Various

“ Inquirer (to First Well-Informed Man) . I say, have you ever been in the House of Commons?
First W. I. M. (shortly) . No, you know I haven't.
Inquirer. Oh, I don't mean as a Member. Of course I know you wouldn't stand the rot of all these Constituents, or whatever they call themselves. But have you ever been there as a visitor while a debate's going on? ”

“ The New Book-keeper looks through the glass-door of Dispensary.
Hilda (starts violently and points—then in a whisper) . Who is that?
Dr. Herd. Only the New Book-keeper and Assistant—a very intelligent person.
Hilda (looks straight in front of her with a far-away expression, and whispers to herself) . I thought at first it was.... But no—that would be too frightfully thrilling!
Dr. Herd. (to himself) . I'm turning into a regular old troll now—but I can't help myself. After all, I am only an elderly Norwegian. We are made like that.... Rainbow powders—real rainbow powders! With Hilda.... ”

“ They tell me it will make me kwite young again, for I shall go over there a helderly henglish waiter and reappear in Parry as a "garsong" which is french for "a young man."
Robert.
BRIGHTON BOORS. [Mr. Gladstone was mobbed by an immense crowd on Sunday, the 5th.]
O Brighton, it isn't a thing to be proud of
That people, the fat uns as well as the bony uns,
Should squeeze an old Gentleman, crushed in a crowd of Brightonians.
All watering-places you claim to be Queen of,
As proud as the Tyrians or the Sidonians?
Your manners don't match; such behaviour seems green of Brightonians. ”

“ I'm a little tired of lurking in background seeing men come to front who haven't half my ability, political acumen, or Parliamentary knowledge. I intend to have a Party of my own. There has been a Fourth Party, and before that there was a Tea-room Party, and a Cave of Adullam. ”

“ Such staring shows that in two ways you're short-sighted Brightonians.
Our Booking-Office.—Chatto and Windus have published, in handy form, cloth bound, and handsomely printed, an edition of Justin Mccarthy's novels. There are, ten in all, going at half-a-crown a-piece, and well worth the money. The literary style is excellent—not a matter of course in the writing of novels—the tone wholesome, whilst on every page gleams the light of genuine, if gentle humour. ”

“ He takes no part in debate; never goes on Midlothian Campaigns; belongs to no faction; has no political following; and should have no enemy. British public, regarding with close attention the fascinating arena at Westminster, have evidently formed clear opinion of its present President. When list of guests whom Lord Mayor delighted to honour read out by Toastmaster, name of Speaker received with enthusiastic and prolonged applause. House of Commons men present, of whom there was large muster, evidently taken by surprise. They know the Speaker, because they daily live with him. ”

“ We are inclined to agree with the Signor Vitali, as, in our opinion, there is small likelihood of any Italian wine-drinker "getting any forrader." Of course Signor Vitali, being somewhat interested in the matter, and therefore, most hopeful that his enterprise will result in orders for any number of flasks, and not end in an empty fiasco, would not fail to point out that Italian wine is likely to have a prolonged existence in this country, as it is not lacking in Vitali-ty. ”

“ It seems as it's allers the custon, when a Embassadore, who has made hisself werry poplar, is gitting jest a leetle tired of us, and begins to si for Ome sweet Ome, for the principalest Gent in London to give him sitch a grand Bankwet as he ain't never seen afore, and ain't never likely for to see again. ”

“ Just to begin with, why the French Embassadore is no more a Frenchman than I am! for his name it's Woddington, and so was his Father's before him, and strange to say, thanks, I spose, to the splendid dinner, et setterer, as was guv him, he acshally told us as he rowed in the Winning Boat at the Uniwersity Boat-race at Putney, ewer so many years ago! Werry like a Frenchman, suttenly, or, as I should prefer saying, werry like a Whale! Of course all the Gents present, being reel Gents, looked quite as if they beleeved it all ”

“ Prince Arthur, seeing matters hopeless, haughtily strode forth, Grandolph loyally accompanying him. But more than half his old colleagues stayed behind with Jemmie Lowther who got Opposition soundly beaten by majority of 85.
"There's only one thing we want to run our majority over 100," said Squire of Malwood, smiling beneficently from Treasury Bench. ”

“ So the Lord Mare, hearing as the French Embassadore was in that werry dellicate sitiwation, arsked about three hundred of the most heminent Gents in all London to come to the Manshun House to meet him, and they all came, as in course they wood do, and that was one of the werry grandest Bankwets as regards silly brated Gests as ewen I ewer had the honner of waiting on. ”

“ This last, at suitable moment, to be flung across Lobby; (friend secretly told off to be on alert to pick it up.) Action to be explained as typical of throwing King's Crown into the Boyne. The principals approaching, Redmond, after manner of schoolboys, who edge up to each other, each hoping the other doesn't want to fight, asked Colonel to "say it again." "Certainly; but say what?" Here difficulty began, which spoiled whole business. Redmond insisted upon being called a murderer. ”

“ The Germans call wasser, the French call eau,
We should bless your chemical science.
CON. FOR CAPITALISTS.
Q. Why is it clear the Sparrow is an advocate of Free Competition?
A. Because his everlasting cry is, "Cheep-Cheep!"
"The Gothenburg System."—Mrs. R. warmly espouses the cause of Temperance. She is very strong on what she has heard is called "The Gotobed System," in Sweden.
[Pg 124]
PILL-DOCTOR HERDAL. (Translated from the Original Norwegian by Mr. Punch.)
SECOND ACT.
Dr. Herdal's Drawing-room and Dispensary, as before. It is early in the day. Dr. ”

“ Colonel stood erect, with hands loosely hanging by his side, ready for emergencies. Crowd grew thicker and more excited. "Expected every moment would be our next," as Clancy breathlessly put it. But in the end storm blew itself out. Nothing happened, and crowd disappointedly dispersed.
Ulster will fight,
But——not to-night.
Thursday.—Opposition mustered to-day in high spirits; meeting at Carlton yesterday addressed by Markiss and Prince Arthur; Grandolph, looking in, took back seat in his customary retiring fashion. Meeting insisted on his coming to the front; made spirited speech ”