Various

“ Suddenly called upon for decision on knotty point, must needs make mistake sometimes. If he does, unless it be very serious, he should stick to it. For Chairman of Committees, better to be in the wrong and uphold authority of Chair, than to wriggle into the right at its expense. Mellor should be more monosyllabic in his style, more ruthless in his dealing with disorderly interruption, more wary about putting his foot down, but, being planted, it should be immovable. It would make his fortune if he could only name Chamberlain. ”

“ It would scarcely be fair to call upon the guarantors to pay the audience to be present at the "entertainments" provided for their amusement. And yet, unless the houses are good, the actors will not do themselves justice, and the plays of Hendrik Ibsen will suffer in consequence. I fear that it would be revolting to humanity to insist upon the attendance of the less intelligent inmates of the Asylum for Idiots, and yet here would be an appropriate path out of the difficulty. ”

“ Speaker is robed about with authority that does not pertain to Chairman. Observations which, addressed to Speaker, would be flat blasphemy, are, when flung at Chairman of Ways and Means, merely choleric words. Apart from that, position is, through long stretches of sitting, more arduous. When full-dress debate going on, Speaker of judgment and experience can go easy; may even, upon occasion, strategically doze. One did in times not so long ago, and was caught flagrante asleepoh. Mackworth Praed was Member of the House then; made little speech in verse on incident. ”

“ WAITING FOR THE PROCESSIONS. (A Reminiscence of the Opening of the Imperial Institute.)
Scene—The Hyde Park South Road, opposite the Cavalry Barracks.
Closely-packed ranks of Sightseers have formed in front of the long line of unharnessed carriages under the trees. Outside this line the feebler folk, who invariably come on such occasions, and never find the courage to trust themselves in the crowd, are wistfully wandering, in the hope of procuring a place by some miraculous interposition. ”

“ Henley has done for England is to make it as ridiculous as is possible to a man with a limited audience. Mr. Henley has a pretty gift of versification, but it is spoiled by a wearisome proneness to smartness, and an assumption of personal superiority that occasionally reaches the heights of the ludicrous. If 'Arry had been at the University, and had bent what he calls his mind upon verse-making, some of the truculent rhyme in this book is the sort of stuff he would have turned out. It seems at first hearing a far cry from 'Arry to Henley. ”

“ There are, too, quotations from "R. Chamberlain"—not from Joseph—with whose works the Baron is not so conversant as he might be. Saith R. Chamberlain:—
"A foolish man in wealth and authority is like a weak-timbered house with a too-ponderous roof."—R. Chamberlain.
The Baron strongly recommends the study of this volume to Mr. Oscar Wilde; it will save him hours of painful cogitation during the incubation of his next play.
The Baron de B.-W. & Co.
Another Home-Rule Question.—Ulster objects. Ulster threatens. If Home Rule becomes the law of the land, the Ulstermen will resist vi et armis. ”

“ Mellor in (and out of) Chair; all three on their feet simultaneously; Committee assisting in general desire for peace and order by tumultuous shouting. Tim fired furiously at Joseph; Joseph answered shot for shot; Chairman pegged away alternately at both.
"Joey up again!" Scene from the Parliamentary Show.
Then Grandolph, finding temptation irresistible, romped in. "I move," he said, "that the words be taken down." Very well; quite so; but what words? The Chamber was full of words, surging like the waters at Lodore. Which particular ones would Grandolph like taken down? ”

“ Things certainly pretty lively to begin with; just got into Committee on Home-Rule Bill; Charlie (my Darling) was to have opened Debate with Amendment on first line of First Clause; but, as he subsequently explained to sympathetic Committee, he was weighed down with feeling of diffidence. House, touched with this unusual weakness on part of Member for Deptford, readily accepted volunteered service of Chamberlain, who undertook to say a few words on another Amendment whilst Darling was recovering.
No diffidence about Joseph. ”

“ Committee, take it all together, in volcanic mood. Peculiarity of situation, as Saunderson put it, with some mixing of metaphor, was that "it was the cucumber that kept the pot a-boiling." Whenever any sign of placidity was visible, Joseph sure to appear on scene, rub someone's hair the wrong way, or stir up some slumbering lion with long pole.
"Ever stop to watch the Punch show in the streets, Toby?" said Plunket. "No, I suppose not; rather personal; recall days before you went into politics. Confess I always do ”

“ No, Horace, for goodness sake don't—you'll only make them worse—we must put up with it. (They do.)
Bill (affecting to recognise an imaginary friend across the road) . 'Ullo, if there ain't little Alexander! I knoo 'e'd be 'ere. What cher, Alec, ole pal?
Joe (playing up to him) . Ah, and there goes Jack Gayner! You can spot 'im anywhere by 'is eye-glass.
Bill. That's ole Jack all over, that is. 'E wouldn't come out—not on a day like this—without a eyeglass, Jack wouldn't. If it 'ad ha' bin a Saturday now, 'e'd ha' 'ad two, to see 'is way 'ome by. (A gorgeous official passes on horseback.) ”

“ House of Commons pretty dull these six years back. After all, it's the same old place, and, if we give our mind to it, we can have the same old game."
Business done.—Got into Committee on Home Rule Bill.
Thursday.—Noisiest evening we have enjoyed since Parliament elected. Peculiarity of situation was that everybody, not excluding Chairman of Committees, strenuously anxious to preserve order. Quiet enough till Chamberlain appeared on scene, then followed the ordinary cool-cucumbery results. Tim Healy torn with anxiety that Joseph should limit himself strictly to Motion before Committee. ”

“ I see no reason why thieves and other dishonest characters should not have a portion of their sentences remitted on condition that they attended the IBSEN performances. Such an arrangement would save the rate-payers the expense of the prisoners' keep. The audience I have suggested would also be free from temptation, for when they were assisting at a representation of one of Ibsen's plays, I venture to believe they would find nothing worth stealing.
A Practical Man. ”

“ The German Emperor is reported to have said, "It was impossible for me to anticipate the rejection of the Army Bills, so fully did I rely upon the patriotism of the Imperial Diet to accept them unreservedly. A patriotic minority has been unable to prevail against the majority.... ”

“ But the dispassionate reader, turning over these sulphurous leaves, will perceive deeply-rooted similarity in that narrowness of view, and that undisturbed consciousness that it alone is right, which distinguish the reflections, and are found in the observations, of 'Arry when he views society from his lower standpoint. ”

“ Tim Healy says, as far as he can make out, Lawson is speaking Welsh; it is suggested that Chairman shall put Question. Mellor says he's quite enough to do to put Amendments in English; declines to attempt the Irish. Lawson withdraws, using awful language, which he insists is Irish. It sounds even worse. ”

“ I got three 'apence of it in my pocket—though, come to think of it, three 'apence laid out in pots o' four ale among three with thusts for thirty and loyalty laid on 'ot and cold all over the premises—why, it don't go so bloomin' fur, and don't you forgit it!
Dick. 'Ere come the Life Guards! smart lookin' lot o' chaps, ain't they? ”

“ It was a pity our leavin' the whisky at 'ome—'tain't often I come out without it—and on a warm day like this, a drop 'ud ha' done us all good!
A Loyal Old Lady. Ah, depend upon it, this Imperial Institoot 'ull do good to Trade. Why, there's one o' them men with the iced lemonade cans sold out a'ready! ”