Various

“ Meanwhile our faith looks on, devoid of fear, Facing the hatchet of the Pioneer. Still will the storm, in Nature's potent plan, Be temper'd to the shorn, or bearded, man. Your sex will still be perfect in its place, With voice of melody and soul of grace. Pose, lecture, worry, copy as you will, Man will be man, and woman woman still! ”

“ This rustic Parish, once their humble slave Now their authoritative arbiter, And chuckling critic. Fools to Parish make Proffer of plenteous power, ample rule Unquestion'd, overflowing revenue Wherewith to embellish village state and make The rustic home a rural paradise. ”

“ Large wisdom gathers as he cracks a bottle With Sages who've ne'er heard of Aristotle, Rates at their proper low stage in creation The prim apostles of Examination, And whether learning brings him fame, or no, Is happier, humbler, gentler, wiser so. ”

“ He might be poor, but at any rate he was honest. "No, he had never been in prison."
"Then what are you?" asked the collector, in a tone not entirely free from traces of annoyance. "Surely you must be something!"
"I am more than something!" returned the visitor, proudly. "I am unique—I am a curiosity."
"What may you be?"
"I am a boy, educated by the School Board, who is satisfied to follow in the footsteps of his father. My father was a bricklayer, and I am satisfied to lay bricks myself."
"My dear Sir," said the collector, grasping him cordially by the hand, "I congratulate you. ”

“ Believe it, envious maids, the men you spurn, Think little of the honours that they earn. Too well they're taught in common sense's rules To dwell upon their triumphs in the Schools, And chiefly prize the Baccalaureate fur Because, in love's young days, it pleases Her. ”

“ They are in their pristine freshness scintillating with that adhesive frost on simple summer flowers so entirely metaphorical of the season. Their dainty, artistic, and useful calendars inspire one with a cheerful fascination to begin the New Year. ”

“ So boys, first freed from tutelage and rules, Set forth to paint the city total gules, With this excuse for draining Folly's cup, "Boys will be boys,"—but you are quite grown up. Too conscious still, and still the slaves of fuss, You take example by the dregs of us, The lantern-jaw'd Effeminates, who tell How Truth lies wallowing in the foulest well ”

“ See?"
"Can't help that," said Margerine cheerfully; "he loves me." This was the folded-lamb's point of view.
"Girl, have you no shame?" This was the other woman's.
"Rather I blush for you," said the unfinished creature. "You couldn't make him love you, you couldn't; you're the hankering feminine counterpart of the man in the other book, the Yellow Plaster book. Now it is too late. We love each other. The matter is taken out of our hands. We are merely impassive, irresponsible, agents. ”

“ It spreads, it strikes, it slays our little ones In legions; deaths in twenty years it doubles; Now Löffler, Klebs, Roux, Yersin, all great guns, Attack the toxic source of dread throat-troubles, As Robson Roose explains. ”

“ Engage in serious argument with a woman with whom you wish to be on really good terms—a rich relation for choice.
Always curse the waiters if the cook has failed in his treatment of your chop or steak. ”

“ Always act contrary to the directions in crowded places of public interest. This shows an imperial spirit, and will make you, for the time, an object of general interest.
Always stay to the very end on any occasion when you have been invited at the last moment. ”

“ But you, in purpose tyrannously strong, Get, in each effort, your perspective wrong. Learn all you wish to learn, exult in learning, For Hymen's torch keep midnight oil a-burning, Bulge your fair foreheads with those threatening bumps, Ungraceful as an intellectual mumps, Be blatant, rude, self-conscious as you can, Be all you feign—and imitate—in Man. ”

“ The woman's voice came through the envelope of Margerine's sub-consciousness, steely clear as a cheese-cutter. "My name is Mrs. Chamois Hyde. In other words, I am the wife of Mr. Chamois Hyde!"
"The wife of Chamois Hyde?" said the innocent girl; "I do not follow you."
"Let me explain," said the other, unsparingly. "Chamois Hyde, who is now due at your trout-stream" (Margarine smiled stoopingly) , "is my husband. I say, he married me. Once I had a maiden name. That is all past. I changed it when I married. All honourable women do. I am honourable. I changed mine. Now I am Mrs. ”

“ In time inconstant even to abuse Our rebel sisters hoist a flag of truce, Through deafen'd ears steals Nature's saner voice, Bending the will to Mrs. Hobson's choice, And, half-ashamed, with truer glance they scan The fancy-monster they have made of Man. ”

“ The elegant gentleman does not explain; but evidently the cook is still asleep, and the waiters only just up. But at last I am served, and excellently too, and go off to see the sights.
Unfortunately am seized with an insane wish to ascend the Leaning Tower, when I might have remained comfortably on the beautiful turf at the foot of it. Rouse the official at the door. He says I cannot go up alone. Remember that sort of trick, so tell him he may accompany me. He says he must stay below. Remember also that sort of trick, and offer him a lira. He is still unconvinced! ”

“ If you are a woman, always flop down in a smoking-carriage, without noticing the obvious label and the looks of the occupants. When made aware of the situation, say, "Oh, I don't mind smoking," and consider the question solved. ”

