to my seat, he burst into a genuine Branch laugh, and all again was chaos. The scholars were more uproarious than before, and Shaw rages furiously, and calls up Bill, when all is silent terror, and every eye is riveted on its book. Shaw demands Bill to extend his right hand, which he declines to do, because he has a felon, and tender warts all over his knuckles. ”

“ Shaw and father extend their hands, and shake a warm good night: and while they linger at the outer door in friendly conversation, I slyly crawl through father’s legs, to get into the street as soon as possible, and away from Shaw’s victorious presence; the last shake of hands transpire between father and Shaw, who slowly closes the door with a beatific smile; father, myself, and Bill muffle ourselves in our fervent garments; it snows and blows very hard ”

“ I swallow the delicious food already in my mouth; cleanse my throat with a prolonged swallow of commingled tea and sugar, and tell my story in a nervous strain; my father’s eyes are large, and fixed on mine, throughout my exciting narrative, at whose close, he gets his hat and cane and autumnal mantle, and bids myself and Bill to follow him; we penetrate the pitchy darkness, and after varied street meanderings in the turbulent and piercing evening winds, we ascend the steps, and tap at the door of Shaw ”

“ Shaw is blinded with tobacco bile, and wipes his cheeks, and nose, and mouth, and eyes, and commands me to go to his desk; I refuse; he then expostulates, and breathes kind words, which allay my anger, and check the flow of tobacco and salt water bile; I go to his desk; he dismisses the few scholars that remain, save my weeping brother Bill, curled in the corner; Shaw laments the sad occurrence; hopes we will be better boys, and permits us to go home; on our arrival, father is at tea, listening to brother Albert’s version of the story ”

“ As the child buds, and blooms, and blossoms, and ascends the hill of moral and scholastic science, she watches every pace with breathless solicitude. And in penury or affluence, in bondage or freedom, in power or on the scaffold, she clings with intense affection to the adored objects of her creation. ”

“ The Alligator Lives for Another Week. The Ladies have saved the Alligator for six days more, in which God made the gorgeous realms of infinitude! Last week, I proclaimed that unless advance subscribers or patriots came to the rescue of the wounded and bleeding Alligator, he must soon expire amid the tumultuous exultations of his proscriptive adversaries. The gentlemen responded in companies, but the ladies in battalions, and soothed and rescued the poor Alligator from the jaws of immediate death. [1] Without the sympathy of woman, man soon droops, and totters, and expires. ”

“ Every family is a dominion. The father is a king, and the mother a queen, and the children their subjects. The same laws govern a family as a kingdom. Judicious penalties follow disobedience, and a good mother imbues the heart and mind of her offspring with humanity and wisdom that govern the world. ”

“ Bill stares and says: “Steve, your perceptions are very foggy, and I begin to think you aint got good sense;” I closely scan the boy, and smile, but elicit no response, the little rogue riveting his bright blue eyes on the vacant air; Bill passes on to school, with: “Steve, you are raving mad, and I’m going to tell Aunt Freeman so;” when I address the stranger thus: “Little boy, you look like my brother Albert, and this horse and wagon resemble ours, and won’t you please to tell me if you aint my brother Al, who lives far away from here, in a place called Providence? ”

“ I went to bed, and had a horrid night-mare, and dreamed of sharks and whales. On the day after the boat calamity of Jim Baker and myself on Providence river, I arose with the glorious sun, ate a spare repast, and went to school. My stomach yet complained of salt water, and my head and books were at rapiers’ points. The teacher, Shaw, vainly chides me for my indolence, and summons me before him, 2and demands my spelling-book, and gives me genuine, which I spell “gen-ner-wine.” The school is convulsed in the wildest screams. ”

“ I smell the awful perfume of a dead skunk; little mice squeal, and run over me, and nibble at my mouth and nose, and big and hungry rats approach, and violently attack me, which I keep at bay with my feet and hands, and hideous yells, and they finally scamper to their holes, while a myriad of mice remain to torment me ”

“ Woman, under God, is the source of all that cheers and ennobles man in his weary pilgrimage from the cradle to the grave, and to her sympathies am I greatly indebted for my recent liberation from captivity and the partial resurrection of my declining fortunes. ”

“ The Inspectors of Election in each town, ward, and election district in this State, at the annual election to be held in November next, shall provide a proper box to receive the ballots of the citizens of this State entitled to vote for members of the Legislature at such election. On such ballot shall be written or printed, or partly written and printed, by those voters who are in favor of a Convention, the words: “Shall there be a Convention to Revise the Constitution and amend the same? ”

“ If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take;” and then gives us a parting kiss, and pats our little foreheads, and breathes sweet tones of affection until he passes from our view. Bill and myself make good resolves for the future, and breathe a fond “good night!” and then embrace the tranquil slumber and innocent dreams of early boyhood.
Office—114 Nassau Street
THE ALLIGATOR.
New York, Saturday, September 25, 1858. ”

“ Woman is the prolific source of all that glorifies the cottages, and mansions, and palaces of the globe. And her benevolence ameliorates the poor, and oppressed, and disconsolate in every region of the earth. ”

“ I had the ear-ache, and she even put a small roast onion in my ear to check the pain; I once passed through Weathersfield, (where onions are as thick as leaves in the Vale of Vallambrosa,) whose atmosphere caused me to fertilize its streets with bile; my step-mother finally stops my supplies of sweetmeats, and I threaten to tell my father of her violent blow, and show him my scars, when she surrendered, and gave me sweet things for a long period ”

“ On the following morn, we leave for Providence, which I scarcely reach, ere our yard is a camp of boys, eager to embrace their favorite commander, after his long captivity in the desert wilds of Woodstock; myself and Albert soon go to another country school; we board with a minister who has a large family, and a small salary, which was tardily and scantily paid with very poor provisions; myself and Al don’t like the fare; has fried pork too often for breakfast, and pork and beans for dinner, with a cold cut of pork and beans at nightfall ”

“ P.—There’s a V. And now, although I have spelt several words incorrectly, yet, as I am growing old, I desire to learn as fast as possible; and I want you to give me grammar lessons and teach me spelling at the same time. And if you will learn me very fast, I will let you have one share in the Atlantic Cable, for your instructions.
S.—I would rather have the cash, as I cannot believe that a cord about the circumference of my thumb can permanently connect the hemispheres.
P.—Very well, sir. I have perfect confidence in the Cable enterprise, and I don’t care about parting with my stock. ”

“ So much of articles first, second, third, and fourth, of title fifth, of chapter one hundred and thirty, of the act entitled, “An act respecting elections other than for militia and town officers,” and the acts amending the same, as regulates the duties of County Canvassers and their proceedings, and the duty of County Clerks, and the Secretary of State, and the Board of State Canvassers, shall be applied to the canvassing and ascertaining the will of the people of this State in relation to the proposed convention ”

“ P.—Well, by golly, I don’t know exactly,—but, from the immense number of words in the Bible, and in all the books at the Harpers, and in the Historical Society, and in all the newspapers, I should think there must be, at the lowest calculation, about five hundred million parts of speech. ”