“ Few things would be more striking than to see a general, probably wearing his war medals, sweeping the front doorstep, whilst through the kitchen window a glimpse was caught of a brother officer, in full tog, larding a pheasant. ”

“ Trust your boss, They're bosh, lad! Judge thou me by what I am, And you will find me fittest. But allow Those dashed Rad agitators to upset Our old relations, fill your mind with fudge Concerning healthier homes and higher wage. And it's all up with England, Me—and You! Tip me the Pippin!" Parish cocked a snook, And held the apple tighter. As for him, The sleek mild grocer, Parish shut him up Almost 'ere he had spoken. "I promise thee A good cheap article and lots of tick——" But Parish said, "Talk not to me of tick! I shall not need 'un wi my whacking wage, And 'overflowing revenue' ”

“ Peep out through the doorway. Refuse to trust myself beyond. There is only a single iron rail, and that not all round. Guide says I might as well give him five lire, to include the wine and coffee. Agree to this also, and feebly suggest that I have seen enough. But he is inexorable, and on we go again.
"Si, signore," says It is a flute.
At last at the top. Look over at happy, sleepy Pisa, and wish I was down there. So I should be, pretty soon, if he threw me over! Just then he says he would like a few cigars. Tell him I will make it six lire, and that I should now like to go down. No! ”

“ If a man, select carefully a compartment in which Two Young People are ostentatiously trying to look as if they don't find their own company quite sufficient for a journey of any duration.
If you are hurrying for a train, and want an easy, always slacken just as you catch another person up, and walk close behind him, panting and puffing till you are ready for another spurt. ”

“ The critic Zanies, who admire a poet, Only, it seems, for other fools to know it, And found Societies of glorious name That a prig President may filch some fame. Man, still more human as he learns the more, Seeks, like a sportsman true, new tasks to floor. ”

“ He was elected, declared all the eight nomination papers were in order, and then threw the meeting open to questions.
The heckling began at once. I was the first victim over that confounded Free Trout-fishing. Was I in favour of it? I said that as all there was belonged to me, it was obvious I could hardly be expected to answer the question. Mrs. Arble March and Mrs. Letham Havitt said they were prepared to use all the powers the Act conferred as to free fishing. ”

“ Of course I was waiting for my own nomination. It is a humiliating fact to have to record, but it did not come. Then the whole thing became clear to me; my election to the chair was a sop to console me for being shunted from the Parish Council. But I was not to be fobbed off in this way. I put my hand in my pocket, and a minute before the time was up produced a nomination paper which I had got my gardener and coachman to sign. It is always well to be prepared for accidents. ”

“ Well, I am pleased you have come at last, as I wanted you to notice that, although you have a slightly better address, my drawing-room is far larger than your own.
Mrs. Caller. You are most kind to say so; and I may add that we should not have dreamed to come to this out-of-the-way part of the world had we not wished to purchase some cheap carpets in the neighbourhood.
Miss Caller. I suppose your extremely plain daughter Araminta is away from home; she seldom contrives to hit it off with her mother. ”

“ It will be noticed that the total number of votes was more than seven times the number of votes, and no one ought to have voted more than seven times! The show of hands was a fraud and a farce, so it was only in common justice to the parish and myself that I should demand a poll. ”

“ Their war is on man's foes, not on mankind. Hygeia is Humanity's "Little Sister." Funds for her service, though, 'tis hard to find; Hence this appeal of good Sir Joseph Lister1 For money-aid, successfully to urge The war of the new cure on the new scourge. ”

“ He invited them to choose men, and women too, who they believed would manage their parish affairs best.... If the leading landowner desired to have a large influence in parish affairs, and if he were a fit man, by all means give him the power ”

“ Christmas Diaries.—Mr. Punch suggests that the publisher of these should prefix as an advertisement to these little diaries, dainty diaries, pocket companions, and so forth, all delightful little gifts, Ophelia's words, "Here's (De la) Rue for you." 275
WORDS TO THE WISE WOMEN.
Woman, in unmeet subjects crudely taught, Stung by the splendour of a well-worn thought, First shrieks, as she had sat upon a pin, Then, like a hen amid her cackling kin, Fills a bewildered world with loud, officious din. ”

“ Always talk loud, and, as far as possible, always talk about yourself.
From a Correspondent.—"Sir,—Seeing the advertisement of a book entitled Poets on Poets, I should much like to know what has become of a once much-quoted work entitled Pelion on Ossa? Who was 'Pelion'? and what did 'Ossa' write?—Yours, T. Noodelle."
FIRST IMPRESSIONS.
Pisa, placid Pisa, only awakened at half-past eleven by the rushing tourist who traverses your sleepy streets. By the half-past two train he starts afresh, and leaves you to doze as peacefully as before. ”

“ Und. (looking after her) . She took it wonderfully well. I've made it all right, or she wouldn't have said that about the snowdrops. Yes, she shall not be disappointed; she shall have her posy!
Scene XXXIV.—The Morning Room. Half an hour later.
Lady Maisie (alone—to herself) . Thank Goodness, that's over! It was awful. I don't think I ever saw Mamma a deeper shade of plum colour! How I have been mistaken in Mr. Blair! That he could write those lines:—
"Aspiring unto that far-off Ideal, How should I stoop to any meaner love?" ”